Women & men are very different when it comes to getting turned on. A lot of things that turn guys on DON’T turn women on and vice-versa. Here are three generalizations that sum it up…
As you can see from these examples, there are some clear differences between what turns on men and what turns on women that you need to understand to master how to turn on a girl. And, these tips may be far more important than things that are commonly popular with men, like lasting longer in bed.
Many guys already understand this, but what they don’t understand is HOW TO TAKE ADVANTAGE of these differences when it comes to turning their girl on and giving her incredible sex.
To further illustrate my point, here’s the general process for how men get turned on:
And, they are turned on and ready to go. It’s often that easy.
Here’s the general process for how women get turned on:
Breaking things down, you can clearly see that women need three steps to happen in order to fully let go, get turned on and enjoy incredible sex with their man.
Women often experience a number of Brakes that prevent them from getting turned on in the first place. Performing Step 2 & 3 is pointless if you don’t first help your girl overcome these Brakes to getting turned on. I explain these Brakes AND how to overcome them below.
As I already mentioned, women get turned on by a host of things that often have little-to-no effect on men’s arousal. I’ll show you exactly what they are and how to do them in Step 2.
If you follow Step 1 (this page you’re reading right now) and Step 2 properly, your girl should be ripping your clothes off your body and be ready for sex. Once you’ve finished reading Step 1 & 2, you’ll learn how to eat her pussy, make her squirt, finger her and give her the most powerful orgasms of her life in Step 3.
So, let’s jump into Step 1…
Removing the Brakes to her sex drive is by far the most important step to getting your girl turned on and hungrier for sex than ever before, BUT…
and it’s a really big BUT…
It’s the hardest and (sometimes) the most boring part.
If you do this step correctly, then you’ll be having more enjoyable sex, more often.
BUT…
If you ignore it, then Step 2 & 3 are going to be far less effective.
Let’s dive in
A bunch of research has been conducted on women’s arousal process [1, 2, 3, 4]. For most women, the first thing they need to get turned on is NOT the kind of foreplay that most guys enjoy; they need to get prepared to even be receptive to that. So, forget about kissing, talking dirty, or sexting to turn her on through text, and all that other fun stuff for now, I’ll cover that later.
First, let’s learn about these “Brakes” to her getting turned on…
According to research, people have sexual Brakes — everything that turns them off from sex in the moment — and sexual Accelerators — all the things that remind them they’re sexual beings and turn them on (you’ll never believe what women told us turns them on). This is known as the dual-control model [5, 6].
If you’re like most men with more sensitive Accelerators and less sensitive Brakes, you easily find yourself turned on.
But if your partner is like most women, her Brakes are more sensitive (even if her Accelerator is pretty sensitive) [7 p 47], and it may seem like she has a low or no sex drive. The truth is that she just needs help removing those Brakes. If you want to know how to turn a girl on, you have to understand this.
Sexual Brakes aren’t always obvious, and we’ll get to those in a moment.
Sexual Accelerators are anything that gets you going. And foreplay certainly can be an Accelerator for both men and women. As I just mentioned, the problem is that women usually have much more sensitive Brakes while men have more sensitive Accelerators. So if you jump to things that turn her on without first dealing with what might be turning her off, it’s like putting your foot on the gas pedal while the emergency Brake is still on. In short, you’ll get nowhere fast.
So the first thing women need to get in the mood is for the Brakes to their arousal to be removed or lessened. It’s almost as if her horniness is trapped in a maximum security prison and your job is to break it out. But instead of a jail cell or handcuffs or a razor-wire fence preventing her from getting horny, you are faced with a bunch of other challenges (aka Brakes) that stop her from getting her horny.
What are these Brakes? And more importantly, how do you remove them?
For women, stress is one of the biggest Brakes to their sex drive and getting in the mood for sex [8]. Stress can even dull genital sensation and increase pain with sex [9].
Stress comes in many forms whether from work or from taking care of family or even from dealing with friends. Your relationship can also be a source of distress. Even dealing with a boyfriend obsessed with female ejaculation can stress her out and make it less likely.
Often, it can be very obvious and clear that your wife or girlfriend is suffering from stress. I’m talking about the obvious stuff here like losing a job, dealing with a sick child or having a car crash. However, most of the time it’s much more subtle…perhaps someone said something bitchy about her presentation skills at work, a friend snubbed her by forgetting to invite her to a party, or she didn’t earn as much as she hoped she would by 30 (or some other age).
The key to her overcoming this Brake is by helping her to de-stress. This can take many forms, but here are a few examples.
Stress at Home – If she is dealing with stress from home life like looking after kids and being responsible for more than she can comfortably manage, then you need to start thinking of ways to lighten her load. Can you hire a nanny to look after the kids for a few hours per week? Could you do this yourself? What about getting someone to help around the house, so she has some time to relax. Even something as small as getting a babysitter one night a week can go a long way in allowing her to de-stress somewhat.
Stress at her Job – The same is true for her job. If she is driven to the end of her tether with work stress, then it’s going to be much harder to unwind and get turned on. This kind of stress is a little harder to quench. Ideally, she could work less or take some time off, but for many, this is not an option. So you need to figure out what you can do to help her unwind. Can you take care of some chores she normally takes care of when she get’s home? Think about what else you can do to make her life easier when she does get home, so she has time to unwind.
Other Stress – Two of the biggest reasons that your wife or girlfriend will be stressed is due to family or professional issues, but there are lots of other areas where stress can arise. Now, I don’t want to make this guide all about stress relief, but I do want to give you the solutions. So if your partner is stressed, here are a few ways she can deal with stress, so it no longer acts as a Brake to her sex drive.
Meditation – Multiple studies have found that meditation can lower perceived stress to different degrees [10, 11, 12, 13]. A related practice known as mindfulness can also help you better cope with stress [14, 15, 16]. Plus, mindfulness has been found to increase sexual function [17, 18, 19].
Avoiding stimulants or drugs like caffeine, cocaine, etc. that can contribute to stress – Studies on stimulants have found an increase in physiological stress as measured by cortisol levels [20]. While this is not always a negative thing, curb your stimulant use if you notice an increase in psychological stress. Stimulants can also disturb your sleep [21], another source of stress.
Better sleep hygiene – Sleep and stress go hand in hand. If you’re getting poor sleep, you may feel more stress [22]. And if you’re stressed, you’re less likely to get quality sleep [23]. To avoid this cycle, practice good sleep hygiene. This includes having a consistent sleep schedule, making sure your bedroom is dark, removing electronics and avoiding screen time before bed, avoiding caffeine or large meals before bedtime, and being physically active during the day [24].
Yoga – Yoga is a type of exercise that involves stretching and breathing as well as meditation. Studies have found yoga to be effective at reducing stress [25, 26, 27].
Nature walks – One 2010 study found that taking a walk in nature resulted in lower levels of blood cortisol, a sign of stress [28]. So drive out to the country or find your nearest park to enjoy the scenery.
Talking to someone– There’s a saying that “a problem shared is a problem halved.” By speaking to someone about stress, a person can feel as though they’re bearing a lighter load. This might be one reason why having strong friendships is essential to being happy and healthy. At least one study has found that participants report less stress after counselling [29] while another found that “seeking help” and “expressing feelings” were among the most effective coping strategies for stress [30].
Improving her diet – Although you might not realize the correlation between diet and stress, it’s there. Diet can not only affect stress [31] but poor diet can lead to health concerns down the line that increase stress [32]. The two of you can embark on a healthier nutritional path together.
Getting a massage – Getting a massage can help reduce stress and increase feelings of relaxation [33, 34, 35] A professional massage might be costly, but you can give your partner a massage at home. Not only does it reduce stress, but touch can facilitate intimacy to make her horny
Identifying and removing stressful things where possible – Perhaps the most effective way to lower stress is to eliminate it from your lives. There’s no simple answer here as there’s a near infinite number of stressors that can combine to cause a person stress. However, switching jobs, hiring help at home, reducing obligations outside of the home, and learning how to better manage finances may all contribute to lower stress levels.
It might also help to remind your wife or girlfriend that there’s no prize for dealing with high levels of stress. Being happy is a much better prize!
Figuring out effective coping strategies for those things that can’t be avoided – Some stressors just can’t be avoided. Aging parents, children, or demanding jobs are all examples of stress, some of which we choose. Rather than getting rid of the problem, we can learn to cope. One study found that problem-focused coping resulted in lowered stress levels [36]. Coping strategies can vary from meditation and counseling, which were already addressed, to better time-management tools, talking to superiors at work, or trying to resolve conflict within relationships.
Whatever you choose to do, avoiding stress can actually lead to more [37].
Everyone feels that they are taken for granted from time to time. It’s not just unique to women, but in the case of women, it becomes a serious Brake to her sex drive.
Now, you can read this and pretend that you are the perfect guy and never take anyone for granted, but the truth is that we all do it from time to time. And, just because your girl doesn’t complain about it, it doesn’t mean she doesn’t feel taken for granted sometimes. I’m going to give you a few obvious and stereotypical examples to illustrate my point.
Here are some examples…
1. Let’s pretend your girl is a stay at home mom, responsible for looking after your kids and keeping the house running smoothly. She’s not getting a salary and benefits for this job and it may actually be more stressful than yours. So, if you are treating her like she has a charmed life, while you’re the only one “working,” then I can guarantee you that she feels taken for granted.
2. Anytime she is trying to improve herself for you or your relationship or even just for herself, you need to acknowledge it.
3. Anytime that you can see her putting in a lot of effort without shouting about it, acknowledging her for this is going to go a long way
As well as acknowledging her for the effort that she puts in, it’s also important that you are proactive about it by asking her if she ever feels like she is taken for granted and then genuinely trying to recognize what she does for you and those around her. Doing this will go a long way to removing this Brake.
Recognizing that she sometimes feels taken for granted actually has a lot in common with the next Brake that you need to address.
“Feeling understood” by your partner is a very important aspect of a relationship for many (but not all) women. It’s that feeling that you have someone on your side, that understands why you feel good or bad about certain situations. If she feels that you have no idea of what’s going on in her head, then this is going to become a serious Brake to her sex drive.
Here are some examples…
1. You understand why she doesn’t like someone at work or someone in her friend group that is more of a frenemy than a true friend.
2. You understand why she sometimes feels insecure about something important to her like her body, level of education, achievements to date or level of career success.
3. You understand why something that happened to her when she was much younger still affects her to this day.
Feeling that you understand her is going to make her much more comfortable and more deeply connected to you, making it much easier for her to become turned on.
Of course, it’s impossible to understand everything about your partner, but at a minimum, you should listen and TRY to understand her point of view on things.
A lack of trust can become a major Brake to your girl’s sex drive. Trust is vital to making her feel comfortable, making it easy for her to open up to you, be vulnerable and let go.
Telling you how to build trust is tricky because everyone needs to see and experience different traits from a partner in order to trust them. These include everything from:
When you remove this Brake and your partner truly trusts you, it’s so much easier for her to relax…which allows her to get turned on more easily and therefore orgasm more easily.
Reducing the amount of stress she feels, not taking her for granted, making sure she feels understood by you and building a deep level of trust between you and your partner are the sometimes hard-to-describe problems that act as major Brakes to her sex drive.
They can sometimes be hard to fix but are vital if you want your partner to get turned on more often and more easily. Next is the equally important but thankfully easier to solve problems that act as Brakes to her sex drive.
Women, like most mammals, go into a sort of “heat” when they are most likely to get pregnant – during the ovulation stage of the menstrual cycle [38]. Researchers have identified a “sexual phase” that many women experience around ovulation [39, 40]. This phase of increased sexual desire is not as pronounced as in other mammals; however, it can be tracked. For most women, ovulation occurs at the midpoint of the cycle.
You can help your partner track ovulation periods if she doesn’t already either by using an app or by counting…Count from the first day of the menstrual cycle until the day before the next one begins. Divide the number of days by two. This midpoint is when ovulation occurs. For instance – if the total cycle is 30 days, ovulation occurs on day 15.
Desire is usually lowest on the days before her period when women experience PMS (Premenstrual syndrome) [41]. Cramps and other physical pain definitely have a way of acting as a Brake to her sex drive, but this is obviously not unique to women. Physical pain reduces the sex drive in both genders but may do so more often in women [42]. However, women may experience pain that is specific to the pelvic area, which can make sex physically impossible, unlike a man.
One reason that women experience pain during sex is because of a well-endowed partner, so it might not be worth worry how to make your penis bigger if she is experiencing pain.
Note that some women are especially horny just before their periods and some experience increased desire during their periods [43].
Stopping her period is not practical, but being aware of this natural Brake to her sex drive will help you plan around it or to help her better deal with pain on the worst days.
In most cases, women going through menopause will experience a marked reduction in their sex drive. Menopause is defined by the reduction of the sex hormones – estrogen – in the female body [44]. This acts as a serious Brake to the sex drive of most women as they will experience a reduced sensitivity to touching and decreased blood flow to erogenous zones, creating a more difficult arousal process.
After menopause, regular sex is the best natural way to keep blood flowing to the sexual organs and maintain ongoing arousal. Hormone therapy has also been proven to help some women maintain libido and increase sensitivity.
Studies have shown that exercise improves sex drive in women of all ages [45]. Sex is all about blood flow and the mind/body connection. Exercise also helps improve self-esteem and the physical aesthetic of the body.
A sedentary lifestyle is a dangerous Brake to her sex drive. However, too much exercise can also be a problem as well. A program that is too intense leaves the body with no energy for sex, as it redirects all of the body’s resources to physical recovery. The ideal exercise level for most women is just over 20 minutes of moderate-intense exercise per day with muscle-strengthening activities twice weekly [46]
Experiencing, or even witnessing, a sexual assault can cause a woman to feel uncomfortable with a partner [47]. Nervous energy acts as a Brake to her sex drive as it inhibits blood flow to erogenous zones. It also keeps the brain from releasing serotonin, a hormone that increases feelings of happiness and also triggers the body to release estrogen.
A non-sexual assault may have the same effects on the female sex drive, although not as pronounced.
Patience and professional therapy are the two keys in overcoming both sexual and non-sexual trauma. Begin a program of professional treatment, and lead your partner slowly into comfort with you by first making her feel comfortable in non-sexual situations.
Sexual shame in women can come from many sources, or multiple sources and act as a very hard Brake to her getting turned on. As mentioned above, sexual trauma may be a source of sexual shame. However, religious beliefs, personal beliefs, and social pressures may also play a part. In many case, shame leads to physical anxiety [48], which leads to a lower sex drive.
In many cases, religion, personal beliefs and social pressures are intertwined with each other. Women who are sexually liberated are often viewed unfavorably in all of these social circles. Each of these groups may also contain many of the same people.
If sexual shame comes from a violent trauma, it is usually best to enlist the aid of a professional therapist. Shame in other respects can be dealt with similarly or approached by introducing alternative perspectives to your partner.
It is important that your partner make her own decisions about sexual behavior – never attempt to force a new belief on her. Besides, this often has the reverse effect and may cause her to hold on more tightly to her current beliefs.
10 to 15% percent of women will experience postpartum hemorrhaging after birth [49]. Hemorrhaging is most likely to occur after a C-section (cesarean birth). Postpartum hemorrhaging may occur because the uterus loses its ability to contract. This may also be connected to weakened vaginal muscles.
Prolapsing is another condition that may occur because of the weakened state of the body after giving birth. Weak vaginal muscles may allow the bladder to bulge into the roof of the vagina. It may become harder to excrete waste from the body under these conditions, but it is very important not to strain the bladder to do so.
Keep in mind that a woman may experience a lower sex drive even if there are no medical complications with a birth. “Baby blues,” also known as postpartum/depression (PPD), from hormonal fluctuations may be the cause of decreased libido. Although PPD is common enough to affect 1 out of 9 women [50], many women are reluctant to admit their mood after having a baby. Untreated postpartum depression can seriously impact both of you — and the baby.
The female body also loses estrogen after the birth and during breastfeeding, which may cause a drying of the vagina and less pleasure during sex [51, 52, 53]. If a woman’s physical appearance changes drastically after a pregnancy, this can lead to a loss of self-esteem which translates into a major Brake to her getting turned on.
If any of the conditions above are present, talk to a doctor immediately. Both hemorrhaging and prolapsing may escalate into more serious conditions if left untreated, and postpartum depression has led some women to end their lives. If the doctor does not recommend an intensive treatment program for physical complications, the best way to improve sex drive is Kegel exercises to strengthen pelvic muscles.
]]>Important Note: From talking to students of the Princess Fantasy, I learned that most wanted to learn the initial signs of sexual attraction that they should watch out for. The later stages when a guy is sexually attracted are plain obvious…kissing you, holding you close, becoming erect & literally telling you that he wants you don’t need to be listed here. It would waste time. Instead, you are going to learn about the subtle, earlier signs that someone is sexually attracted to you which are much more valuable in those make-or-break, does-he-or-doesn’t-he like me moments.
One of the most delicious pains in life is that feeling you get when you are talking to someone you find unbelievably attractive and begin to pick up on the signs of sexual attraction that they share the same interest.
However…
The painful part can come from decoding whether he feels these same feelings for you. It’s actually why I have put together this article on the different signs men give that they are sexually attracted.
Fortunately, in between trying to find cures for major diseases and making technological advancements for the good of modern society; science has put millions of dollars towards research into the signs of sexual attraction between that men display.
While you often only read about their breakthrough findings concerning the love life of finches and other funny creatures; there is still a serious area devoted to the study of attraction and fulfillment between men and women. Sexual attraction isn’t just measured in pheromones, but studies have been done looking at heart rate and arousal rate as it ties into body language and action to determine what the real signs are that a person is attracted sexually.
What science has discovered is that there are some definite indicators of sexual attraction that cannot be misinterpreted or explained away by wishful thinking or fantasy. Your best bet is to keep the following list in mind and if you see two or three occurring frequently, you know that moving out of the friend zone is imminent.
So…here are the 12 vital signs of sexual attraction you need to look for:
Body language experts have taught us that making eye contact is a sign of interest and engagement. What they also have found is that where we look at a person reveals a lot when it comes to sexual attraction.
If his eyes keep drifting to your mouth, your hair, your legs and breasts then you can be pretty sure that his interest in you includes the physical. One thing that can reveal all is to see how he behaves when you hold your coffee cup. If you can reach forward and cradle the cup, while gently rubbing the lip or moving your hand on the body of the cup and he can’t take his eyes off your hands then you can pretty well tell that he is imagining being the one you are touching like that.
This is different from direct eye contact and staring at powerful places. Meaningful eye contact is the eye contact you make when nothing is said yet the eye contact alone speaks for itself. Many people have described the experience as being able to “look into someone’s soul.”
There is a softening of the muscles around the eyes and a less intense gaze that almost, but not quite, moves into the half closed focus of lust. It is a sexual attraction sign that the man is connected to you, but relaxing into your presence in a purely physical way.
Meaningful eye contact is also one of the clearest signs that a guy enjoys sex with you.
When things progress, using eye contact is one of the most intense blowjob techniques. By the way.
Mirroring is a classic indicator of sexual interest and attraction. It can be used in many different situations to tell if someone is really into you. Watch your friend and see if they are subtly changing their body to match what you do.
Scientists believe that mirroring is a left over from our animals days in which copying movements are a way to project being non-threatening. It can create an accessible persona to change your position to mirror the person you are interested in because it reflects back what they are doing. The more someone can recognize themselves in someone else, the deeper the attraction often goes.
Flirting is pretty straightforward, but it can be tricky too. It always makes the list of the major signs of sexual attraction but you have to be careful about a few things. First of all, you need to determine if the level of flirting is appropriate to the environment that you are in.
If a guy is being very sexually flirtatious in an office environment, this can be a real danger sign that you’re dealing with a potential douche or socially inept guy. Appropriate flirting in this kind of environment is more playful, not suggestive. The focus will be on delivering subtle compliments on your physical appearance, not delivering sexual suggestions.
If you are in a casual environment, or out at a club, it can be alright for some of the flirting to take on a sexual nature but it should not be overly aggressive and should have a playful sense to it.
Sometimes it’s hard to tell when a guy is flirting. Look for these 13 signs that he’s flirting with you and return the favor!
The easiest way to express what is playful touch, is to show you what it is not. A man who is rubbing your leg, back or any other body part is not engaged in playful touch. While it’s certainly a sign of sexual attraction from a man, it’s not the right kind of sign.
Rubbing and prolonged body contact with pressure is the kind of sign that you may want to back up a bit, it is overtly sexual and implies an intimacy that may not yet exist between the two of you.
Playful touch, on the other hand, is exactly what it sounds like – it is light and spontaneous, very quick and brings to mind puppies or kittens play-fighting with each other.
It most often takes the form of a quick touch of the fingertips to your arm or leg as a means of underscoring a point, or will happen when laughter is shared. It is striking in that it is unobtrusive and shocking in how electric it can feel. Playful touch is like being plugged into an electrical current. He will also avoid touching any overtly intimate places until you are both alone.
A massive sign that he’s sexually attracted is touching your hair. A woman’s hair holds a uniquely powerful sexual intimacy for a man. You will know when you have passed the point of flirting when he strokes his hand down your hair. Don’t forget to touch him back too!
You’ll find that touching him back is a very powerful way to quickly build sexual tension and arouse him.
Speaking of arousing him, this article will teach you everything you need to know to arouse your man.
Have you ever had the experience of being in a shared space with someone you are attracted to and found, to your surprise that somehow you wind up standing next right next to them without being aware that you even moved closer?
This is a case of “magnetic pull”. It sounds a little spiritual and even ‘woo-woo’, but there is speculation that this has something to do with a theory called ‘cellular attraction.’ It means that our cells are literally attracted to each other as if we shared the same body and there is an uncontrollable urge to touch or be in close proximity.
Our sense of personal space changes when we are near someone we are sexually attracted to and opens up to include them within our comfort zone. If you think this might be at play between you and the object of your desire there is a simple way to test it…
When you notice that you are sharing that personal space with him, slowly begin to move and change location. If he always manages to hold the same space with you and follows you without noticing, magnetic pull is at play.
Magnetic pull can lead to great sexual chemistry.
A man who is sexually attracted to you is going to develop a kind considerate memory. What this means is that he will remember small details about things that are important to you.
This doesn’t mean that he will remember what you like in your coffee, but he will remember – and surprise you – by recalling that on snowy days you always used to drink hot chocolate with star marshmallows when you were young and bring that to you unexpectedly. A man who is physically & sexually attracted to you wants to prove to you that he knows your important details, not just your details.
This is a pattern of comfort behavior that is meant to establish him as non-threatening and to encourage you to bond (as the scientists would say). It is usually very successful. The trick is to keep that type of behavior going once you start dating.
This is one you have to pay attention to closely to get because it involves the tones of speech that a man uses around you. While it used to be that women always ended their sentences on a high note, making it sound like we were constantly asking questions and unsure of ourselves while men spoke in masterful deep tones with decisive low endings to their sentences; that is no longer true as a whole.
What scientists have discovered is that women adopt changes to language vocalization before men and that men follow suit. The “questioning” ending is relatively new to society and is often referred to as the “Valley Girl” because its origination is traced to the early 80s.
More men now speak in Valley Girl tones than not in casual conversation. So rather than raising the tone of his voice towards the end of sentences when he is interested in you, he will revert to the deep tones and low ends that we associate more with intimacy, arousal and seduction. By the way, when you are attracted to someone your vocal pattern will do the same.
Nothing inappropriate going on here when this happens, self-touching refers to someone subtly stroking their own hands or face or running a hand down the top of their thigh. A man might also cross one arm in front and reach up to squeeze and rub his own shoulder. It is a subtle movement, but reveals much as a sign of attraction.
Not yours. If a man reaches out and strokes your hair before you have “that” kind of relationship, or before you are ready to move into “that” kind of relationship it is a red flag that you are dealing with someone a little too aggressive or worse…someone who is socially inept.
The hair stroking we are talking about is the man stroking his own. He is not going to be there petting his own head, but he may lightly brush his fingers through his hair or run his hand down the back of his head. This indicates that he is flustered and unsure of himself around you…a massive sign that he is sexually attracted to you.
When I say exclusion, I don’t mean that he is excluding you. Instead, I mean that he will do his best to exclude both of you from other people. In other words, he will do his best to make sure you two are alone so that you can talk in private. One of the surest signs of sexual attraction is a guy who is keen to get you alone so that he can have you all to himself.
If you pick up on two or three of these signs with a guy, how do you respond?
That can be tricky…The first thing you have to consider is whether or not you are attracted to him in the same way. It can be very flattering to be the object of someone’s desire, but if you don’t return it – it can just cause problems.
Your best bet, if you do return the attraction, is to mirror back his behavior and choose a few of these signals that you are sexually attracted, too.
]]>Do you only find out that someone liked you long after the moment has passed? Perhaps you’re completely oblivious when someone likes you because you don’t know what clues to look for or you’re struggling with whether a friend could be more than that. Knowing the clues to look for helps you make those missed connections and know when to make a move — or when to walk away. Here are twenty signs that a guy likes you.
Now, just one of these signs on it’s own isn’t really much of a big deal and doesn’t definitely mean that he wants you, as it could just be a coincidence. But if you notice 2 or 3 of them happening together in a short space of time and you notice them happening again and again, then it’s highly likely that he wants you
The more of them you can pinpoint, the more likely he wants you! And once you do start dating each other, don’t forget that you’ll find a ton of awesome sex positions here and other great sex tips on the site.
How a guy acts around you can immediately clue you in to his intentions, so pay attention for these clues. Your friends — or his — might notice them before you do, so it’s a good idea to recruit them to help get a feel for his intentions.
1. Teasing – You may have hated it in school, but not much has changed when it comes to being an adult. If a guy makes fun of your inability to play a sport, say a word or even how short you are, it’s a really good sign that he wants you. Teasing should never enter into mean mode, however, so keep an eye out in case he’s just being plain mean.
2. Touching You – Just like girls will playfully punch their love interests, guys will have a hard time keeping their hands off you. It might be as obvious as a long hug, but that annoying hair ruffle might also be a clue into his feelings. Pay attention if your hands accidentally brush against one another especially when it’s not that crowded. If you find yourself leaning into him and he doesn’t mind, it’s a good sign for the two of you.
3. He Mimics You – We’re not talking about the sort of mimicking that happens when he’s teasing. When humans like other humans, their brains send messages to mirror those people. Perhaps he sits in the same manner as you do or he starts laughing similar to your own laugh. He won’t have any idea he’s doing it, which might help you determine his feelings before he realizes what they are.
4. Showing Off – Men want to show potential mates they’re the top dog. We’re sure it has to do with survival and the fittest of all that. He wants to look good in your eyes, so he does silly things like driving too fast, arm wrestling other guys or picking you up over his shoulder. Showing off can be kind of obnoxious, but doing it is a really good sign that he wants you!
A man who dedicates time to thinking about you might be the man for you. This is especially true if he overcomes his typical flakiness. Make sure not to confuse someone who is generally thoughtful, however. Does he do these things for just you or all his friends and family? In other words, is he singling you out with his thoughtfulness?
5. Dropping Everything For You – Whether you need someone to pick you up from your car stranded on the side of the highway or to deliver ice cream once a month, he’s always there. Perhaps he would rather spend time with you than his buddies. Little favors can be a big hint and an obvious sign that he wants you; although, you don’t want to take advantage of them if you’re not interested.
6. Surprisingly Thoughtful – It’s one thing if he does what you ask, but it’s a definite sign when he delivers on things that you don’t ask for, at least, not directly. Perhaps he notices how much you enjoy that pumpkin latte today and surprises you with one tomorrow. Furthermore, if he recalls something you said about your childhood or that one time you said that you totally hate when a person does whatever, he might be trying to get in good with you.
7. Remembering Everything – If he can remember every conversation you’ve ever had — even things you don’t remember saying yourself — he’s obviously paying attention, and he’s obviously into you. Similarly, he might remember where you were or what you were wearing when you said something. It’s nice when people are so engaged with you!
8. Noticing Changes – New boots, a haircut, a manicure. Whenever you change anything, he notices, and he takes the time to let you know. Maybe he doesn’t love the changes, but he notices when there’s a spring in your step because you feel better about yourself, and he wants to keep you bouncing.
Flattering someone is a good way to get them to like you back, so if one of your acquaintances or friends always does these things, he might be interested in moving things to the next level.
9. Laughing at Jokes – Even if you’re not that great at remembering the punch line, he cracks a smile whenever you try. This is a classic sign when someone is interested in you, and it’ll make you smile more, too. Of course, both men and women can fake a laugh when they are attracted to someone or want to get them into the sack so you don’t want to give it up to the first guy who laughs at your silly puns.
10. Complimenting You – Whether he’s proud of your recent graduation, promotion or a skill you’ve acquired or he’s quick to tell you how good you are at parenting or homemaking, he appreciates your talents. A guy who likes you won’t be afraid of showing off those skills to his crew, either, even if you’re better at something than he is. However, if he’s only complimenting your looks or how you perform in bed, he may only be interested in casual sex. So this is a sign you need to read into more deeply.
Sharing Friends, Interests and More
When he isn’t afraid to share, he might be more concerned about you happiness than his possessions. Sharing interests and friends not only shows that he wants to spend time with you, but that he wants to remain an important part of your life.
11. Sharing His Drink – When you two can share a water bottle, you might want to put even less between your mouth and his. If he’s okay with using a single straw, you might want to look for other clues that he likes you.On the other hand, it doesn’t mean he’s not interested if he doesn’t share. Maybe he’s thirsty, afraid of germs or has a cold. Not everyone wants to share a toothbrush, after all!
12. Letting You Have the Fries – If you’re notorious for stealing food off of others’ plates even when you swear you’re not hungry, you might find that he doesn’t mind letting you snack on his fries or eating that side of coleslaw. In fact, he might order those things specifically because he likes you and he knows how much you like them. That’s a pretty good sign he may want you!
13. Hanging with Friends – Perhaps he can’t wait to introduce you to his own friends or maybe he loves to meet yours. This sign means he wants you to be part of his life or vice versa for the long run, which is a good sign if you’re interested. It’s also an easy way for you to get closer without sacrificing his own life. However, you should be wary of a guy who expects you to mingle with his kind without returning the favor. No matter how much he might like you, this isn’t relationship material. Guys who won’t introduce you to their friends and family might be hiding something even if they’re frequently sleeping with you.
14. Offering His Coat or Hoodie – You shiver. He responds by draping his coat around your shoulders or taking off his hoodie, which is still warm from his body heat. Both are good signs that he wants you or that he’s a gentleman. Take this with a grain of salt if it’s a one off occurrence, but be glad that you’re warm. However, if he leaves his favorite hoodie at your place after a fun day of hanging out, chances are good that he likes you.
15. Watching Chick Flicks – Sure, a few guys like romantic comedies starring Jennifer Aniston, but most of them don’t love that genre. If you find him willing to watch one of those films on a Friday night rather than partying with his buddies, chances are he’s into you. This goes for sharing in any interest that seems a little out of left field for him. Going to the opera or enjoying time at the museum might not be his cup of tea, but he always says “Yes.” You like it, so he wants to give it a chance. How sweet is that?
Smartphones, the Internet, and Facebook have changed the face of dating and romance. You can find out more about a person than ever before with just a few clicks, and some people even let all their feelings out on Twitter. The way that someone interacts with you on social media is a sure-fire clue into their feelings — or lack thereof — for you.
16. Messaging You in the Morning – If you receive a “Good Morning” message every day or you know he’s shooting you a text every day as soon as he wakes up, it shows he thinks about you first thing in the morning. All clues point to him liking you. The same goes for “Good night” texts or if he makes a habit of texting you every day on his lunch break.
17. Seeing You Home Safe – It always makes a person feel cared about when a person has to know you’ve gotten home safe. When a man calls or texts to ensure you’re stepped safely from your cab to your front door or when he walks or drives you there yourself, he might like you. He might also just be polite, however.
18. “Liking” All Your Posts – When someone hits “Like” on your every Twitter update, blog post or photo uploaded to Facebook (and he’s not doing it to anyone else) then you can take it as a sure sign that he wants you.
19. Sending Funny Memes – Whenever he sees anything that reminds him of you — and there are plenty of those — he sends it. This sends a pretty clear signal that he wants you to know he’s thinking of you, and it just might make you smile, too! This tactic is also an easy way to start a conversation with someone even if you have nothing to say.
20. Ignoring His Phone Around You – A man who can ignore incoming messages and his Facebook feed for a person just might be smitten. On the other hand, he just might be polite. This sign alone doesn’t indicate feelings, but it could with other clues. Keep your eyes open for the possibilities.
Some of the signs that he wants you also overlap with the signs that he enjoys eating your pussy.
Many of the signs on this list are simply a guy being polite, and they can easily be misconstrued, especially if you only notice one sign on it’s own. However, if you can check off every signal on this list, it might be time to make your move. You don’t want to wait so long that he moves on to another person. Waiting can send him a signal you don’t mean — that there’s no hope for the two of you.
It’s not just moving too slow that can put the end to your romantic plans. Be careful of a man who doesn’t mind getting physical but won’t spend any time with you outside of the bedroom. As much as you might like him, he may just not like you that much or for anything more than sex. If you’re okay with that, great! But don’t fall into the trap where you keep hanging on because of the attention you get in bed.
However if he wants to keep it casual and so do you, then look out for these signs that he enjoyed it to keep him coming back for more
Of course, the number one sign that he likes you is simply that he tells you. A guy who can use words to describe his feelings is definitely one you should consider as boyfriend — or more — material.
]]>So many sexy blogs and magazines are talking about edging these days! But what is edging exactly? Edging is getting close to…
Orgasm but NOT letting yourself cum yet. Repeat that process as many times as you can stand before you finally let yourself have an orgasm. It will make your resulting orgasm feel a lot more powerful and intense.
Edging is sometimes known as orgasm control when it’s done by your partner with the intent to control when you cum.
The bottom line…
You can edge solo when masturbating alone or…
You can can edge your partner. Equally, your partner can edge you.
Let’s jump into the details…
Easy.
As I mentioned previously
Edging can produce more powerful orgasms, even those that you might call “explosive.”
Additionally…
Orgasm control at your partner’s hands allows him to better understand your body. Plus, you never know when you’ll be able to cum if your man takes the reigns (or if he’ll ruin your orgasm) which is a lot of fun!
Edging isn’t for everyone. Some people find it frustrating. If backing off from orgasm causes you to miss that window of opportunity to climax, and to lose your orgasm during the session completely, then you will naturally not like edging.
You may also have to start over, without any of the residual buildup. Every body is different, which is why it’s so important to pay attention to yours. You know best!
Edging might be easier at some times rather than others, which is perfectly okay. Although you might want to encourage it, some sessions won’t be conducive to edging and a prolonged build up. It’s okay to let that goal go for another time. After all, what is edging helping if it’s only causing disappointment?
Edging is all about getting right to that edge.. without going over. How exactly do you do that? These three techniques are commonly used by fans of edging.
The first technique might be the easiest. Once you feel your orgasm approaching, just stop. Stop touching yourself or doing anything else that is stimulating. Pause until the feelings recede. Then, you or your partner can start stimulating your body
Until…
You feel another orgasm approaching,
Then…
Stop again.
Repeat this process one, two, three or more times until you’re ready to finally climax.
Important: Edging only works if you/your partner know how to pleasurably touch you. So, if you don’t yet know what you like, check out this post with masturbation techniques for women.
Another way to switch things up when edging is simply to use a different technique than what you need to orgasm. This means you can still touch your clitoris or G-spot, but you’re not actively doing whatever it is that normally gets you off.
For example…
Perhaps you simply tap, pinch or press your clitoris instead of rubbing it in the way that normally brings you to orgasm.
Or you may momentarily perform oral on your partner who is edging you before he returns to stimulating you. That way, you’re still being sexual, but you’re not careening toward an orgasm too fast.
You can redirect your focus away from sexual stimulation entirely to prevent yourself from cumming. One method you might find useful is to focus on your breathing. As you get closer to the point of no return, your breathing is probably quicker and more shallow, so taking the time to focus on each breath and inhale and exhale more slowly is one of the best unexpected edging techniques.
Or…
Look for a distraction
You may want your mind and body focused on something other than how good it feels if you have trouble with stopping yourself from climaxing.
This is a great time to try out a “painful” distraction if you’re into rough sex or S&M.
A strategic bite or spanking can interrupt your orgasm, allowing you to start back up later. Of course, if you’re the type who would cum from (sudden) pain, then you might want to opt for a different technique.
Instead of simply stopping all stimulation when you feel your orgasm is near, you can switch it up.
Switch from clitoral stimulation – Perhaps you move from clitoral to vaginal stimulation if you usually need clit stim to orgasm (and many women require clitoral stimulation or prefer it to orgasm [1]). Try sensually rubbing your body (or your partner’s) or caressing your breasts. Stroking of your labia or even anal play might feel nice enough to keep you close to the edge but not quite intense enough to make you orgasm.
Keep it sensual – If you focus on sensual touches that still feel good, you’re not completely leaving the moment or letting your body go back to zero as in the first edging technique discussed.
Slow it down – One way to keep yourself aroused but not quite orgasmic is simply to keep things slow and steady rather than focusing on that buildup. If you typically aim to get off as quickly as possible, this method might be a good method to your utilitarian approach or masturbation.
Continuous edging might feel a bit more fluid and less jarring than the other techniques mentioned.
You don’t have to reinvent the wheel when you’re learning how to edge a man. Instead, you can adopt the above techniques for him. Edging a guy can be difficult, however, because you’re not in their body and you don’t feel what they feel. You’ll need to pay close attention to his body signs that indicate an orgasm is on its way.
The two of you might also work out a system of words or other signals that he’s going to cum soon if you don’t stop whatever it is that you’re doing that feels so good.
Then you can pause or switch things up so he doesn’t cum immediately.
You’ll notice as you’re edging your man – or as he edges himself – that he might partially or fully lose his erection. That’s completely normal as long as he still feels a little aroused. You can increase stimulation if he’s softer so that he becomes erect or semi-erect.
Because a man can orgasm separately from ejaculating, there are a couple more edging techniques to try on your lover in your quest to edge him:
Scrotum Action – When he’s about to cum, one of you can reach between his legs and firmly wrap your thumb and forefinger around his scrotum in a loop. Tug down gently but firmly to prevent ejaculation.
Control Sex – Take control of his edging experience with a position such as Cowgirl, where you control the pace and depth of sex.
The Scale – Introduce your partner to the edging scale of 1 to 10 and check with him periodically to ensure he’s not going to orgasm. 1 means that he’s NOT likely to cum. 9 or 10 means he’s about to orgasm. If you can’t tell from his body and reactions how close he is to climaxing, then just ask him where he is on the scale.
If you’re controlling his orgasms, he might beg or plead to cum or for a certain type of sensation, but you don’t have to give it to him! This might be a great way to introduce domination to the bedroom.
Some people argue that edging can help to make a man’s penis bigger, reduce erectile dysfunction or even add years to his life because ejaculation saps a man’s body of his “life force.” This might not be scientific, but edging can definitely help him last longer in bed if premature ejaculation is an issue.
Once you master the art of edging, you might wonder when the right time to let yourself cum is.
The truth is…
There’s no right time.
It all depends.
You might edge two or three times and let yourself cum. Or you may want to see how long you can go and how impressive an orgasm you can have is! Perhaps you try to see how many times you can edge in a given period.
Of course, if building up to orgasm becomes much harder by edging or you have a time limit, you might not be able to have a marathon edging session, and that’s okay!
Orgasm Control – When you’re edging a partner, you might torture them a bit by not letting them cum (this is known as orgasm denial). Edging and other orgasm play works great as a type of orgasm control for precisely this reason. You could even not let him cum until he’s achieved some goal (ie getting you off first or doing something super unsexy such as filing away paperwork!).
And if edging becomes boring or is no longer fun, feel free to end things and get on with your day.
For fans of edging and marathon sex sessions, the guide to slow sex can be helpful.
Although we at the Princess Fantasy absolutely recommend learning what edging is and how your body reacts to it on your own, especially at first, it’s wonderful to add your partner to the mix. One of the great aspects of edging with your lover is the ability to tell him to tease you or not to let you orgasm!
Hopefully, your man will find this power over your body super sexy!
This will definitely be the case if your partner is the dominant one, and you may even be reading this article because your partner introduced you to prolonged orgasms, and you didn’t know what they were called!
Secondly, we cannot emphasize how important it is to use enough lube, especially if edging involves prolonged anal or vaginal penetration. Even your clitoris and vulva might want a little of the slick stuff to keep
If you’re having trouble edging yourself, don’t worry. It’s a process, and practice makes perfect. Below, you’ll find solutions to some common problems with edging.
This is a result of simply stimulating yourself – or your partner – for too long. Once you pass the point of no return, there’s nothing you can do. To avoid this, you need to pay close attention to your body and the signs that orgasm is impending. You need to stop before whatever sign that an orgasm will happen.
Learn Body Cues – To figure this out, you may need to slow things down and eliminate distractions. Pay attention to exactly how your body feels before you orgasm.
What does it do during the lead up?
Stop before that.
If you can’t stop in time, you might never learn how to edge.
Use a 1-10 Scale – Imagine your arousal and proximity to orgasm on a scale of 1 to 10, where 1 is not aroused or close to cumming at all and 10 is right on the verge. Try to categorize where you are on the scale at any given time. Whenever you’re higher than an 8 (7 if your point of no return is more fleeting!), back off, slow down or stop what you’re doing entirely!
Time It – Alternatively, you can simply time when you stop stimulating or switch the method of stimulation.
This is trickier because sometimes it will take you longer to cum than others. But the basic idea is you should start with a time frame that you know you won’t cum in, say, five minutes.
Then stop.
Increase that time in 30 to 60-second increments. Eventually, you’ll approach the limit of masturbation-without-orgasm.
Use Signals – If you’re with a partner, you might need to work out a sign so whoever is stimulating the other can stop or switch things up. If you’re solo and using the technique where you simply switch things up but find yourself still having an orgasm too soon, you might want to opt to simply stop stimulating, instead.
Another issue you might run into is not being able to cum. If you find it especially hard to orgasm or easy to “lose” your orgasm, edging may simply not be for you. Edging works better if your orgasms are more dependable.
But…
If yours are difficult or inconsistent, edging may simply result in lost orgasms and plenty of disappointment and frustration.
Don’t be afraid to use tools such as a vibrator if it helps you cum more consistently. That can help you unlock your ability to have an edging orgasm. You can also learn how to remove roadblocks so you can cum more often.
In that case of losing your orgasm, you might wonder, “Is edging bad?” The truth is, edging during sex or masturbation just isn’t for everyone. You know your orgasms better than anyone else, so you’re the only one who can make that judgment.
Edging can be a way to spend more time having sex or masturbating. It might mean you experiment with new techniques or have a more powerful orgasm when you finally let yourself cum. There’s just one issue: it can get boring.
No matter how good it feels to touch yourself or to be touched by your partner, doing the same thing over and over might simply become bland.
If you can’t keep the balance between sexual tension and longer time, you might feel bored. This is especially true if your partner is trying to edge you and you’re not in control.
You can ramp up sexual tension with:
Your partner could also assign you a sexy task such as watching porn, reading erotica, or talking about your fantasies that will make it easier to stay in the moment.
However, you should definitely talk to your partner if you simply find it too boring, especially if you’re bored because he’s the one who is edging so he can last longer but you just wind up staring at the ceiling rather than enjoying yourself.
Keeping it short? – He can edge you fewer times or shorten the time of each “edge” or even stick to more intense stimulation. Remember that edging could simply take place over ten minutes with a couple of buildups rather than needing half an hour, an hour or longer!
Sometimes, not every time – And you don’t need to do sexual edging every time you’re between the sheets. After all, a quickie can be fun. And if you frequently have longer sex, it can really shake things up.
Remember, however, that learning to edge can take a little practice. But if you keep at it, you can reap the benefits of edging.
Experiment – When you first experiment with edging, you may lack the control it takes to get it right, but don’t be hard on yourself. Keep practicing either by yourself or with your partner, and you might soon be an edging expert. However, if you’re already having trouble reaching orgasm or edging just leaves you frustrated, there’s no rule that says you have to do it.
After all, different folks require different strokes – especially when it comes to sex!
]]>Is there anything hotter than a woman clad in PVC or a corset with a flogger or paddle in her hand as she stands over her bound submissive partner? Maybe there’s fear or another gleam in his eye because he secretly relishes the pain or teasing that’s to come. With the right partner, props and even costume, that image could be you!
Let’s address the elephant in the room, shall we? A lot of guides are going to give you advice about how to submit to your man. There’s nothing wrong with that, and you should check out this post, if that’s what you’re looking for. But those guides often assume that a male dominant and female submissive are the default way to practice bondage role play or the only way to do it.
Those guides are wrong!
Many women aspire to dominate their men, and same-sex couples can enjoy power exchange, too. That’s why femdom is so popular, and why large cities have booming dominatrix industries!
Whether you need to take control in the bedroom because you’re not quite at the top of the food chain at work or you simply prefer to retain control in as many aspects of your life as possible, you’re sure to find these femdom ideas thrilling!
You’ll especially enjoy the following list of femdom ideas if you feel a strong pull toward dominating your partner, but you can still get pleasure from these role-playing scenarios if you’re playing the role because your partner desires domination. In some instances, however, someone with a genuinely submissive streak may prefer to engage in a BDSM role play with someone who identifies as a dominant and going through the motions may not be enough on your part.
We invite you to give these scenes a try if you’re still new to BDSM; although, you might want to stick to the less intense scenes. This can help you decide how dominant you are. You might find that you prefer being on the receiving end or even that you enjoy both sides of play. People with those dispositions are known as switches, and it’s a great way to experience a wide range of sensations and emotions!
Occasionally, you may run into a man who declares, usually in a pompous manner, that women cannot be dominant. Feel free to walk away without any further exchanging of pleasantries. There’s no need to let a small-minded bully make you feel less.
Above all, enjoy trying something new even if it’s not something you try twice!
Of course, you might be looking for an idea to dominate your man because he has asked for it, perhaps even if you’ve never shown any interest in it. Whether it was your idea or not, you might wonder what the appeal of sexually dominating another person is. You might feel turned on but also a bit uncomfortable when it comes to the idea. After all, why would someone do that?
These are all normal feelings, and we’ll try to answer your questions as well as we can. When it comes to the appeal, it could be that donning these roles helps us escape our everyday life, whether the role involves giving up or taking control. Researcher Justin Lehmiller identified escapism as a potential reason why BDSM fantasies are so appealing [1 p 86]. And while he was specifically looking into fantasies, and not the reality of BDSM, it seems reasonable that it could translate.
Furthermore, while some of the femdom techniques might seem unpleasant or even cruel to your partner on the surface, you need to look beyond that. While you get something from female domination, your partner gets something from submitting. In fact, sometimes a dominant does something for their submissive, and it can be an act of love and care as is often the case with gentle femdom. Some people may even argue that domination is always a service!
In one paper, Seung-hoon Jeong describes femdom as follows [2]:
Femdom fills in such an existential black hole, while opening a rabbit hole into a wonderland of sexual fantasies where subs can put down their social burden and jump into a thrilling new life by only serving and obeying dommes who take all control and make all decisions.
On top of that, there are practices to follow to ensure that while activities may hurt someone during a scene, they won’t harm them in the long run. You can take safety precautions such as negotiating the scene beforehand (perhaps with a contract), using a safe word, and following up with aftercare to minimize the risk of adverse effects when you play together.
These are the sort of things you probably won’t see in media about BDSM. Whether it’s a show such as Bonding or porn, you’re not likely to see on-screen negotiation, the use of safewords, how the dominant carefully plans a scene, or aftercare, among other practices that keep you and your partner safe while you have fun exploring femdom. Some of that media may also depict dangerous acts that you should avoid (leaving a room while someone is bound, for example, or covering a person’s nose and mouth).
On the other hand, you may see lots of leather and latex, BDSM furniture, dungeons and impossibly rough sex. These things are made to entertain and arouse us without necessarily being realistic. All those things can be fun if you like them, but there is no rule that says you need to dress, act, or speak a certain way to be a domme. Nor do you need to spend a bunch of money to buy items to outfit your dungeon. You absolutely can if you like it, and we’ll discuss costumes and gear in this femdom guide, but those things are solely designed to look good on the screen even if they’re neither safe nor realistic.
It’s also important to find the flavor of femdom that works for you. There’s no one way how to be a female domme (usually written as ‘domme’). You might try many female domination ideas, but you don’t have to stick with them all. Some things might feel silly or awkward or simply not interest you, and that’s okay.
1. Foot Worship — Is there anything more subservient than an adoring partner kissing or licking your shoes? No! This is especially true if you’re wearing a pair of sexy knee or thigh-high boots, and his hands or mouth can travel up your leg. Bonus if he’s too eager and you can keep him at arm’s distance — or leg’s distance — away from you. Plus, prodding, kicking, or stepping on him is one way to literally put your foot down in this relationship!
Some men with a foot fetish will love this.
2. Cock and Ball Bondage — Now, this sounds extreme, but it doesn’t have to be. If you’re just starting out, try a stretchy cock ring on for size. After he’s comfortable wearing that, you can carefully measure for a stone, glass or metal cock ring. Then, you can move on to the “Gates of Hell,” a metal device with multiple rings.
For the ultimate in cock and ball bondage, consider a cage, which wraps his genitals in plastic or another material and prevents him from fully growing hard. This is a great option if you know your partner has trouble listening to directions! Some are even lockable, so he can’t get out!
This form of cock and ball bondage can also work great alone as self bondage.
3. Sissy Play — Some guys secretly love dressing up in frilly underpants, stockings, garter belters, and other woman’s clothing. And others hate it. Either way, you can leverage the “sissification” of your submissive to your advantage by rewarding him with something lacy or punishing him with it! Make sure to remind him of how pretty, girly or even weak he is. If you’re aiming for punishment, you can spin those comments in a negative way, but you can praise him for rocking the look, too.
Plus, shopping for those sexy little things can be a lot of fun, and it’s different than shopping for your own body.
Along with these femdom ideas, you can come up with a feminization of his name or a nickname to use during play.
4. Impact Play — Whether you prefer good, old-fashioned spanking with your hand, grabbing a cane or long-tailed flogger for serious sensation or a furry paddle that provides more bark than bite, impact play is definitely something you’ll need to try at least once. Check out this post about spanking for more information about methods and tools you can use.
5. Bondage — Bondage is something that everyone should try in the bedroom at least once, and there are plenty of options when it comes to tying up your own lover. You can bind his wrists or ankles together with regular cuffs or invest in a hogtie system to bind all four together behind his back and really stretch his body out! Under-the-bed restraints make it easy to turn your bedroom into a sexy dungeon.
Other bondage devices include gags, which prevent him from speaking. A particular type of gag that can be especially effective for erotic humiliation is shaped like a penis. You can also try blindfolds, ankle spreaders that force his legs open, or nipple clamps.
6. Teasing — The final element that every femdom scene needs is a little teasing. Whether your lover’s bound or you’ve instructed him not to touch you, make a noise or get hard, you have got to tease him! This will push him to his limits. Teasing can take place as the lightest of touches. Consider a feather tickler if you want to barely touch his skin. You can also get close to his sensitive spots or imply that you’re going to touch him or get him off and then take it back.
Of course, many male submissives take a delicious yet painful glee by not being able to touch or taste their dommes, and masturbating in front of him might be the perfect way to tease him!
7. Manners — What is femdom if not a way to control your man to your heart’s desire? Make sure that your submissive partner learns his manners. He should ask and say “Please” before he touches himself or you, before he comes, and before he does anything you have not given him permission to do. He should thank you for those opportunities.
Any time he disappoints you, he must apologize and express regret.
Finally, you might require him to address you a certain way. For example, you might require that he starts and ends any sentence with “Mistress.”
8. Cuckolding — Cuckolding is a fetish wherein men take pleasure in watching their partners have sex with others (this makes him the cuckold). It’s similar to hot wifing. If you want to go all the way, you can initiate with another man (known as the bull) while your submissive partner watches. Make it more sadistic by not letting your man watch.
But if that’s too much for you or you prefer light femdom, you could simply incorporate it into dirty talk, pretend to text another guy, or use a toy to compare to your man. Describe the men you meet who might make a good bull. You can even go someplace public and flirt or dance with another guy. Take control by forcing him to be the cuckold.
9. Orgasm Control — Orgasm control is one of the most popular femdom ideas! As the domme, you get to choose when – and if – your man gets to come! You can control orgasms through a physical means such as a cock cage or chastity belt, or you can use pain to “ruin” an orgasm. You can also work on training his body so that he doesn’t orgasm until you say so.
He might need to perform specific tasks or earn points to earn an orgasm. Or you may put off his orgasm for as long as possible.
One form of orgasm control is edging, where you bring him to the brink of orgasm time and again. You stop stimulation or do something to prevent orgasm before doing it again. Once you finally let him come, the orgasm can be explosive!
Finally man, people enjoy playing with ruined orgasms, an activity in which you prevent or make orgasms less intense. It makes for a great punishment!
10. Service — Some people love acts of seervice as part of their BDSM relationships and scenes. A submissive can serve you in a variety of ways from bringing you food and drink to massaging you to cleaning to shaving your body. You can even make him paint your nails – and his as well! There are a ton of femdom ideas within service, and you can also incorporate femdom training as you teach your partner exactly how you want each act performed.
11. Humiliation — While not every male submissive likes to be humiliated, it is a common enough theme, which makes it a great dominatrix idea. If you’re looking for humiliation ideas, you can always stick with the tried-and-true penis humiliation. Even if a man has a large penis, he may get off when he’s told it’s small or otherwise underperforms. Similarly, body humiliation can do the trick. Other men may prefer humiliation ideas that focus on his performance as a provider and traditional gender roles.
You can even humiliate a guy by making him wear clothing or accessories in public. Make him shave his legs before he leaves the house. Woman’s perfume can be especially effective as you send him out to do the shopping.
Even in private, forcing him to perform sexual or feminine acts such as dancing or wearing makeup can be super embarrassing.
Finally, consider commanding him to lick up his own cum after he orgasms. You can take pictures or video of any of these activities to use as a threat if he misbehaves. Up the ante by making him beg for the activities that he doesn’t want and thank you once they’re complete.
12. Degradation — This goes along with the femdom idea above. Calling names or using certain insults puts you in control.
13. Make a Mess — From spitting to golden showers, you can remind your partner who’s in charge – you! These femdom ideas aren’t for everyone, so it’s okay if you skip them.
14. Bathroom Control — Most people can use the bathroom whenever they like, but having to ask for permission makes a person incredibly humble. Some people in 24/7 relationships incorporate bathroom control.
Just remember to allow your partner to go often enough to remain healthy. Holding it in too long isn’t good. The normal range for passing solid waste is from three times a day to once every three days [3], and holding it in may lead to impacted bowels. Urine contains byproducts that can back up into the kidneys if it’s not allowed to exit the body.
15. Cock and Ball Torture — Go one step beyond bondage and try cock and ball torture, also known as CBT. With CBT, you may pinch, stretch, pierce, step on, and otherwise “abuse” his penis. Any method you can use to apply pain can do the trick. Consider pouring hot wax.
Important: Use only wax that melts at a low temperature such as that in massage candles to prevent burns.
Remember, too, that arousal changes how we experience pain. And the more aroused somebody is, the more likely they’ll be receptive to pain [4 p 170].
Obviously, cock and ball torture is more advanced and carries a bigger risk than merely putting someone in a blindfold. However, if you’re looking for a more extreme idea for dominating him, this is definitely one to consider!
16. Anal Play and Plugging — For many guys, the idea of anal play is a bit humiliating. It contradicts their idea of masculinity and power. This makes it an excellent dominatrix idea and one that you can customize to your liking.
Consider making him prepare for anal play by cleaning and shaving and perhaps inserting a plug as he goes about his daily business. Then he’ll be ready when it comes time to penetrate him anally.
Guys who get off on any negative feelings they might have about anal play will enjoy this aspect. However, the sensitive organ known as the prostate can also be stimulated via the anus, which makes this idea for dominating your man extra pleasurable. Plus, you get to feel powerful as you experiment with this femdom technique!
17. Oral — Of course, you can demand that he go down on you whenever you want. Face sitting is a perfect female dominant sex position for him while performing oral on you.
However, you can use oral to achieve femdom humiliation, too!
Here’s how: Giving your man femdom instructions to perform oral on a dildo.
You can critique his skills, comment on how the dildo is bigger or more satisfying than him, and make him penetrate himself with the dildo afterward.
18. Phone/Cyber Femdom — While most of these femdom ideas are best when done in person, you can try a lot of them over the phone or Internet. Video chats make it especially easy to see what your partner is doing and can be useful if you’re in a long-distance relationship or one of you is currently traveling.
It might take a bit to figure out how to make your commands and punishments work over the phone, but brainstorming can really get your juices flowing. Plus, you can enlist your partner to come up with femdom ideas as well as appropriate punishments.
19. Dressing the Part — While you don’t have to dress up or look a certain way when dominating your man, the right look can certainly boost your femdom games! So what should you wear? The simplest answer is whatever makes you feel powerful! You probably won’t go wrong with the color black, but it doesn’t necessarily have to be leather or latex. Both of those materials can be pricey or uncomfortable, and if you’re uncomfortable, it can detract from the scene.
Here are a few ideas to get you started, but feel free to get creative:
Don’t forget any prescribed roles you’re playing. You’ll dress differently as a teacher or businesswoman than you would when playing a queen. Plus, you might want an actual costume for some roles (police or military, for example).
20. DIY Female Domination — If you have an idea for dominating him or get an excellent punishment idea that requires a specific item, you have to go out and buy it, right? Not necessarily! Whether you’re on a budget or simply unsure if you like something, you can often find something at your home to DIY it! There are plenty of items that can be perverted to suit your kinks!
A Word on DIY Bondage
There are plenty of items you can use to tie a person up that may not actually be safe. For example, silk scarves or nylons can tighten and cut off blood flow when someone struggles against them. And while the police may have special zip-tie handcuffs, they aren’t like regular zip ties that you would use to keep your cords organized. Consider a belt, which stays the same diameter, or cotton fabric, which won’t restrict.
There are plenty of ropes and chains you can buy at the hardware store — and potentially the dollar store — to do the job.
If you do tie someone up, whether it’s DIY or with a store-bought item, it’s smart to have a way to get them off quickly in case of an emergency. A pair of safety shears (medical scissors) works for thinner materials, but a wire or bolt cutters can make quick work of cuffs that are made from tougher stuff.
Now that you’ve got some ideas for activities and devices you can use to exact a little — or a lot — of pain, what kind of roles can you play that will work with femdom? Fortunately, many of the roles where a woman can be submissive also work well for a male to submit, and you can easily come up with other femdom ideas of your own.
Here are just a few scenes with dominant female roles that we love.
It’s easy to put this scene into action. As the teacher, you can dress stern or just a little sexy and mete our punishment to your “student” who might be late for class, interrupt your lesson, or simply talk back! You can switch up the roles by playing a sexy librarian, which provides you plenty of opportunity to dress sexy enough to make your man drool — even if he’s not allowed to touch you!
Increase the kink factor by playing a nun and Catholic schoolboy, complete with costumes! Of course, you’ll have plenty of fun shopping for your own costumes, too!
Here’s another tried and true power exchange role-playing idea. As his boss, you have all the power. If you stick to the school setting, you can be the principal, but you can just as easily play like you’re alone together in the office after hours. As a bonus, you can grab anything that might naturally be in the room — a ruler, for example — to use during your sexy play.
This one’s an oldie but goodie. Not only do you get to combine bondage in the form of handcuffs, but you can play rough as you chase and tackle a criminal that needs to be brought to justice. Of course, if you punish him for his crimes against the world — or even just against you! — you get to play the judge and jury, too!
If you really want to try something different, then pet play might be up your alley. One common type is pony play, and you’ll find bits and harnesses, crops and even blinders that make your partner look more like a pony and experience the world like one, too. One thing fun thing you can try is a butt plug that has a ponytail attached.
You can ride him around, instruct him to crawl on all fours with your crop and even reward him with a carrot — or something more tantalizing — if he’s a good boy.
Check out your local kinky shop for similar implements for puppy or kitty play, including food and water dishes! See if you can teach him to fetch or decide if he’ll need a bit more training!
Although we’ve given you plenty of good femdom ideas to get started with, there’s room for creativity and interpretation. When you add costumes and props, there’s almost an endless list of things you can try. Remember to take baby steps when dominating your man, and you can unlock a kinky side of yourself and relationship that will keep both of you on the edge of your seat!
Whether your femdom games take place only in the bedroom or you live more of a femdom lifestyle, punishment is how you correct unwanted or disobedient behavior. Sometimes the best punishment is one that “fits the crime.” So if your partner misspeaks, make him wear a gag or force him to wear a chastity belt if he comes without permission. These femdom ideas will get you started, but feel free to get creative.
A blast from the cold shower is a punishment that requires no special equipment. Simply march him to the shower when he hasn’t listened. Alternatively, you might use the sprayer from your sink or even a squirt bottle when you need to punish him for bad behavior.
Use your hand, foot, a flogger or whip, a cane, a paddle, or something else to smack your man’s butt when he’s been naughty. You can slap his face or genitals; although, you should be careful when using implements on these places. Avoid aiming for the kidneys with floggers.
This punishment idea might not sound so rough, but try it yourself (in fact, it’s a good idea to try any punishment so you know just how it feels!). After just a few minutes, kneeling on a pencil can be excruciating!
When your partner fails to obey, you can make him hold a penny against the wall with his nose. Make it even harder by having him spread his hands and hold up a penny with each finger/thumb for a total of ten pennies. Punish him whenever a penny falls.
You can place a chastity belt on your guy if he has failed to earn an erection or orgasm. Continued failure increases the time he’ll spend in the belt. Furthermore, attaching weights to the belt can make it more excruciating. Bells also work, so that every time he moves, he’ll be reminded of what he’s wearing.
Giving a task to your submissive like being made to write out a sentence 50 times or clean the same spot for a certain amount of time can be an effective punishment.
If he fails to complete an activity to your satisfaction, bind his hands, so he has to use his mouth to do it. He’ll realize how good he had it before.
Standing on his toes is another severe form of punishment that can have an impact in short order. You can bind his hands and attach them to a rope that’s secured over his head to ensure he stays in position.
Take a page from the military and demand he drops and “give you twenty” pushups when he is disobedient. Pick a type of exercise he especially dislikes and have him do some reps.
Remember to follow through on any punishments that you promised. If you don’t, he won’t take you seriously.
Many women thrive when donning the role of the dominant. At the end of the day, you might get to shed submissive shackles placed on you by society, boost your confidence, or make your man come like never before!
]]>There are a few really easy things that you need to do if you want to make a guy horny. While some guys can get horny and turned on just by holding your hand, other guys need a lot more to get horny. Below you will find some of my most powerful strategies from the Princess Fantasy for turning your man on without acting slutty or weird.
The mood or atmosphere of where you are with your man plays a big role in making him horny and turning him on. If you are at a football game together during a sunny day, you could both be having a great time.
But this isn’t a place where most guys get turned on…
How about in the corner of a quiet bar, with a candle on your table? This is much more likely to help make your man horny. So the next time you are choosing somewhere for you and your man to hang out, ask yourself this:
Is this place likely to make him horny or not?
Some great places that you should consider that will make him horny are:
These are just a few suggestions, but you’ll notice that each of these 3 places are quite private and not too loud.
Finding a way to engage all his senses is important if you want to make him horny.
Smell – Candles or incense treat his nose. You can spray your signature scent around the room or apply lotion to get his attention. Pick scented massage products to fill the room with a sexy smell. Leather is a scent many people enjoy. If either of you is sensitive to smells, you might want to skip this. A headache is not sexy.
Sight – Dressing up sexy will tantalize his eyes, and we’ll get to that shortly. Don’t forget other things he can see. Declutter a room and lower the lights. Switch out bulbs if the ones you have are bright. Candles make a room feel romantic or sexy, too, and LED candles don’t pose a fire risk. Drape a scarf over a lamp to make a room feel sexy. If you’re a little kinky, a blindfold prevents him from seeing anything, which can really amplify the mood for sex!
Taste – There are products that you can wear so your skin will taste different. Flavored lube can do this, too. But he might just enjoy the way you taste. Consider wine or another food that’s known to be an aphrodisiac.
Hearing – Consider putting on a sexy playlist to help get him horny and seduce him. Some people might find the sound of a thunderstorm especially sexy. You could even play porn in the background. Lower your voice just a bit to be sexier.
Touch – Silky sheets and scarves, fur, gloves, your own hair on his skin. All of these things can engage with his sense of touch. Don’t forget how the room feels, either. Too hot or too cold can be uncomfortable. It should be in a comfortable range to undress.
How you look is a crucial aspect of making a guy horny. I say it over and over again. Guys get turned on by what they see. Dressing in an old overcoat, having greasy hair with split ends and wearing baggy jeans won’t turn on many guys (although, there are always exceptions).
So am I advising that you dress like a slut?
Hell no!
You don’t have to dress slutty to turn a guy on. You need to dress sexy. Dressing sexy means wearing clothes and makeup that show off your good parts.
I could go on and on, but I hope you get the picture. You have a lot of control over your looks. And your looks play a huge part in making your man horny.
One element, in particular, is lingerie, sensual pieces of clothing and accessories designed to show off your asset when you wear them before – and sometimes after – sex. The key to picking out the right piece of lingerie is to choose a piece that highlights your best areas and perhaps minimizes the ones you’re concerned about.
You can often pair lingerie with stockings and heels, which many guys love.
Remember, however, that you want to feel comfortable in your lingerie. He’ll be able to tell if you’re not comfortable, and it’s definitely a turn off for both of you. So don’t force yourself to wear lingerie if you’re not feeling it.
Another thing to consider is layers. That way, you can take them off one by one as you strip for him or even give him a lap dance.
Being in a place with a seductive atmosphere is a good start if you want to make your man horny. Being in a seductive place and dressing sexy will help a lot more. But if you are not touching the guy you want to turn on, then neither of these things will help much to make him horny!
Touching your man is VITAL if you want to make him horny.
When I say touching, I do not mean groping or anything inappropriate. I mean that you should just be making physical contact with him whenever you are talking to him or hanging out with him. This physical contact will help to turn your man on and also let him know how you feel about him. It should start off with nothing too serious or creepy and slowly build up until you are getting closer to him.
Below are some examples of how to touch him with increasing intimacy:
All of these techniques are great for helping to make your man horny without creeping him out. When combined with setting the right mood and looking sexy, you are practically guaranteed to have him salivating over you.
When you’re more confident that he wants to have sex with you, such as when you’re in a relationship, you can up the ante. Kiss him deeply and passionately. Press your body against his or perhaps grind your butt against his crotch. Massage his penis through his pants or unzip his fly and start giving him head.
Focus on his erogenous zones. Don’t forget his nipples, either. Most men find this aids or causes arousal [1].
These more direct types of touch can be a good way to get him horny and let him know you want to have sex if he’s not good at picking up cues. This leads me to my next point.
It’s understandable if you want to drop hints to initiate sex.
This might help to get him horny 🙂
Or he may miss your cues altogether 🙁
Don’t worry…a lot of guys are slow to get the hint! The solution…
Try being direct instead.
If you walk out of the bedroom naked, your partner is unlikely to miss the hint that you want sex. And seeing you in the nude will likely get him horny!
One small study found that simply undressing yourself or your partner leads to sex 100 percent of the time [2]. If you strip down, you’ll be getting down. It’s that simple.
Directly asking for sex has a positive success rate, too: 76%, But undressing might feel sexier and less awkward.
Women initiate sex less often than men [3], but your man might appreciate it if you initiate sex. Plus, doing so can make you feel powerful. It might be awkward the first time or two, but the more you do it, the more accustomed you’ll become to initiating sex.
You might recall a previous post for women about how to get horny. I took a survey of readers and got their insight into what they do when they want to get horny. Many of these things apply to men as well as women, and you can use them when learning how to get your boyfriend horny.
Our readers listed some popular ways to get horny:
Taking a shower or bubble bath together – You can invite your man into the shower for shower sex. The steam and slippery suds will get him in the mood.
Read erotica or watch porn together – You can even read erotica to him if he’s into it. If porn is too direct, put on a movie with a sexy scene that you love and see how he responds.
Send him a sexy text – Many women get turned on when they look at their phones and see a message telling them how hot they are or how much their partners desire them. Why not do the same? You can up the ante by sending a voice or video recording or a photo of you. Remember, it doesn’t have to be X-rated. Just give him a glimpse of what’s in store for him.
Masturbate for him – Many women feel horny when they masturbate, but if you masturbate in front of your partner, it can make him horny.
Shop for some sexy lingerie or toys – Doing so can rev up both of your engines, and you might find yourselves having sex after you checkout online or come home from the store. And if you’re shopping online, you’ll be excited for your package to show up on your doorstep!
Talk about fantasies – Not only is this a way to turn him on, but you can discover new things to try in bed.
Have a drink – But just one. This can loosen you up and help him get horny. Too much will make it hard for him to perform, however [4].
Massage – Although you read about the importance of touch above, don’t forget to give him a massage. Not only does this connect the two of you physically, but receiving a massage can reduce stress or promote relaxation [5, 6, 7, 8, 9, 10]. And stress is a serious killer of desire for many people (especially women( [11 p 118, 12 p 29].
You’ll notice that several of these tips include talking dirty. It will be hard to understand how to make a guy horny if you’re afraid of talking dirty.
Sexual “Conditioning” – Now, there’s something interesting you may have noticed. If you tend to do something before sex, then doing this at other times is actually one way to make him horny… even if you’re not trying to!
What do we mean?
Things such as spraying a certain scent only before sex, letting your hair down, or playing a specific song or movie when you want to get him in the mood can become associated with sexy times. It can condition him to think about sex. So when he experiences these things in the future, he might automatically become horny.
You might remember this idea of “conditioning” if you took a psychology class. What you might not realize is that it can apply to sex, too [13]!
This is a powerful key to understanding how to make your man horny and men might be especially susceptible to this conditioning [14]. Feel free to experiment, but recognize that you might cause him to get an erection any time a song comes on the radio or when he smells your signature sex smell… which could be a big issue if his sister wears the same perfume!
One mistake women tend to make when discovering how to make a guy horny is by doing what they see in movies whether it be showing up in a trenchcoat with nothing underneath, wearing sky-high stilettos, talking in a husky voice or what-have-you. These things certainly look good in the movies, and they can work. It all depends on whether you can make them work.
If you meet him wearing sky-high heels or wearing all black leather, the sight might be exotic and make him horny.. or it might make you feel so awkward and unable to move that it’s more cheesy or comical than sexy. It’s easy to go over-the-top when trying to be sexy. Sometimes less really is more.
Being comfortable is key, so it’s okay to add little sexy things or to find your own brand of sexy rather than imitating someone else.
Laughter can be a great way to bond, but if you want to make him horny, it can get in the way of your goal. Laughter can be really distracting as can too much talking. If you’ve been with your man a while, you probably know how he feels about this. But you might want to play it safe with new partners until you figure out their style.
This means not being too goofy or silly and not talking too much or too loudly. It’s okay to lower your voice to a sexy whisper (but one that he can hear) and to take things slowly.
Because a man’s body and mind are more often on the same page than a woman’s, you can look for physical signs that he’s getting horny [15, 16].
Erection — an erect penis and nipples are good signs that he’s horny…yes men’s nipples can get erect too!
Flush – red and warm skin, especially on the face and chest, indicate arousal.
Breathing – if he’s breathing faster and deeper, you’re on the right track.
Heart rate – his heart will begin to race when he’s horny.
If he’s a typical guy, it might not take much time or effort at all before the signs of desire appear. However, some men take longer to get horny and feel desire, which you’ll learn about in a bit.
And if he reciprocates by removing his or your clothes, grinding against you, or moving on to other sexual activities, you’ve succeded at getting him horny!
We wrote this post to help you learn how to make him horny with the promise that it will work. And most of the time it will…
But sometimes it won’t…
Be Direct – Maybe he’s just not getting the hint, which is why we suggest being direct. It might feel more daunting or seem less spontaneous, but it ensures your partner knows exactly what you want. I’m mentioning this a second time (being direct) as sometimes guys are a little dumb and fail to pick up on what you’re doing, no matter how obvious it seems.
But what about when he’s not in the mood?
When he says “No” directly?
First, it can feel like a rejection, and that might sting. That doesn’t mean you give up completely.
But, you should remember that he’s rejecting sex this one time, not sex all the time or you as a person and partner. It’s not a personal attack or a statement about you.
In fact, there could be something preventing him from having sex that you might not consider such as a tummy ache that he doesn’t want to tell you about. All too often, we take rejections personally when they may say nothing about us.
You can always try next time.
The exception to the above advice is when him declining sex become a trend, especially if you’re struggling in your relationship or if he’s compulsively using porn and masturbating. In that case, you should focus less on trying to make him horny and more on fixing your relationship. There is a definite correlation between relationship satisfaction and desire.
Once you get a handle on emotional and physical factors, sexual desire tends to fall in line. When your man is healthy, you’ll have to spend much less time focusing on making him horny and more time enjoying what comes after that and the power that comes with knowing you can make him horny whenever you want!
However, if there are no underlying relationship issues, it could be a health concern. Hormones, especially testosterone, play a significant role in a man’s sexual function, including desire [17]. If your man is not experiencing desire like he used to or if he’s having issues with erection, a hormone imbalance might be at fault.
We recommend that men discuss this issue with their doctors when other possible causes have been ruled out (and the same advice applies to women).
Talking to his doctor can also rule out other possible causes of low libido such as depression [18], anxiety [19], medications for those and other conditions [20, 21, 22, 23], injury or another disease (diabetes, can interfere with desire [24], and cancer can play a role, too [25]). Although it’s normal for testosterone to decrease with age, a serious deficiency known as andropause occurs later in life and can interfere with sexual function and desire [26].
Some people are afraid to talk to their doctor about sexual issues because it’s embarrassing or because it’s not important. But sexual health contributes to your quality of life, which makes it significant!
Breast bondage is a fairly common element in BDSM. It looks hot and sometimes painful and intricate, but it’s often fun, more comfortable than you think and easier to bind a partner (or have one bind your breasts!) than you might think.
It looks good, which is why so much bondage photography features this type of bondage. Rope bondage inspired by eastern countries such as Japan is often known as shibari (and sometimes Kinbaku [1]), but western-inspired bondage also exists. Rope harnesses can be intricate and beautiful. Even basic breast bondage highlights the breasts by surrounding them with rope lifting them up and separating them.
Breast bondage leaves boobs open to stimulation, including but not limited to nipple sucking, massaging and pinching. Nipple clamps also work with breast bondage as you’ll see below. Accessible breasts can be flogged or slapped, too!
More extreme types can cause the breasts to become swollen and darker, which some people like.
If that’s not for you, that’s okay. You might like sensual domination, instead.
For the person who is into breast bondage, the feeling can be anything from pleasant to painful depending on your preferences. It could be a show or power on the part of the dominant person or a way to inflict torture and punishment.
Being tied into a rope harness can be invigorating and arousing. Some people also find it relaxing as someone creates a piece of rope artwork around their body which makes it a wonderful self bondage idea. It can be quite intimate for someone to tie you into a harness.
Most people don’t mean nipple clamps when they think of breast bondage, but it technically counts. Nipple clamps are a form of bondage that might be less intimidating to some people, and you can use them if you’re into light bondage or nipple play. But you can also add pair nipple clamps with other breast bondage, which typically leaves the nipples accessible.
Related: 12 Ways to Use Nipple Play for Better Sex
Essentially, a nipple clamp pinches your nipple. There are a few types to choose from, including clothespin, tweezer, clover and magnetic clamps. You buy them in pairs, and some have a connecting chain that you can tug on or add weight to for more stimulation. Some even connect to a chain with a clitoral clamp attachment.
Nipple clamps can range from pleasantly snug to quite uncomfortable so that they may be used as torture devices in some scenes. However, you might not realize that nipple clamps can be painful when you take them off because of the blood rushing back into your nipples. For some people, this pain can be a treat. If you’re not into pain, removing nipple clamps slowly is your best bet.
If you like the idea of breast bondage but lack the time, interest or even dexterity to tie someone up, you don’t have to go the DIY route. Consumer breast bondage harnesses and bras are available. In fact, chest harnesses have become available as fashion pieces, which can be worn alone or beneath other clothing. Note that fashion pieces won’t offer as much restriction as those intended for actual breast bondage (some fetish shops rate bondage gear on how strict it is, however).
The two main types are bras/harnesses and binders. Binders lack straps and fit more like a tube top around the chest and breasts (one type of binder simply consists of metal bars that you can attach tighter or looser along the top and the bottom of the breasts. This makes for extreme breast bondage!
Choose one that’s adjustable for the right fit. Unfortunately, plus-sized women and those with an ample bosom might not find a pre-made chest harness that works for breast bondage.
These devices are often made from leather, PVC, or faux-leather; although, you can find them made with other materials too. These harnesses often connect to collars.
Another con to these pieces is that quality might be low, and they lack the versatility of a piece of rope that can become a different style of breast bondage every time you use it. Some do have rings to which you can attach other bondage straps, however.
Before we get down to some breast bondage tutorials, you should know what you’re working with. There are a lot of considerations when it comes to rope.
Two popular material options are cotton and nylon, the latter of which you can buy dyed or color yourself if you want a certain aesthetic with your breast bondage. Cotton comes relatively cheap if you’re just trying out bondage and are not sure what you need or whether you’re going to stick to it. Further down the road, you might buy other rope such as jute, which is often a sadist’s material of choice because of its roughness.
Because cotton is natural, it doesn’t stretch as much as nylon. This is preferable for suspension. However, you should become comfortable with breast bondage and ropework before you even consider that!
As far as size goes, opt for 6mm or 1/4″ rope. It’s the most common. It’s thin and flexible enough to work with. As you gain more experience, you might use thinner or thicker rope for the different properties or appearance, but start here.
You can pretty much buy any cotton or nylon rope that’s the right width, but what about length? When it comes to harnesses, you want a piece between 20 and 30 feet long. An easy way to measure rope if you don’t have a measuring device is by arm length. This is about five arm lengths; however, you may want to opt for extra rope if your arms are short or if your partner is thicker.
Many kinksters recommend having two long pieces of rope for use in harnesses in your kit, which can also include four pieces of 6-foot (2 arm lengths) rope and four pieces of 9-foot rope (3 arm lengths).
Once you get your rope, it might be a little stiff or even crinkly. With it bent at the middle, you can hold the loop with one hand and run the other over the rope a few times to “condition” it. This also helps you get used to your rope. If you’ve picked something too harsh, you’ll know!
Finally, having a pair of scissors or shears on hand in case of emergency is a necessity. Some rope sellers even offer kits with shears. Safety shears like those used by paramedics are popular because you won’t be able to cut your partner. Word to lefties: you’ll need left-handed specific safety shears. Before you start using the rope on a body, make sure you are able to quickly cut it with the shears.
Now that you’ve got your rope let’s get down to the tutorials.
Slow is keyword when you learn BDSM or ropework. Go slowly, especially as you’re learning new knots and patterns, to help prevent rope burn. You don’t want to tangle your rope, nor do you want to twist it. This can make it uncomfortable for the person who is tied up. Layers of rope sit flat on top of each other or next to one another.
Almost all harnesses involve folding the rope in half to create a bight. The bight is just a loop where it’s folded.
Keep tension on the rope so that the harness doesn’t become too slack. This is also important when you release the breast bondage. Otherwise, your rope will fall in a loose tangle.
When you’re done with bondage, it might be time to engage in some BDSM aftercare. After you remove rope, there may be marks, but there should be no bruising.
Don’t whip the ends of the rope through knots or loops. The ends could hit you or your partner, potentially causing injury.
If you have excess rope, you can let it hang, add decorative knots or reinforce your rope harness.
This is a simple chest harness tutorial provided by Twisted Monk, a site where you can also buy rope, accessories, and kits.
This harness looks more intricate than it is because of the twisted rope between the breasts.
For this breast bondage, your partner should hold her hands at the back of her head so her arms are lifted and elbows bent. She can lace her fingers together if she’d like. The finished appearance does not separate the breasts like the other tutorials here.
A piece of rope around 20-feet long should be good for this style of breast bondage.
Of course, if you want more ideas and inspiration, you’ll find plenty of tutorials online. These are just basic harnesses, but breast bondage can be complex.
Your local sex shop or BDSM club might offer classes on bondage and ropework, including breast bondage.
Breast circling is a type of breast bondage where you bind each breast. It’s best for women whose breasts are C cups or larger; although, breast shape can help or hinder. Rope that’s thinner than 6mm is sometimes used, and some people even use string although this may be more likely to cause injury.
Start by having your partner bend over slightly with her hands behind her back. Grab one breast and wrap rope or string around the breast for two loops. Wrapping the rope around each breast is easier if you grasp and pull the breast. Secure loops will cause the breast to bulge outward, and the breast will immediately begin to darken.
Tie a square knot before continuing to wrap at least twice more. End with an overhand knot.
Repeat for the second breast with a new piece of rope. You can also create a Figure 8 style wrapping around both breasts or tie the ends behind her back to separate the breasts.
We’ve already discussed how you should have shears within reach. But when do you need to use it? Obviously during times of emergency such as a heart attack, stroke or even a fire alarm. You can cut someone out with shears quite easily.
Breast bondage usually won’t be the cause of an emergency, but you should know when it’s been enough or you’ve tied someone too tightly. Breasts should never lose feeling or be blue. If this happens and you cannot quickly undo the breast bondage, cut it off.
It’s important to communicate with your partner. If you’re being tied up, you need to let them know if you’re not comfortable. Talking about sex can be difficult, but you can learn more in the guide we wrote specifically to make it easier.
A safe word that alerts your partner if something is wrong is vital.
More intense breast bondage should be worn for a shorter period than less intense bondage. Binding too tightly or for too long can lead to nerve damage [2].
For many people, breast bondage is a low-risk way to add a little kink into their lives. It’s a fun and intimate way to connect with your partner, and the options are boundless.
]]>When you’ve tried bondage, sex in public places and edging, what’s left to do in bed? How about a little anal play? One of the easiest ways to see whether you’d like to experience anal sex and a way to provide your man with extreme pleasure is through anal fingering.
You might even be able to orgasm from anal stimulation.
Let’s start by getting this out of the way. Anal stimulation isn’t for everyone whether it’s fingering, a penis, playing with a safe toy or even just stimulating around the anus. Many men are worried that liking anal play means they’re gay. It doesn’t. Gay, straight and bisexual men are all equipped with nerve endings and prostates that allow them to enjoy anal stimulation of all types. Sexuality may differ, but biology doesn’t.
Secondly, it’s often more common for women to be on the receiving end than men. This works for many couples. However, you may simply not be into the idea of anal play. Nevertheless, you won’t know if you might like it unless you try it, so we suggest you give anal fingering a try!
Even though many people enjoy having their ass played with, it’s not something you should rush into without first making sure your partner is okay with it. Verbal communication before the fact is the easiest way to see where your man stands on the issue, whether you’re interested in having your own ass stimulated or you’re interested in adding to his pleasure. You could even show him this article to gauge his interest!
Sometimes a surprise finger in the ass can be well received, but you’re risking completely turning your partner off if you venture into uncharted territories without his permission. Even if he likes anal play, he might not be prepared for it, which could lead to an unpleasant experience or the end of your sexual liaisons. Similarly, you might want time to shower or otherwise prepare for a foray into ass play.
If your lover is into the idea, you might eventually move to pegging, which is where you fuck him with a strap-on. This can play into D/s roles because giving anal stimulation is so powerful.
Whether you’re new to anal play or you want to make your man feel more comfortable about anal fingering or even a toy in his ass, preparation will help ensure a smooth experience. If you rush into this type of sexual play, it may be uncomfortable or even lead to pain and bleeding. Of course, who would want to try anal fingering again after an experience like that? So follow these guidelines for a positive anal fingering experience.
If you’re tense, it will literally make it harder for you to enjoy anal play. So take a deep breath and let the tension out of your body. It may help to relax your throat as this can also relax muscles in your butt. Obviously, planning allows you to relax. Try a relaxing song or even a little social lubricant. Just don’t overdo it because you want to retain control. More tips about relaxing for anal.
The right position can help you relax. Check out this list of positions for anal sex. You may need to adapt some of them if you’re having anal while pregnant.
Most anal receivers are concerned about their personal hygiene, but you’ll want to consider the hygiene of whoever is doing the anal fingering, too. Don’t believe porn, where every starlet has perfectly manicured nails that are nearly an inch long. You would never want that coming near your backside! Instead, nails should always clipped short and without ragged edges, which can cause internal tearing.
Wearing a glove or even just clipping a single finger from a glove to wear over your digit can prevent any damage to your partner’s rectum in addition to making lube application and cleanup a breeze.
Of course, many people are considered about preparing for anal play. We all know what the anus is actually designed for, but that doesn’t mean it can’t also provide pleasure. After all, the main function of the vagina is menstruation and childbirth!
It’s important to prepare before someone eats your ass, too.
Related: What You Need To Know About Rim Jobs And More Orgasms and All About Tossing Salad
There’s always a chance that you might run into a little fecal matter when providing anal stimulation to a lover, but those chances are lower with anal fingering than with using a dildo or penis that penetrates further. Having a prior bowel movement to clear out the canal will certainly help. Many people feel more comfortable being on the receiving end of anal fingering after having a shower.
You probably don’t need to, but there are two additional steps you can take to make sure you’re squeaky clean for anal penetration. These include using a douche containing luke-warm water splashed into your butt to remove any remaining fecal matter. An enema is more invasive but will do the ultimate cleanup job.
Lube is a must when it comes to anal sex, and you might want to consider it with anal fingering, too. The anus provides no natural lubrication, which can lead to tiny tears and even increase your risk of sexually transmitted infections. You can opt for a water-based lube because it’s less expensive, but those tend to dry up faster and become sticky as they do. But they wash off easily with water.
Here are a couple water-based lubes to consider.
Silicone-based lubes are also condom compatible (condoms aren’t necessary for preventing pregnancy during anal. They tend to be thinner but last longer without reapplication, which is perfect for marathon sexual sessions. Silicone lubes do require soap and water to remove. Sliquid’s Silver receives high praise, and Pjur is also well-known for its silicone lubricants.
If you’re looking for something in between, companies now make hybrids that tend to be a little thicker than pure silicone lube but longer lasting than water-based lubricants. System Jo Hybrid, Sliquid Silk and Wet Synergy are examples of these hybrid lubricants.
Now that you’re cleaned up or your partner is ready to explore some anal fingering, what can do you. Let’s start with ideas for him.
A man’s anus is one of the most powerful erogenous zones in his body thanks to the prostate. The prostate is located around two inches inside a man’s anus, toward his stomach. You can curl your fingers during anal fingering, and curved toys work better for prostate stimulation. It feels somewhat like a walnut, and your man will likely recognize it as soon as you find it. Although, some men don’t.
The prostate responds to greater pressure than other erogenous zones. Some men like on-and-off pressure from the pad of a finger, while others will simply like the feeling of their prostate being pressed during sexual intercourse or a blowjob.
However, not every man loves prostate play, and there are other options when it comes to anal fingering to him. You can slowly work your way closer to his anus and rub around the anus and the puckered ring. A simple in-and-out motion might be pleasurable while you’re pleasing him with your other hand or mouth, and you can add more fingers as he becomes comfortable with the sensation.
As a woman, you don’t have a prostate, but that doesn’t mean you can’t enjoy anal stimulation. The thin wall between the anus and vagina allows sensation to move through, which means that anal stimulation can feel especially pleasurable when you’re having sex or playing with a sex toy. In fact, some women enjoy stimulating their own backdoor during masturbation, and that’s a great way to become accustomed to the sensations before you explore anal fingering with your partner.
When it comes to digital stimulation of your own posterior, you don’t have to rush into penetration. Start by inviting your partner to grab your ass, massage your cheeks and even give a little spanking if you’re into that. Before he gets to anal fingering, he can run the pad of his finger or thumb around your anus. Even if he gets no further than this, you might find it quite pleasurable, especially when added to clitoral stimulation or penetrative intercourse.
Your partner can move from the area surrounding your anus to directly over it, even covering it with his finger before experimenting with anal fingering. Of course, penetration is the next logical step, and a finger or two is a great workup to your partner’s penis. If you’re not into fingering your own backdoor, you might not want something larger like a penis or anal-safe toy.
However, you should never go from the anus to the vagina, which can transmit bacteria and lead to nasty infections. Unrolling a condom over your partner’s fingers or using a glove can help to prevent the transmission of bacteria, and you should always switch condoms when moving between anal and vaginal sex.
Some people love feeling stretched and even try to use toys as big as possible. This is known as anal training.
While you might not like anal fingering or even incorporate backdoor exploration into every sexual rendez-vous, you might be pleasantly surprised how much you like adding a little anal play to intercourse or masturbation. And the thrills you get from pleasing your own partner through anal and prostate stimulation are second to none!
]]>Seducing a man can seem like an insurmountable obstacle, especially if you’re not familiar with good flirting and seduction techniques. Learning to be sexy and getting a man interested is usually not an overnight event, but a process that involves a lot of fun back and forth. Follow these 15 easy and compelling tips on how to seduce a man and get him thinking of nothing but you.
One of the things that a man is most likely going to notice about you first is your eyes. Many guys like to gaze into a woman’s eyes as soon as they meet her, even before they check out her cleavage, or size up the rest of her figure. The eyes can communicate sexiness, mysteriousness and desire without a single word. Use this to your advantage by seducing him with frequent eye contact.
Make sure to look directly at him when he’s talking and at other times when neither of you are speaking, and hold your gaze for a second or two longer than is comfortable. This may be tough at first, but the more you do it, the easier it will become.
While many men are attracted to provocative clothing as a whole, you can make more of an impact by dressing to flatter your figure as opposed to dressing just to show skin.
Whether you’re curvy or athletic, wearing clothes that look good on you (no matter how much skin they show or don’t show) is a great way to get a guy’s attention. If you have a great rack, play it up by wearing a dress or top that shows some of your cleavage. If your legs are your best feature, wear a short skirt with heels.
Don’t be afraid to leave something to the imagination with what you wear when seducing him. Showing off all your best assets all at once can give the impression that you’re “slutty” instead of “playful.” If you’re showing off your legs, make sure you’re wearing a more conservative top and vice versa.
Guys love it when a woman smiles. A genuine smile catches a man’s attention and helps him to zero in on you and only you.
This is especially effective if you’re smiling at something he said or did. Fake smiles don’t count — most guys can spot those from a mile away. Flash your pearly whites when talking to him, and show him that you enjoy his company and an all-around happy person.
Talking about the weather or whose team has the best quarterback is only going to get you so far with a man.
When learning how to seduce a man, try asking more personal questions and offer more intimate information in return when you’re speaking with him.
For example, you might ask him what his all-time favorite bedroom move is, or what turns him on more than anything else. If you can work it into the conversation naturally, tell him personal things about you, like how much you dig dancing with a guy or what you like most about a man’s body.
Your body language can show a man that you’re interested in him more so than anything you say.
Use your body language to your advantage when seducing him and let him know in no uncertain terms that you’re into him. In addition to making eye contact and smiling, you can face him when you’re speaking with him, or you can lean towards him just a little. If he’s into you too, he may start to mirror your body language and gravitate towards you in the same way.
Most guys are turned off by women they see as “desperate.”
Throwing yourself at him and showing an inappropriate level of interest (obsessive instead of playful) can have the opposite effect of seducing him. It may even drive him away before you have the chance to do anything else. Instead of being all over him, show your interest in him in a flirtatious way, without being overbearing.
When seducing a guy, make sure to touch him frequently in a subtle way. For example, you could lay your hand on his knee briefly while he’s talking, or lean over to whisper in his ear while gently brushing your lips against it.
This is one of the most powerful tools you can use when figuring out how to seduce a guy. Make sure when you touch him, it seems accidental or slight. If you’re touching him constantly or doing it in a non-natural way, he may get turned off or feel like you’re smothering him.
If you’re hanging out with friends, make a point to get him alone for a few minutes or more.
Suggest going to the bar to order another drink together, or challenge him to a one-on-one game of pool. Getting him alone not only gives you more freedom to flirt and seduce him, but will also help get him in the right frame of mind for anything you have planned next without being distracted.
If you have each other’s numbers, you can make it easier to seduce a guy with sexy text messages or Snaps. Create your own private little world with him by flirting with him via text, or sending him provocative (but not too revealing) photos via an app like SnapChat so that the photos get deleted.
Text him and let him know you’re thinking about him, or send him a photo of you chilling by the pool. This can help spark his imagination and get him going in the right direction.
You might find that this gets you turned on, too.
Related: How to Turn On a Girl
Awkward silences and situations can be one of the most interesting — and effective — ways to stir up sexual tension with a guy.
Instead of trying to fill an odd silence, let a few seconds pass in order to create a little bit of sexy nervousness when seducing him. You can also create awkward situations by brushing up against him when walking by or “accidentally” dropping something in front of him and bending over to pick it up.
While this may sound counter-intuitive, having fun without the man you’re interested in can have a positive impact on his attraction to you.
When you show a guy that you’re independent and able to have a great time when he’s not around, it says two things: you don’t need him to enjoy yourself, and you’re desirable to others. There’s more to seducing a man than just being super sexy around him — it’s also making him think about you when you’re not with him.
Most women know that guys like to chase a woman. However, they don’t want the goal to feel impossible to reach. Many guys respond well when there’s enough space to chase a girl, while still feeling like the end is within reach. i.e. he has a chance with you.
It’s okay to make him work a bit for your time or affection when seducing a man to increase his anticipation, but don’t make him bend over backwards for little in return. Doing so is more likely to turn him off than on.
Men love confidence in a woman. Everyone is insecure about themselves to some degree, but showing him this side of you can have a negative impact on his attraction level towards you.
So try not to talk about how much you hate your butt, or ask him whether your outfit makes you look fat. Leave negative thoughts about yourself, your job and your family at home, and bring your best self out when learning how to seduce a man.
Along with showing him confidence instead of insecurity, you want to keep your conversation with him positive. Avoid bitching about work, or the friend that backstabbed you last weekend. Many guys are more interested in “glass half full” girls, and may steer clear of women who bring them down with their negativity.
Instead, chat about how much fun you had the last party you went to, or how you’re thrilled about your new promotion.
In addition to following the above tips, learning how to seduce a man is about experience. As you develop your “game” by seducing new guys, you’ll learn what works and what doesn’t and foster your own style of flirting. By adapting seduction techniques that you’ve found to be very effective and dropping ones that don’t seem to work as well, you’ll be able to establish a seduction style that is all your own and fundamentally effective.
]]>If you’re in a long-distance relationship, you probably spend a lot of time chatting over text, the phone, and Skype/FaceTime/video/etc. Games to play over these mediums keep the conversation fresh and fun, especially when it’s hard to be apart from the one you love. Here are some games you might wish to try that can be played over Skype/video.
Battleship is a perennially favorite game for two. You can both play with half of the game or even recreate it with paper. Here’s a website that shows you how to play Battleship on paper. Or you can play Battleship and other games, including backgammon, Chinese checkers, and dominoes, digitally within the Skype app.
If you are looking for a game to play over Skype, you can play the “tell a story” game. It can be totally ad-libbed, or you can provide rules. What’s great about storytelling games is that they let you use your imagination.
Here’s an example: Tell me a story featuring Brad Pitt and a bear. Or you can play fortunately/unfortunately where each part of the story will start with one of those words. Maybe you can start your sentences with “fortunately,” and he can counter with “unfortunately.” Then you can switch it up.
If you are looking for a game to play over the phone, one fun idea that isn’t really a game is to watch a movie together while on the phone or online. It could even be a XXX type. There are apps that let you watch movies online, like Synaptop, but you can simply watch Netflix separately together. You’ll feel like you’re really on a movie date when you’re watching it with him.
Miracle Berries are fun, making this a good activity to do with your boyfriend. What they do is to change the way your taste buds work. You’ll need berry capsules and food or drink to sample. It will be fun to do this together when you are looking for a game to play over the phone, on FaceTime, or online. You can describe what the foods taste like to you, and see if you both agree.
Or you can try playing Jelly Belly BeenBoozled, a game which you can buy in many gift shops. Spin and see what lawn clippings, stinky sock, buttered popcorn, or chocolate pudding taste like.
Competition can be fun between couples, and a fitness competition as a game to play over Skype will get you both in shape for each other. It’s boring to work out alone, but a fitness competition makes it fun. See who can do the most push-ups, for example.
Or you can play for points and check in with each other about what you did each day. For example, if you worked out for 30 minutes, you get five points. If you ran or walked, you get one point for each mile. But if you eat fast food, you lose five points. You can set up a fitness competition any way you like.
When you cook dinner together online, have one person choose what the other makes. This could be interesting. Say he’s a picky eater. You can suggest that he cook something that he normally doesn’t eat.
Once he’s gone to the trouble of making it himself, he might find that he likes it. You can stay online together during the cooking process and help each other out when you don’t know what certain recipe terms mean.
If you are looking for a game to play over FaceTime, this activity is fun for obvious reasons. Here are some tips to make your striptease for him super sexy.
If you are looking for a game to play over FaceTime, you could play 20 Questions. In this two-player game, you think of an object, and he gets to ask you as much as 20 questions to figure out what it is. But he can ask only questions that require a yes or no answer. You must answer all the questions truthfully.
If he guesses before 20 questions, he wins. If not, you win. Then reverse roles.
Or what is behind my back. You can make this into a 20 questions type of game. This game can be innocent … or not. If you’re holding a sex toy, and he guesses right, he gets to watch you use it.
Your boyfriend guesses what you’re looking at, either in your location or on his screen.
This game is typically a group game, but you can play it with only two people. Start by stating something that you’ve never done before. If your boyfriend hasn’t done this either, he lets you know that he hasn’t done that, and he doesn’t take a drink. But if he has done this before, he has to take a drink. You can now ask him to tell you about it.
Read: 51 Never Have I Ever Questions That Will Make You Blush
Now it’s his turn to state something that he’s never done before. You need to take a drink — and explain yourself if he asks — if it’s something you’ve done before.
This fun game lets you learn a lot about each other. Take turns asking each other “would you rather” questions, and you can also discuss whether you picked the same or different response as he did and why.
Here are some sample questions to get you started:
Make a face, and he has to guess the emotion. This is a not-so-subtle yet fun way of getting the two of you to look at each other.
You’ve probably played all these games before, and they all work well on Skype or FaceTime. With hangman, you think of a secret word and draw out a blank line for each letter. If he guesses a letter in the word, write it in. If he says a letter not in the word, you start drawing the hangman — his head, body, arms, and legs. He has to guess the word before his man is hung.
With Pictionary for two, you should both have a Pictionary game, but you can find online versions, too. You then each take a card and try to draw what it says. Then you both show your drawing to the other, and you both have to try to guess what it is.
Charades is fun because you get to act silly. Take turns acting something out and guessing what the other is doing.
If you trust each other, go ahead and masturbate for one another online (think of it as digital mutual masturbation). This act can bring you closer since masturbation is usually something that’s done in private. Showing him that you trust him enough to do this is a real turn-on for him. Not only will he love to see you masturbate, but you can also show him what you like, which will come in handy the next time you’re together.
Download some karaoke songs, and sing along to them. Ham it up as much or as little as you like.
You know how to play Simon Says. Whenever you say, “Simon says,” before what it is the other person is supposed to do, they have to do it. But if you don’t say, “Simon says” first, they aren’t supposed to do it. You can play this game straight up, or you can make it naughty! Ask him to do whatever you want: remove his pants, do a sexy dance, whatever.
And remember, he gets a turn to be Simon, too.
You can both try to draw a picture of the other for this Skype game. Then you can try it with your opposite hand.
If you know a scary story, you can tell it to him. If not, go to a scary story website, and read a scary story to him. This would be especially fun on a rainy, windy night.
Being apart is hard, and these Skype games, phone games, and FaceTime games will help. While they’re not a substitute for actually being together, they can keep you and your boyfriend close and in touch.
]]>If your man has a foot fetish, then you are going to want to know how to give your man a foot job. Don’t be weirded out if your man confesses a foot fetish. It’s among one of the most common fetishes
It may even be common because the areas of the brain concerned with the genitals and feet are so close together [3].
However, even people without foot fetishes can enjoy foot jobs (you might enjoy giving one even if you’re not that into feet), and they’re not just for men. You’ll learn this and more as you keep reading about foot jobs!
These step-by-step instructions will show you what you need to do to give your man a satisfying and fulfilling foot job every time.
Before you get down to it, there are a few things that you are going to need to take care of. The first thing is making sure that your toenails are trimmed and filed down so that there is no risk of them accidentally catching or cutting the soft skin of his penis or testicles).
Next, make sure that your feet are clean and don’t have any strong odors. There is nothing worse when giving your man a foot job than for your feet to smell of toejam! So make sure to give them a good scrub beforehand.
You may want to file your feet so they’re soft and smooth. Some people achieve this with a pedicure but you can get the same results at home if you soak them for a bit then use a file on them. Finish off with lotion for tootsies that are soft (and smell good!).
Although you can do the preparation mentioned above by yourself, you can also include it as part of foreplay. Perhaps you have your man scrub and dry your feet before applying lotion, which can be quite intimate not to mention relaxing. It can also play into foot worship and femdom.
If you like the idea of incorporating prep as foreplay, you can also consider nail painting. Having someone pay close attention to those details is a great way to bond and feel appreciated. We recommend using a nail polish that is opaque, and that dries quickly so you can give two coats. A quick dry topcoat or drying drops help to reduce drying time from several hours to minutes. However, you may want to be careful still to avoid ruining your pedicure or getting nail polish all over.
Once you are confident that your feet are clean, it’s time to start with some foot foreplay.
Foot foreplay is pretty easy. You can start by just slowly dragging your feet all over your man’s body and massaging him with them. You can do this while you are both lying down in bed. But you may find it more fun to take a dominant role and sit on a chair, while your man lies down on his back. Or you can sit on the bed, while your man stays lying down. Once you give him a few foot jobs, you will find the positions that you both really enjoy and are comfortable in.
While rubbing your feet over your man’s body, try gently putting some of your toes in his mouth so that he can suck on them. Then slowly drag them down his body towards his crotch. Then start rubbing his inner thighs with your feet, before slowly and carefully moving one or both of your feet towards his testicles. Very slowly and gently start to massage his balls with your feet. To do this just slowly press them and apply a tiny amount of pressure before releasing it and then applying some more pressure. You can also use your toes to ‘tickle’ them.
Try a little massage oil to make your feet glide along his skin effortlessly. If you don’t have massage oil, you can use olive or coconut oil from the kitchen! Lotion can actually make things sticky, even though it may sound like a good idea. Silicone-based lube will work in a pinch.
Other forms of foreplay can include your partner licking and kissing your feet.
After a few minutes of foot foreplay, it’s time to start actually giving your man a foot job.
You can give your man a foot job with any part of your foot. But most find that it’s easiest when they use their soles (the bottom of their feet) as you can slightly bend your sole as well as your toes. So unless otherwise stated, use the sole of your foot when giving your man a foot job.
Start by using your sole to push your man’s penis against his stomach either when he’s lying down or sitting or standing in a position where your foot can reach his cock. Slowly rub it up and down along the underside of his cock so that you are rubbing his Corpus Spongiosum and frenulum. You can then run your toes over it and even open your toes and put his penis in between them.
After doing this for a while, use both of your feet to ‘grab’ his penis between both soles. You now need to start masturbating his penis like you would as if you were giving him a handjob. Just use a simple up and down motion. Don’t worry if his penis slips out of your grip. It’s going to happen as your feet probably haven’t done this kind of thing many times before and aren’t as dexterous as your hands. You can keep masturbating your man’s penis like this until he reaches orgasms and cums. That’s all there is to it.
However, you can change things up with these techniques:
You can also check out erotic media for inspiration, perhaps even to mimic what they’re doing on screen! It shouldn’t be hard to find images or videos with foot jobs as they have available since the 1980s [4].
If you find that your feet get tired quickly when giving him a foot job with the soles of your feet, then try switching to using other parts of your feet, which will also feel different. For instance, the heel can easily provide pleasure, the flat part of your sole makes for broader sensations, and you can pinch or use the tip of your toes for pinpoint pressure. Remember to move your leg to vary the sensation.
While this post focuses on the penis, remember that you can rub other body parts with your feet, too. You can use your toes to penetrate him anally; although, we completely understand if this isn’t for everyone. Talking about what you want to try and how is crucial to a good sex life.
Obviously, you can try his balls. Be gentle as you massage them between the top of one foot and the bottom of the other. Use one foot to press/lift his balls up toward his penis. If he likes a little pain with his pleasure, you can pinch his sac with your toes or even step on it with the ball of your foot or the heel of a shoe. This leads us to our next point. Off course, anything that involves pain should be discussed between both of you beforehand.
Those with a foot fetish may be very keen to wear shoes while giving their man a foot job. This is fine, provided your man is comfortable with it. The only problem with wearing shoes while giving your man a foot job is that you greatly increase the chances that you will accidentally hurt him.
Pick shoes that are made of soft or sleek material. Think leather or perhaps a sleek, patent pump. If you’re giving a foot job because your man has a foot fetish, you might choose the perfect shoes together and only use them for this activity. In fact, you shouldn’t be surprised if simply seeing you in certain shoes gets him aroused!
You probably don’t want to use your stinky gym shoes (unless you’re both into that). Beware of grommets, buckles or even Velcro, which could be quite uncomfortable if it rubbed against your man’s penis or snagged his ballsac. The angle you use to give a foot job may be different when wearing shoes because of this.
If you actually wear your shoes outside, you might want to avoid using the sole of your shoes to stimulate your man as it’s full of bacteria (men can get bacterial infections, too!). Furthermore, check out the tread of the shoe. Unless you specifically want to make him uncomfortable or inflict pain, a tread that’s less pronounced or even a flat sole might be the best option when you give a foot job while wearing shoes.
Although it’s less common, some women like foot jobs where you rub their vulva and clitoris with your foot, too. Try grinding your heel into her clitoris for intense stimulation. Some women even masturbate similarly by deeply bending their leg and resting their pubic bones on their heels while crouching/kneeling to provide clitoral stimulation.
Penetration is technically possible, and the big toe is the easiest to insert vaginally — or anally. It’s super important that your nails are smooth if you’re trying penetration, and using lube is a good idea, too.
“If you want to be the on the receiving end, you can bring this up with your man. It will be easier if you’ve already tried foot play, but even if he hasn’t broached the subject you can. You might start by suggesting that the two of you list two or three things you’d like to try in bed and include receiving a foot job as one of your items. This gives both of you a chance to try something new.
Alternatively, if you’re in bed and grinding against his leg, you might just slide further down his shin toward to his foot to see how he reacts.
And that’s how your give your man a foot job (and how to go about getting your own!). I highly recommend that you do some of your own experimenting with your man to find out what positions and foot job techniques you both enjoy the most. You may find that he enjoys it even more when you are wearing tights while giving him a foot job.
]]>Sex is supposed to feel good, so feeling soreness after sex is pretty frustrating. You want to bask in the afterglow, not have to avoid sex or masturbation while you wait for things to return to normal. The possibility of an infecton or STI can also add anxiety to the situation, and no one wants that. Fortunately, a sore vagina after sex can often be prevented with thorough preparation (lube and foreplay!), and your doctor should be able to help you out in most other situations.
First things first. Figure out what hurts. Is it an internal pain (vaginal)? Or do your vagina lips, clitoris or other external part that makes up your vulva hurt? This distinction can make it easier to troubleshoot and talk to your doctor if it comes to that.
In the meantime, keep that calmness and use of logic as you try to determine why you have a sore vagina after sex. Determine which of the five causes of soreness after sex might be your culprit and read up on treatment to feel your best as soon as possible.
If you’re allergic to latex, which is what many condoms are made from, you might have a sore vagina after sex. This will probably come with swelling and itching, and your vulva might feel like it’s on fire. Topical or oral Benadryl might help to relieve the symptoms, which should go away on their own in most cases.
In some extreme cases of latex allergy, you might want to schedule an appointment with your doctor as they can even cause blistering. Fortunately, you’ll find condoms made from polyurethane, lambskin and polyisoprene, which don’t contain latex and will not cause your allergy to flare up.
You were super turned on, so you didn’t feel like you had to use lube? That’s a common misconception. No matter how turned on you are, lube is always your friend. It makes insertion easier, helps to keep things slicker for longer – perfect for slow sex sessions! – and helps to prevent that awful feeling of soreness after sex.
Lube is especially helpful if you like rough sex. We also recommend using lube when you don’t have time for foreplay so that your partner will be able to enter you more easily.
Need another reason to use lube? Trauma to your vaginal walls can make it more easy to get an STI or a bacterial infection. Youch! Plus, you can get flavored lubes and warming or cooling lubes if you want to try something new.
Even if you use lube, there’s a chance that your partner is plain too rough – and it doesn’t just mean with his penis. He might be rubbing your clit too hard, fingering you vigorously or using a toy in a way that leaves you sore after sex. Here are a few tips to avoid a sore vagina after sex, and you can adapt them if you get a little carried away during solo time, too.
One piece of advice that can be helpful is for you to take charge, and we don’t just mean dominating your man (unless you’re into that, of course.
Get on top to control the action. It’s easy to find the right angle and speed to make sure everything feels good. Your man will also love the view and your show of confidence.
If you have soreness after sex, take it easy. You can take an oral pain killer. Cotton panties and pants that allow you to breath are good, and you may even consider applying ice to the area for relief until your vulva has returned to normal.
For some people, no amount of lube or slowing things down will help, why is that? It might be that you have a medical condition preventing penetrative sex from feeling good. One possible condition is vaginismus. Penetration of anything (a toy, tampon, fingers or penis, among others) causes your vaginal muscles to tense up, making penetration nearly impossible and certainly painful.
You’ll know if you have vaginismus because sex will hurt during, not just after. And you might bleed during sex, too. A doctor may recommend using dilators or surgery to correct your case.
The second cause is the hymen. Now, forget everything you think you know about the hymen. It’s not just a shift of skin that every woman has over her vagina that will break when she loses her virginity (or rides a bike or horse, etc). The hymen is actually the stretchy skin around the vaginal opening, and it shouldn’t rip or tear during sex.
For most women, the hymen is elastic enough to allow for sex; although, there are different types of hymens, and some of them can make sex more difficult or even impossible. If you can feel something blocking your vagina, have never menstruated or can see your hymen covering the vaginal opening using a hand mirror, it might be time to talk to your doctor about corrective surgery. This is especially true if your vagina is fully blocked by the hymen, which can block your body’s natural menstruation and lead to health problems [1].
Infections are tricky little things. Sometimes they’re obvious as with an extreme yeast infection, but that’s not always the case. An infection might only be present around your period (this sometimes happens with herpes) or after you have sex. Occasional spotting or a sore vagina after sex might not immediately make you think “I have an infection,” but you shouldn’t rule out this possibility if you can’t figure out the cause of the pain.
There are a few types of infections to consider, too.
An infection doesn’t mean that your life is over nor does it mean your man cheated as you can get bacterial infections from sex or masturbation, and STIs can take months to show up. We no longer view people who have STIs as tainted, and this is a good thing. STIs are more common than you think. In fact, the CDC states that most men and women who have been sexually active will contract HPV during their lifetimes [3].
You can talk to your doctor or go to a reproductive health clinic such as Planned Parenthood to get a test for STIs. Many can be tested through a urine sample; although some infections require a longer waiting period to show up, and your doctor might recommend a blood test for some STIs.
Your sore vagina after sex might seem like a badge of honor, but it’s actually a sign that you may be doing something wrong, such as having sex that’s too rough or vigorous or not using enough lube. In most cases, your vulva will self-heal, and you’ve got nothing to worry about. But in some situations, soreness might be long-lasting enough that you need to put off having sex. In a worst-case scenario, soreness could actually be from a cut. If you don’t take care of it, this could lead to a painful infection. You don’t want to exacerbate the situation and wind up having to see a doctor or avoid sex for weeks if you can prevent that from occurring.
No matter why you might experience soreness after sex, it’s also important that you talk to your partner. If it’s just him being too rough, you should slow things down and add lube and possibly more foreplay. Let him know if there’s a reason why you don’t want to have sex tonight that’s not about him or your relationship. You’re just waiting to heal
Feeling sore after sex is pretty common, but it can be avoided. If you experience it every once in a while, there’s probably nothing to worry about. But you might want to consider what changes you can make or whether you should speak to your doctor if you often have a sore vagina after sex.
]]>Nipple play can be incredibly hot and satisfying for you and your man. Nipple play can be used to initiate sexual arousal and to add to sexual arousal during sex. When aroused, the nipple becomes erect. This is from the release of oxytocin, the feel-good hormone. As long as the nipple area is being stimulated, the oxytocin continues to release. And that can lead to more intense orgasms and a feeling that the whole body was involved in the orgasm.
Some women can orgasm from nipple play alone. When someone plays with your nipples, the brain is stimulated in the same way as when your clitoris and vaginal area are stimulated. Although not everyone can cum from nipple play alone, it can add to other types of foreplay hotness you can have with your man. For example, all this foreplay may lead to some sexy titty fucking
There’s more than one way for your man to stimulate your nipples, and your guy might like nipple play as well. There are many ways for the two of you to engage in nipple play. Here they are, complete with tips on how to do each. You can use these techniques on your guy, or you can ask him to use them on you.
Blowing is a good way to begin nipple stimulation because it starts the sensations slowly and gently. You can make your breath cool by blowing your breath out through pursed lips. You can make your breath feel warmer by getting closer to the nipple and breathing on it with an open mouth.
There are many types of nipple kissing techniques. Try brushing your closed lips on the nipple. You can also open your lips to let the nipple in your mouth, and then start using your tongue, sort of playing with the nipple.
Using the tip of the tongue, lick the nipple using a circular motion. You can also switch to lapping motions. While you are licking one nipple, caress the other with your hand. Switch nipples every 30 seconds or so.
After licking, place your lips around the nipple and gently suck on the nipple rhythmically, gradually sucking harder. Alternate between licking and sucking. If you man is into it, you can try breastfeeding.
You then might want to try gently biting. Just make sure you don’t hurt him!
While not for everyone, some people welcome biting when they want more intense stimulation. Bite gently and slowly at first, sort of holding the nipple with your teeth as you use your tongue to lick the nipple. If your partner is becoming more excited, bite the nipple and see what reaction you get. Or you can ask if your partner liked it and wants you to continue.
When the sexual tension starts to build, you can get more aggressive with the nipples and start pulling on them or even twisting them. You’ll get horny quick, so be prepared to act on it!
Squeeze the nipple by holding it with your thumb and forefinger and squeezing so that the nipple raises slightly. It often feels good for your partner when you lick or suck on the nipple while it’s being squeezed.
Introduce pinching after squeezing. Hold the squeeze you created using your thumb and forefinger, apply a bit more pressure and keep holding. If your partner likes this, apply a little more pressure and hold some more. Let go, and your partner will feel a sensation caused by the blood returning to the nipple. You can release the nipple quickly or slowly, or you can try doing both by alternating.
If you or your man likes pinching, you might enjoy clothespins. Pointing the clothespin straight into the air, grip the entire nipple area that includes the areola. The feeling might hurt at first, and you might hate it. Clothespins are a great way to see if you’re into breast bondage without spending a lot of money.
Wrap a rubber band around the opposite end to make the clothespin less intense. The more you wrap it, the lighter the sensation. If you unloop the band, it will become tighter.
Start by relaxing for a few seconds to see if you can leave the clothespin on for a minute. You can leave the clothespin on for longer if you like, maybe up to 15 or 20 minutes.
Like with pinching, when you remove the clothespin, your partner feels the sensation. The longer the clothespins are left on, the bigger the sensation when they’re removed. The nipples are usually tender after, and sometimes it feels good to stroke them with a feather or rub them with an ice cube.
Nipple clamps are a type of sex toy used to increase sensations to the nipple. They work like clothespins do, but many have extra features. Nipple clamps create a sensation of slight pain and pleasure at the same time. When worn for a few minutes, the nipple area starts to numb. As with pinching and removing clothespins, the sensation happens when the clamps are removed.
It’s easier to adjust the pressure applied with nipple clamps than it is with clothespins. One type of clamps look like tweezers and come with a metal ring that moves up and down the arm of the clamps to adjust how tightly they grip the nipple, from mild pressure to intense pinching. Some nipple clamps include an attached vibrator that creates a vibrating sensation on the nipples while they are being clamped. You could also touch a regulator vibrator to a regular nipple clamp to achieve a similar effect.
Start caressing or massaging near but not on the nipple directly. Apply different types of pressure. You might want to use circular motions. You can caress close to the nipple without touching it to tease the nipple before you begin to touch it. Once you start touching the nipple, you can vary your movement from slow to fast.
Caressing and massaging are good for the whole breast area, not just the nipple. Tell your guy that you enjoy it (if you do) when he fondles your entire breasts. Some women prefer light attention to the breasts during foreplay and others prefer a rougher experience approaching orgasm. Also note that your breasts might be too sensitive to any type of touch depending on your ovulation cycle.
Play with different temperatures on the nipples by rubbing them with an ice cube for a few seconds. You can apply heat by dripping hot wax from a candle on the nipples. Apply some of these same techniques for oral sex to your nipples for a new experience.
Nipples are filled with nerve endings that make them extremely responsive to touch. When touched, they fill with blood and can tolerate stronger stimulation the closer to orgasm a person is. So the key is to start slowly with nipple play and gradually increase the intensity. Most people prefer to be warmed up first.
The areola is also a sensitive area. In fact, it’s often more sensitive than the nipple is. The most sensitive area is the upper part between 10 and 2 o’clock. So, when engaging in nipple play, pay attention to this area too by kissing, licking and blowing on it.
The size of the breast doesn’t determine nipple sensitivity, which is the reason many guys get pleasure from nipple play, too. Not all guys like nipple play, but the ones who do go gaga for it. The key is to talk with your man to see if he likes it.
As you can see, you and your man can have fun by adding nipple play to your sex life. You might prefer achieving orgasm through genital stimulation, but having this additional variety provides a fun change of pace.
]]>This updated guide will show you that you can still have a fantastic sex life if you or your man has a small penis and provides techniques that will help you get the most out of small penis sex! To start, I’m going to cover some issues about small penises, then I’ll get to the positions and techniques (oral, squirting & more!). Please don’t skip the first part, you’re going to learn a lot!
Sometimes guys feel insecure about the size of their penis when it’s actually pretty average. Averages vary across the globe. According to the NHS, “the average erect penis size varies from around 13cm to 18cm (5in to 7in) [1]” with some studies finding that the range of erect penis length for most men is 5-6.5 inches [2] or 5-6 inches [3 p 4]. A review of existing studies of over 15,000 men found that the average penis length was much closer to the lower end of that range at 5.17, with a girth of 4.59 inches [4].
Yet many men still feel like their penises are too small. Why is this? What is considered a small penis has definitely been influenced by porn. Because many of us see most penises in porn, which features penises that are especially long and thick and are not at all representative of the average.
A study published by researchers in CSULA and UCLA found that while 85 percent of women are satisfied with the size of their man’s penis, only 55% of men were satisfied with their penis size and 45% wanted to be larger [5]. This phenomenon is common enough that some people describe “small penis syndrome [6 p 202],” in which a man experiences anxiety about his penis being smaller than average.
While you don’t have to run out and demand to see others’ penises, remember that what you see on the screen is there because it looks good and fits the mold and that penises come in a wider variety overall.
When talking about penis size, there are two things to consider: length and girth. Length sounds obvious but it’s a bit more complicated than people realize. The penis extends beneath the skin where it’s surrounded by a fatty pad. This is why guys who lose weight seem to gain penis length.
There’s even a saying that for every thirty pounds a man loses, he’ll gain an inch in penis length.
Girth refers to the thickness, which can be measured around (circumference) or as a cross-section (diameter). These things are often proportionate. A micropenis is short and thin, but a penis can be long and thin or short and wide. For some women, a short penis isn’t an issue as long as it’s thick enough.
Some men have an especially tiny penis known as a micropenis. While a small penis may just be slightly smaller than average, a penis is considered a micropenis if it is 2.5 standard deviations less than the average when age is taken into consideration [7, 8].
“2.5 standard deviations” may sound like a mumbo-jumbo science term, so let’s break down exactly what it means.
Take a study from BJU International, for example, which reported that the average erect penis was 5.17 inches in length with a standard deviation of .65 inches [4]. 2.5 standard deviations of .65 inches just means that you multiply 2.5 by .65 inches which gives you 1.625 inches.
5.17 inches – 1.625 inches gives you 3.545 inches. So in this study, they concluded that a micropenis is 3.545 inches or shorter.
While some people widely label any penis under 3 inches long as a micropenis, a larger penis may count as a micropenis if the culture’s average is longer than the global average.
To be clear, there still isn’t uniform agreement on exactly what constitutes a micropenis. According to another study, the majority of men with a micropenis fall within 2 standard deviations of the average [9].
While a small penis might be due to normal variation, a micropenis can result from too few hormones or a poor reaction to hormones during fetal development or childhood [10, 11]. This may be due to gene mutations [13] or other causes. Because of this, hormone therapy may stimulate penile growth in children [14].
The Internet is full of get-big-quick schemes that might seem alluring to a guy who has a small penis and feels insecure about it, especially if women have made a big deal out of it in the past.
The truth is, there’s no FDA-approved product to make your penis larger.
While you may be able to pay someone to perform a surgery or buy supplements or black-market products that may increase the size of a small penis, you shouldn’t take anything without approval from your doctor — even a supplement. These things may interact negatively with existing medications or could even cause harm on their own. This is especially true if you inject anything into your penis to make it bigger.
Some devices exist that can help you temporarily increase the size of your penis or help make your erection stronger, which can make it appear or feel larger than it is. You’ll learn more about these in the “Tools” section below!
Also, consider losing weight if you’re overweight. Carrying extra weight means the fatty pad that surrounds your penis is bigger and can obscure some of your penis that would be revealed were you slimmer.
Research also shows that being overweight tends to negatively interfere with sexual desire and sexual performance and even cause a lack of sexual activity enjoyment [16].
If there’s one thing a guy with a small or micropenis worries about, it’s when to tell a new partner. Should he warn her ahead of time so she can bow out? Should he just let her realize the first time they fool around? Maybe it’ll be fine if they develop feelings first.
Take a look at women’s’ thoughts on the subject, and you’ll see most of them agree: the sooner a guy tells her, the better.
This doesn’t mean that telling a woman you’re smaller than average guarantees she’ll break up with you or you won’t have sex.
In fact, some women suffering from a condition known as vaginismus that makes their vaginas uncomfortably tight will probably appreciate it
It just means she won’t be surprised by the fact. This surprise can kill arousal in the heat of the moment.
Yes, some women will find a small penis a dealbreaker, but it won’t be for others.
Don’t just take it from us, here’s what one female Redditor had to say.
I dated a dude for 2 years that was about 2″. He was incredibly insecure about it at first until I made it clear that he was great at getting me off in other ways. Plus, it made BJ’s really easy for me. I think we had actual PIV sex twice in those two years, and I still consider it one of the best relationships I’ve been in.
Consider the women who prefer a larger penis as simply noncompatible sexually. There are many ways people might not be sexually compatible. For example, some people require kinky sex to get off, while others want nothing to do with it. Part of cultivating a happy and healthy sex life is finding someone who either shares the same desires or who will compromise with you, so you both get what you want.
People often overlook sexual compatibility when they’re in love, but it’s important. It’s better to get these things out of the way rather than to waste your time and hers if it doesn’t work out in the end. Too often, people get into relationships with and even marry people who are not sexually compatible. Years or decades down the road they find themselves resentful and walking away, sometimes splitting up a family, because they can no longer take it.
So if a woman doesn’t want to be with you because of your penis or for any reason, really, consider it a bullet dodged.
But to the real question, how do you say it? Try to do it before sex comes up. This is one of those topics where saying it over the text or phone is probably okay. You can try something like:
Babe, I really like you and think there’s potential for this to go someplace. Before we go any further, I think you should know that my penis is smaller than normal, and this has been an issue in the past.
You can change things up to be more specific to your situation. If you’re not romantically involved, you might focus on how much you’re attracted to her but let her know about your smaller-than-average stature. Some guys prefer to let their partners know that they’re excellent lovers in a variety of ways, which brings us to our next point.
A lot of guys worry that having a small dick means they can’t please their partners. The truth is, most guys are too penis-focused when it comes to sex. There’s something everyone should know:
Sex doesn’t have to be about the size or ability of your penis!
This is actually a good thing because you can spend less time thinking about size, erection, and ejaculating the way you’re “supposed to.” Instead, you can enjoy sex, explore with your partner, and break out of those restrictive sexual scripts (sexual scripts are the ideas about what sex is supposed to look like).
According to one study 36.6% of women require stimulation to orgasm [17]. Since penetration only stimulates the clitoris if it’s close to the vaginal opening or if you use a position such as the Coital Alignment Technique (learn more about CAT here), even a large penis may not get her off. Researchers believe this is why women orgasm less consistently from penetrative sex than men [18].
Take it from one female Redditor who said:
I actually have better orgasms when I’m not having intercourse tbh…and when I do have orgasms during sex it’s mostly from clitoral stimulation and has nothing to do with his dick.
Instead, you can use your hands, tongue, and sex toys to do the trick. Men who focus on those activities will already become better and less selfish lovers in their partner’s eyes. Before it even comes to penetration, she may have had an orgasm or multiple.
Then, penetrative sex is like the cherry on top! Or you might have sex in ways without penetration if it’s too difficult to have sex with a small penis.
Here are the best positions for a small penis, some of which stimulate the G-spot area or to make his penis feel bigger.
Many people agree that girl-on-top positions are the best sex positions for a small penis because the woman can really sink onto the man. You can also adapt it by placing a pillow beneath his hips if you help. Thigh Tide is especially good because while the woman faces away from the man, his leg is bent at the knee and she can grind against it for clitoral stimulation. Like other woman-on-top positions, this one lets her set the pace.
In this classic woman-in-top position, small penis sex is easier because gravity pulls the fat pad that surrounds the penis down to reveal more of the shaft. Either partner can stimulate her clitoris and there may be room for a vibrator depending on your bodies.
Try this trick: the man places his hand face down on his lower abs with his fingers spread in Spock’s Vulcan salute with two fingers resting on either side of his penis. The woman can grind against her knuckles as she rides him.
Get down on your hands and knees, put your butt in the air and keep your back arched and your thighs together. Pull your chest down towards your thighs. This variation of Doggy Style makes it easy for your man to penetrate you deeply.
The Anvil position works great because it shortens the vaginal canal, so penetration feels much deeper. Also, by keeping your legs close together or even crossing your ankles helps to increase the friction and feeling of tightness. Just make sure you are flexible and strong enough before attempting this position.
If you are very flexible, then you should try out the Sandwich position. As you can see in the demonstration above, you need to bend your legs and bring them back to your side. To help you do this, try placing your hands on your knees and pull them back and down.
]]>We’ve got plenty of new things to try in bed. Surprise your man with one or more of these tips the next time you want to get down or dirty or show him this list directly to rev up your motors and encourage incredible sex again!
If there’s only one thing you can do that can make your sex life better, it’s to use lube. Regular lube eases penetration and makes sex feel better for both partners. But you can also buy flavored lube for use during oral sex and sensation lubes such as those that tingle or warming lube.
Thanks to smartphones, sexy selfies are all the rage. Why not extend the fun and snap a few hot photos of you and your beau when you’re getting down and dirty? You don’t need to share these photos on Instagram. They exist just for the two of you!
You can play with photos or take some nice point-of-view snaps while you’re feeling frisky. If you’re especially adventurous, you can record yourselves having sex and watch it later to get in the mood. Set up a tripod at the end of your bed or simply use your smartphone to take video.
Of course, you should make sure you’re with someone you trust not to share these pics and videos with.
Reading short stories to your lover is a quick way to turn each other on, and you can pick your favorite stories beforehand. There’s no shortage of erotic reading material, either! There’s an entire world of sexy reading outside of Fifty Shades of Grey.
Cleis Press is a publisher known for making anthologies and novels. Every year, Cleis publishes collections with gay, lesbian, BDSM and bisexual themes, among many others. Ann Rice’s “Sleeping Beauty” trilogy also uses bondage elements, but you’ll find plenty of variation in content if you take a look.
Many writers publish directly to Amazon, perfect if you own a Kindle, and the Internet is full of fan fiction and erotic writing communities such as Literotica. Whatever your source, you’re sure to find plenty of new things to try in bed from erotica.
Do more than just imagine yourself in another story – play it. Roleplay can feel a little silly as a new thing to try, but it allows you to try on personas different from your own. If you have a lot of responsibility at work or home, playing a student or other submissive role can be a source of release.
Similarly, roleplay can involve costumes and props that breathe fresh air into your sex life. Perhaps you’ve still got a plaid skirt from your Catholic school days, or you always wanted to see your man in a uniform. Roleplay lets you do both.
Here are some great ideas for roleplay in the bedroom.
No, we’re not talking about domination and submission. Although, there are plenty of reasons to love that too! Literally handing your partner the remote control to your vibrator can be thrilling! He gets to choose the intensity and mode, and you get all the pleasure.
There are a couple of options to choose from. You can stay at home and give him the reigns with your favorite remote-controlled vibrator – Lelo has several that will do the trick. Or you can head out to dinner or the movies with a pair of vibrating panties that your lover can control with no one else the wiser.
Sometimes the best new thing to try in bed is simply a different bed! A hotel is an easy way to do this, and it should definitely be on your sexy bucket list. Plus, you can add in a little roleplay.
Sex in a hotel room is awesome because you don’t have to worry about cleanup, but it’s even more enticing if you show up separately. You can grab a room while he’s finishing up work, set up mood lighting and put on your favorite lingerie (more on that below) while you wait for him to knock on the door.
Hotel sex is just one of the 40 dirty and freaky things you can try with your boyfriend to keep things hot.
A lot of women are hesitant about anal sex while men often put this at the top of their list of new things to try in bed. Your apprehension is understandable, but anal sex can be enjoyable for you, too! Some women experience anal orgasms, and others simply love knowing how much pleasure they’re providing their partner.
Remember to take things slowly, communicate and use plenty of lube. You might not get anal sex right on the first time, and that’s okay. Starting with a smaller toy can help work your way up to your partner’s cock.
If you’re not into anal penetration, stimulation around the outside of your anus can also be pleasurable. Try a toy or have your partner rub you while having vaginal sex to add an extra element of fun.
If you’re a professional at the quickie, you probably have a routine that gets you in and out of the bedroom without alerting the kids, the roommates or the neighbors.
But this routine can get boring, so why not try the opposite?
The next time you want to have sex, you can play a little game with your partner…
Take turns stimulating each other with your hands, bodies, mouths, and genitals in an attempt to make the other cum. Your job is to resist orgasm no matter how difficult it is. Whoever holds out the longest wins.
Combine this game with edging, and you’ve potentially got hours of fun on your hands!
While many of the tips on this list focus on penetrative sex and things you can do to make it more exciting, sometimes the best thing you can do to turn each other on again is to not have sex. This is especially true if you’re stuck in a rut.
You probably have fond memories of making out – in cars, movie theaters and when no one else was looking – as a teenager. Times were frenzied and full of lust, and you can get back to them with a little making out.
The last suggestion on this list is a great way to teach a new lover where and how to stimulate you. It’s similar to playing with sex dice, but you get more control over where your lover’s focus goes.
Use body paint to create X’s on your body where you want your man to kiss, nibble, spank or grope. If it’s edible, he can lick it off when he completes the task. You can use eyeliner or washable marker in a pinch, but make sure to lay down a towel to keep your bedding clean!
You can use different symbols to indicate what you want him to do or simply write it out. And why not send a picture of your hip with “Bite here” written on it to get his mind racing during the day?
If you always have sex in the bedroom, it might be getting a little stale. You can remedy this by simply not having sex in bed like you always do. Move to the living room sofa or dining room table, as long as you have privacy from your housemates.
Never underestimate the power of simply switching locales. There are plenty of other locations where you can have sex too. Whether you’re in the car in a secluded drive-in, a camp site, a public bathroom where there’s a chance you can get caught or an empty movie theater, the change in venue can be exhilarating.
Just make sure that you aren’t breaking any laws!
There’s something about music that affects us in powerful ways. You’ve probably heard a song that made you feel super sexy, or can appreciate how music made a scene in a movie sizzling hot, or watched an exotic dancer writhe on stage to a perfectly picked song. So if you haven’t added music to sexy times, what are you waiting for?
One of the ideas in tantric sex (more on that here) is the idea of breathing together. One of you breathes out, and the other breaths them “in.” You can also synchronize your breathing together. Start before sex as you gaze into your partner’s eyes. This can feel quite vulnerable and intimate.
Focusing on breathing can also help if you tend to hyperventilate during sex. Breathing techniques may also help you remain in the moment [1], a key element of being mindful [2]. Being mindful and remaining in the moment can make sex more enjoyable. In fact, being present is one of 8 key elements to great sex [3], and concentrating on the moment is a factor associated with orgasm [4].
We’ve got five senses, but how often do you include them all in sex? One way to include all the senses during sexy times is actually to restrict them. What do we mean?
Block out sights with a blindfold and sounds with headphones or earplugs. Put gloves, mitts or plastic on hands or other body parts. Prevent your partner from speaking by using a ball gag.
The theory is that as you reduce one sense, all of the others improve. Not being able to see or hear everything can heighten sexual tension and the good kind of sexual anxiety.
If you want to expand on sensory restriction with bondage, you might like these kinky sex ideas.
A man’s prostate is a sensitive spot that you can stimulate through his anus or perineum to produce powerful orgasms. Some men are even multi-orgasmic thanks to prostate stimulation. You can reach his prostate with your finger or a toy, including a strap-on (this is known as pegging).
Now, you might not think of the bathroom as the sexiest room in your house, but it can be a room of great pleasure. You might start by having sex in the shower or find out just how sensual bathtub sex can be. During these times you can light candles, put your hands all over your partner as you suds him up, and feel the water on your skin.
Note: water-based lube will break down in the shower, so stick with something with a silicone base. Just remember that silicone lube breaks down condoms causing them to break!
Don’t forget about the mirrors in your bathroom, either! You can make eye contact with your man as you bend over the bathroom counter and he takes you from behind.
Unless you’re a nudist, you might not have realized how freeing it is to not wear any clothes. Spending the day naked can be sexy. Or it just might turn into silly fun. Some people might even find it to be a good way to be more accepting of your body.
If you generally strip down and get under the covers quickly, a naked day can encourage you to spend more time looking at and touching your partner’s body — and have him do the same for you!
On the opposite end of the spectrum, you can leave your clothes on when you have sex. This sometimes happens naturally when you just can’t wait for it.
Wear a skirt or dress that you can slide up for him to penetrate you or eat you out. You can go commando (wear no underwear) to make it even naughtier. Leave your heels on when you’re doing the deed. Or you can leave your top on — bonus points if it’s his button-down shirt.
The previous new thing to try in bed might have you think about the sexy things you can wear in bed. And it doesn’t have to be lingerie! Button-down shirts are popular – with or without heels.
But you can dress up for him long before you get to the bedroom. Perhaps you wear your hair in a messy bun and rock the yoga pants on most days. While this can certainly be sexy, your partner will appreciate it if you take the time put in a little more effort into your look.
There are many looks you can try from pinup to biker chick and everything in between. Find something you’re comfortable wearing, and don’t forget the sexy little somethings you can wear beneath your clothing that he’ll find as he undresses you! Bonus points if he puts on his best clothes, too, for a date night.
If you’re lucky to live in a larger town/city, then you might be able to find something to get your juices flowing before you head home to ravage each other. Check websites and social media for any of the following:
There are very few men who will complain if their partners wake them up with a blow job or some other sexual behavior. You might even like to receive the same from your man! Some people are especially horny in the morning (although, this could happen in the middle of the night before you both fall back into a satisfied sleep).
Not every guy likes morning sex, however.
Your guy probably won’t mind if you simply ask ahead of time if he’d be okay with this. If you’re sneaky, you can find out and surprise him.
If you’ve been with your partner for a while, even if you’re just friends with benefits who have had sex quite a few times, then you’ve probably found yourself in a sexual routine. Maybe that’s why you’re looking for new things to try in bed in the first place!
For many people, this routine is the same: you have sex at night before bed.
If you both thoroughly enjoy this routine, then great!
But for most couples, this gets a bit boring and tedious, pretty quickly.
“Playing with time” is a great way to switch things up.
This could mean having sex at a different time than usual. Why not try morning sex? Or grab some afternoon delight.
And…
Another what to play with time is to slow things down. Like you may already know, longer sex and more activities mean more orgasms!
In fact, women already seem to know this, as a study found that women in same-sex relationships have longer sexual encounters [5] and more orgasms than their straight counterparts [6, 7].
Coincidence? Nope!
But if you generally have marathon sex, then squeezing in a quickie might be fun, too. One of the nice things about quickies is that you don’t need a lot of time to do it.
From an intimate massage lit by candles (or dim lights if you prefer less of a fire hazard) to a slow dance, you can enjoy sex that’s more lovemaking than “fucking.” In fact, you can even try sensual bondage if you like power exchange.
It helps to have candles (massage candles do double duty), incense, a scarf (for draping over a lamp), and even silky sheets to help set the scene.
By the way, if you don’t think your guy will be into sensual and romantic sex, you’re wrong! One study found that, “Romantic/affectionate behaviors were among those most commonly identified as appealing for both men and women [8].”
If you’re like most women, you view sex as something you “give” and your partner “takes.” You might think of it as something for him, perhaps even a chore. Your partner always has an orgasm. But what about you?
It’s time to be selfish. Make sure you get yours! Take control and touch yourself or reach for your favorite toy if you need something more than penetration to get off (after all, less than 19% of women get off from penetration alone [9]). You might be surprised how turned on your partner is when you take control and get a little selfish in bed. Seeing you enjoying yourself brings immense pleasure to some guys – the good lovers, at least!
And once you feel satisfied, you can take your time worshiping your partner and your body to make sure his every dream comes too. This works especially well if you’re submissive as well.
For the most adventurous couple, a new thing to try sexually is swinging. You’ve probably heard of swinging before. It’s when you swap partners, typically with another couple; although, sometimes singles swing [10]. There are swinging clubs, or you might bring up the topic to a couple friend.
Swinging can include just making out with another partner or doing everything until penetration. You might find it hot to know that your partner is with another woman while you have sex with her partner right next to them especially if you have a voyeuristic or exhibitionistic streak. Or you might prefer to do it in different rooms.
There’s no “right’ way to swing, but you should definitely discuss boundaries and safe sex if you decide to do it.
Articles to check out:
In case you haven’t already discovered the benefits of masturbation together, we’re here to tell you about it! Most men (and women!) think it’s super hot to see their partners masturbate in front of them. You can let your man know you want to try this or let him “discover” you masturbating – as long as you think he’d find the idea hot.
When your partner watches you touch yourself, he’ll learn what you like. You can also guide his hand and masturbate with him. He could even tell you what to do and have you follow instructions!
The act of masturbation with your partner is known as mutual masturbation, and you can learn all about it.
Masturbating is a great way to figure out what you like. Knowing your personal preferences can help add spark to your sex life [11].
You might be surprised how many women never ride their partners. Or maybe you wouldn’t because you find it intimidating. However, it’s a treat to let your man lie back while you do the work, and he gets a show to boot!
Even things like trying new positions can lead to anxiety about sex [12], so it might be helpful to talk to your man about your worries.
Squirting is a skill that many women try to master, and their partners are often excited by the prospect, too. Many women can squirt – although, not all! You’ll need to get acquainted with your G-spot if you want to learn how to squirt. You might find that sex toys make it easier too.
Are there multiple things you want to try in bed? Not sure where to start? No problem. Simply write down your ideas on slips of paper and toss them in a fishbowl. Then, on a night when you’re feeling particularly adventurous and want to switch things up, draw out a piece of paper or two from the fishbowl.
If there are activities that require preparation, you might choose on the morning of or even a few days before if you’ll need to buy items or prepare for the new activity.
The fishbowl is good because both you and your partner can toss ideas in, and it helps you try new things fairly because it’s random.
You could also potentially use a tool in place of the fishbowl. Create a numbered list with new things to try and generate a number at Random.org to determine what you’ll do tonight.
Trying new things in bed might require a little more forethought than you might currently give to sex, but that’s a good thing! Much of the enjoyment of sex comes from the mental component, and getting you and your lover to think about sex outside the bedroom will surely turn up the heat!
]]>You’ve probably heard the adage about not thinking about polar bears (or perhaps a pink rhino or literally any other subject). When you tell yourself not to think about this thing, it’s bound to pop into your head and more frequently than it would if you weren’t trying to avoid thinking about the subject. The exact quote originated in a Russian document in 1863; although, it’s likely people have had difficult not thinking about things for much longer than a few hundred years.
In fact, there’s a name for the predicament: ironic process theory [1]. The thoughts you try to suppress are the ones that will be more persistent, whether it’s sex or any other thought. After the phenomenon had been identified, social psychologist Daniel Wegner dedicated time to several studies, during which he asked respondents not to think about bears. You can guess how well that turned out. It’s the same reason why you only think about food when you’re on a diet and why quitting smoking is so hard, too.
What does this have to do with sex? If you’re trying not to think about sex, you’re likely to have trouble if your approach is telling yourself not to think about sex. Why is that? There are two mechanisms behind ironic process theory: monitoring processes and conscious operating processes. When they balance out, you’ll be more successful at not thinking about sex or other subjects. When you try to convince your brain not to think about sex, it spends an awful lot of time monitoring for thoughts about sex, which paradoxically makes you think about it even more [2].
If you’re curious how to stop thinking about sex if the direct approach is bound to lead to failure, you’re not alone. Although it might seem counterproductive, you have to recognize that it’s natural to think about sex and allow yourself to have those thoughts occasionally. The more you try to bar yourself from thinking about sex at all, the more likely you are to think about sex.
While you may be able to suppress certain thoughts for a while, you might eventually wind up rebounding worse than before [3]. This could mean engaging in risky sex with strangers or not using condoms.
In the end, it’s better advice to learn how to be okay with thinking about sex rather than to learn how to stop thinking about sex. But you can also make it a little easier with the following advice.
And by the way, if you’re currently have the opposite problem, if you’re currently struggling with a low libido, then you may want to use the advice laid out in the guide on increasing your sex drive.
Below you’ll find twelve methods to squash those thoughts about sex. Try a combination of methods to find your perfect solution.
What easier way is there to end thoughts about sex than to have sex and get it out of your system? Having sex can help you rid yourself of distracting thoughts and focus on the other priorities in your life, especially if you just can’t shake those pesky thoughts about sex.
You don’t need to have sex with someone who you’re in love with, either. If you just have an itch you need to scratch, then something casual or a one-night stand might serve your needs just well.
If no partner is around, bringing yourself to orgasm through masturbation might help calm those intrusive thoughts. Masturbation has many of the same benefits of sex, and there are bonus perks such as not having to do your hair or face, shaving your legs or even taking a shower before it’s time to get down!
When you can’t have sex, you might need to keep busy to avoid thinking about sex. But the key here isn’t to fill your day with meaningless tasks. Instead, find things that are really engaging like reading a good book or playing a game that demands your full attention. You won’t need to stop to wonder whether you’re thinking about sex because you’ll be too busy doing something else.
Choose activities to fill your time that will sap your energy, so you’ll fall asleep as soon as your head hits the pillow. Signing up for a sports team, training to run a marathon or volunteering for Habitat for Humanity are all activities that are demanding and will, hopefully, leave you too tired to think about sex at the end of the day.
You can condition yourself to get in the mood for sex, but can you do the opposite? Yes!
Providing a negative stimulus such as pinching yourself whenever you have a thought about sex, it might help you not to think about it so much. However, it almost might have the unintended effect of associating the negative with sexual thoughts in the future even when you want to think about sex.
Although this piece of advice doesn’t work for everyone, some people can push aside their thoughts about sex by connecting with God or even praying. At the Princess Fantasy, we obviously want people to be true to their sexuality, so we caution against encouraging any mindsets that are sex-negative, including slut-shaming. If you can use thoughts of God – or anything else, for that matter – to move away from unwanted thoughts about sex, then feel free.
Hot guys at the gym. Your favorite sexy movie. A scene in a book. Or a sensual song.
What do these things have in common? They make you think about sex. So if you’re already easily distracted and feeling pretty randy, you probably want to avoid those triggers. Of course, you can’t possibly avoid everything that might make you think about sex – and if those thoughts come easily, even nonsexual things might encourage them – but you can avoid actively inviting known triggers into your life.
Nothing chases away thoughts of sex more effectively than thinking unsexy thoughts. Turn yourself off by thinking about your grandma, spreadsheets or baseball. You might even think of something more disgusting to ruin the mood and usher sexual thoughts out of your mind.
If you’re constantly horny and having issues with thinking about sex, you might have an imbalance of sex hormones. Testosterone, which is normally thought of as a man’s hormone, is also present in your body. The more you have, the more likely you are to be a sexual person.
Dieting is one method of reducing sex hormone in your body. Another strategy is to put testosterone in check by increasing estrogen. You can do this by taking supplements or even switching birth control methods, which you’ll read about in our next point.
Intrusive thoughts about sex might fill your head because your birth control is making your horny. If you suspect this is the case, it might be time to talk to your doctor about switching methods or even going off hormonal birth control entirely and simply relying on barrier methods of birth control that don’t incorporate hormones.
It might not seem like talking to someone about all your sex thoughts will be helpful in this instance. But it can be. Having a confidante – such as a best friend or sister – can help you feel better. You can joke about how hard it is to get anything done, and you might simply feel better by having this person around and knowing you’re not alone. Plus, getting it out can prevent your monitoring processes from overloading.
Although most cases of unwanted sexual thoughts come from sexual frustration or even sexual tension that you have yet to resolve (learn why sexual tension is actually a good thing), there may be some more serious reasons that you have persistent sexual thoughts. One of those causes is persistent genital arousal disorder, which might sound enticing but can disrupt your entire life.
If you’ve exhausted all items on this list, then talking to your doctor might be the last resort if you want to know how to stop thinking about sex. She might suggest medications or lifestyle changes that help to curb unwanted sexual thoughts.
But thinking about sex is normal; everyone does it. Some people think about sex more often than others just like you might have a higher sex drive than many people. If these thoughts aren’t disrupting your life, you don’t necessarily need to be distraught about them. The thoughts may even decrease if you wait a bit if they’re tied to your cycle; many women experience an increase in sex drive shortly before their period.
Still, you might want to decrease the frequency of sexual thoughts if they’re getting in the way of your life or even detrimental to your relationship. Following these steps can help put your mind at ease, at least, until you’re ready to think about sex again.
]]>There’s a misconception that vaginal moisture is the most significant – or even the only sign – of your arousal. In fact, women experience more discordance between mental and physical arousal than men typically do. What does this mean? Your body might respond while your head isn’t in the game, or you might feel mentally turned on but not wet.
Of course, there’s nothing wrong with this. In fact, it’s common enough to be called normal. You can be insanely turned on and just not be that wet.
Much of the moisture that we associate with a woman’s arousal is simply a product of the vagina cleaning itself or even sweat. During your cycle, you may feel wetter because of discharge. Vaginal discharge isn’t pleasant in your underwear, but it sure makes for more pleasurable sex.
Of course, many women experience increased vaginal wetness because of arousal, which aids in sex. Trouble getting wet can make penetration more difficult, which causes discomfort to the point of pain. It’s often not a good feeling for your man, either.
If you try penetration without enough lubrication, it can damage your sensitive vaginal tissues. Microtears can make it easier to contract an STI or get a bacterial infection.
Related: Bacterial Vaginosis – Causes, Symptoms & How To Treat It
So there are definitely some worries if you have issues getting wet.
One of the following reasons may be why you can’t get wet…
Before we go any further, let’s address the obvious. If you’re in a situation where you feel forced or coerced into sex, you might not get wet. The same goes if you’re not attracted to the other person. Why would you want to make yourself wet?
Listen to the signs that your body is giving you. Recognize how you feel and what you need. Any boyfriend who’s worth your time will want to help you achieve those things.
Leave any situation or relationship where someone tries to pressure you into having sex if you can safely do so. Say, “No.” You do not have to have sex just because someone else wants you to or you think you should.
One reason why you might not get very wet is strife within your relationship, even if (or perhaps especially if) you’re not aware of them. If you don’t feel safe, loved, and valued by your husband, you might not be comfortable having sex and find that you don’t get wet anymore.
Make sure to deal with any problems within your relationship before they disrupt your sex life or become irreparable.
Instead of asking, “Why can’t I get wet?” you should ask, “What in my relationship needs fixing?”
This may not be a quick fix, however. Although, even small improvements in your relationship may ignite your sex life.
Vaginal lubrication is due, in part, to your body being aroused. Some specific factors can hinder arousal that you’ll read about in this guide. One of the main reasons you might not be aroused is that you’ve rushed to penetration without preparation. If you’re dealing with nerves, perhaps because of a new partner, your body might struggle to get fully wet.
Fortunately, the solution to this problem is simply to get aroused, which can be a lot of fun! You might even get your partner involved; although, it’s totally possible to make it a solo job. You can try any of the following techniques before any fooling around starts:
If your partner is around, deep kissing, cuddling, or even slow dancing can also help you get in the mood. Of course, trading a sensual massage is great for that, too!
Related: How To Give A Super-Relaxing, Sensual Massage + Video Demonstrations
In fact, physical touch may be enough to get you in the mood. It may sound backward, but Dr. Emily Nagoski explains how many women feel desire after sexual activity has begun. Just make sure to give your body enough time to get there and incorporate plenty of foreplay! It can take more time for you to become aroused than your man. And this may vary between women or even for the same woman from time to time.
Arousal Nonconcordance: It’s not uncommon for women’s physical and mental arousal to differ. This is known as arousal nonconcordance. It means that you can feel in the mood without your body responding, and the opposite can also happen. Sex researcher Lori Brotto writes about how mindfulness practices help women get their bodies and mind on the right page [2 p 146].
Distractions are no friend to a happy and engaging sex life. Not only is it hard to enjoy sex if your mind is a million miles away, but it can be hard to get and stay wet during sex, too. Common distractions include anxiety over a new partner of your first time having sex.
It’s also incredibly common for people, especially women, to be distracted because they lack body confidence. Dr. Lori Brotto cautions that women can spend time monitoring themselves while they have sex instead of being in and enjoying the moment [2 p 50].
Mindfulness, which you’ll see mentioned a few times in this guide, is helpful for staying in the moment. When it comes to sex, focus on the sensations. Enlist the help of your partner. Perhaps he can instruct you to make eye contact or do or say something if he notices that you’re distracted.
Sensory deprivation, which can include wearing a blindfold or earplugs, may also be one way to experiment with staying in the moment.
For body image issues, try wearing lingerie that makes you feel confident and hot. More pervasive issues, however, might require a little professional help.
Distractions go hand in hand with stress. Stress can not only kill your libido in general but may be the reason why you can’t make yourself wet [1 p 117], even if you’re taking the same steps that would otherwise get you in the mood.
The first step to stop stress from interfering in your sex life—and every other part of your life—is to reduce stress where you can. If this means taking a step back at work, not committing to as many volunteer opportunities, or hiring a professional to help keep the kids and house in check, do it. Make sure to talk to your partner to ensure he’s doing his fair share around the house. Sometimes it takes professional help to find that balance.
Sadly, sometimes life is stressful, and there isn’t much you can do about it. In those times, it’s all about coping techniques. For some people, sex can be a coping mechanism. However, you might consider a physical activity such as running or kickboxing, crying your eyes out to a chick flick, or your favorite self-care activity.
Don’t be afraid to seek therapy if it will help. They can help you with healthy coping strategies, including the mindfulness mentioned above, that might be one way that you cope with stress in a more healthy way.
Although you may have anticipated many of the changes that a bouncing baby might have caused in your life, vaginal dryness may not have been one of them. However, breastfeeding can cause a temporary decrease in estrogen, which makes it harder for you to get wet [3]. However, you might never think that breastfeeding is why you can’t get wet.
Fortunately, estrogen tends to rise once you stop breastfeeding, so this isn’t usually a permanent problem. In the meantime, lube is always your friend!
If you’re not getting wet—or wet enough—it might be an issue of intensity or even sexual chemistry rather than biology preventing you from getting and staying wet.
There are plenty of ways to add intensity to your sex if you just make a few adjustments. You can experiment with bondage, role playing, and rough sex. You might try dominating your man—or submission if that’s your thing. There’s no shortage of things to try in the bedroom, and you’ll find plenty of them explained in detail here on the Bad Girls Bible site.
However, all of these things require a willing partner. If yours doesn’t want to try new things, it might be better to look for someone who does have the same interests. Of course, sometimes, you just don’t click with a person, or you might not be sexually compatible no matter how hard you try.
Does sex with a condom burn? It might feel like you can’t stay wet. However, it might be due to a condom allergy that’s making you feel inflamed.
Fortunately, there are other types of condoms, including those made from polyurethane and lambskin, as well as female condoms. If none of those fit, you might consider a different hormonal or barrier method of birth control.
Various medical conditions can make it harder for you to get wet naturally. Unfortunately, some doctors may not be aware of or may even avoid talking about sexual side effects, so it’s important to do your research. The following are a few of the medical conditions that may interfere with your natural vaginal lubrication.
Sjögren syndrome – causes dry eyes, mouth, and vaginal dryness, which your doctor may have missed as another symptom [4]. However, more attention is being paid to how it affects a woman’s sexuality [5].
Spinal cord injury – may also decrease your ability to get wet like you once did.
Diabetes – may damage blood vessels, interfering with vaginal lubrication [6]
Heart disease – reduces bloodflow, and the vagina cannot as easily become engorged [6]
Scleroderma – dries out mucus membranes, including the in the vagina [7]
High blood pressure (hypertension) – It’s long been known that high blood pressure can make it more difficult for men to get an erection. However, a recent study found that “women with hypertension reported significantly decreased lubrication and orgasm and increased pain” than women without high blood pressure [8].
Of course, other medical issues may cause problems getting wet, so make sure to research all possible side effects.
Treating these conditions may relieve some symptoms, including vaginal dryness. However, that may not always be the case. Vaginal moisturizers, which you’ll read more about in a bit, may help. Your doctor may also recommend hormone replacement therapy to reintroduce estrogen into your body if that’s playing a role in your vaginal dryness. Otherwise, use lube if this symptom cannot be helped.
Sometimes the medication that provides relief for one problem can cause another. Several medications have side effects related to arousal or desire.
A good rule of thumb is that anything that dries out one part of your body can make your pussy dry, too. However, you might not think of that when you take a pill to deal with an allergy attack or a cold. Similarly, any medicines that impact blood flow or heart function can prevent you from getting wet.
Of course, just because a medication isn’t on this list doesn’t mean it may not be the reason why you can’t get wet. Pay attention to any changes in your body when you begin a new medication and check that label if your vagina won’t get wet.
If you can seek an alternative medication, you might be able to avoid vaginal dryness. In some cases, adjusting the dosage may be all it takes to find relief from the unpleasant side effects of medication. Do not stop taking any medication or change doses without doctor approval.
Unfortunately, you may need medication to allow you to be as healthy as possible. Hormone replacement therapy may be appropriate, or you can use lube.
All sorts of recreational drugs, legal and otherwise, might be the reason why you’re not getting wet. While alcohol may be known as a social lubricant, it may be no friend to your vaginal lubrication [13]. Smoking both cigarettes and marijuana may impact your ability to get wet. And you might face similar struggles with other drugs.
Consider partaking in alcohol, pot, or other drugs less frequently or avoiding them on days when you’ll want to get wet. If you prefer to have a few drinks or use marijuana before sex, add lube to keep things slick and slippery. Stopping smoking or drug use altogether might have the greatest impact of all.
If medication that gives you dry mouth can do the same to your pussy, then poor hydration can also explain why you are so dry. Of course, you may notice that you can’t stay wet, but you might have other signs of dehydration, such as dry skin, eyes, or mouth.
Increase your water intake. Use a bottle with measurements, a smart bottle, or an app if it helps. Remember that any liquid helps, including soup. If you struggle to remain hydrated, sports drinks can replace electrolytes and help you hydrate better. Fruit also tends to have high water content.
Using spermicide multiple times in the same day may lead to vaginal dryness. However, spermicide isn’t that great, to begin with. It can irritate the sensitive tissue of your vagina, which may be the cause of your dryness, and can also make it more likely to contract an infection [14].
Douching may also be a culprit, and using a diaphragm may be why you are so dry because it prevents the flow of vaginal secretions from the cervix and upper vagina.
Ditch the spermicide and diaphragms for a different type of contraception. There are various types of hormonal birth control to consider, as well as IUDs and condoms.
Douching is completely unnecessary because the vagina is self-cleaning and can even lead to worse problems such as a yeast infection. Remember that every body has a natural musk, and that’s not a bad thing. If you’re dealing with a pungent odor, it’s typically from external sweat glances, and choosing breathable fabrics for underwear and pants may help.
As women get a bit older, they enter menopause, which means her period stops and estrogen drops. This can make it harder to get wet. You might also experience thinning of the vaginal walls that make it more likely to tear during penetration.
Removal of the ovaries can cause similar symptoms as natural menopause, including vaginal dryness. A hysterectomy that leaves both your ovaries may also explain why you don’t get wet [15]. So the same treatment options can be effective.
Menopausal and pre-menopausal women sometimes use vaginal moisturizers that provide more long-term moisture than personal lubricant. You might prefer lube rather than vaginal moisturizers or like using both to stay wet longer and increase comfort during sex.
Hormone therapy replaces some of the estrogen lost from your body, which can help with the symptoms of menopause, including vaginal dryness. However, it’s not right for everyone, so you’ll definitely want to talk to your doctor to determine the best course of action.
There may not be any particular reason that you don’t get wet. Not every woman experiences a waterfall between her legs. You might just not get as wet as some people. Or you may have been lead to believe that you should get super wet but in sexual situations only get kinda-sorta wet.
It’s just not realistic to get perfectly wet in every single situation throughout your entire life.
Many women claim that using boric acid suppositories help them to get wetter for sex, along with making them taste and smell better.
Like so many of the possible issues discussed in this guide, lube can help here as well. In fact, the next section is all about lube. It can make things more comfortable and even be fun if you opt for edible or sensation lube. Intrigued? Keep reading…
The easiest solution to not getting wet enough is to use lube. However, some people think that something is wrong or shameful if they can’t stay wet and use lube instead. It’s not! It’s perfectly normal if you don’t get wet. In fact, we recommend using lube even if you don’t think you need to.
Personal lubricant is also wonderful when you start out wet, but your sex session has lasted longer than expected. You might find that you’re able to climax multiple times once you’ve added a little moisture after your first orgasm.
Discover how to have multiple orgasms.
Lube is a good idea for transwomen who experience vaginal dryness after gender confirmation surgery and transmen who take testosterone supplements but still have a vulva.
Lube not only makes things slicker and easier, but it can also enhance sex. Flavored lube, tingling lube, and warming lube are all options you can consider. If you’re not sure what type of lube to get – and there are a lot of options available to you! We’ve written all about the types of lubes and those best for sex, masturbation, and other activities.
You can skip buying lube if you buy condoms that are lubricated.
On the topic of lube: you should always use it during anal sex because the anus isn’t self lubricating.
If you take anything out of this post, know that there is no ‘right’ amount of wetness, even if you’re aroused. You can fix most vaginal dryness by adding more foreplay or lube, but some cases may require other treatments that your doctor can recommend.
]]>Although sex leads to many positives, including intimacy, improved mood and better overall health, it can have some negatives side effects. One such side effect is burning after sex.
A burning sensation is actually quite common, and it doesn’t necessarily mean you’ve done nothing wrong. Recognizing this symptom can help you narrow down whether the problem is a urinary tract or bacterial infection, STI or something else entirely, so you can treat it, either at home or with assistance from you doctor.
Below, you’ll find some of the most common reasons that women – and men – experience burning before and after sex. We’ve also got advice from trusted sources, including the Centers for Disease Control and Mayo Clinic, about treatment and prevention of these infections and situations that you may have if it burns after sex, and which may prevent you from enjoying a happy and healthy sex life!
A condom allergy occurs when you’re allergic to condoms, the main material that most condoms are made from. When experienced in your intimate areas, and especially after repeated thrusting, you can have pain and burning after sex. Swelling and redness are also common indicators of condom allergies. The good news is that you can get condoms made from non-allergenic materials, so you can keep having safer sex without the negative side effects.
Although lube was created to make you sex life more slippery and fun, it can do quite the opposite if you’re allergic to any of the ingredients. It can be more difficult to pinpoint the exact cause of allergy in personal lubricants, and it may be due to osmolality and not an ingredient at all! In fact, the FDA doesn’t even require testing for lubes.
We do recommend the following steps to cut down on possibly reaction or irritation:
If you believe you’re experiencing an allergic reaction, wash the area free of any lube. Once you remove the allergen, symptoms should subside. Alternatively, take an over-the-counter antihistamine, such as Benadryl, to relieve allergy symptoms. This medication may have a sedative effect, to be warned when taking it.
You also may feel burning after sex in water as water alone does not act as a lubricant and can actually increase the friction you feel.
A UTI isn’t pleasant, and it’s one of the most common causes of burning after sex. Sexual activity can irritate the urinary tract and urethra, leading to inflammation and uncomfortable burning sensations. According to the Mayo Clinic, most UTIs affect the bladder and urethra, but they can also infect the kidneys, too, leading to internal pain rather than just pain around the vulva and urethra.
Other symptoms include the persistent urge to pee, urinating frequently, cloudy urine, blood in urine or pinkish pee, pain in your pelvic and anal areas and strong-smelling urine. When the infection targets your kidney, you may also experience nausea, vomiting and fever – symptoms similar to the flu. Some of these UTI symptoms are similar to yeast infections, but UTIs do not have the typical discharge of a yeast infection. Yeast infections can be passed back and forth between partners, so treatment is important.
If you’re susceptible to urinary tract infections, you might get several over your lifetime, especially when you’re sexually active. Women are at greater risk of developing this type of infection according to the Mayo Clinic, possibly due to menopause and using birth control. However, you can take a few steps to reduce the likelihood of UTI. This includes washing before and after sex and urinating after sex, which helps to remove bacteria from the vulva and urethra.
When you find yourself with a UTI, you can go to your doctor, who will prescribe antibiotics. The Mayo Clinic recommends contacting your doctor whenever you suspect you have a UTI. You will find over-the-counter cranberry supplements and juices that many swear by for treatment of UTIs. This may stop burns after sex, but a doctor if your best choice for recurring and extreme cases.
A number of sexually transmitted infections, or STIs, creating a burning sensation after you contract them, after sex and during breakouts. If your pain persists well after sex or after you’ve removed possibly problematic materials from the area, it may be an STI. According to the CDC, a number of infections can cause this burning sensation:
The CDC recommends following basic STI prevention protocol to ensure your sexual health. If you do, schedule an appointment with your doctor right away. Some STIs can even impact your ability to have children in the future or lead to cervical cancer, so there’s far more at risk than an uncomfortable sensation after sex.
A bacterial infection of the vagina and cervix is known as bacterial vaginosis. Bacteria always exists within your vagina, but BV introduces more bacteria or harmful bacteria to the area. Sex, including oral and manual, masturbation and even the wrong clothing or laundry detergent can contribute to BV. Studies suggest that having sex with an uncut man increases this risk.
Cleaning your hands and toys well before insertion can reduce the risk of BV and its symptoms, which include vaginal itching, pelvic pain and discharge. You should seek an appointment with your medical provider if you suspect BV. He or she will prescribe antibiotics. Note that this is an infection that commonly recurs in women, so if you’ve had one in the past 12 months, it’s likely you’ll have one again. You can also pass it to your partner and back to yourself, so treat it as soon as possible.
General inflammation of the vagina and vulva is known as vaginitis, and this inflammation can certainly lead to painful intercourse and burning after sex. Itching and discharge are common side effects of this inflammation as well. Vaginitis can result as as upset in the pH balance or bacteria levels in the vagina; although, a doctor may not be able to pinpoint a specific cause.
Technically, bacterial vaginosis, yeast infections, trichomoniasis and vaginal atrophy are all types of vaginosis. However,treatment for each of these infections can vary even if they share some of the same symptoms.
General hygiene and using condoms can help to prevent some of the most common infections that cause burning after sex as well as the transmission of preventable STIs. Not only is burning after sex painful, but it could be a sign of an infection that has far more serious complications down the road, so prevention is definitely worth a pound of the cure when it comes to this uncomfortable sensation.
If you’re at all in doubt, we recommend discussing this symptom with your doctor, who can recommend medication or other treatments and help prevent this from happening to you again.
]]>Many people love tying up their partner or being tied up, and if you’re one of them, you may find yourself looking for new styles and bondage positions. Whether you’re learning about bondage or more experienced, want full-body bondage or something less intense, you’ll find an option to explore in this list of thirteen bondage positions.
Spread Eagle is a great BDSM sex position because it’s relatively easy to get into and to stay into. You don’t need to be super flexible to be tied Spread Eagle, and if you’re doing the tying, you don’t need special skills.
Spread Eagle is wonderful because it leaves genitals accessible for penetration or stimulation (think vibrator or even flogger). It also leaves the breasts accessible and works with most lingerie. You can strap someone into a corset or tie them into a chest or breast harness while in this position.
Spread Eagle can be done with your captive horizontal on a bed. Imagine their body in the “X” shape. If you have posts on your bed, you can easily affix wrists and ankles to those to bind your partner. However, an under-the-bed style bondage restraint system is perfect for getting someone into the Spread Eagle position.
You can change things up with a vertical Spread Eagle by binding someone to a wall or a piece of bondage equipment such as a St. Andrew’s Cross.
The Hog Tie is another BDSM position with which you may be familiar. To get into this position, you start on your stomach. Your partner will bind your arms behind your back and also bind your ankles. The ankles and wrists are pulled together, arching your back. This position for BDSM leaves a partner particularly vulnerable, which can be great if you’re a devious dominant.
A Hog Tie can be accomplished via ropework while specific Hog Tie devices make it easier to get someone into this position. However, this position isn’t necessarily for beginners. Hog tying can stretch someone’s limbs in a way that may be uncomfortable or even damage tendons/ligaments if you try to force your body into the position.
Still, you can attempt a looser Hog Tie, which keeps your arms closer to your sides and doesn’t pull your body backward as far. Another variation has the submissive bending at the waist, so they’re not quite lying flat on the bed. This makes it easier to secure wrists to ankles.
This BDSM position gets its name from its appearance. Your feet are spread apart while your hands come together as you stand. To achieve the Eiffel Tower, you’ll need any sort of cuffs for your wrists, and you might also want something to secure those cuffs to, making it easier to keep your arms lifted during the scene. A spreader bar is one way to keep the ankles spread apart. However, you could also tie each ankle separately to a piece of furniture that keeps them separated.
It may be easier to remain in this BDSM position when you’re lying down. You’ll simply spread the ankles or tie them to bed posts while tying the wrists together. You can then secure the wrists to the headboard to keep the arms stretched.
This classic position for BDSM is one where the submissive is tied into a ball. This position mimics the fetal position. Specifically, the legs are bent at the knees, so the thighs are pressed against the chest or breasts, and the heels meet the buttocks. In the Ball Tie position, a person’s arms are bound behind their back.
This is a great position if you’re super submissive.
Some people bind the ankles together while others let them remain apart if it’s more comfortable. Occasionally, bound ankles may be connected to the wrists behind the back with a rope or strap that goes across the butt or even between the butt cheeks.
Someone in the Ball Tie position might lie on their side or on their legs to prevent placing pressure on their arms and shoulders.
An easy alternative to the classic Ball Tie position is to have someone lift their thighs toward their chest and reach down behind their thighs with the hands. You can cuff their hands together behind their knees, which forces their knees to remain pressed to their chest. In this variation, a person can comfortably and safely lie on their back.
You could also tie someone’s wrists in front of their knees, which helps to keep their knees bent and legs in place. This style of the Ball Tie is comfortable for lying on their back or sitting if the submissive’s body allows it.
This BDSM position is pretty easy to get into; although, it can take some time to tie someone into it. As a cocoon, a person is bound from chest to ankles so that their hanging or standing body is in a straight line. You can take stress of their body by allowing them to lie down in mummy position.
Some people prefer to keep the arms held above the head as close together as possible while others keep arms prone at the person’s side and include them in the bondage.
There are a few ways to achieve this type of bondage:
Note that covering someone in plastic can raise the body temperature, so you might want to experiment with simple straps that allow the skin to breathe before you’re a more proficient player. If you do use plastic, ventilation holes and assistance in hydration are a must.
Using straps also has the benefit of leaving more of the body accessible for stimulation. This includes the genitals, butt and chest/breasts.
You might be more familiar with Lotus position as a yoga position than a BDSM position, but it can double as a bondage position if you’re willing to tie. In the Lotus tie, legs are folded with feet toward the crotch like a pretzel. The arms are then bound behind the backs.
Each leg can be tied in two locations: near the knee and the crotch. Occasionally, the ankle is bound to the thigh from the other leg on which it rests. You can arrange the Lotus tie so that the genitals are accessible.
The perfect Lotus tie requires a bit of flexibility, and you may have to account for this when binding your partner. It may not be comfortable for some people to remain in for longer periods of time, either.
The Frog Tie is a BDSM position just for the legs, which can be added to other arm or body bondage. In the Frog Tie, the person kneels, and their calves rest against the back of their thighs. The legs are then bound to keep them in position. A Frog Tie generally keeps the legs separated, which is great for clitoral, vaginal or penile access.
You can go on to bind the submissive’s wrists to the outside of their thighs or even to move them into a position where they are resting on hands or elbows and knees while in the Frog Tie.
If you’re into solo bondage, you can tie yourself into the Frog Tie without help.
Here’s another popular position for BDSM scenes. The Box Tie is simply when the arms are bound behind someone’s back with the elbows bent at 90-degree angles. A box tie can be achieved by cuffing the wrists together or with more intricate ropework. Some people prefer to loop the rope around the submissive’s shoulders as well as their arms/wrists in the box tie.
You can combine the box tie with leg bondage.
Reverse Prayer is another type of arm bondage. Like the Box Tie, Reverse Prayer binds arms behind the back. Except this pose requires the hands to meet with palms together. It’s like praying with the hands in the back instead of the front.
Reverse Prayer does require some flexibility, so this position isn’t for everyone. However, it works well with the Lotus and Frog ties.
You can accomplish chair bondage with novice bondage skills. All you need is a chair, preferably one with straight legs and arm rests around which you can wrap rope. Have your submissive sit down and bind each ankle to opposite chair legs. If you don’t have a chair that works, you can also use a spreader bar.
Then, tie each arm to the top of the arm rest. An armchair doesn’t work well for chair bondage, but you can tie a person’s wrists together behind their backs (over the chair back) if your chair lacks arm rests for bondage purposes.
Tying someone to a chair is perfect for a hands-off lap dance or stripe tease.
In this BDSM position, a person is bent over so their wrists can be secured to their ankles. You can further immobilize the person by tying their knees together and/or by securing the elbows together.
It requires some agility, but you can adjust it so that the wrists connect higher up the legs, such as at the knees, or so that there is enough slack in the rope or strap between the connection points to be comfortable. Someone with large breasts or a round tummy might not find the Jackknife pose to be very comfortable, especially for long periods of time.
One of the perks of the Jackknife is that the submissive’s butt remains open for penetration, spanking or other impact play. The Jackknife also works for suspension if the ankles are connected to a hook and the person is lifted from the floor.
Strappado is a BDSM pose that’s especially striking in photography. In this pose, a submissive’s ankles are tied to anchor points to keep the feet spread. A spreader bar also works.
The arms are pulled straight back behind the submissive and tied at the wrists. That forms a connection point that is secured to a higher point, perhaps on the ceiling. This forces the sub’s upper body to bend at the waist, and they face the floor.
The last item on our list of BDSM positions is one that can become strenuous over time, but it’s relatively easy to get into. In the over-arm tie, your arms are above your head and bent with your hands resting at the back of your head.
An alternative is to tie your wrists together in front of you with your forearms facing up, then pull the rope over and behind your head. Your elbows will bend, and your hands will rest by the nape of your neck.
Typically, a rope connects your wrists to a point at your waist or, if you are kneeling or in Frog Tie, to your ankles behind you.
Over-arm ties pair well with mouth bondage, and you can even use the same piece of rope as a gag and to secure the wrists. Add an over-arm tie into your more complicated body bondage.
]]>“Don’t fall into a routine.” “DON’T fall into a routine!”
It’s something I never stop saying…but it keeps happening to so many couples.
You may even find that you and your man have fallen into a routine when it comes to foreplay.To avoid this, I am giving you 22 powerful foreplay techniques, tips, ideas, and games so that foreplay never becomes routine for you or your man.
I like to call the build up to physical foreplay ‘Mental Foreplay,’ but most people just call it building sexual tension. Sexual tension is where you are teasing and tempting your man of what treats and sexy fun he’s going to enjoy later. There are a number of very easy and quick ways to put this foreplay tip into action.
Start With A Goodbye – The next time you are saying goodbye to your man, tell him that you will have a big surprise for him the next time you see him and say it with a sly grin on your face so he knows it’s something naughty.
You could say this in the morning when he’s leaving for work and then give him ‘the surprise’ later in the evening. Or it could be in a few days time. The key is to keep him wondering, thinking about what’s in store.
Suggestive Dirty Text Messages – When you are not around your man, try sending him some dirty text messages, suggesting what might be happening later. Make sure that you are indirect and even vague with these messages, so it keeps your man thinking, wondering what’s in store for later. Here are a few examples:
Hopefully this gives you an idea of the things you can do to build sexual tension before you even get physical with your man. For more tips on mental foreplay.
Guys are visual.
That’s an obvious statement, but it often needs to be repeated…why do you think pornography is a multi-billion dollar business after all?
With this in mind, what you wear plays a massive role in turning your man on and making him eager for sex.
Your Clothes – I’m not trying to suggest that you go out to Victoria’s Secret and splurge on a whole new wardrobe of lingerie, but what I am suggesting is that you have 1 or 2 things in your closet that you can wear when you really want to turn on your man. Remember, guys get excited by what they see, so use this to your advantage.
Your Hair – As well as dressing sexy, don’t forget about your hair and makeup too. Do you look sexier with your hair down or in a ponytail or in a bun or in a different style altogether? Try experimenting a little bit with what works best for turning your man on.
Your Make Up – Does a certain lipstick make your lips look more enticing or does a particular eye shadow make your eyes glimmer?
This all seems so obvious, right? The thing is that many women don’t see their appearance as a potential foreplay technique when trying to turn their man on.
I know that public play is a foreplay idea that’s not for everyone, but hear me out…
The goal of public foreplay is to turn your man on, it’s not to actually have sex in public or get naked or anything like that. The best part about this foreplay idea is that it’s perfect for building sexual tension!
And sexual tension is what will ultimately make sex a whole lot more fun and for both of you.
Here are a few things that you can do with your man during public foreplay to amp up the sexual tension:
Remember the whole purpose of this foreplay idea is not to actually start having sex in public. It’s to build sexual tension.
This foreplay idea is perfect for those couples who find that their relationship has become a little stale recently and they want to spice things up.
While traditional foreplay involves touching and arousing each other right before having sex, ‘Start at the Bar’ is a simple scenario to make things fun again. You and your man need to arrange a time to meet in a bar. When you arrive, you both need to act like it’s a first date. So he’ll be ordering drinks and flirting with you and trying to get you to go home with him.
He’ll be kissing you, touching you, and reminding you why you got together in the first place.
Of course, this can feel a little silly, but that’s the point. The goal is get yourself loosened up and reminiscing of when you first started dating.
‘Start at the Bar’ definitely isn’t a regular foreplay technique, but it is a bunch of fun if you use it every once in a while.
Sean, I’m a grown woman, I know that I have to touch my man to turn him on! I thought this article was about foreplay tips?
It is about foreplay tips! But how you touch your man plays a crucial role during foreplay. Let me ask you a few questions:
Do you start touching him without provocation or for no reason at all? Or do you wait for him to start touching you first?
Do you rub, massage, caress, grab and hold your man or do you just rest your hands on his back when having sex with him?
These are important questions that you need to ask yourself. Most guys enjoy being with someone who is sometimes an aggressor and sometimes more submissive and receptive to them.
Please, please keep this in mind when you want to initiate foreplay with him or he is initiating it with you. There are so many different ways to touch your man that give him a range of different sensations. Here are just a few ideas to get your brain thinking about how to touch him:
Now have a think about how you like your man to touch and caress you and simply do it back to him. Of course, it’s even hotter when you get touchy with your man while talking dirty to him.
Surprising your man in the shower can make for some really hot foreplay…and sex!
A really simple foreplay game is to be really flirty with him and tease him before you are both about to go to bed together. Then before you do jump into bed, ask your man to have a shower first and tell him that you’ll dry him off afterward.
When your man hops in the shower follow him in a minute later and start washing him. But don’t think about giving him a hand job or blow job while in there. Wait until after the shower! He’ll practically be begging for it.
Pro Tip: Washing his private parts with soap and water will feel extra intense thanks to the texture of the soapy water on his genitals.
Oh, and don’t forget to dry him off afterwards!
If you have read the kissing section, then you will have picked up some great tips on how to passionately kiss your man.
But maybe you don’t have time to read a whole section dedicated to the art of kissing your man. Here are some quick tips to kissing your man passionately.
Tongue & Lips & Teeth – Don’t forget that when you are kissing your man it’s not just about using your lips. You can use your tongue to massage his lips and tongue. Your taste buds also gives him a slightly rougher sensation than your lips so make sure to use your tongue too.
From time to time, you can also use your teeth to gently nibble his lips and tongue. Just remember that you don’t want to bite him, but just squeezing his lips or tongue between your teeth.
Outside His Mouth – There are more great places to kiss your man than on his lips and mouth. Try slowly moving across his face as you kiss him. Move from his lips, across his cheek to his neck and then slowly make your way up his neck to his ear lobes.
Then after kissing him a bit on his ears and ear lobe, move back across his cheek to his mouth. If you want, you can do the same to the other side of his face.
Ok, that’s it for kissing. I further expand on this foreplay tip in the kissing section.
Men love massages just as much as you do. So the next time you and your man have some alone time and are preparing to get a little frisky, why not do something different and start giving him a massage. It’s super easy to pull off:
Starting Off – Just get your man to lie on his stomach and then sit on his bum with a leg on either side of him. With your palms open, gently push them up and down his back, staying to the side of his spine. With all massages, you want to focus on his muscles and NEVER on his joints or bones.
Pro Tip: You’ll find that using a little coconut oil will make your hands glide up and down smoothly.
Change Things Up A Little – You’ll notice that pushing your hands up and down gets repetitive very quickly, so to change it up a little, try clenching your hand to make a fist. Softly drive your fist into the muscles in your man’s back while at the same time, moving it up and down at a speed that is slightly slower than when you were using your palms.
Just remember not to be too severe with your strokes, you want to massage him not hurt him!
The Top Section – After trying out these two different techniques, move your hands towards the upper part of his back, around his shoulders and neck. You’re going to lightly squeeze different parts of his shoulders and neck between your thumb and fingers.
And that’s all there is to giving your man a simple massage when he’s lying down in bed. Don’t forget to alternate between what technique you are using on him so that neither you or your man get bored.
Putting on a self-pleasure show for your man is a powerful foreplay technique because it’s a massive turn on for him AND you are showing him exactly how you like to get touched!
As I keep saying, guys get turned on mostly by what they see.
So why not take advantage of this? Men find it incredibly hot seeing their girl getting off. So the next time you are in bed with him ask him if he’d like you to put on a little show for him. He won’t say no!
There are a number of ways that you can make your ‘self-pleasure’ show hotter:
Putting on a show for your man is a foreplay idea that can be a bit tricky to pull off if you are not already super comfortable around each other. If you are feeling nervous, then try turning the lights down low or even getting a little tipsy first.
This next foreplay idea is very similar to the previous one and is awesome for teaching your man exactly what you need.
Simply put, when you and your man are fooling around, you’re going to show him what kinds of things you enjoy the most. I’m not talking about drawing him detailed pictures on a blackboard or telling him in deep detail what you enjoy.
No way!
Instead, you are going to be taking his hand and guiding it to where you want it. If you want you can also tell him how much pressure to apply and how fast to move.
This way, you can show him how to finger you better, how to rub your clitoris, how to massage your breasts and how to hold your hair or whatever you want to show him.
This foreplay tip takes a little bit of confidence on your part, but the benefits are massive, especially if you praise him while he’s doing it. Soon he will know exactly how to touch you, caress you and please you for maximum satisfaction.
A super pleasurable foreplay technique is to smoothly transition from kissing your man to giving him a blow job.
You can do this by first kissing him on the lips, then slowly moving down from his mouth, kissing his neck, then moving further down by kissing his chest and stomach before reaching his groin. The entire time you are doing this, you’ll be kissing, licking, sucking and gently biting his skin.
You can do this quickly in a matter or seconds, or you can draw it out over a number of minutes, taking your time.
Once you reach his groin, you can softly bite and kiss the inside of his legs before you start giving him oral sex.
This next foreplay game involves a remote controlled egg vibrator. You are going to be wearing it, while your man will be controlling it.
To play ‘Hidden Surprise,’ you need to be in a restaurant or mall together, but if you prefer, you can play this game in your house/apartment too. Your man’s goal is to give you as many orgasms as possible and to make it visible to others that you are having an orgasm, while your goal is to be as discreet as possible and to try to conceal the fact that you are wearing a vibrator.
This game can be fun if both you and your man enjoy public play. And don’t worry too much about winning or losing. You are both winners just for playing!
Note: This foreplay technique does not necessarily mean whips and chains!
When I talk about dominance and submission, I’m actually talking about how you act in bed with your man.
Too often people fall into a routine. Falling into a routine can be a good thing for a job or for keeping a regular savings account.
However, it’s poison for your relationship and sex life if it becomes routine.
Alternating between dominance and submission is an excellent way to avoid this.
Remember I said dominance and submission doesn’t have to involve whips and chains. What I am talking about is much more subtle. Here’re some things you can do to become either more dominant or submissive:
Have you ever play fought with your man? It’s hot, right?
That’s the idea behind this next foreplay technique. You are going to be play fighting with your man, wrestling with him, struggling to pin him down and make him submit.
The goal here isn’t to win or lose, but simply to get physical with your man, which naturally lends itself to being a very arousing foreplay technique.
So, the next time you are both standing up beside a sofa or even your bed, playfully push him down and then straddle him. Look him in the eye, smile slyly and then gently push him down. When you do then straddle him, put your hands on his cheeks or neck and start kissing him. He will turn to butter!
Here are some more ideas you can use to wrestle your man.
I think these examples give you a good idea of what you can do to wrestle with your man. Just remember, the goal of this foreplay idea is to get physical and have fun with him.
Hot & Cold is a simple, fun foreplay game to play with your man. This is because it will teach both you and your man what areas of your body are most pleasurable. To play it, you first need to choose a part of your body that your man needs to find (say your clitoris). But, don’t tell him what body part you’ve chosen!
Next, he needs to find it by slowly kissing you across your body, while you instruct him by saying either “Hot” or “Cold” depending on how close he is your chosen body part or erogenous zone. The key here is to only say “Hot” or “Cold” a few times so that he really has to work hard trying to find where the spot is. Don’t say it too often either, so he must take his time.
Then after he finds the spot, he needs to spend a full minute kissing, licking and nibbling on it before you swap roles, so that you are now the one doing the kissing and sucking. The whole idea is to only choose spots on your body that are really sensitive and get you off, whether it’s your feet, lips, neck or ears.
Sex dice are a classic foreplay game. They come in a pair, one with actions printed on each side, the other with body parts printed on each side. So when you roll them both, you should get a results like:
Ideally you should buy a pair of purpose made sex dice and take turns throwing them for each other. So when you throw them, your man must follow the instructions they give.
Alternatively, you can use two regular dice and make your own custom sex dice foreplay game. You then need to make a list of six actions. Here’s 6 example actions, but feel free to choose your own:
You also need to make a list of your six favorite body parts. Here’s 6 examples:
When you roll both dice together, you’ll be told what to do, for example: lick his lips, fondle her genitals, kiss her back, rub his bum, etc. The aim of this foreplay game is to take turns at rolling the dice and do what they say.
This is another slightly silly foreplay game to play with your man, so my advice is to have a few drinks as you play it and don’t take it too seriously.
The Foreplay List is an enjoyable foreplay game that requires a bit of preparation, so if you prefer spontaneous sex, then this may not be for you. Here’s how to play it:
1) Both you and your man need to make a list with the same number of items. Each item must include some type of foreplay that you want to try with each other. It could be a fetish of yours, something romantic, a new technique or even something that you’ve never discussed before.
2) You then need to help your man to complete his list of wants and desires. Meanwhile he should be helping you to finish yours.
3) The person who completes their list first is the ‘winner’ and needs to do something nice for the ‘loser,’ like taking them out on a date, cooking them their favorite meal or just taking them to the movies.
Here are a few examples to give you an idea of what to add to your Foreplay List:
Of course, the Foreplay list can be expanded to become a Sex List too if you want.
This foreplay game requires a countdown timer on your watch or phone.
You are going to be setting a countdown where neither you or your man can touch each other’s genitals. You can do absolutely anything else you like, but you absolutely cannot give him a hand job/blow job, and he can’t finger you/rub your clit either. This also rules out sex.
The purpose of The Countdown is to teach you how to please each other in more indirect ways. Here are a few examples:
While this can be fun for few minutes, setting the timer to three hours or more is the perfect way to build some intense sexual tension and anticipation before you get down to the deed itself.
If you want to try a foreplay idea that is 100% guaranteed to turn your man on, then you may be keen to try watching some porn with him. This isn’t for everybody, but…
It’s a wonderful way to demonstrate to your man that you are serious about satisfying his needs. When he sees this, then he is going to be a lot more likely to reciprocate.
It’s also an easy way to explore and get new ideas with your man, even if most porn happens to be completely unrealistic.
Watching porn with your man is very easy. It’s a simple case of lying in bed with him and asking him if he wants to watch some porn on your laptop/phone. Unless your man is collapsing with exhaustion, then he will definitely say yes.
Of course, if you’re not a big fan of pornography then feel free to skip over this idea.
Two foreplay techniques that will have your man groaning in deep, satisfying pleasure are hand jobs and blow jobs.
Giving your man a hand job is a tried and true foreplay technique the will put a smile on his face. And if you can do it just right, then it can feel almost as good as sex for him.
Moving from giving your man a hand job to giving him a blow job is seamless. In fact you’ll find that it’s quite easy to keep giving the lower part of his cock a hand job with your hands, while putting your mouth over the top of his penis to suck him off.
If you use any of the foreplay techniques above, you will have one very happy man…a guy who can barely contain himself!
But if you keep on using the same foreplay technique over and over again without variation, then your man is going to get bored.
It’s just a fact of life. Humans crave variety. Hence the phrase, “Variety is the spice of life.”
You, your man and everyone else on this planet gets incredibly bored very quickly when you do the same thing day in, day out. I really can’t stress this enough. Variation is crucial.
So make sure that you vary what foreplay techniques you use. This way, your man never knows what to expect next from you. The same is true when giving him a blow job when you’re talking dirty or having sex.
I’m always shocked at some of the emails I get. I repeatedly get asked to decode what a man wants in the bedroom. Now, I’d love to give you a simple black and white answer, but the truth is that every man (and woman) is different.
Some want to simply snuggle a little before sex while others would prefer you to be aggressive and the initiator. Some guys may even have a kink that they’ve never told anyone that deeply arouses them.
Your man may want to dominate you or perhaps he wants to be submissive to you.
The only way to find out what types of foreplay (and sex) that your man enjoys is to talk to him and find out for yourself.
And it’s just as important that he learns what you need to get aroused and in the mood. So, if you find that any of these foreplay tips and techniques aren’t having the intended effect, then talk to your man to discover what he enjoys and let him know what you like too.
]]>Keep reading for some great drinking game ideas!
This classic drinking game goes by several similar names, and while it’s fun at a party and forces your friends to spill their secrets and get drunk, it’s an even better drinking game for couples! I Never has a simple setup. One person lists something they’ve never done. If the other person has done it, they take a drink or shot. Switch turns with your partner and keep it going. You can always up the ante. For instance, if one of you has never had sex in public, well, maybe that’s something you can remedy while playing this game.
Because it’s just the two of you drinking, you might want to take smaller drinks or mix up a weak cocktail. Unless you’re aiming to get drunk, pace yourself. Of course, drunken sex might be something you finish the game with if you’ve never done it before.
Instead of just talking about what you have done like in the previous drinking game for couples, consider Truth or Dare with this twist! You know the rules:
But add “Drink,” which will allow you to skip telling the embarrassing truth or doing a dare that you’ll never be able to live down. If you drink enough, you might just become more daring as the drinking game goes on!
We’ve all played this drinking game in college or at a house party. It can be fun, and playing with other members on your team helps you to beat your opponents. But all you really need is two people, a pong ball and some plastic cups to set up a little tournament with your man! According to traditional rules, you get to toss a ball from one end of a table with the intent of landing it in a cup filled with alcohol, which your partner will then have to drink. The person whose cups empty first is the loser.
You can change up these classic rules by allowing a bounce on the table. And if you’re worried about germs – because your ball can become quite grubby during play! – simply fill your cups with water and take a drink or shot from a more hygienic container when it’s your turn. Or, you can write down dares under each cup. Instead of drinking, you’ll have to perform a dare when your man makes a good toss.
Pong can also be turned into a strip game.
Do you wanna get your man out of his clothes? Then any drinking game with “strip” in the title is your friend! This classic game doesn’t typically involve alcohol, but it can quickly become a drinking game. Simply swap out removing a piece of clothing when you lose a hand with taking a shot. This is great if you’re a little shy about taking off your clothes; although, you might not be for long!
It helps to make sure you know how to play poker, of course, and that you’re playing a version you can excel at. You can brush up those poker skills by playing a game on your computer before the big date!
There’s something about dice that make bedroom activities so much more fun, and it’s no exception when you use them to develop a drinking game! You can use a set of sex dice if you happen to have those lying around, but you don’t need to. A pair of regular dice will do just fine. For each number from 1 to 12, you’ll assign a task that’s sexy or involves drinking. Here are a few examples.
You can also switch it up so that one die represents actions but the sides of the other dice correspond to body parts, so you might wind up licking, sucking, biting, kissing or caressing your man’s mouth, fingers, genitals, chest or stomach.
We’ve all played this card game when we were kids, and it’s even possibly ruined some friendships in the past. There are so many ways you can incorporate drinking game rules into this. For example, you can take a shot when you don’t have the right color, or take two shots whenever someone plays a “Draw Two” card. Don’t worry if you don’t have the actual deck. A regular deck of cards, perhaps the same one you use for poker, can easily be used for Crazy Eights, which is essentially Uno without all the extra cards.
Is there a show or movie that both of you love? Can you turn it into a drinking games for the two of you? Of course you can! All you need is your drinks or some shot glasses, plenty of alcohol and a little free time. Pick something to watch and make sure your man is drinking every time you do. When you drink will depend upon what you’re watching. There is plenty of inspiration found online as other people have already come up with great drinking game concepts. You can be creative and devise one yourself. For example:
Hell, you can even turn your favorite sports game or match into a drinking game as long as you understand how it works. It may even be funnier if your man doesn’t understand what’s on the screen.
Whatever your favorite TV show, we can just about guarantee that drinking game rules exist. Or you could pick something terrible and drink until it becomes tolerable!
The last drinking game we think you ought to try involves your favorite video game. What better way to bond and have fun with your man? It’s probably best to choose something that you both like and are reasonably good at. A fighting game is great, for instance. Whether you opt for Mortal Kombat or Super Smash Bros, you or your man will have to drink at every KO. Or try drinking every time you attract the attention of the cops in Grand Theft Auto. You know how often Sackboy dies in Little Big Planet? Drink each and every time!
It won’t take long for you to get drunk when you play some of these games. There’s never been more motivation to improve your game unless, of course, you lose just to drink!
Looking for a game that will definitely lead to sex? This post has plenty of ideas!
It goes without saying that you should play these drinking games smartly. Don’t drink and drive. Play at home. Don’t overdrink. Take time to hydrate or eat and slow down before you get sick. Throwing up all over because you can’t handle your liquor definitely isn’t sexy, which negates the point of playing any drinking games for couples.
Each of these drinking games for couples offers the chance to relax and have fun. Some of them test your physical skills, which can make you laugh as drinking deteriorates your dexterity and coordination. Adding alcohol to a date can help you loosen up and get over some inhibitions, especially if you have a hard time talking to a new guy in your life. Plus, many of these games can involve friends, who can set you up to look great and win!
Of course, you can consider these date ideas instead of drinking games if you’re a recovering alcoholic, pregnant or simply trying to save a little money. Drinking can become quite expensive when done on the regular. But for a special night or just to reconnect with your man when you’re stuck inside on a rainy day, you can’t go wrong with these drinking games!
]]>While many women are quick to reach for a sex toy to stimulate their clitoris or vagina or just play around with regular clitoral/vaginal masturbation, they might find the thought of anal masturbation to be taboo.
While the exploration of anal play comes naturally to others, you may have to work yourself up to the idea, perhaps at the insistence of your partner. However, you may experience more intense orgasms if you learn how to masturbate anally in a way that works with your body.
As a woman, you might wonder whether or even how you could enjoy anal play, especially because you don’t have a prostate like a man. However, many women do enjoy incorporating butt play into their masturbation sessions, and a few of them can even orgasm this way. Although you might not achieve anal orgasm, it can still feel fantastic to insert items or even stimulate around the entrance of your anus, also known as your bud.
Curiosity has paved the way for all sorts of sexual exploration, and anal play is no exception. Be sure to look for a comfortable position if you’re pregnant as you might be more uncomfortable than usual.
For some people, the taboo alone is an intense turn on while others enjoy feeling stretched to the limit. Additionally engaging in anal masturbation and exploring back there can help prepare you for more enjoyable, pain-free anal sex with a partner. Some BDSM couples also use anal play in the form of butt plugs as a method of erotic control!
Nerve endings can make masturbation and other activities feel great.
And there’s no risk of becoming pregnant from anal masturbation like that is with vaginal sex.
Now if you start searching for toys to help you masturbate anally, then you may be wondering…
Your local sex shop or trusted online retailer will have plenty of options when it comes to things you can use internally for anal play. Here’s a short list:
Size, color, shape and purpose of anal toys can vary. For example, some butt plugs are outfitted with pretty gems at the base or flowing, furry tails that are tons of fun. Some toys are shaped like tongues to mimic rim jobs.
You can gradually increase size if you’d like. This is known as anal training.
Of course, you can always use your fingers to stimulate your butt if that feels good to you. In fact, this is probably the best option to try first, before you start shelling out for sex toys.
Anal masturbation doesn’t necessarily have to include penetration, which is what many people think of when the concept comes to mind. While there are plenty of insertables, you don’t have to use a toy. Plus, you don’t have to insert anything at all. Using a vibrator or your finger on and around the opening to your anus might be enough to send shivers down your spine!
Just remember: The small vibrators you might use externally should never be inserted, as you’ll find out later.
Even if you’re interested in butt play, you might be worried that it will be too messy. You can minimize the potential of any messy situations by preparing properly first.
Generally, all you need to do is ensure a bowel movement earlier in the day. Clean thoroughly with wet wipes or a shower. If you want to be especially thorough, a small anal douche can rinse out the canal of any matter that might be remaining.
Important: Stay away from anal play if you feel constipated or ill because that could lead to some unsightly and embarrassing situations.
It’s important that any item you insert is free of ridges or sharp edges, and this includes fingernails. Cutting and filing them so they remain short is important. Sharp nails can cause tears in your anal lining, and the bacteria can lead to infection. Furthermore, that bacteria could get trapped under your fingernails.
Finally, use lube, more lube and even more lube. Butts aren’t capable of self-lubricating like the vagina. A thick lube like can seriously ease insertion. A slick lubricant made of silicone may be longer lasting than water-based lubes, however. Just make sure that you don’t use so much that you lose your grip on your toy, however. Apply a generous amount and keep the bottle within reach if you need to reapply.
Before you get down and dirty, make sure you’re relaxed. Set the mood with lighting, candles or music. Explore your body with your hands. Masturbate as you would normally, perhaps bringing yourself to orgasm to fully relax your muscles. As you’re first inserting, you might clench. Relaxing your throat can have the same effect on your butthole. Pushing slightly expands the row of sphincter muscles, which can make insertion easier.
Smooth materials will be easier to insert, while those with ridges of a velvety finishing might cause drag, requiring more lube. You can warm a toy by placing it in a bowl of warm water or wrapping it with a warm cloth before insertion, which may help your anus remain relaxed enough to continue. Cold toys can be a bit of a shock to the body…which is exactly what we don’t want.
There’s no right or wrong way to masturbate anally, everyone has their own preferences.
Safety is especially important when it comes to anal masturbation – and any partner play with your back door. Here are the most important facts to remember:
You’ll find many anal numbing creams on the market. However, pain or discomfort is your body’s alert that something is wrong. If you’re experiencing pain, especially extreme amounts of pain, when inserting anything into your butt, you should slow down and use more lube. Proper relaxation and an orgasm or two before trying out anal toys can make a world of difference.
You should never use any toy anally that could be sucked further into your rectum, potentially causing irreparable farm.
Sex toys that are safe for anal exploration will have a flare or flanged base. Dildos intended for use with harnesses are perfect for this! Straight, slim vibrators are out, for example. You could also use an anal toy with a loop or handle at the end, which ensures you can keep a grasp on it, even during vigorous play.
Aneros is a company that specializes in anal toys for men; although you might enjoy them, too. Their designs include handles on either side that both stimulate your perineum while making them safe for anal insertion.
Read: Is Anal Sex Safe? Here’s What You Need To Know
Finally, the material also poses an important safety concern when exploring anal stimulation. You should never insert any toy vaginally after using it anally without sterilization because the bacteria can cause an infection. Some materials are impossible to sterilize, however, and should be used only anally and never shared with partners – if at all. These materials include:
The tiny holes in these materials can trap bacteria, and this bacteria will re-enter your body every time you use it. Plus, jelly materials rely on chemical softeners that can leach out over time. However, there are a number of body-safe materials to use when it comes to anal play, including silicone, glass, plastic, stainless steel, treated wood, and ceramic.
Even if you find an amazing, luxury anal sex toy, you might not like the sensation, and that’s fine. You might also find that the current state of your GI tract, levels of stress and even where you’re at in your menstrual cycle make anal play more or less enjoyable at other times. However, you might find that anal play is a pleasurable activity that you like to add to your masturbation routine from time to time.
]]>Whether you’ve dabbled in BDSM before or you’re new to it if you want to learn more — BDSM games are a great way to turn the electricity up to “10” and create memories in the bedroom you won’t soon forget!
BDSM games serve a variety of goals. They might help you connect with your partner, blow off steam, try a new toy, train your submissive if you’re into strict BDSM or simply to keep things fun if they’ve become a little stale over the years.
You might also like these games if you’re especially dominant or submissive.
Sex toys are great on your own and in regular sex, but when you add the element of power play to your powered toy, they become something else entirely. In this game, the dominant partner retains control of a remote control-powered toy. There are a few options from Lelo and also vibrating panties with remotes that will do the trick.
The two of you head to a public place such as a restaurant or movie theater with your secret kept hidden. If your partner has control of the remote, he gets to turn it — and you — on whenever he pleases. He controls the mode and strength. As the game starts out, it’s your duty not to show any sign that you’re being stimulated, and you’ll have to keep up the poker face and straight posture as he increases the intensity and you grow closer to orgasm. Of course, you can’t orgasm whenever you’d like; that’s his prerogative, too. This is a great way to incorporate edging into your sex life!
If you’re good enough, he might decide you get to orgasm. If you cum without permission, he may apply a swift punishment when you get to a more private place — how about a spanking? Or if he’s really evil, he won’t let you have dessert!
Wanna mix it up? Swap the remote with friends or other BDSM players who want to have fun teasing, even — or especially – if they don’t know how to use the toy.
The shock of cold ice causes nipples to spring to life, penises to shrink back toward the body and provide a fun place for penguins to play. While you might not naturally live in the Antarctic, you can have fun with ice, too. There are a number of ways to incorporate ice into the bedroom and BDSM games, in particular.
A great way to make an impact — pun intended! — when meting out discipline is to make your submissive count the blows. Whether you’re spanking, caning, whipping or flogging your husband make him keep count. This is beneficial to anyone who really dislikes impact play because they’ll know there’s a set number of blows, say 15 or 20, coming. If your partner loses composure and stops counting, especially if it’s because they’re enjoying it too much, you have to start over. Eventually, you’ll get to the end, and your partner’s backside will glow a lovely shade of red!
Assigning tasks is a common BDSM game when it comes to training submissive in the BDSM lifestyle. But you and your partner can enjoy this theme even if you’re not a 24/7 lifestyler! There are multiple ways you can assign tasks for your submissive.
A dominant who wants to be especially devious can try to distract the submissive while he or she tries to beat the clock. For instance, turning on porn or masturbating is usually a distraction to even the most diligent pet. Counting down the time can make your sub frazzled and make a mistake, or you could even follow him around the room tapping a crop against the side of your leg to cause his adrenaline to spike.
Following the rules can be hard for any sub, which is why drawing a punishment card is so tantalizing. If you’re playing sub and have broken a rule or otherwise been naughty, drawing from a deck of punishment cards to choose your own punishment at random will make you think twice about being so disobedient again!
The cards can simply contain the name of a type of punishment, or the sub could be forced to create them with drawings as extra motivation! This can become a fun BDSM game if the submissive is required to create a certain amount of new punishments every day. In fact, some of the cards might say to draw another two cards, which makes this BDSM game different every time you play. Finally, creating a similar reward deck for every time the submissive does a good job creates the perfect balance.
You can combine BDSM, stranger sex, dressing sexy, and role play for an amazing night or weekend. This BDSM game requires a little more thought and setup to go smoothly, but it’s often well worth it!
You and your partner can agree to meet in a public place, but you’ll arrive separately — as strangers. One of you will approach in an attempt to hit on the other. If you decide the submissive must make the approach, then you’ll have to do it again and again until you get it right. Getting it right can mean acquiring a phone number or, even more racy, heading to a hotel room with this newly met “stranger.”
During your game, the dominant can order drinks, instruct body language, make the submissive dance or even sing karaoke and otherwise perform actions that might be a little out of the ordinary for you. It’s a fun way to get out of your comfort zone, and it’s ultra-thrilling against the backdrop of stranger role play.
BDSM games can especially be fun when the person in control gives instructions that ensures failure. And when a submissive purposely disregards instructions or doesn’t pay attention to details to earn a spanking, she might secretly feel glee at being on the receiving end of her favorite punishment. Of course, you and your partner know each other best, so you’ll be able to adapt a BDSM game to be as difficult or easy as you’d like.
]]>If you’re like most people in a long-term relationship, you probably have a lot of sex in your bedroom. Sex might not be bad, but it might be pretty routine and lack that special something (sexual chemistry, anyone?). If you have kids or roommates, you may have to keep to this routine whether or not it’s working for you. Or do you?
Why not consider sex in a hotel room? Hotel sex can be sexually liberating and may even kick start your sex life once more! If it’s a fantasy of yours, check it off your list. You might be able to achieve some other common fantasies while you’re checked into a hotel room.
Just why do people seem to love hotel sex so much? Here are a few of the positives of a little nookie in a rented room:
There are some drawbacks to having sex in a hotel room, of course.
You know the cons of hotel sex, but you still want to check hotel sex off your sexual bucket list? Awesome! Here are some tips to ensure you and your man have a good time, especially if you want to make sex in a hotel into a common occurance.
While the advice in this post has focused on how you can have hot hotel sex, we would be remiss if we didn’t offer a bit of advice about how to be a good guest in addition to the hotel sex tips below. You can experience a ton of pleasure without being selfish and making another person’s life harder and creating an extra mess.
First, make sure to bring cash to tip the housekeeper — between $2 and $5 per night depending on how nice the hotel is. You might also need cash for a shuttle or someone who takes care of your luggage. Not only does this put you in the staff’s good graces, but it prevents you from losing a deposit or even being banned.
Secondly, avoid undue damage to the room of facilities. Make sure to clean up any lube that spills and toss the condoms in the trash can – not the toilet! Don’t get condoms stuck in shower or pool drains. Don’t use shower fixtures to support your weight when trying hotel sex positions. They’re not meant to take your body weight and can break, leaving you injured and with a big bill. However, you can purchase suction cup handles and footrests if you want to get down in the shower.
Speaking of condoms, clean up anything that’s touched bodily fluids, so the staff won’t have to touch it. Wrap used condoms or dental dams in tissue before placing them in the trash so that they won’t get stuck. Wrapping in a plastic bag is another option. If you’re not going to take sex toys with you, wash them and place them in the trash, preferably wrapped up.
Furthermore, put up that Do Not Disturb sign so that no one walks in on you!
Finally, you can be especially courteous by collecting towels and linens in a single location, such as in the tub, and emptying all trash cans into one can.
…many of whom might be there with family. So try to keep noise to a minimum. Why not try a ball gag if you’re into bondage? Or you can make it a game that your man must be good by being as quiet as possible no matter how much you please or torture him.
Avoid events such as conventions that can flood a hotel with guests — sometimes thousands at a time! — and ruin the ambiance when booking. Ask for a secluded room if you want extra privacy. Once at the hotel, pay attention to when people leave. Many people leave their hotel room in the morning and return at night only to sleep, so you may actually have more privacy during the waking hours!
Since you won’t be at home, you’ll need to bring everything with you. What does that include?
You might not need everything on this list for your foray into hotel sex, but make sure you don’t forget anything! Nothing’s more of a downer than being ready to go and realizing you’ve forgotten condoms, and the local gas station only carries that kind. You definitely don’t want to take a risk like that with your sex life. If hotel sex is part of a vacation for you, then you’ll want to pack all those goodies just like you would that extra pair of socks!
Just remember to pack everything back up with you. You don’t want some poor staff member to discover your dildo or to have to call the front desk when you realize you’ve left an expensive vibrator behind. So this means you might leave the big bondage gear at home while taking only a few ties to make some hotel sex positions possible.
Reading reviews is a great way to determine that a hotel is clean or to see what kind of issues it has had with cleanliness and potential pests (bed bugs, etc.).
Here’s a tip for hotel sex: if you’re worried about the cleanliness of the room, you can pull back the bed cover to look for signs of bugs or lack of cleaning. Better yet, remove the cover from bed and ask for a spare blanket, which has most likely been laundered more frequently than the bed cover.
Use a hard-sided bag to keep pests out of your luggage, and keep it off the floor with a luggage rack. Keep everything sealed in plastic bags.
If you bring your own pillow, use a plastic pillow protector.
Consider a hotel where you can rent by the hour, especially if you don’t intend to stay the whole night, anyway. For some people, it might be nice to enjoy the pool or continental breakfast, but if this is all about sex for you, there’s no reason to spend more time or money than you wish. Of course, this isn’t what you’re looking for when you have sex on vacation, but if you’re just sneaking out for a night with your man, it can save some cash!
This hotel sex idea will make your night or weekend of hotel sex memorable. Instead of hopping in the car with your man, show up separately. It makes things extra thrilling! Perhaps you’ll be waiting in the room in your finest lingerie when he shows up, or he’ll have planned a romantic evening. There’s just something about not coming home to your same bed in your same bedroom that’s exciting! That’s not the only reason you should take different cars, either.
We already mentioned how you can meet up with your man in the hotel bar and pretend to be strangers. Dress to the nines (tip for dressing sexy) and remind your man how lucky he is to have you. This gives you the chance to flirt (brush up on your flirting techniques) like you’re not dating or married, which might just send a shiver of thrill down your spine. Then, one of you can invite the other back to your room or, if you know it’ll work out, you can “spontaneously” decide to rent a hotel room and go at it like rabbits.
If you’re checking into a nicer hotel, see if you can get a couple’s package for your suite. These typically include champagne and services, such as a couple’s massage. They’re readily available on Valentine’s Day, but you might also be able to schedule one for your anniversary or just because!
It’s hard to let go and enjoy yourself if you’re worried about the kids, so make sure you plan ahead and have a trustworthy babysitter or family member who can watch them.
Just spending time in a hotel room that’s clean and quiet can be a nice change of pace. However, upgrading your room to one with a hot tub or even to a suite can make you feel like you’re in the lap of luxury. Plus, those rooms may come with special perks!
It might not be something you can afford all the time, but this hotel sex tip is worth considering if you really want to break out of your routine.
While this hotel sex idea won’t work in every room, consider hotel sex positions where you’ll be in front of the open or sheer curtains as long as your room isn’t on a lower floor or facing a public area such as the parking lot or courtyard.
We would hope that most people who go to a hotel for sex are actually paying attention to their partners, but with smartphones, WiFi, and TV, we can’t be sure. So make sure to turn off or put your phone away when you should be talking or making love with your man. There might be times such as when he’s in the shower when you can catch up with your emails, or you both might agree to check your phone for five minutes, but there’s nothing worse than trying to talk to someone who is ignoring you for their screen.
If you have trouble staying at the moment, you might enjoy mindfulness. Mindfulness can improve lubrication [3 p 111], sexual desire, [4], sexual function [5, 6]. and satisfaction [7, 8, 9].
There’s something to be said for staying in your room and ordering room service or delivery. You can enjoy hotel robes — or bring your own. Lounge in bed with your lover before taking a long, hot shower together.
Of course, you can always show up together after a delicious meal or show. Make hotel room sex part of your date night.
While going to a hotel and staying in the room or renting a hotel for just an hour can be amazing, you might feel more like you’re on vacation if you bring clothes for a night on the town and make a whole date of it. Reconnecting with your man may make you feel more like having sex once you return to your room. Plus hotel shuttles or on-site restaurants/bars means no one needs to stay sober for the drive home.
While having sex in a hotel can be great, it may not always be feasible for financial or other reasons. Consider these alternatives instead.
And if you crave novelty but can’t get it in other ways, even just trying new sex positions can be novel [10].
Even if you only get to have sex on vacation in a hotel once or twice a year, you can make the memories of a lifetime.
]]>We’ve previously talked about the definition of kinky and what makes a fetish. Now, it’s time to list all those kinks in one place. It’s unlikely that you’ve heard of every fetish or kink on this list of kinks; although, we’d be willing you have – or have at least thought about – a few of them! Some of them are fairly common, after all.
Wondering what a fetish is exactly?
Abasiophilia: attraction to people in neck braces, wheelchairs, casts, or other devices that impair mobility that was documented for the first time as occurring in a woman in the late 80s [1]. It may be part of a medical fetish or enjoyed because it restricts movement.
Abduction as seduction: a kink where the abductor/kidnapper treats the victim in a loving manner (can be related to gentle femdom).
Abrasions: people who enjoy this fetish like giving or receiving cuts and scrapes.
Acarophilia: arousal from scratching. Scratching is often an element incorporated into rough sex.
Accidental stimulation: refers to accidental physical stimulation and situations that arouse adrenaline and cause arousal.
Acrotomophilia: fetish for amputees [2]. Fetishists may prefer a specific type of amputee (arm, leg, etc). A person with a fetish for being an amputee has apotemnophilia. There may be overlap with morphophilia.
Actirasty: arousal by the rays of the sun. This may be enjoyed through sex outside.
Agalmatophilia: a person with this fetish is aroused by statues, mannequins or other figurative representations. This may be related to Pygmalionism, an attraction to items of one’s own creation.
Age play: role play in which one or both partners pretends to be a different age/stage. Types of age play include infantilism, Daddy/daughter play, and diaper play, among others. Some kinksters differentiate between DD/lg and age play.
Agoraphilia: fetish dedicated to sex in public places. Here are the 48 best places to have sex if you have this fetish.
Aliens: kinksters fetishize about having sex with aliens, often in an abduction and forced scenario.
Altocalciphilia: a fetish for high heels, usually worn by women but not always.
Amazons and authoritarians: fetish dedicated to physically strong women like Amazons, women with strong personalities, or women in positions of authority.
Amaurophilia: kink for being unable to see, blinded or blindfolded during sex.
Anal penetration: a fetish for anal penetration with foreign objects (not sex toys or penises). Inserting objects that are not designed for anal safety (porous, without a flared base, with sharp edges) can cause damage.
Anal sex: both giving and receiving anal sex can be a kink or fetish. Giving to a male with a strap-on is also known as pegging.
Anal toys worn under clothing: a fetish for using/wearing anal toys such as using butt plugs during the day and not just during sex activity. It may be a command of a submissive by a dominant, part of anal training to take bigger items or penises and/or as part of foreplay.
Anal training: the practice of preparing one’s anus for inserting large items.
Anasteemaphilia: a fetish for people over extreme sizes, ie a giant or a dwarf. It can be used to refer to attraction to partners of differing heights even if those people aren’t especially gigantic or tiny.
Anonymous sex: a kink revolving around anonymous sexual encounters where one or both parties is unaware of the other’s identity. Gloryholes are a common form of anonymous sex but they are not the only form.
Aquaphilia: fetish for water and having sex in or around water. This can extend to a fetish for swimwear or posing in water even if it doesn’t involve sexual activity.
Asphyxiation: a highly danerous kink dedicated to choking, smothering and strangulation. Autoerotic asphyxiation is self-choking. To be clear, asphyxiation is very dangerous and has led to injuries and deaths [3] [4] [5] [6]. See also breath play. BDSM author talks in depth about the subject.
Autogynephilia: a kink where men present/dress as women (gynemimetophilia refers to men impersonating women). Autoandrophilia is arousal at the idea of being a man.
Note that this term was coined as an improvement on cross-dressing kink and has been used to describe transgendered individuals and has been used as an argument that trans people are mentally ill. Many prefer not to use this term, which is often transphobic. However, some people may have a fetish for crossdressing or becoming another gender that does not relate to their gender identity.
Autofellatio: a kink where a man performs a blowjob on himself.
Autoplushophilia: a type of plushophilia where a person is aroused by the idea being a stuffed animal, especially a cartoonish one [7].
Barebacking: sex without a condom. Barebacking is especially common in the gay community, but this act can be dangerous and lead to STI transmission or pregnancy.
Bathroom control: when the dominant person controls when, how and where the submissive can urinate or defecate. Extreme bathroom control can be dangerous.
Begging: kink for begging and pleading (to have sex, for release/orgasm, to perform an act, etc.). Begging is submissive in nature.
Belonephilia: affinity to pins, needles and sharp objects. Belonephilia can be quite dangerous. See also knife play.
Bestiality: sex with animals.
Bimbofication: The process of making someone into a bimbo or being turned into a bimbo themselves. This might be a fun “punishment” for a bratty sub.
Blindfolds: a type of bondage that blocks a person’s vision. See also amaurophilia.
Body Inflation: The practice of inflating or pretending to inflate a part of one’s body, often for sexual gratification.
Bondage: restraint of a person, either by physical item (cuffs, rope, etc.) or instruction (known as mental bondage). Restraint can be full-body (vacuum beds, suspension) or involve a single body part such as the eyes (blindfold), mouth (ball gag), wrists or even thumbs. Bondage may include furniture like sex swings and devices like handcuffs. Reddit has a number of subreddits dedicated to the subject.
Body modification: kink for a variety of body modifications. This may mean anything that changes the appearance of a body from tattoos to piercings to saline injections, but this kink may also only refer to specific body mods such as lip sewing.
Branding: marking someone with a symbol, word, etc. Typically uses a heated object (such as a metal hanger) to produce the brand. Branding is dangerous.
Breath play: choking and limiting breath. Being aroused by this is known as hypoxyphilia This kink is a type of edge play that is dangerous.
Breast/nipple torture: the breast equivalent of CBT. Torture may include hitting, pinching, bondage, and other methods of inflicting pain onto breasts.
Breast/nipple worship: the act of worshipshipping someone’s breasts or nipples.
Check out – How to make a man cry in bed.
Caning: the act of hitting someone with a rod known as caning. Fleshy areas such as the back of the thighs and butt are advised, but some people enjoy caning the bottoms of feet. Canes are traditionally made from wood, but modern canes may be made from plastic, metal or other semi-flexible materials. Caning is a form of impact play that is more extreme than typical flogging and may be dangerous if done improperly. Sadists are usually the most common type of dom that enjoy caning their sub.
Castration: An extreme fetish involving removal of all or part of a man’s genitals. Actual castration is incredibly dangerous. Most kinksters obsess over it without actually going through with it. This kink goes hand in hand with emasculation fetishes as well as the ball busting, in which a man’s balls are crushed.
CBT: Cock and ball torture (CBT) is pain applied to a man’s genitals. It may be a form of punishment. CBT can involve shoes, sounding, stretching, impact implements and other tools. CBT can be dangerous.
Chasmophilia: aroused by crevices, caverns, or valleys.
Chastity: a fetish where someone’s access to their genitals is blocked. Women wear chastity belts, and men wear cock cages that prevent erection and release. Also known as forced abstinence or forced celibacy. Chastity can be used as a form of self-denial or orgasm control, including ruined orgasms. Learn more about ruining an orgasm.
Choking: blood choking is the act of choking someone until they pass out. It is incredibly dangerous and can lead to brain damage. Choking is a type of edge play:
Claustrophilia: this fetish is the opposite of claustrophobia. A person becomes aroused or experiences orgasm through confinement to small spaces. This is a type of bondage. Discover more here.
Clothed sex (endytophilia): the affinity for sex while fully or partially clothed. You can enjoy this kink while lifting your skirt or dress, so your man penetrates you. Pushing underwear to the side can also be a form of this fetish.
Cock and/or ball fetishization: an obsession with cock and balls.
Cock worship: similar to breast worship. This fetish involves verbal, physical and mental adoration of a penis – including fake ones (strap-ons).
Collaring: for many types of submissive, the act of wearing a collar shows submission, loyalty and/or devotion to a dominant. A collar may be seen as purely sexual or also romantic (similar to an engagement/wedding ring). Collars may be placed on in public or private collaring ceremonies, and dominants may provide instructions for wearing collars. The collar may be an actual collar purchased from a pet store, one that is hand-tooled or a safe-for-work necklace or choker that can be worn in non-kinky spaces.
Consensual nonconsent: situations where one or both parties have given prior consent for activities that may appear to be or actually involve nonconsent. Rape play is a common form. The “victim” has given prior consent to this type of play but seems to resist. Couples should negotiate boundaries beforehand, including a safe word. Consensual nonconsent should never be spontaneous. If negotiations are avoided or safe words ignored, consensual nonconsent can lead to real trauma or even become sexual assault.
Learn: Consensual non-consent 101: Complete guide to CNC kink play.
Psst, interested in BDSM? Check out rules that keep it safe and sane.
Corsetry: the act of wearing a corset, sometimes to the extent of changing the shape and size of one’s body. Tight-lacing a corset enables one to successfully waist-train. Some dominants may use tight-lacing to limit breathing. It’s not just limited to your abs and tummy either.
Cross-dressing: dressing like a member of the opposite sex. For many people, it’s not necessarily sexual while it is for others. Cross-dressing can involves clothing, accessories, makeup, and wigs.
Crurophilia: A kink related to legs.
Crush fetish: a particular fetish relating to crushing small animals or objects. Squashing kink is a similar obsession.
Cunnilingus: this kink can be geared towards receiving oral sex as a woman or giving it either as a man or woman. Cunnilingus plays well with pussy worship. If your partner has a kink for licking pussy, you won’t need to convince him to go down on (but you can read this if that’s not the case).
Cupping: small cups or jars are applied upside down to the body, usually the back. Fire or a hand-pump creates suction that results in temporary bruising and a tight feeling. Extreme cupping can break the skin, but cupping is considered safe (the flame is only used for suction and doesn’t burn the skin).
Dacryphilia: arousal caused by tears or crying.
Degradation: if you like when your man talks down to you during sex, you might be into degradation. This is one of those kinks that works especially well with domination and submission. Just because you like doing it (giving or receiving) during sex doesn’t mean you think any less of your partner. However, not everyone likes degradation, and that’s okay.
Dendrophilia: also known as Arbophilia. A sexual attraction to trees, either because they are phallic-shaped or because of the texture. May overlap with xylophilia.
Diapers: this fetish is usually part of infantilism – but not always.
Discipline: giving or receiving punishment for perceived or defined infractions. Discipline is a major part of many power exchange relationships and something typically desired by masochists and administered by sadists.
Dirty talking: having a kink for talking dirty during sex is pretty tame. Some people might not even consider it a fetish! Get tips for talking dirty here. See also narratophilia.
Doraphilia: playing with skin, leather, or fur. Hyphephilia is a similar fetish for touching hair, fur, skin and certain fabrics.
Double penetration: penetration of a woman’s vagina and ass via a combination of toys, penises or both. Double penetration may be part of a group sex scenario (MFM).
Dracophilia: a fetish for dragons. Fantasy fetish companies such as Bad Dragon make dragon dildos, including those that ejaculate!
DVP: stands for double vaginal penetration. Unlike double penetration (DP), which is simultaneous anal and vaginal penetration, DVP involves two penises or one penis and one toy in the vagina. It can be satisfying for all parties; although, it requires lube and preparation. In DVP, only one partner may have enough room to thrust.
Edge play: Any kink or fetish that is considered more risky or extreme. Examples include choking, breath play, knife play, fire play, and any activity that results in bleeding.
Elastophilia: a fetish for stretchy materials including spandex, latex, silicone, etc. Elastophiles often enjoy bouncing on these materials or sinking deep down into something stretchy.
Electric play: playing with uncontrolled electricity is very dangerous and can even lead to heart failure. However, most people (aside from those with pacemakers, heart issues, and other implants), can safely play with TENS units or violet wands to explore this kink.
Enemas (klismaphilia) [8] [9]: inserting a tube into the anus and using a liquid (typically water, but other solutions may be utilized including urine) to clean out the rectum. Enemas may be used to prepare for anal activities, but this is not necessary. An enema could be a form of punishment or control.
Enkuopoiphilia: fetish for impregnantion or breeding.
Eproctophilia: arousal from flatulence (farts) [10]. It’s a type of olfactophilia
Exhibitionism: a common fetish for being naked and performing sexually in front of a person or persons. Masturbating for your partner is a mild form of this kink, but performing in sex windows or at BDSM shows and parties is a safe way to explore this fetish. Sex in public is partly exhibitionism. Related to agrexophilia, which is arousal when other people know about your sexual activities, and autagonistophilia, exposing oneself while on stage and being photographed. The counterpart of voyeurism.
Exoticism: fetishizing members and elements of Far Eastern culture (Japan, China, etc.), including fictional worlds inspired by these locations. A preoccupation with Geishas is common in the Western world, for example. See also Otherness.
Face fucking: an extreme form of blowjob where a man roughly fucks a partner’s mouth. This kink isn’t inherently dangerous, but it can be uncomfortable and lead to tears, gagging and even vomiting.
Face sitting: the act of a woman sitting on a man’s face while he performs oral. Face sitting can include mild suffocation but doesn’t have to. It’s incredibly dominant. Check out other ways to dominate your man.
Face slapping: a slap across the face brings you to attention and corrects your mistakes. You’re unlikely to enjoy this fetish unless you’re a bit of a masochist, but it’s not as far out as some items on our list of kinks.
Fat fetishism: The sexual attraction to overweight or obese people due to their weight and size. Gaining or feederism (mentioned below as “Forced feeding”) is a variation of fat fetishism where the sexual attraction/gratification is not solely gained from the “fatness” but more from the process of gaining weight/getting fat.
Fellatio: Not usually deemed a fetish or kink, but it can be for some.
Figging: using ginger root to create a burning sensation. It must be peeled before it can be inserted anally or vaginally.
Fighting/Wrestling: play fighting and wrestling is sexy because your body proximity as you struggle to maintain control. Even if you lose, you don’t really lose! If you’re turned on by a fight between other people, you’re not alone, either.
Fire play: a form of edge play that involves flames and fire. Kinksters should be careful with hair, which can burn off and smell terrible (consider shaving first). Fire/heat may be contrasted with cold/ice. Fire play can be dangerous.
Fisting: the act of penetration with a full hand. Unlike the name suggests, your partner should start with your hand straight and thumb tucked under his fingers like a duck bill. After he inserts his knuckles – the widest part of his hand – he can curl his fingers into a fist/ball shape. Fisting requires time, patience, trust and lots of lube.
Flogging (flagellation): hitting someone with a multi-tailed tool known as a flogger. Depending upon the strength of the swing, flogging can range from warm-up to harsh impact that draws blood. Floggers tails come in many materials: fur, leather, suede, rubber, silicone, and ball-chain to name a few.
Food play: incorporating food into sex. This may mean using someone as a dish or table, covering your partner’s body with food and licking it off (think whipped cream or chocolate sauce, but you can get creative!). Food play can be fun, but beware that playing with food near your vagina could contribute to a yeast infection. More on that here. A fetish for food is known as sitophilia.
Foot fetish (podophilia): a foot fetishist enjoys feet sexually. This may involve footjobs, licking and sucking, massaging. Foot worship in a power exchange scene can take the form of polishing shoes or boots even with a tongue or worshipping feet!
Forced feeding: a kink for forcing someone to eat, potentially until they gain weight. This fetish is a type of body modification fetish. Feederism sometimes specifically refers to men feeding women but can be used without any distinction.
Formicophilia: arousal by insects or by insects crawling on and nibbling the body. The fetish for bees and wasps specifically is known as melissophilia while an attraction to spiders is known as arachnophilia.
Frotting: rubbing of two penises together. One man may hold the penises together during this act. Similar activities include frottage (rubbing while clothed for sexual stimulation) and frotteurism (rubbing or fondling an unsuspecting/non-consenting person).
Furries: this kink is hot, literally. Furries dress as animals or humanoid animal creatures, sometimes decked head-to-toe in fur. They often don animalistic dildos via strap-ons to enhance their furry play. Many furries engage in role playing games and cosplay as part of their lifestyle, which can become quite expensive.
Note that some furries engage only in costumes and roleplay only and no sexual activity (although some people do not see a distinction). To differentiate, “yiffy” refers to a sexualized furry fetish.
Gags: a form of mouth bondage. Gags come in many forms, but ball gags are the most common. They may also take the form of bit, cleave, pacifier, penis or spider gag, among others. Mouth gags aren’t usually dangerous, but they can be uncomfortable. Make sure to fit the gag properly to your (or your partner’s) mouth.
Gerontophilia: attraction to someone from a much older age group. May-December relationships can fall into this kink if the members of the couple specifically fetishize the age difference. Scientific American explains this in more detail.
Golden showers: See watersports.
Group sex (Polyiterophilia): group sex and multiple party scenarios can be quite hot, but they can also be uncomfortable. Threesomes are one of the more common arrangements (and a fascination with three-person sex is known as triolism/troilism).
Haematomania aka hematolagnia : lust for blood and bleeding. May include wounds, vampirism or biting to draw blood. It goes without saying that this one is obviously quite dangerous.
Harpaxophilia: the fetish for being robbed. Can be played as a role in consensual non-consent. Chrematistophilia is a similar kink for being forced to pay for sex.
Helplessness: any role in which someone is helpless. They may be the victim to their roleplay partner (robber, kidnapper, etc), or their partner may act as a savior (think of a princess who needs saving or an inept housewife).
Homeovestism: attraction to the clothing of one’s own gender or by people wearing the clothing accepted as appropriate for their gender by society. This fetish was first defined by George Zavitzianos [11].
Hybristophilia: arousal by the knowledge that one’s partner has committed a heinous act or crime. This can include cheating, lying, robbery, or murder. This is sometimes known as Bonnie and Clyde Syndrome after the American bank-robbing and murdering duo. One partner is turned on by the other’s bad deeds. Some people find themselves attracted to criminals who are in prison.
Hypnotism: in an erotic situation, hypnosis could be a form of consensual nonconsent. Try out this kink with some sexy magician/assistant role play.
Hypoxia: paraphilia for being submerged under water to restrict breathing, a type of erotic asphyxiation. This can be fatal [12].
Immobility: a kink involving bondage and forced feeding.
Impact play: any activity involving hitting, either with body parts or other tools. Hitting, punching, spanking, flogging, whipping and paddling are just a few forms of impact play, and intensity varies with the tool and effort.
Impregnation: the fascination with making someone pregnant/conception during sex, typically from a man’s point of view.
Imprisonment: obsession with being locked inside cages, cells, coffins or other areas.
Infantilism: a specific type of age play where someone plays an infant/baby. This can involve pacifiers, diapers, bottles, etc. A second person may act as a nanny or parent.
Internal cumshots: similar to a semen fetish but arousal is due to being ejaculated into rather than on. If you’re trying to avoid pregnancy, anal sex is the only safe way to engage in this kink. But STIs can be transmitted through semen even during anal sex.
Intercrural or interfemoral sex: thrusting between someone’s thighs without penetration.
Intoxication: taking drugs or alcohol during or before a sex scene. Intoxication can lead to poor decision-making, risky behavior and mistakes that could be dangerous or even fatal, especially when mixed with edge play.
Jerk off instructions (JOI): Being instructed to told to to masturbate.
Katoptronophilia: a fetish for having sex in front of mirrors. Some people are simply turned on by seeing themselves in a mirror.
Keraunophilia: a sexual fascination with thunder and lightning – similar to arousal from thunderstorms (brontophilia). You can’t incorporate it into your sex, but a thunderstorm makes a good backdrop for sexy times! Many people find their levels of desire increase during storms.
Kigurumi: this fetish is all about wearing anime masks, specifically men who wear masks of women.
Knife play: a type of edge play activity that involves actual knives or blades or the implication of. Breaking someone’s skin during kinky sex could be quite dangerous.
Lactation: a lactation fetishist is all about lactating mammaries, that is, boobs producing milk. Many women enjoy the sensation of nipple suckling, and their partners enjoy breastfeeding. Lactation fetishists may encourage lactation when it wouldn’t naturally occur because the milk specifically is their kink (lactophilia), or engage in breastfeeding without milk. Learn how to breastfeed your man.
Latex/rubber: latex, rubber, PVC and similar materials attract our eyes with their sheen. They make for perfect fetish photography, too. Fortunately, you can get your kink on with the help of many retailers that specialize in latex gear and clothing.
Lesbophilia: men with this kink enjoy lesbian sex more than your typical male. Some may go so far as to imagine themselves as women in girl-on-girl scenarios.
These 14 lesbian sex positions will give you some inspiration.
Lithophilia: a kink for rocks, stones, or gravel. This can be used nonsexually.
Macro Fetish: people with this kink enjoy partners who are giant. This may mean plus-sized, but it can mean giants in the realm of fantasy roleplaying and writing.
Macrogenitalism: a fetish for genitals that are particularly large. This isn’t limited just to penises.
Maiesiophilia: sexual attraction to pregnant women or giving birth.
Maschalagnia: a fetish dedicated to armpits, including, kissing, licking and smelling. This kink may also involve inserting penises in the armpit for stimulation.
Masochism: enjoyment of pain, punishment, and torture. Someone who feels this is known as a masochist. Masochists are often but not always submissive.
Mechanophilia: sexual attraction to and arousal by machines. While other fetishes objectify robots, this one can include a wider variety and may also go along with the desire to have sex in or on a machine such as a car, bike, plane, etc.
Medical play: role play involving medical scenarios, medical implements (scalpels, needles, speculums, etc) and/or medical uniforms. Medical play often involves an examination of one person by the “doctor,” who may take advantage of the situation. Play piercing is also common in medical play. Any play that breaks the skin can be dangerous if an infection occurs.
Menophilia: an obsession with menstrual blood. Fetishists of this type don’t mind period sex. In fact, they may prefer it. And they might like going down on a woman when she has her period.
Merinthophilia: the fetish for bondage. See also vincilagnia.
Mess fetish (hygrophilia): if you would rather avoid the wet spot on the bed, then this kink probably isn’t for you. Mess fetishists enjoy the mess created by sexual fluids, both male and female fluid. They may use the fluids as lubes, to drink, to “paint” on their partner’s body or passing it back and forth orally (snowballing).
Micro fetish: the opposite of a macro fetish. Kinksters enjoy when partners are much smaller than them or being the smaller partner. Those who fall into the latter group may enjoy the feeling of being crushed during sex.
Military: a military fetish that often goes hand in hand with a uniform fetish.
Mixophilia: a kink related to watching yourself having sex. Recording sex and mirrors are two ways to enjoy this kink.
Morphophilia: people with this fetish are attracted to bodies and body parts that are different from the norm. They might enjoy amputees, dwarves or people with other deformations.
Mummification: a kink where someone is bound entirely or nearly entirely to prevent almost all movement. A vacuum bed can achieve full mummification as can plastic wrap, but it can be dangerous if bindings prevent airflow. Mummification can also involve extreme temperatures, so hydration is a must to do it safely.
Muscles: some people have a fetish for defined or large muscles. Muscle worship is one variant of this kink.
Mysophilia: this fetish is for dirt and items that have been dirtied, especially by bodily fluids during sex. Used underwear is a common example.
Narratophilia: a fetish shared by those who enjoy telling and listening to dirty stories, talking about sex or incorporating dirty talk into sex.
Nasolingus: a fetish for sucking on someone’s nose.
Nasophilia: fetish for noses.
Necrophilia: the fetish for human corpses.
Necrozoophilia: fetish for deceased animals.
Needle play: playing with needles can involve breaking the skin and temporary piercing. Needles can also be used to scratch.
Nonconsensual: a kink for sex without consent (rape). All nonconsensual sexual activities and play are forms of sexual assault or rape. This is illegal, traumatizing and can be dangerous.
Nullification: kink for removing any body part. This is very dangerous.
Nullo: an extreme kink for removal of genitals. In practice, nullo is very dangerous and can even be fatal.
Nyctophilia: if you love the night, you might have this fetish. It can also refer to fetishizing darkness. Scotophilia has the same meaning.
Objectophilia (Objectum Sexuality): also known as fetishism. This refers specifically to arousal by and sexual activity with an inanimate object such as shoes.
Oculolinctus: desire to lick eyeballs.
Oculophilia: an obsession with the eyes.
Odaxelagnia: kink for biting or being bitten. May or may not involve blood.
Odontophilia: the general fetish for teeth, which can include biting, licking teeth or even removing them.
Olfactophilia: attraction to smells, especially pungent body odors. Osmolagnia is the fetish for sweat or gaseous emissions specifically.
Omorashi: the Japanese word for a fetish related to having a full bladder and urinating on oneself. Often shortened to “omo.”
Orgasm denial: type of play where someone’s orgasm is denied entirely, limited/ruined or delayed.
Otherness: sexual attraction to someone from other places, including aliens. See all xenophilia and exoticism.
Parthenophilia: a fetish for virginal partners.
Partialism: sexual obsession for specific body parts and not the whole. Eyes, faces, forearms, and feet are all common objects of obsession, but any body part will do.
Pecattiphilia: fetish for sinning and breaking religious rules.
Pediophilia: fetish for dolls, especially sex dolls.
Penis Humiliation: a kink involving insulting a man’s penis, including size, appearance, and performance.
Peodeiktophilia: showing one’s penis to others (flashing).
Pet play: any kink where someone acts like a domesticated pet. Cats and dogs are especially common with leashes, collars and food/water dishes used as props.
Phalloorchoalgolagnia: arousal from pain directed toward male genitals. See also cock and ball torture (CBT).
Phallophilia: obsession with large penises. Many people share this kink on the Experience Project.
Phobophilia: sexual obsession with being afraid. This fetish can be directed toward hate as well as fear.
Phygephilia: fetish for being a fugitive on the run.
Pictophilia: fetish for watching pornography, especially of the same actor.
Play piercing (Piquerism, Picquerism): play piercing is performed for temporary decoration as well as for the sensation of breaking the skin.
Plushophilia: fetish for stuffed animals. These people may have a kink specifically for teddy bears, and they may be furries. Reddit has numerous communities on stuffed animals.
Pony play: a kink for acting like a pony or its master. “Ponies” can wear everything from blinders to bits to bridles to fake ears and hooves. Ponies are trained by their masters and may even do manual labor.
Psychrophilia: arousal by being cold or watching others be cold. Having sex in freezers or meat lockers or around ice might fulfill this kink. In other contexts, a psychrophile is an organism such as bacteria that grows in extreme temperatures such as the poles or deep ocean.
Pregnancy: this kink goes beyond a woman’s pregnant glow. Some people just can’t get enough of a pregnant woman’s powerful and sexy body. It’s so common that there are three different names for it: preggophilia, and maieusophoria. Your partner may even be surprised by how turned on he is when you’re pregnant – and your hormones might have you wanting more sex, too.
Psychrocism: fetish dedicated to being cold, having sex with a cold partner or using cold objects (ice cubes, cold dildos, etc) during sex.
Pteronphilia: kink for being tickled specifically by feathers.
Pubephilia: obsession with pubic hair. A love for pubic hair has been expressed in literature and art.
Pygmalionism: sexual obsession with human-like images, especially when you made it yourself. This fetish may lead to stimulating oneself with statues or mannequins.
Pygophilia: partialism to butts and seeing, touching and playing with them.
Pyrolagnia: sexual arousal from watching or setting fires. Playing with fire is dangerous. At least one study has been done on the subject [13].
Pyrophilia: a fascination with fire. Setting fires and using fire during sex can be dangerous. However, massage candles can be used safely because of the wax’s low melting point, and fire cupping is not usually risky.
Quirofilia: fetish for hands. Some people fetishize certain parts of the hand such as the fingers or fingernails. Others may prefer hands of a certain size or shape. Still others with this fetish may enjoy seeing hands performing certain actions. It could be masturbation or something nonsexual such as washing the dishes.
Rape fantasy: a fetish for acting out a pretend rape (consensual nonconsent). This fantasy can occur on both the victim or perpetrator’s sides. Arousal at the idea of rape is known as raptophilia. Discover other common fantasies in this post.
Revving: kink for watching someone rev an engine, especially when they wear heels. Also known as “pedal pushing” or “pedal pumping.” There are plenty of videos on pornography sites and even Youtube featuring women in bare feet or high heels pushing the gas pedal. Sometimes these women are referred to as gas pedal honeys.
Retifism: the fetish for shoes and footwear. Also known as altocalciphilia.
Rhabdophilia: a fetish for receiving physical beatings such as flogging or whipping.
Robotism: kink for androids (male robots) or gynoids (female robots) or cyborgs.
Ropework: a kink for rope as used as the specific type of bondage. Popular types of ropework include the Japanese-inspired shibari, more correctly called “Kinbaku”.
Rimming: a kink for giving or receiving rim jobs. Interested? Check out our guide here.
Sadism: the kink for providing pain. Masochists and sadists often come together to meet one another’s kinky needs.
Hey, do you think you might be kinky? You could be right! Find out more.
Savantophilia: fetish for people who have a cognitive impairment or delay.
Scatophilia a fetish for fecal matter. Also known as coprophilia.
Sensation play: a light kink where partners exchange sensations on the skin. Items with different textures (soft, hard, bumpy, smooth, cold, hot, etc) can be run across the skin. Pain isn’t involved, but you can alternate between pain and sensation during light BDSM play.
Sensory deprivation: any play that prevents someone from using one of their five senses. Blindfolds block sight, gloves prevent touch, earmuffs deprive the sense of hearing, etc.
Siderodromophilia: a fetish for trains or engaging in sexual activity on a train.
Slime fetish: a kink for slime and slimy things. Tentacles are a prime example of a slime fetish in popular media. This fetish is closely related to the mess fetish.
Sneezing Fetish: a kink for watching someone else sneeze. This person is usually naked. Sneezing elicits a bodily response somewhat similar to orgasm. People with a sneeze fetish might also participate in tickling and forced urinating kinks.
Snuff: a fantasy fetish for killing someone or being killed. Snuff is often considered to be an urban legend, and it’s an obviously dangerous and illegal in practice.
Somnophilia: the fetish for sexual partners who are asleep. It is a rare fetish [14]. People with this fascination may enjoy the “sleeping princess” trope. In reality, a partner should specify prior consent to sexual activity that happens or begins while they are asleep because sleeping people cannot give consent. Definitions differ, however.
Sounding: a kink for inserting thin tubes, usually made of glass or metal, into the urethra. This is one of the most common forms of urethral play [15]. Kinksters often use medical sounds or similar tools, and sounding can be part of medical play. Sounding can be dangerous, especially if the item inserted breaks off internally or is not sanitized beforehand.
Spanking: this is a fetish that many people have tried in the bedroom. A firm hand comes into play as punishment or enticement in many power exchange relationships, including domestic discipline relationships and schoolgirl roleplay. You might enjoy spanking from time to time even if you don’t consider yourself all that kinky, but spanking can also be quite extreme.
Stigmatophilia: the fetish for piercings and sometimes tattoos. See body modification fetish.
Stockings: items that are often fetishized. Some people like all of them. Others prefer those that are lace-topped, hooked to a garter belt or with a visible seam down the back.
Strap-on: fetish specifically for using strap-ons. Anal, oral or vaginal penetration can be achieved. Anally penetrating a male with a strap-on is known as pegging.
Stygiophilia: arousal by thoughts of hell and eternal damnation.
Stuffing: eating until the point of physical pain.
Suspension: the practice of suspending someone from the ground or being suspended yourself. Suspension can be accomplished with ropes, harnesses and other devices and items.
Symphorphilia: fetish for watching car accidents or other traumatic incidents.
Taphephilia: fetish for being buried alive. This may be connected to an imprisonment kink.
Teasing (Tantalolagnia): To enjoy teasing as sexual gratification. This may be prolonged sexual teasing or teasing in the form of insults and ribbing.
Technophilia: a fetish for any technology such as robots, AI and sex machines. Kinks for cybernetic enhancements fall into this category, and some may fetishize the idea of amputations.
Teleiophilia: the erotic preference for persons between the age of physical maturity and the onset of middle-age. First described in 2000 by Ray Blanchard and Howard Barbaree [16]
Telephonicophilia: the fetish for phone sex and dirty talking over the phone.
Tentacle fetish: fetish for tentacles. Many people enjoy animated erotica/pornography with tentacles, and tentacles dildos also lend to this fantasy.
Teratophilia: attraction to people with bodily deformities. This umbrella term includes several other fetishes on this list including stigmatophilia, morphophilia, and acrotomophilia. However, it may also refer to a sexual attraction to “actual” monsters.
Thesauromania: kink for collecting women’s clothing. The collector may focus on specific items/categories such as underwear.
Tickling (Knismolagnia, Knismo, Titillagnia): while tickling can be a form of teasing, it’s a kink in its own right for some people. Those who enjoy tickling may enjoy surrendering control or struggling to retain it. Tickling to the point of urinating is also one flavor of this fetish. Tickle torture is a kink for tickling or being tickled while bound.
Transformation fetish: kink for transforming into other people or even non-human creatures. TF is common in hentai and some written erotica.
Trichophilia: hair fetish. Tips and techniques for pulling your partner’s hair.
Triolism: a fetish for threesomes. This may include a kink for watching your partner have sex with someone else.
Tripsolagnophilia: massage fetish. Even if you don’t have a fetish, a sensual massage can be relaxing and it’s good foreplay!
Underwear fetish: the fascination with underwear, usually women’s underwear. Men with this fetish will collect, wear or smell underwear.
Uniforms: many women love a man in uniform, but not every couple incorporates this into their sex lives. Those who do just might have a uniform fetish. Uniforms, of course, can make someone seem like a powerful person (military, police and firefighter uniforms are some of the most popular) or help you get into the role of a naif (schoolgirl, waitress, Playboy bunny) and a well-fitted uniform shows off a person’s body in just the right way. If your job requires a uniform, you’re in luck. Otherwise, you can hit up a costume shop or even buy uniform-inspired lingerie.
Ursusagalmatophilia: kink for teddy bears or dressing up as a teddy bear/animal.
Urtication: using the nettle plant to sting a partner’s skin.
Vaccinophilia: vaccination fetish. See also medical play and belonephilia.
Vicarphilia: being sexually vicarious, specifically related to enjoying other’s stories of sexual activity.
Vincilagnia: kink for being tied up and at the mercy of another person. This is a type of bondage fetish.
Vomit Fetish (Emetophilia): a sexual obsession with the act or substance of vomit.
Vore/Vorarephilia : sexual desire to be eaten alive or to eat someone while they are still alive. Vore would incredibly dangerous and illegal if attempted in reality, but it remains a fantasy for most people. You’ll find plenty of art and stories dedicated to vore on DeviantArt, Tumblr, and Reddit.
Voyeurism: a kink for watching someone else while naked or engaged in sexual activity. Voyeurs and exhibitionists make excellent pairings. Non-consensual voyeurism may be against the law. Ecouteurism is a related kink for listening to someone have sex without permission. The fetish is also known as scopophilia.
Watersports (urophilia): A relatively popular fetish, watersports are also known as golden showers. This kink involves playing with urine, being peed on or urinating on another person. Want to know more about golden showers? A particular form of this is wetting: urinating in one’s underwear and clothing.
Wax play: using wax during sex. Wax comes in the form of massage candles, which are relatively safe. But other types of wax may have a higher melting point and be more dangerous. Flames used to melt wax also pose a risk.
Weapon fetish: sexual arousal due to weapons. This appears in some erotic media.
Wet and messy (WAM) fetish: being turned on by being soiled by things other than bodily fluids. Also known as sploshing. This can include food.
Xenophilia: sexual attraction to exotic people or objects.
Xylophilia: fetish for wood. It may also be described as an attraction to nature, sexual or in general.
Yeastiality: sexual activity involving bread, especially warm dough. This may be an alleged kink. Introducing yeast to the genitals can lead to an infection.
Yiffing: sex with stuffed animals or a furry.
Zelophilia: arousal due to jealousy, either your own or someone’s jealousy over you. Cuckhold fantasies are one such example where men know – and sometimes watch – their wives engaging in affairs.
Zentai: wearing skintight suits while grinding against others in similar suits.
Zoophilia: dressing like an animal for sex or feeling romantic attraction to animals.
Zoosexual: sexual attraction to animals. See bestiality.
Zwischenstufe: the sexual obsession with people of the same sex.
That’s it for our list of kinks – for now! There are a huge amount of sexual fetishes, and many people have more than one.
For the most part, a fetish or kink can be fun; although, there are some times when it can disturbing, dangerous, or illegal to participate in them, and you might want to seek professional help if your fetish falls into that category or if it’s disrupting your life.
If you noticed that we are missing something, please let us know in the comments section below.
]]>Whether you’re just trying to set a hot, steamy mood wile getting intimate or if you want to try performing a seductive lap dance for your partner, this list of popular lap dance music will make the whole experience more intense for both you and your man.
Whether it’s a beat that makes you want to move, lyrics that really speak to you and seduce the mind, with the singer’s growly or breathless voice, or the music itself just does it for you, these awesome suggestions will help you find the perfect lap dance songs to help seduce your partner.
1. I Just Wanna Love U – Jay Z: With a good beat and lyrics that get the point across, this song works well for a more sedate pace, when you want seduction instead of a quick wham, bam, thank you ma’am.
2. Poison – Bell Biv Devoe: With a great combination of a slower beat and sexy, sensuous lyrics from this awesome group, you’ll get it on without throwing your hips out, all while playing up all your assets.
3. Kiss – Prince: What a classic! No wonder Julia Roberts was singing along in “Pretty Woman”; this lap dance song has an awesome playful tone to it with a good beat. And once you do start get more intimate with your man and start having sex, you should try out the lap dance sex position.
4. How Do You Want It – Jodeci and 2pac: With a slower beat, awesome suggestive lyrics and swinging instrumentals that make you want to swing and sway, this song is perfect for lap dancing or stripping for your man.
5. Freak Like Me – Adina Howard: With swinging instrumentals and a slower beat more in tune with seduction than fast movement, this lap dance song will help you and your partner get it on. Once you are getting it on, you’ll really appreciate these sex positions.
6. I’m Too Sexy – Red Said Fred: Not just the signature song of models worldwide, this 90’s hit gives you a fun beat to move to. Make it a little more fun by alternating taking off your clothes and then your partner’s. Don’t be surprised if you both burst out laughing though, this song really is quite ridiculous!
7. No Diggity – Blackstreet: Is a seriously strong beat, smooth male voices and awesome lyrics enough to get it on for you? No Diggity gets into some serious fun talking about how a guy can be completely wrapped up in an awesome lady. And once he is, why not blow his mind using some of these powerful blow job techniques.
8. You Shook Me All Night Long – AC/DC: Really, what more can be said? Great beat, awesome lyrics and that growly voice as Brian Johnson sings the praises of a fabulous lady.
9. Put Em on the Glass – Sir Mix-a-Lot: If you like combining sensuous movement with a fast beat, this is your perfect lap dance song. Also, if you like mixing in some fast bellydancing moves, you’ll both love “Put Em on the Glass”.
10. I Wanna Sex You Up – Color Me Badd: With lyrics that drip suggestive seduction, this classic has a good beat without being overbearing. Put this in your playlist for some awesome, old-school music to playact to.
11. Sweet Dreams Are Made of This – Eurythmics: This is a much faster song than almost all the rest of the ones I’ve mentioned here, which is great if you really want to amp up the energy of your lap dancing for the night. Thankfully the alternating beat between the verses and chorus gives you a chance to recover a bit.
12. Wild Thing – Tone Loc: If old-school hip-hop is the thing that helps you get it on, Wild Thing’s strong beat and suggestive lyrics will put your partner into heat while giving you swinging instrumentals to move it to.
13. Slow Ride – Foghat: If classic rock is the way you roll, this is one of the best lap dance songs for you! With a moderate beat and hard-hitting, growling guitars, it’ll help you get it on.
14. Naughty Girl – Beyonce: For a slow and sensuous feeling to your evening, Beyonce’s soaring, breathless vocals blend beautifully with a seductive backbeat and instrumentals. If you want to mix in some fusion bellydancing moves, this is an amazing song with some middle eastern touches.
15. You Can’t Touch This – MC Hammer: Is the message you’re trying to get across one of restraint (at least for the moment)? This classic gives you a more moderate beat and fun lyrics to play with.
16. Closer – Nine Inch Nails: Ready to get down and dirty? Closer’s explicit, erotic lyrics, solid beat and grinding instrumentals do an amazing job of bringing out your inner beast.
17. Freak Me – Silk: If you need to slow it down, this is awesome lap dance music! Seductive lyrics, awesome vocals and magical instrumentals combine to give you a fabulous slow dance.
18. Ride – Ciara: If you want something a little different, Ride gives you ethereal instrumentals, a strong, slower beat and floating vocals. This is great for a slow down when you still want a strong song backing you up.
19. Legs – ZZ Top: Are high heels and long legs just the thing for you or your partner? This lap dance song gives you a chance to show them off to some awesome classic rock with a strong beat, growly vocals and awesome instrumentals.
20. Do Me Baby – Prince: There’s something to be said for the timeless classics. With a slow, seductive beat, intense lyrics and awesome instrumentals, a lap dance to this song will make your partner want to take its advice.
21. Hold it Against Me – Britney Spears: If you’re looking for something more pop than hip-hop, rap or rock, this is a great lap dance song. Have some serious fun with the smooth beat and suggestive lyrics to pump up your partner’s libido.
22. Rock the Cradle of Love – Billy Idol: Like to dance fast? The fast tempo on this growling rock hit helps you set a fast pace when you need your partner in the mood, right now.
These songs aren’t perfect choices for everyone; some people just really prefer softer, romantic or classical music, jazz or ballads. But if these songs do work well for you and your partner, they can add a whole new level of heat to getting intimate together.
]]>Learning how to turn a guy on is crucial if you want to have a fun sexual relationship with him. Thankfully, it’s really easy to turn guys on. However, there are always exceptions, and it’s important for you to understand the differences between how men and women get aroused if you want to turn him on fast.
Guys can get turned on really quickly and easily. Think of them like a light switch. You may hear from friends and in the media that men mostly get turned on by what they see, but the truth is that they actually get turned on just as much (if not more) by what they hear and what they feel as well.
Girls get turned on slightly differently. Sometimes it can happen really quickly, just like with a man, but most of the time it will take you longer to get turned on.
This is why I often compare men to light switches that turn on or off instantaneously, and I compare women to light dimmers that take longer to turn on. The point is that men and women get turned on slightly differently. So don’t automatically think that the things that turn you on will automatically turn your man on.
On the other hand, there are similarities. What might be more important is what your man likes as an individual and not stereotypes about the genders.
If you want to master turning him on, you should know how to set the scene. Doing so can make it easier for him to become horny. The easier it is for him to get aroused, the less time it takes.
Setting the scene can include rose petals and candles, but it might include more mundane things such as a clean house, making sure the kids are in bed or spending the night somewhere else and taking the phone off the hook. Of course, you may not be able to wait for all of these things every time but think about the little ways you can both get your head into the right headspace for sex.
Sometimes you need to start fooling around or even having sex even if he’s not turned on.
While penetration might be difficult if he’s still mostly soft, you can do plenty of other activities and focus on other parts of his body besides his penis. Oral and manual sex are still possible, especially when you’re receiving. You can also make out, dry hump, or exchange sensual massages.
Many people, especially those with responsive desire, find that they desire sex after stimulation has already started.
Although some people like to have a drink to calm their nerves before sex, drinking a lot of alcohol can make it difficult for a guy to get an erection [1, 2], even if he’s mentally turned on. Even if he thinks he knows his limit, he can drink too much and find himself too soft for sex.
There’s something about fighting for victory that can be such a turn-on. Many men are competitive, but showing him that you’re not afraid to get physical can make you even more desirable. Plus, wrestling involves a lot of physical contact just like cuddling. You’re only about 30 seconds away from wrestling turning into making out!
There are few more powerful ways to turn a guy on than to let him see you masturbate. You might start touching yourself as you lie in bed next to him, or you might let him “catch” you masturbating. He’ll likely be turned on by the sight, but you can ask him to give you a helping hand.
Related: Here are the 17 signs he is really turned on by you.
It’s easy to head directly to his penis if you want to turn a guy on, but don’t forget about the rest of his body. Trace the contours, or outlines, of his body. You can trace your fingertips across his arms, shoulders, chest, face, hips, legs, knees, and more. As you work, you can get closer to his penis, which will likely be pretty hard because he should be turned on by then.
You might not know it, but many men get insanely turned on when a woman scratches their back. If you have any nails, try scratching his back over and under his shirt. Pay close attention to his response. Chances are, he’ll like it.
Kisses can be innocent and friendly, or they can be deep and lingering and hint to the fact that you want more. Planting one of the latter on your lover’s lips can be a turn on for him as well as a way to show that you want something more.
Don’t forget that you can kiss other parts of his body, too. Try moving from the lips to his cheeks to his…ears. Specifically his ear lobes. These are incredibly sensitive and feel great to have kissed (I should know, I’m a guy writing this after all!). You can then move from kissing his ear lobes down to his neck which is also very sensitive and feels great to have kissed.
Talking dirty is such a powerful move when it comes to turning him on. Plus, it helps you communicate just what your desires are. A lot of men appreciate when their partners are brave enough to talk dirty.
Because talking dirty can feel a little silly or unnatural, we’ve written a few guides to help you learn how to turn him on and hone your skills.
Try these 2 examples:
I feel so small in your arms
I want to feel your hard cock inside me!
Both of these will turn your man on, while also firing up his ego at the same time.
Although you might not think about it, the ears can be an erogenous more. Plus, if you’re kissing, licking, and nibbling his ears, you can pause to use those dirty talk skills you’ve developed and turn him on.
The key to nibbling his ears is not to leave him covered in saliva or bite him so hard that he bleeds. Lightly drag your teeth along his earlobe and tug. You can also trace the shape of his ear with your finger.
If you do specific things whenever you want to have sex, your man will learn to associate those things with sexy times. This is known as conditioning, and you’ll learn a bit more about it in the science section below. Consider this a hack if you want to know how to turn a guy on fast. Simply do those things whenever you want to turn him on, and he should respond.
Just like the back scratch, the scalp massage can be incredibly sensual and put someone in the mood for sex. You can massage his scalp with your fingertips and even scratch a little with his nails. He might also get turned on if you pull his hair a bit if it’s long enough to do that.
A pair of Louboutins with their infamous red heels are sure to turn a few heads. Wearing a bold red dress, piece of lingerie or even lips can also do the same, and it’s a lot more likely to be noticed by the guy that you’re trying to turn on. For whatever reason, this color grabs our attention. It’s been associated with hunger, power, and, you guessed it, sex. Studies have even found that women wearing red are seen as more attractive and more sexually receptive than other women, too [3, 4, 5, 6]. These effects extend to other species, too.
So don’t be afraid to wear a little color when you want to rouse his attention.
What better way to turn him on fast than to give him some oral attention? If he’s not hard, he soon will be. Plus, he’ll love that you took the initiative.
Related: The signs that he likes going down on you.
Combine dirty talk with technology, and what do you have? A surefire way to get him in the mood. A sexy text can include just words, or you can add photos, videos, or even a voice clip. Get a little creative.
Sexting can be used to created and prolong sexual tension. You’re anticipating sex, which can make the sex feel ah-may-zing once you finally have it! In fact, this could be the key to making him cum hard.
Discover why sexual tension is so powerful.
You don’t need to do much if you want to know how to get him turned on. Simply strip off your clothes and walk into the room where he’s doing anything else. If he’s like most men, his attention will be on you and only you once you do that.
Alternatively, you can call him into the room where you’re waiting for him au natural.
Here’s another example of how powerful touch can be. If you play footsie or grab his thigh underneath the table, especially if other people are around, you’re setting up quite the sexy scene! It’s all the more scintillating because he can’t have you now. You might be tearing each other’s clothes off by the time you get home, or you may have to stop off at the bathroom to have a little naughty fun!
You can even see how far you can go under the table. To start off all you need to do is start rubbing anywhere on his leg and then slowly make your way up to his thigh until you are eventually rubbing his inner thigh. A great technique to use is to ‘accidentally’ rub over his crotch ever once in a while when rubbing his inner thigh.
Although you might be more used to be on the receiving end of this move, a well-timed ass grab can be anything from fun to funny to sex. If you pair it with a close hug and kiss while your body is pressed close to his, you can let him know what you’re thinking about.
Man or woman, nipples are a sensitive part of the body. There are so many things you can do with them: flick them, pinch them, bite them, or rub them. If he’s wearing a thin enough shirt, you can stimulate his nipples before he even removes any clothing.
You’ve probably heard that men are visual. It’s why we suggested that you put on something red as you’re learning how to turn him on quickly. But if you’re feeling especially adventurous, you can try putting someone on the screen to catch his eye. Most guys like porn and he’s likely to be pleased as well as turned on if you surprise him with porn.
Bonus: the two of you can reenact what you see on the screen!
Many women enjoy erotica during masturbation. In fact, non-visual media is more popular among women [7]. It’s a great way to get turned on. So why not turn the table and use it to do the same for you guy?
Tell him that you’re reading a really interesting book. Or maybe have him sit down and wait for a surprise. Pick a super sexy scene to have at the ready (you don’t want to make him wait too long), then start reading. Chances are, he’ll be pretty turned on before long!
While the science is still out on how and how much certain foods affects sex drive, there is one thing we know: the placebo effect is strong. So if you and your man think a certain food will turn him on, it likely will.
Some common foods believed to increase desire include:
Read More: The 15 Most Powerful Aphrodisiacs
You can increase the effect by choosing foods that you can eat of each other’s bodies or that you can transfer between your mouths. Strawberries, whipped cream, and chocolate sauce all do the trick. You can also find products made specifically for sexual use. That way, you can use sensual touch and not just rely on the dubious effects of aphrodisiacs to turn him on.
This isn’t so much advice about technique as it is a reminder that trying something new can turn arousal up to 11, especially if you’re finally acting out a fantasy or doing an activity that increases the intensity of sex. Remember a time when you did something new sexually and how much hotter and more pleasurable it made everything. So the next time your guy asks you to try something new in bed, say “Yes!”.
But don’t just put the responsibility on him. Take turns initiating and adding new things to your sexual menu periodically. This prevents sex from becoming stale and is important if you’re in a long-term relationship. It’s typical for people in longer relationships, especially men, to experience sexual boredom after a while. It’s known as the Coolidge Effect [9, 10, 11], after the U.S. president, and happens when we get used to the same sex.
So don’t let that happen in your relationship!
While we’ve focused on the ways you can turn a man on quickly, you need to remember that it’s not always up to you. His body and mind affect whether he gets turned on and how long it takes. So if he’s especially nervous because it’s the first time you’re having sex, he might not be able to get hard. This could lead to him being more frustrated than turned on.
Furthermore, his health can play a major role in how fast he gets turned on. Any issue that inhibits blood flow could be bad for arousal.
There are also major players when it comes to mental health: depression, anxiety, and SSRIs. Not only can mental health issues cause sexual dysfunction in men [12, 13, 14, 15], but the medication that’s often prescribed for mental health conditions can lower libido [16, 17, 18, 19, 20, 21].
The point is, there are plenty of factors that are out of your control, so you shouldn’t necessarily blame yourself if you can’t turn on your man or if it’s taking longer than expected.
You might use this time to discuss with your partner, and you could even bond over these difficulties. Remember that sexual dysfunction could result from relationship issues, too, so you might benefit from taking a long, hard look at your relationship.
But when your relationship is strong, and your partner is healthy, it’s usually not a big deal to turn him on — and fast — unless, of course, he’s recently had an orgasm. The time that a guy needs to recover, known as the refractory period, varies. He won’t be able to orgasm again for a while, and erection may also be impossible.
In this article, you’ve learned how to turn a man on fast. You’ve seen through these various examples how arousing his senses of touch, smell, sight, hearing, and even taste, you can turn him on. However, I am clearly leaving a few things out that will turn your man because different guys like different things. The techniques that I have mentioned above certainly work for 99% of people to arouse him.
]]>Does sex have a specific smell? Most people would agree, and many can even detect when someone has just had sex in a room they’ve entered. But if you ask what sex smells like, you’re likely to get a range of answers or to find that people can’t really answer this question well.
It could be that sex is a combination of smells, or that some of those scents don’t compare to other things. Keep reading if you want to know what sex smells like and the science behind those scents!
What does sex smell like? Well, there are some things it definitely smells of.
If you break a sweat while having sex, then the salty scent might permeate a room. Some people sweat more than others, and their sweat might have a stronger smell. If you’re already sweaty, say from working out beforehand, you might notice this more.
Did you know that men’s and women’s sweat contains different elements? A man’s sweat is more likely to smell cheesy while a woman’s will have more an oniony smell to it.
When sweat evaporates, body odor is left behind. So it stands to reason that sex can smell a bit like a stinky armpit. If either you or your partner is in need of a shower, it might smell worse. Certain parts of the body, such as the butt, testicles or taint are known for smelling worse, so we advise at least scrubbing those areas if you can’t shower before sex.
People who are overweight tend to have a stronger smell, even if they’re proactive about cleaning themselves. So you may want to take a shower specifically before sex if you’re on the heavier side.
A particular type of body odor is that funky, cheesy smell that can develop in folds of tissue or fat such as the vulva or even belly button. To combat that scent, which might be more noticeable during sexy times, make sure you’re cleaning and drying those places fully.
This piggybacks on the former point. You’d be surprised how many men never really scrub their butt or balls! It’s impossible to ignore when you’re going down on a guy. There’s that familiar poopy smell, a combination of sweat and fecal matter.
A similar smell is also a risk when you engage in anal activities. Although you can do an adequate job of cleansing with just a shower and a lukewarm anal douche over the toilet removes most fecal matter, there’s still that risk.
Another thing that makes a difference in how sex smells is your cycle. If you have sex while you have your period — and there’s nothing wrong with that — it might smell more metallic. You’re probably familiar with the scent, which some people describe as similar to a roll of pennies.
Either way, sex can spread the blood and make the smell stronger. It’s not bad, per se, but it might not be pleasant.
One of the things that sex between a man and a woman smells like is ejaculate. If your partner comes in or on you and especially if it has time to leak onto the surface beneath you, you might notice a sour or salty scent. Some might describe it as a meaty scent or musk. That’s come.
It can smell — and taste — a lot stronger with certain people. If your man isn’t hydrated, his come will likely be less appetizing. But because sperm is alkaline [1] [2] [3], it will always have a specific sort of smell and taste. And when semen enters your vagina, which is naturally acidic [4] [5], a certain sex musk is to be expected.
If you use condoms, a latex scent might add to the mix. However, not every condom is made from latex. If you don’t like the smell of condoms and especially if you have an allergy to latex, we recommend using a latex-alternative condom such as the female condom, which is made from nitrile [6].
Sex shouldn’t actually smell like fish — and neither should your vagina! If this is the case, you probably have an infection known as bacterial vaginosis.
Truthfully, sex often smells like a combination of these things. That’s what makes it so difficult to conclusively tell you what sex smells like. Plus, the way your body chemistry mixes with your current partner can mean sex smells different with him than it does with other people with whom you’ve had sex.
Some days, like those when you have an unplanned quickie or when it’s summer, and the AC has broken, the smell will be more potent. Few men will be put off; although, it might cause you anxiety about sex if you’re worried how you smell.
There are certain smells that you can’t avoid when it comes to sex. Even if you’re clean, a wild romp between the sheets can result in a smell that few people would describe as pleasant. You can take a few steps to mask the smell of sex.
Sometimes trying to mask the smell of sex can result in something worse. If you’ve ever found that adding an air freshener to a smelly mix only makes it worse, then you know what we mean.
The better option is to start with clean bodies and bedding, to begin with. Being clean helps to minimize any unpleasant odors from sex.
Crisp, clean sheets feel awesome when you slide between them. Some partners will pay more attention to you than your bedding, but those who do notice will appreciate that you’re an adult with a made bed.
Be hydrated. Now, you might be wondering what that has to do with how sex smells, but hear us out. Bodily fluids such as ejaculate, sweat, and even urine smell less strongly when you’re better hydrated. Plus, drinking enough water is good for your skin and overall health!
Getting in the water is also a good option. Showering before sex reduces chances that you or your partner will be the cause of stink, and you can suds up together as a form of foreplay. Then, you can relax because you know you’ll smell — and taste good!
Showering before sex also helps to make your partner smell better, but there might be a time when you need to suggest that he does a little washing up or a better job during those activities. Sometimes people aren’t aware of their body odors, and this conversation can be a difficult one.
If you’re showering solo, take the time to rinse between your folds. You don’t need (and in fact shouldn’t use) scented products around your vagina because it already self-cleans. In fact, using vaginal washes or douches can even lead to an infection that introduces a new source of the stink. A good rinse with water is all you need to feel fresh and clean.
If you don’t have a chance to shower, a wet wipe or washcloth will generally do the trick. Keep wipes in your purse or sex kit with your condoms if you stay over at someone else’s place. Give yourself time to air dry because wipes can leave a residual smell or taste. Although it’s almost certainly better than body odor, no one wants to taste like a baby wipe!
Your favorite perfume or body spray is the perfect topping. If you wear one specifically for sex, he’ll associate that smell with pleasure and arousal.
Even if you’re not worried about getting pregnant or spreading STIs, you might find that using a condom during sex keeps it less smelly and messy. Ejaculating into a condom results in a smaller wet spot on the bed (so you don’t have to fight over who sleeps in it!), doesn’t let the smell of cum permeate the room and means you don’t have to do that awkward waddle-like-a-penguin to the bathroom to clean up ejaculate. You know exactly what we’re talking about!
Yes, sex can smell weird and sometimes unpleasant. That doesn’t mean you should avoid sex or even get wrapped up in your self-consciousness. Instead, take a few moments to freshen up. And if sex smells a little bit every once in a while, take a deep breath and don’t make a big deal out of it!
]]>A lot of women feel self-conscious about the way they smell “down there,” and we’re here to set the record straight. Every woman has her own natural scent, just like every vulva and vagina is unique, and we’ll discuss that below. However, an unpleasant vaginal odor is among one of the most common signs that something is wrong.
So pay attention to the way you smell because it’s not just about getting your man to go down on you. A strong, fish odor, for example, means you should talk to your doctor sooner rather than later!
Everyone’s body has its own scent. When clean, it’s probably neutral, or you may even find your feminine odor pleasant. It may be a turn-on for your man just like some women love a man’s musky odor after he’s been working out at the gym or sweating under the hot sun all day. This natural odor may be stronger or weaker for some women, and it certainly won’t be the same for everyone.
The way you smell can be affected by your diet, exercise and products you use to cleanse and care for your body. For example, eating a lot of citrus fruits can make you smell sweet, which is one reason why we recommend guys eat pineapple to improve the taste of their semen. But you or your man may not find your scent to be enjoyable if you’ve been eating a lot of garlic, broccoli or asparagus.
It’s important to remember that some vaginal odor isn’t necessarily a bad thing, and you shouldn’t feel self conscious as long as you’re dealing with the typical smell. If you’ve never taken time to get used to the way you look and smell, you might feel more confident if you use a small hand mirror to check out your vulva and vagina. Make sure you’re relaxed and that no one will walk in on you, of course. Feel free to smell or taste yourself on your fingers if it makes you feel better, but you don’t have to.
If you want to feel more better about how your body looks, feels and smells when you’re getting down with your man.
Many men will enjoy the way you smell – and taste – naturally, and you shouldn’t stay with anyone who makes you feel bad about the way you smell as long as you’re conscientious about hygiene. Chances are, you focus more on the way you smell than he does, which is true of everyone. We can all be a little self conscious!
If he’s just being emotionally abusive, the right question to ask might not be “Why does my vagina smell?” Instead, you might want to focus in improving your relationship or considering whether to break up on him.
Although a slight smell is normal, according to the Mayo Clinic, a strong smell may be indicative of a problem. This is especially true if it’s the stereotypical “fishy” smell and you also experience a rash, itching or other irritation. You should consult your doctor whenever your experience a change in feminine odor. It may be a side effect of having an infection, known as bacterial vaginosis.
If you experience discharge like cottage cheese in addiction to a foul feminine odor, you may be dealing with a yeast infection. Yeast infections are common, and you can learn all about them here. In some cases, vaginal odor may be a symptom of some STIs. If you think you’ve contracted an infection from a sexual partner, consult your doctor if you have any STI symptoms. Trichomoniasis is especially known for causing that fishy smell.
Your doctor will prescribe antibiotics for BV and STIs such as trich, and antifungal medication for a yeast infection. One home remedy to cure infections and reduce vaginal odor is to use yogurt. You’ll want to eat plain yogurt daily. Some women even soak a tampon in yogurt to use like a suppository to help fight against yeast infections and odor.
Others claim that boric acid can make your vagina smell better.
The Mayo Clinic does list three causes of unpleasant feminine odor that are less common: Rectovaginal fistula, cervical cancer and vaginal cancer. While it’s less likely that you’ll have one of these problems, seeking medical attention can rule them out because these conditions can wreak havoc far worse than causing a smelly vagina.
However, strong vaginal odor might not mean that something serious is wrong. For example, you’ll notice your vagina emits a stronger smell on hot days or after a lot of exercise when you’ve been sweating. Wearing underwear, pantyhose and pants made out of synthetic fibers can contribute to the smell of your vaginal because these materials don’t allow your vulva to breathe.
Make sure all panties have at least a cotton patch to absorb moisture and improve breathability; however, pure cotton undies are the best to keep air flowing and to minimize any feminine odor. Stick to as few layers as possible on hot summer days. Finally, it’s a good idea to change out of any clothes and shower after sweating.
The products you use to cleanse your body may be helping or hindering when it comes to the way your body smells. You’ll want to cleanse your vulva, which includes your labia (lips) and vaginal opening with a gentle soap that isn’t scented. Rinse well, using your hand to rinse in and around the folds. Dry thoroughly before putting on your clothes.
Some companies, including System Jo, make products to help with vaginal odor by keeping you dry all day long. You’ll also find sprays and wipes you can safely use before oral sex to improve the way you smell and taste if you’re worried that this will stop your man from going down on you. These products are intended for use around your vulva and not inside your vagina.
When it comes to keep your vagina clean, you don’t want to do more than rinse with clean water. Using a cleansing product that is scented or contains chemicals can mess with your vagina’s natural pH balance, which can actually contribute to unpleasant scents or infections. In fact, while vaginal douches are marketed towards women, they’re generally unhealthy for your body.
]]>BDSM isn’t usually dangerous, but some activities can wreak havoc on your emotional or physical well-being. This is especially true if you’re not open and honest, both with your partner and yourself and if you rush into things without doing research or preparation.
Establishing BDSM rules minimizes these risks while providing the greatest opportunity for you to enjoy these activities.
Below you’ll find a list of BDSM rules to adhere to. You don’t necessarily need to follow all these rules to the letter. If your play embodies these rules, you’re probably doing things correctly and safely.
BDSM is never entirely without risk, even though you can mitigate those risks quite a bit with knowledge and preparation. There are a couple statements or ideologies that sum up the potential risk and acknowledging it.
Once you acknowledge the risk involved in BDSM, you can begin to consider other BDSM rules.
Safe words are another way to promote safety when you’re exploring BDSM. A safe word is simply a word you say (or a signal if you’re gagged). As a submissive, your safe word keeps you safe. If you’re dominating your partner, the safe word lets you know that your partner is okay, connected to you and wanting to continue play. And don’t think you can’t have a safe word if you’re a top, either!
A safe word can be anything you want it to be, but it’s smart to pick a word that you wouldn’t normally say during play. For example, don’t pick “No” if you like resistance play. When you say your safe word, play pauses or stops entirely.
Some people use a green/yellow/red system. Green means “Go ahead,” yellow means “Proceed but with caution” and red means “Stop.” As a dominant, you need to obey the safe word to retain your partner’s trust. Submissives should beware people who don’t respect their safe words.
While there are few risks involved if you’ve had a bit to drink before sex, this changes with BDSM, especially the more strenuous activities such as suspension or needle play. Drugs can slow your reaction time and make it difficult to notice if something is happening that could potentially harm you. This is why being sober is and important BDSM rule for both submissives and dominants.
Fewer BDSM rules are more important than this one! Honest communication is essential for even vanilla sex to be fulfilling, and it’s that much more important when it comes to BDSM.
However, because you can talk about your needs, desires, thoughts and feelings, you must understand them. Being honest with yourself is crucial. So ask yourself the following questions.
Although the answers to these questions may be difficult, they help you get to know yourself and your partner.
One way to be honest is to use a BDSM contract.
This group of BDSM rules is all about the characteristics you need to be a successful kinkster no matter if you’re a top or a bottom.
Obviously, you must be open to new ideas and experiences if you want to get into BDSM. Your partner may want to try things that aren’t necessarily up your alley, but you may come to like them. Regardless, you must be kind when you approach it, which leads us to our next point.
Be sensitive to your needs and your partner’s. This includes during a scene and is especially important for dominants. Handle your partner’s reactions with kindness.
Patience is a must when it comes to growing together sexually. You might be more experienced with BDSM than your man, or he might take longer to acclimate to flogging than you’d like (Remember that pain tolerance increases with arousal, which is a cornerstone of sensual domination). Perhaps you want him to take on a dominant role, but he needs to warm up to the idea.
Furthermore, you need to be patient with yourself. You might be really excited about BDSM but find that you’re not able to take a flogging or last as long during a scene as you expected. That’s perfectly okay!
One common rule is “go slower than slow.” You can always increase intensity or move to more hardcore activities once you establish your baseline, and you may be able to skip the beginner stuff once you’re more experienced. But trying it all at once can be overwhelming.
If you don’t have realistic expectations of BDSM and what you can achieve, you’ll probably be pretty impatient. But the reality is you need to start and progress slowly. Your partner and you may not have the same fetishes. And you might not enjoy activities that you were previously interested in.
BDSM can also be quite rigorous, especially for a dominant. Knowing the realities means you’re not in for any unpleasant surprises.
BDSM can involve a lot of tools. The most common items include impact play implements (floggers, whips, paddles, canes, etc.) and bondage gear (cuffs, hoods, spreader bars, collars, gags, binders, tape, etc.), but you can play with needles, knives, violet wands, vibrators and dildos, blindfolds, candles/wax, bondage furniture, and even fucking machines.
No one expects you to know everything about of all these options, but you should know how to safely use and care for your tools. Some things to keep in mind what your items are made from (and if they’re porous), whether they’re waterproof and how to care for them.
Keep safety in mind, too. You need to practice with a whip or flogger to ensure you can aim. Toys with longer tails can accidentally wrap around your partner’s body and hit areas you didn’t intend to hit. You should never aim for areas over organs.
Specific tools raise concerns that you might not have realized. For example, you shouldn’t use a violet wand if you have a pacemaker or hearing aid, and even the person wielding a violet wand is likely to shock themselves from time to time. Know how much weight your furniture can support and how to set up space where you can fully suspend someone if that’s something you’d like to try.
Make sure to read instructions, scour the Internet for tutorials and videos and even talk to other kinksters – many recommend finding a mentor to show you the ropes, literally and figuratively – to become familiar with the tools of the trade so that you can use them with confidence.
Books such as SM 101 by Jay Wiseman and BDSM: A Guide for Explorers of Extreme Eroticism by Ayzard offer some wonderful general information about BDSM and S&M. Every kinksters bookshelf should have one of them, and you can look for more niche books depending upon your favorite flavor of BDSM.
Being prepared for an emergency or contingency is an essential BDSM rule. This means:
There may be specific risks that we haven’t addressed, such as those involving suspension, choking or mummification, which is why you should research the risks of any BDSM activities you’re interested in.
Many times, taking precautions prevents any emergency or long term negative effects from BDSM, which is why this BDSM rule is so important.
Wondering why so many people enjoy BDSM despite (or even because of) its risks?
As we wrap up this list of BDSM rules, we can’t forget to mention aftercare. Aftercare means treating your partner physically and emotionally after a scene, which can be quite demanding. A drink, a snack and a blanket are recommended. You might apply balm or antibiotics to affected areas.
Other types of aftercare include cuddling, a warm shower or massage. Don’t forget that both submissives and dominants can benefit from aftercare.
This list of rules for BDSM is by no means comprehensive, but we’ve listed some of the bare minimum rules that you should follow, and you can devise more rules yourself to help you explore BDSM safely without sacrificing sexy fun.
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