How many Hollywood flicks show a woman who falls in love with a gay guy? Somehow she has managed to miss all the signs that this man isn’t interest in women. It’s nothing personal, but she’s too smitten. A lot of heartbreak could have been saved if only she knew, and the same goes if you think the guy you like might be gay. By no means does any person have a right to know about another person’s sexuality, but if you’re falling for a man and can’t take off your rose-colored glasses, you might want to consider these signs that indicate he’s gay.
1. He Resists Woman’s Flirtations
One of the first signs he is gay is that he doesn’t sleep with women or pay attention when women flatter, compliment or directly hit on him. He may downplay attention by changing the subject or simply ignore that attention from women all together.
If there’s a pattern of either behavior, this guy may very well not be interested because he’s interest in men, instead.
Of course, you should remember that he may be in a relationship with a woman that he doesn’t want to disclose, may have a lower-than-average sex drive or may even be socially awkward to the point of missing cues and flubbing opportunities to hook up with women even if those women have read our awesome flirting guide.
2. He Isn’t Attracted to Women
We live in a society where men aren’t typically afraid to express attraction to a member of the opposite sex, especially to other male friends. You might have even had relationships with men who weren’t afraid of pointing out a cute or shapely woman walking down the street.
It can be fun activity together. However, a man who expresses no attraction to any woman may be gay. There’s a difference between a man who doesn’t vocalize it because he doesn’t want to be rude and a gay man, however. Men might make an effort not to objectify women, but you can still see where their eyes are headed, so pay attention to both actions and words with this one when you’re dressed up sexy.
3. But He Checks Out Other Men
If a straight man can’t help his eye from straying to an attractive woman, then you can usually expect the same from a gay man.
Except he’ll be looking at a man’s ass, smile, arms, chest and maybe even package! These glances may be furtive and hard to catch, or they may be more longing, which is a sure sign that your guy friend is actually into other dudes.
On the other hand, he might just be comparison himself to the competition or admiring an athlete who’s worked hard to get in such good shape! Both men and women can admire a body of the same sex without being gay!
4. He Lets Down His Guard
Sometimes someone raised in the south who has practiced speaking in a more neutral accent lets his roots show when he’s drunk. This can also happen if he’s tired or angry.
For a man who might be gay but who isn’t ready to come out just yet, a similar occurrence might happen. While he spends his waking moments pretending to be straight or even just downplaying his homosexuality, he might not be able to retain control if he’s been drinking or if he’s in need of a nap.
He might spend more time checking out men, flirting with them, touching them or making comments to his friends about another man’s appearance. Or he may be drunk and it means nothing at all!
5. He Overdoes Alpha Male
There are a lot of articles that try to teach you how to tell if a guy is gay that make this point the cornerstone. There is truth to the idea that a man who is struggling with his sexual identity or in denial will act overly macho. He’ll never make physical contact with other men.
He’ll sleep with dozens or hundreds of women to try to prove his masculinity. He’ll spend time at the bar, watching sports or working out to maintain a muscular figure. It’s unfortunate that homophobia can lead a man to deny his identity and go to these extremes, but it does happen, which is why this is sometimes a sign he is gay.
But it’s not good enough if it’s only one sign. You need to look for other signs he is gay. After all, we live in a society where gender roles are still plenty rigid. Many men fall prey to these stereotypes who are definitely straight.
Look at Jon Hamm’s character Donald Draper in “Mad Men.” He’s just the man’s man, the alpha male, and he’s entirely straight. Look for the difference between a man who is trying too hard and a man who is comfortably masculine and may even like being dominant in the bedroom, but remember that straight men who don’t fall into the alpha role may come off as trying too hard, too!
6. He’s A Homophobe
Here’s another stereotype we wish we could do without! The media will claim any man who is a homophobe is secretly gay. This isn’t always true, but it goes hand in hand with trying to come off as masculine as possible.
Not only might a man distance himself from the physical and personality traits that some people might view as gay, but he’ll distance himself from the entire lifestyle. He might be a married, Christian man with a family who secretly has urges to be with other men but has squashed those urges into the furthest corners of his mind.
The result might look something like an uptight man who’s afraid to hug or even touch other men. One of the signs he is gay might be how quick he is to accused others of being gay or make homophobic jokes. He might be especially afraid that another gay man will hit on him — or worse — even if those fears are completely unfounded. That doesn’t sound like someone who is comfortable with his sexuality.
7. He’s Defensive About Gay Jokes
Another way how to tell if a guy is gay also shows his insecurity with himself and his sexuality. The way that a man reacts when he’s the butt of a gay joke or if someone even implies that he might be gay to get laughs might be a sign he is gay.
Unfortunately, a society that condoms that sort of joking around is one that makes it uncomfortable for people — men and women alike — to come out to their communities.
However, even a friendly gesture between a guy and his friend that implies homosexuality might send a man who is in denial running out of the situation. Typically, a man in this situation wouldn’t be so worried about gay joke’s at another man’s expense, however.
8. He Enjoys Gay Porn
Again, this is one of the signs he is gay that you must take with a grain of salt. You might go hunting through a guy’s Internet history if you want to know how to tell if a guy is gay.
Just remember that plenty of women and straight men also like gay porn, and not everyone wants to do what they see in porn. Just because he’s watching it doesn’t mean it’s a sign he is gay, and you’ve got to be extra careful when it comes to shared computers because you never know who is looking at which pages.
You don’t want to accuse a man of being gay only to find out that his gay cousin has been spending weekends on the couch to avoid the commute from the city! But if gay porn is the only type he likes and you’ve caught him trying to cover it up, this might be a sure sign of his sexuality.
9. He Displays Mysterious Behavior
Sometimes men who are gay try to downplay it and repress their urges entirely, even though it rarely works. Other times, men will have a secret gay lifestyle that they try to keep hidden.
If you notice your guy friend seems to be more romantic than bromantic with another close friend, there might be something going on behind closed doors. Similarly, he may disappear at nights or weekends without no explanation because he’s hooking up with guys. Not every hiking trip means he’s enjoying backdoor fun, but it could be when combined with other signs a guy is gay from this list.
10. He Tells You He’s Gay
The most obvious sign that a guy is gay is last. Coming out isn’t always easy — especially if a person feels forced to do so — and neither is asking someone if they might be gay based upon suspicions that might not mean that much at all.
However, ignorance isn’t always bliss, and sometimes you need to know the answer to that question so you can get on with your life. If you know a man pretty well, you can try to gauge how receptive he will be to this question and word it in a way that won’t irreparably damage your relationship, no matter what that relationship might look like if he comes out to you.
We’ve got a couple tips:
- Ask when you’re alone
- Wait until you know him well enough
- Make sure you’re both emotionally and mentally comfortable
- Do not pressure him into admitting he’s gay if he’s uncomfortable
- Let him know you’ll be supportive no matter what his answer is
Some people might encourage you to ask while either you or your crush has had a little to drink. While one or both of you might forget an awkward conversation, or at least pretend not to remember, this isn’t a good idea if either of you becomes confrontational when drinking.
It’s also not a good idea to pop the question in a game of truth or dare. Plus, you should also remember that not everyone wants to come out and it can be quite rude to inquire about sexual orientation just because you’re curious.
But He Must Be Gay!
Despite the fact that more gay people are coming out of the closet, that they’re professionals and family-oriented and may attend your church or gym, many stereotypes still exist about what it means to be gay.
Unfortunately, this also means that a man (or woman) who displays these stereotypical traits might be mistaken for gay through no fault of his own. A man could display every characteristic on this list up to actually coming out of the closet, but that does not mean he’s actually gay.
Furthermore, you shouldn’t assume that a man is gay just because he has some gay friends. You probably have gay friends, but that doesn’t mean you’re gay. You might have friends who are vegan, but does that mean you have to be, too?
It’s closed-minded to consider that a man must be gay just because he dressed well or pays attention to his hair and beard. And if he has a more effeminate voice? That doesn’t have to be a sign he is gay, either. Voices naturally range in depth. Perhaps yours is typically lower than a man’s but you’re perfectly straight.
It doesn’t even mean your man is gay if he likes pegging — where you fuck his ass with a strapon. Gay and straight men alike can get off from that stimulation, which you should keep in mind if you’re wondering whether a guy is gay. We actually recommend pegging as something every couple should try!
We live in a world where both men and women are becoming more comfortable at resisting gender stereotypes, so telling whether someone is gay or not has become increasingly difficult. Before you claim your gaydar can’t be beat, brush up on some signs that a guy might be gay and don’t forget to look at the entire picture lest you make a fool of yourself and embarrass a potential friend.
Snap judgments about whether a guy is gay can be unfair and harmful to your relationship. And if he does happen to be gay, you might make a new friend and provide a safe place for him to come out!