Have you ever thought about sleeping with your ex? Or perhaps you’ve done it before and you know how it leads to a slippery slope. In fact, many women – and men – considering one last shag with the exes for a variety of reasons.
Why would you have sex with your ex, anyway? There are tons of reasons, even if we would kid ourselves otherwise. Perhaps you miss him or you’re just lonely and he would be able to fill the void that opened when you broke up. Having sex with him might simply be easier than trying to meet someone new, which can cause a lot of sexual anxiety. More on that in this post.
You might have forgotten some of his worst habits thanks to your time apart, or you might be experiencing some sort of stress in your life that makes you think having sex with your ex is a good idea. But it very rarely is – no matter what chick flicks would have you believe! Even if you’re the strongest woman in the world, you might sometimes be tempted to slip between the sheets with your ex, but there are plenty of reasons to do anything but!
1. YOU BROKE UP FOR A REASON
The number-one reason not to have sex with your ex is easy. He’s your ex for a reason. Perhaps he cheated, you two couldn’t communicate, he lacked ambition and goals for the future or he simply treated you poorly. No matter what the reason, you saw fit to dump him, and that means you shouldn’t let him back into your life just because you miss the physical touch or you’re feeling a little horny. NSA sex with someone else might be up your alley – or your could reach for your toys – but there will definitely be strings attached to sex with your ex!
2. THERE MIGHT BE JEALOUSY
You broke up, and one or both of you has been with other people. This might mean there are new tricks you bring to the table – or bedroom. But what if this causes jealousy as you think of the people your ex has had sex with other than you? Even if it’s a one-night stand – more on those here – jealousy can still rear it’s ugly head. And that’s definitely something you’ll have to consider if you want to get back together.
3. IT MIGHT MAKE YOU THINK YOU STILL HAVE FEELINGS
..but you don’t! Sometimes the adrenaline, oxytocin and other hormones that pop up after a good romp in the sack can make you feel more affection toward a person than you otherwise would, and it’s definitely going to complicate things when you’re having sex with an ex. This is why having sex is never a good way to get closure. Instead, try having a conversation or burning one of his old t-shirts to get rid of him once and for all.
4. IT DOES BRING UP OLD FEELINGS
If you’ve been working hard to get over your ex because he was the one who called things off or the situation was out of your control, then sleeping with your ex is probably ill advised. You could seriously set yourself back, and all your hard work up until now will have been for moot. What’s more, you don’t want to give him the idea that he can have sex without commitment if that’s actually what you want from him. But he may just try for that anyway!
And if you’re too busy being caught up in feelings and having sex with your ex, you might not recognize when a new man enters your life. Why not save your energy for someone deserves it, instead of an ex who couldn’t make it work with you?
5. IT WILL RUIN MEMORIES
Sometimes having sex with an ex reminds us just how much we have moved on and how we don’t have feelings for our exes anymore. Don’t get us wrong – that is generally a good thing. But without the feelings and chemistry that made you think you were having the best sex in the world while you were together, you might suddenly feel like things are a little lackluster in bed, and this could color your previous sexual memories in a negative way. On the other hand, there’s always the chance it will remind you that you made the right decision so you can fully get on with your life!
6. HE’LL USE IT AGAINST YOU
Whether he’s telling his buddies how you just can’t stay away, he’s making a case for his amazing sex organ and skills or he simply wants to make you look like you have no other options, he may be just waiting to run his mouth. You just can’t know that this will stay under wraps no matter how careful you are.
7. IT MIGHT GIVE HIM THE WRONG IDEA
You’re lonely and drunk. He’s still in love with you. You two hook up one last time. What can go wrong? Only everything! If you have sex with your ex and you’re not on the same page, some hearts can be broken. And you may not even care about the pieces of his shattered heart, but you definitely don’t want to ignite that flame again and have to deal with calls, texts and serenades outside your bedroom window because you had sex and his love is renewed!
If you want to make him miss you, sex might be an okay idea, though.
8. YOU’VE CHANGED
You have. He has. It doesn’t matter who has done the changing, but you’re two puzzle pieces that no longer fit together, and trying to force it might just be painful. While he might have been nice enough when you were going out, he might not feel the need to be so kind now that you’re just sleeping together. And if you can’t trust him with your feelings, you definitely don’t want to trust him in your home, do you?
9. YOU COULD GET AN STI
Now, you can use condoms and take steps to prevent STI transmission – more on that here – but having sex with your ex probably doesn’t involve the sort of forethought that has you checking with your OBGYN that you don’t have anything that needs antibiotics. If you’re going to get caught up in old feelings and new confusion, maybe it’s best not to have sex with your ex at all.
10. YOU COULD GET PREGNANT
The final reason you don’t want to sleep with your ex is a big one. Sex always has the chance of leading to pregnancy, and that’s obviously not something you want to risk with an ex. Not only will you have to deal with hormones and a changing body, but you’ll have to explain it to everyone. There’s no denying that you had sex three months after your breakup if you’re giving birth a year later! If you do have sex with your ex, you absolutely must use birth control!
You might be tempted to convince yourself that none of these rules apply to you and your ex. You may try diligently to convince yourself that you won’t fall victim to these traps. When you’re feeling susceptible to picking up your phone and asking your ex for a hookup, it might be better to phone a friend who can lend you strength so that you don’t wind up with regrets the morning after! But if you can’t help yourself, read this article to make sure your booty call goes smoothly.