A lot of people confuse sex with intimacy. Sex can be wild and sweaty without any intimacy at all. It can also be loving and gentle and intimate. Sometimes, it can be an intoxicating mixture of both, and what feels like intimacy to you might not be another person’s cup of tea. No matter what you like, intimacy helps you feel bonded to your partner and present and in the moment.
It’s no wonder that deciding to have sex is such a big deal for many people and why having sex is considered one of the most impactful ways to show your partner how you feel.
If you’re busy, sex might have become routine and you might not feel as though you’re achieving the intimacy that you desire. This happens inside as well as outside of the bedroom, but it doesn’t have to stay that way!
Just what does intimate sex include? Read on to find out more!
WHAT MAKES SEX INTIMATE?
What makes sex intimate varies from person to person or even couple to couple. Here are some of the most common elements of intimate sex, however.
- Eye contact: Gazing deeply into your lover’s eyes just makes you feel connected and increases intimacy. Without it, you might feel a bit objectified. This is why a lot of people prefer Missionary style and other sex positions where they’re facing their partners. Check out our most popular sex positions with illustrations here.
- Kissing: Some people even have a rule that they won’t kiss people who are nothing more than no-strings-attached partners. The counterpart is that kissing is a must if you want sex to feel intimate. If you’re avoiding it during morning sex, keep some mints and a glass of water on hand. Read this post to brush up on your kissing skills, too.
- Oral sex: Similar to kissing, oral sex is an activity that many people reserve only for romantic partners and not just one-night stands. When a man performs oral, it’s a good indication that he’s really intent on making sure you have a good time. You can also return the favor by blowing his mind with a great blowjob.
- Full body contact: You can have sex without looking one another in the eye, without kissing and without touching anywhere other than your genitals, but that’s not very intimate! Full-body contact literally keeps you connected. Press your breasts to his chest, wrap your arms around his neck, run your nails across his back or arms, rub your legs with your leg and foot, so on and so forth. Make sure that you’re touching in at least two places at any given time, and you’ll definitely feel like you’re having intimate sex.
- Sensual massage: To build on the last point, sensual massage is a form of intimacy where you’re having some serious skin-to-skin contact with your man. It works excellently as foreplay, and it doesn’t necessarily have to lead to sex if you don’t want it to! However, it can, and that sex will be amazing. After your man has rubbed his hands down every inch of your body, oiling your skin with a high-quality massage product, you’ll feel more relaxed and ready for sex than ever!
- Saying “I love you”: For many people, this is the ultimate way to make sex feel intimate. Express your adoration for your partner. Let him know if you’ve missed him and how good it is to be this close to him. Compliment his skills in bed or simply as your man. It’ll make both of you feel great.
- Using names: There’s something super hot about hearing someone moan your name in bed, but it can also be very sweet and intimatet oo. It lets you know that your man is present with you in the moment.
- Talking and laughing: There are a number of people who take sex a bit too seriously. They go at it like it’s a job. There’s no talking and maybe no appreciate moans at all. And for them there certainly isn’t any room for laughter. But we think all those things are exactly what makes intimate sex so damned intimate! Talk with your man. Laugh with him (but not at him)! You’re still the same person when you’re undressed in the bedroom as you are outside of it. There’s no need to compartmentalize sex from the rest of your life. It helps keep you happy and healthy, and it’s important for many relationships!
- Sharing fantasies: If you think that dirty talk and sharing your fantasies isn’t intimate, think again! What’s more intimate than telling someone your secret desires and the thoughts you have when masturbating? Sharing those fantasies with your man can certainly be thrilling, and knowing what he desires can make you feel closer to one another.
- Slow it down: Sure, quickies are great when you don’t have a lot of time or energy, but they’re not necessarily the best if you want sex with intimacy. So slow things down. Make out and dry hump plenty beforehand. Take your time taking off one another’s clothes. Plant kisses along every part of his body. Don’t just jump into penetration. And when you do finally get there, make your movements slow and languid. Revel in the feeling of your man inside of you, on top of you. Memorize every detail of his face and body. Move your hips in a figure 8 or circle rather than quick up-and-down movements. If one of you is too close to orgasm, pull back and slow down. Return to just kissing.
- Cuddle: There’s a stereotype about women who like to cuddle after sex, but many men like it, too. Cuddling and physical contact releases oxytocin, the “cuddle” hormone, which helps you to feel bonded. That’s definitely good for intimacy! You can lie your head on your man’s chest and listen to his heartbeat. Plus, there’s something nice about not having to jump out of bed and right back into the real world. Cuddling provides you with that buffer before you have to deal with kids, chores, work, pets and whatever other obligations that are waiting for you on the other side of the bedroom door!
You don’t need to do all these things for sex to be intimate, and you don’t necessarily have to aim for intimate sex every time you strip down. For some people, intimate sex might mean the difference between “making love” and having sex or just fucking. For some people, the sort of slow and sensual sex that you see in the movies is the most intimate. More on that here.
However, this doesn’t mean that other types of sex aren’t intimate. For example, you might like rough sex or to incorporate elements of BDSM into your sex life, and that may be very intimate for you. After all, it takes a lot of trust to let someone tie you up, spank you or do even more extreme things that some people consider kinky. Similarly, you might find a position where you can’t kiss to be intimate because it allows you to caress your partner’s body. Consider the position known as Legs On Shoulder position. Your man can massage and kiss your legs and ankles even if you’re not making direct eye contact all the time!
It’s perfectly okay if that’s your version of intimate sex. Just make sure that you and your partner are on the same page (our article on talking about sex is a great place to start!) when it comes to what feels like intimacy to you!