13 Sex Positions For Low Confidence & 5 Tips To Boost Self Esteem

You might lack body confidence. Or maybe you are just naturally shy. There are countless reasons for people to feel nervous or anxious during sex. Even seemingly unrelated problems such as career disappointments can negatively impact self-esteem, which in turn can have an absolutely devastating effect on your sex and love life.

No matter what causes it, poor self-esteem becomes particularly problematic when it begins to cause sexual dysfunction. Harvard Medical School notes that “When performance anxiety develops as a result, it can spark a downward spiral of repeated sexual failure and diminishing self-esteem.” [1]

You may find it difficult to become aroused, experience pleasure, or have an orgasm because of low confidence in–and out–of the bedroom.

Despite these serious health and wellness concerns, it is entirely normal to feel less than 100-percent confident in bed. In fact, most people have experienced some level of insecurity when it comes to sexual interaction.

Fortunately, there are a number of sex positions and general tips that can help boost your confidence and make your sex life better than ever before.

Sex Positions for Low Confidence

Another Havard guide notes that “developing a repertoire of different sexual positions not only adds interest to lovemaking, but can also help overcome problems.” [2]


Whether you feel nervous or shy about your general attractiveness or specific physical attributes such as penis size or breast size, there are multiple sex positions for low confidence that can help you overcome your insecurities.

Even if poor body confidence isn’t the reason for your self-consciousness or self-doubt, you can likely find a sex position that makes your sex life better.

Sex Positions for Women with Low Confidence

The following sex positions are all great if you are currently suffering from low confidence.


Because they require you to do very little work and…

For the most part, you don’t have to make direct eye contact with your man. Let’s dive in.

1. Jockey Sex Position

A great female sex position for low confidence, the Jockey allows women to remain entirely passive or concentrate on subtle sensual movements such as gently stroking their male partner’s legs.

Aptly named, this position resembles a jockey (the man) riding a horse (the woman). While the woman lies face down on the bed, the male partner straddles both sides of the female partner’s waist with his knees.

2. Missionary Sex Position

Even if you have heard the name of no other sex position, you are probably familiar with the Missionary position.

It requires little confidence to perform due to its simple and straightforward nature. The Missionary has the woman lying on her back with her legs open, and the man on top of her, face down, with his legs in between hers.

Not only does this sex position allow the female partner to remain largely passive, but it is quite intimate because partners are situated face to face and very close together. Although extremely common, the Missionary is highly enjoyable.

3. Doggy Style Position

Another extremely popular sex position, Doggy Style, places the female partner on her hands and knees while the male partner kneels and mounts her from behind. This is an exceptional sex position for a low confidence woman because it allows the man to take complete control while she merely stays in position.


It also allows the woman to accentuate the sexual experience and maximize mutual pleasure by pushing back against the man’s forward thrusts and/or arching her back to change the angle of penetration.

4. Spooning Sex Position

An essential go-to position for many couples that want maximum body contact Spooning ranks just behind classics such as the Missionary and Doggy Style in terms of general popularity.

One of the easiest and most relaxing sex positions, it places both partners on their sides, with the man nestling the woman from behind. Like the Missionary position, Spooning can boost confidence by promoting high levels of intimacy. Although partners do not face each other while spooning, they enjoy full-body contact. Women often like to have their partners hold them closely while Spooning.

5. Burning Man Sex Position

Although it is named after the fire-hot sex that it can provide, the Burning Man is also a great sex position if you have low confidence as a woman.

Unlike the bed-based sex positions that we have previously discussed, this position requires a table or countertop to execute.

As the female partner lies stomach-down on the table while keeping her feet on the floor, the male partner does most of the work from behind. Worried about the penis coming out of place during sex? Because the woman’s legs remain firmly anchored on the ground, the Burning Man can accommodate vigorous sex without slippage.

6. Right Angle Sex Position

The Right Angle position is not used by that many people. However, there is no reason for this because it is very easy to perform and doesn’t require large amounts of flexibility.

As the female partner, all you have to do is to lie down on your back and point your legs upward towards the ceiling. The exact angle of your legs is up to you and your partner, who will support them as he straddles your hips with his thighs.

7. Butterfly Sex Position

Another great sex position for low confidence women due to its exceptional ease of performance, the Butterfly can be executed on a bed or a tabletop. All you need to do as a woman is lie on your back at the edge of any flat surface and allow your male partner to support your dangling legs and buttocks.

Allow your lower legs to rest on his shoulder or to the sides of his hips as he penetrates you from a kneeling position on the floor (if you are lying on a bed) or a standing position (if you are lying on a tabletop).

Sex Positions for Men With Low Confidence

Now that we’ve covered the sex positions that women with low sexual confidence can use let’s jump to the positions that men suffering from the same problem can use.

Again these positions work mostly because you don’t have to do any crazy moves or thrusting.

1. Cowgirl Sex Position

Of all the sex positions that place a female partner on top of a male partner, the Cowgirl is the most common, enjoyable, and easy to perform.

For the man, the Cowgirl requires nothing more than lying motionless on his back. He can, however, add thrusts and/or gyrating motions if he chooses to. Due to its simplicity, the Cowgirl is a sex position for low confidence in males and females alike.

2. Back Seat Driver Position

The Back Seat Driver goes far beyond the bedroom and even the tabletop, allowing couples to have sex wherever they can sit down.

The male partner simply sits and allows the female partner to sit in his lap. This is a great sex position if you have low confidence as a man because you are placed in a highly passive position, and you don’t have to worry about making eye contact as it’s virtually impossible.

While it is certainly a good idea to use your hands to touch your partner and generally accentuate the sexual experience, the entire point of this position is to allow the woman to take charge. In fact, she can even provide an extra thrill by doing a little strip tease or sensual dance routine.

If you want, try giving your man a lap dance before getting into this sex position to really make it hot.

3. Rear Entry Sex Position

If your penis size contributes to your insecurities in bed, you may want to try the Rear Entry position.

Because this position allows your partner to squeeze her legs together as firmly as she wants, she can squeeze even a very small penis quite tightly to maximize pleasure for both partners. To perform the Rear Entry position, both partners simply lie flat on their stomachs with the man on top between the woman’s legs as in the Missionary position.

You can also use this position for anal sex.

4. Washing Machine Pose

The Washing Machine Pose is great for a guy who might want to give his woman some extra mechanical stimulation without using a conventional vibrator. (Of course, there’s nothing wrong if you want to use a vibrator to get off.)

It replaces this sex toy with a common household appliance: the washing machine. Just put some clothes in the washing machine, set it to the highest speed setting, and turn it on. Then place your female partner over the top of the machine just as you would in the Burning Man position. For men, this is a great sex position for low confidence because the vibrations of the washing machine near their female partners’ groin area will significantly enhance her sexual gratification.

5. Irish Garden Sex Position

Like the Rear Entry sex position, the Irish Garden takes performance pressure off the male partner by taking away his ability to thrust with his hips.

He can merely touch his partner with his hands and possibly rock her body back and forth using his arms. The Irish Garden places the man in a deeply reclined seated position, propped up by his elbows or some sort of cushioning. The woman lies on her stomach while straddling his hips.

6. Sofa Surprise Position

Another great sex position for low confidence men because it gives control to their female partners, the Sofa Surprise allows the man to sit on a sofa or a large armless chair exactly as he ordinarily would.

Facing him, the woman squats on his lap and pushes her hips back and forth. Like many of the seated positions above, the man can do little more than touch and lift with his hands.

Sex Tips for Low Confidence

In addition to trying one or more of the sex positions for low confidence listed above, there are many other measures that you can take if you are nervous or self-conscious in bed. Here are just a few tips to help you boost your lovemaking confidence and abilities.

1. Get to Know Your Partner Well

It may sound old-fashioned to some, but…

Gaining an intimate understanding of your partner before having sex can greatly boost your confidence when you ultimately do.

Experts at the University of California Davis stress the importance of considering your partner’s thoughts and feelings to be as vital as yours. [3] By establishing a firm and clear mutual understanding, you and your partner are bound to feel more comfortable with each other in bed.

2. Communicate Your Sexual Preferences

Before, during, and after sex, it is important to let your partner know exactly what you do and do not like. That Havard guide we talked about earlier recommends that partners share their fantasies with each other in writing, “This exercise can help you explore possible activities you think might be a turn-on for you or your partner. Try thinking of an experience or a movie that aroused you, and then share your memory with your partner.” [2]

3. Keep Your Sense of Humor

Although sex is often depicted as intensely serious in books and on film, it is absolutely okay to laugh at yourself and/or the situation in general when things don’t go according to plan.

Few things release tension as quickly as a good chuckle. In fact, the relationship between humor and sexual attraction at all stages of courtship and togetherness is long-established, both in common experience and in scholarly studies such as those detailed by the University of Kansas. [4]

4. Work on You

It should go without saying that the best way to address your lack of self-esteem is to identify its root causes. Very often, people can trace their low levels of confidence to one or more psychologically damaging or traumatic events.

These events could be as deeply serious as a case of abuse during childhood or as seemly trivial as an unkind comment during adulthood. No matter what the answer might be, you should sincerely ask yourself why your sexual confidence is so low. Whether the reason is physical or mental in nature, you must identify it before you can appropriately address it.

Furthermore, a big part of sexual confidence is comfortable with your own body even when alone. For this reason, you may want to pursue healthy sexual self-exploration before attempting to explore sex with another person.

5. Set the Mood

It might seem like a cliché, but mood lighting can go a long way when it comes to boosting your self-esteem in bed. For those with body confidence issues, a dark room can certainly work wonders.

You also may want to create a soothing environment by lighting candles, spraying perfume, or playing romantic music. Of course, alcohol and drugs certainly aren’t for everyone, but a glass of wine or a couple puffs of cannabis have well-known powers when it comes to getting “in the mood.” Just be sure to use all mood-altering substances safely and legally.

Improved Self-Confidence Means Better Sex

No matter what happens to make you nervous and how anxious you happen to get, there are nearly limitless ways to combat low confidence in bed.

While very few of us will feel supremely confident each and every time we have sex, you can set yourself on the road to a better sex life today by trying the various positions and advice in this article.

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