Whether kids, school, work or other stresses seem to be taking a toll on your sex life or you’ve just been with your partner long enough that the flames seem to have fizzled, you don’t have to stand aside and watch the embers die out.
We’ve got plenty of new things to try in bed. Surprise your man with one or more of these tips the next time you want to get down or dirty or show him this list directly to rev up your motors and encourage incredible sex again!
1. USE LUBE
If there’s only one thing you can do that can make your sex life better, it’s to use lube. Regular lube eases penetration and makes sex feel better for both partners. But you can also buy flavored lube for use during oral sex and sensation lubes such as those that tingle or warming lube.
2. SNAP A SHOT
Thanks to smartphones, sexy selfies are all the rage. Why not extend the fun and snap a few hot photos of you and your beau when you’re getting down and dirty? You don’t need to share these photos on Instagram. They exist just for the two of you!
You can play with photos or take some nice point-of-view snaps while you’re feeling frisky. If you’re especially adventurous, you can record yourselves having sex and watch it later to get in the mood. Set up a tripod at the end of your bed or simply use your smartphone to take video.
Of course, you should make sure you’re with someone you trust not to share these pics and videos with.
3. ADD TO YOUR EROTIC BOOKSHELF
Reading short stories to your lover is a quick way to turn each other on, and you can pick your favorite stories beforehand. There’s no shortage of erotic reading material, either! There’s an entire world of sexy reading outside of Fifty Shades of Grey.
Cleis Press is a publisher known for making anthologies and novels. Every year, Cleis publishes collections with gay, lesbian, BDSM and bisexual themes, among many others. Ann Rice’s “Sleeping Beauty” trilogy also uses bondage elements, but you’ll find plenty of variation in content if you take a look.
Many writers publish directly to Amazon, perfect if you own a Kindle, and the Internet is full of fan fiction and erotic writing communities such as Literotica. Whatever your source, you’re sure to find plenty of new things to try in bed from erotica.
Do more than just imagine yourself in another story – play it. Roleplay can feel a little silly as a new thing to try, but it allows you to try on personas different from your own. If you have a lot of responsibility at work or home, playing a student or other submissive role can be a source of release.
Similarly, roleplay can involve costumes and props that breathe fresh air into your sex life. Perhaps you’ve still got a plaid skirt from your Catholic school days, or you always wanted to see your man in a uniform. Roleplay lets you do both.
Here are some great ideas for roleplay in the bedroom.
5. HAND OVER THE CONTROL
No, we’re not talking about domination and submission. Although, there are plenty of reasons to love that too! Literally handing your partner the remote control to your vibrator can be thrilling! He gets to choose the intensity and mode, and you get all the pleasure.
There are a couple of options to choose from. You can stay at home and give him the reigns with your favorite remote-controlled vibrator – Lelo has several that will do the trick. Or you can head out to dinner or the movies with a pair of vibrating panties that your lover can control with no one else the wiser.
6. HEAD TO A HOTEL
Sometimes the best new thing to try in bed is simply a different bed! A hotel is an easy way to do this, and it should definitely be on your sexy bucket list. Plus, you can add in a little roleplay.
Sex in a hotel room is awesome because you don’t have to worry about cleanup, but it’s even more enticing if you show up separately. You can grab a room while he’s finishing up work, set up mood lighting and put on your favorite lingerie (more on that below) while you wait for him to knock on the door.
7. OPEN THE BACKDOOR
A lot of women are hesitant about anal sex while men often put this at the top of their list of new things to try in bed. Your apprehension is understandable, but anal sex can be enjoyable for you, too! Some women experience anal orgasms, and others simply love knowing how much pleasure they’re providing their partner.
Remember to take things slowly, communicate and use plenty of lube. You might not get anal sex right on the first time, and that’s okay. Starting with a smaller toy can help work your way up to your partner’s cock.
If you’re not into anal penetration, stimulation around the outside of your anus can also be pleasurable. Try a toy or have your partner rub you while having vaginal sex to add an extra element of fun.
8. PLAY A GAME: WHO CAN LAST THE LONGEST
If you’re a professional at the quickie, you probably have a routine that gets you in and out of the bedroom without alerting the kids, the roommates or the neighbors.
But this routine can get boring, so why not try the opposite?
The next time you want to have sex, you can play a little game with your partner…
Take turns stimulating each other with your hands, bodies, mouths, and genitals in an attempt to make the other cum. Your job is to resist orgasm no matter how difficult it is. Whoever holds out the longest wins.
Combine this game with edging, and you’ve potentially got hours of fun on your hands!
9. MAKE OUT LIKE TEENAGERS
While many of the tips on this list focus on penetrative sex and things you can do to make it more exciting, sometimes the best thing you can do to turn each other on again is to not have sex. This is especially true if you’re stuck in a rut.
You probably have fond memories of making out – in cars, movie theaters and when no one else was looking – as a teenager. Times were frenzied and full of lust, and you can get back to them with a little making out.
10. X MARKS THE SPOT
The last suggestion on this list is a great way to teach a new lover where and how to stimulate you. It’s similar to playing with sex dice, but you get more control over where your lover’s focus goes.
Use body paint to create X’s on your body where you want your man to kiss, nibble, spank or grope. If it’s edible, he can lick it off when he completes the task. You can use eyeliner or washable marker in a pinch, but make sure to lay down a towel to keep your bedding clean!
You can use different symbols to indicate what you want him to do or simply write it out. And why not send a picture of your hip with “Bite here” written on it to get his mind racing during the day?
11. BREAK OUT OF THE BEDROOM
If you always have sex in the bedroom, it might be getting a little stale. You can remedy this by simply not having sex in bed like you always do. Move to the living room sofa or dining room table, as long as you have privacy from your housemates.
Never underestimate the power of simply switching locales. There are plenty of other locations where you can have sex too. Whether you’re in the car in a secluded drive-in, a camp site, a public bathroom where there’s a chance you can get caught or an empty movie theater, the change in venue can be exhilarating.
Just make sure that you aren’t breaking any laws!
12. ADD MUSIC
There’s something about music that affects us in powerful ways. You’ve probably heard a song that made you feel super sexy, or can appreciate how music made a scene in a movie sizzling hot, or watched an exotic dancer writhe on stage to a perfectly picked song. So if you haven’t added music to sexy times, what are you waiting for?
13. BREATHE TOGETHER
One of the ideas in tantric sex (more on that here) is the idea of breathing together. One of you breathes out, and the other breaths them “in.” You can also synchronize your breathing together. Start before sex as you gaze into your partner’s eyes. This can feel quite vulnerable and intimate.
Focusing on breathing can also help if you tend to hyperventilate during sex. Breathing techniques may also help you remain in the moment , a key element of being mindful . Being mindful and remaining in the moment can make sex more enjoyable. In fact, being present is one of 8 key elements to great sex , and concentrating on the moment is a factor associated with orgasm .
14. RESTRICT THE SENSES
We’ve got five senses, but how often do you include them all in sex? One way to include all the senses during sexy times is actually to restrict them. What do we mean?
Block out sights with a blindfold and sounds with headphones or earplugs. Put gloves, mitts or plastic on hands or other body parts. Prevent your partner from speaking by using a ball gag.
The theory is that as you reduce one sense, all of the others improve. Not being able to see or hear everything can heighten sexual tension and the good kind of sexual anxiety.
15. PLAY WITH HIS PROSTATE
A man’s prostate is a sensitive spot that you can stimulate through his anus or perineum to produce powerful orgasms. Some men are even multi-orgasmic thanks to prostate stimulation. You can reach his prostate with your finger or a toy, including a strap-on (this is known as pegging).
16. HEAD TO THE BATHROOM
Now, you might not think of the bathroom as the sexiest room in your house, but it can be a room of great pleasure. You might start by having sex in the shower (more about shower sex) or find out just how sensual bathtub sex can be. During these times you can light candles, put your hands all over your partner as you suds him up, and feel the water on your skin.
Note: water-based lube will break down in the shower, so stick with something with a silicone base. Just remember that silicone lube breaks down condoms causing them to break!
17. SPEND THE DAY NAKED
Unless you’re a nudist, you might not have realized how freeing it is to not wear any clothes. Spending the day naked can be sexy. Or it just might turn into silly fun. Some people might even find it to be a good way to be more accepting of your body.
If you generally strip down and get under the covers quickly, a naked day can encourage you to spend more time looking at and touching your partner’s body — and have him do the same for you!
18. LEAVE SOME CLOTHES ON
On the opposite end of the spectrum, you can leave your clothes on when you have sex. This sometimes happens naturally when you just can’t wait for it.
Wear a skirt or dress that you can slide up for him to penetrate you or eat you out. You can go commando (wear no underwear) to make it even naughtier. Leave your heels on when you’re doing the deed. Or you can leave your top on — bonus points if it’s his button-down shirt.
19. DRESS UP FOR YOUR MAN
The previous new thing to try in bed might have you think about the sexy things you can wear in bed. And it doesn’t have to be lingerie! Button-down shirts are popular – with or without heels.
But you can dress up for him long before you get to the bedroom. Perhaps you wear your hair in a messy bun and rock the yoga pants on most days. While this can certainly be sexy, your partner will appreciate it if you take the time put in a little more effort into your look.
There are many looks you can try from pinup to biker chick and everything in between. Find something you’re comfortable wearing, and don’t forget the sexy little somethings you can wear beneath your clothing that he’ll find as he undresses you! Bonus points if he puts on his best clothes, too, for a date night.
20. HEAD OUT ON THE TOWN
If you’re lucky to live in a larger town/city, then you might be able to find something to get your juices flowing before you head home to ravage each other. Check websites and social media for any of the following:
- A strip club where dancers perform for you. You can even get a lap dance.
- A burlesque show where performers take off layers of clothing and costumes to music.
- A BDSM club where you can experience bondage and discipline or even watch others. Make sure to check the rules to see what’s allowed and what’s not.
- A BDSM munch with members of the local community who can show you the ropes, literally.
21. WAKE HIM UP FOR ORAL – OR VICE VERSA
There are very few men who will complain if their partners wake them up with a blow job or some other sexual behavior. You might even like to receive the same from your man! Some people are especially horny in the morning (although, this could happen in the middle of the night before you both fall back into a satisfied sleep).
Not every guy likes morning sex, however.
Your guy probably won’t mind if you simply ask ahead of time if he’d be okay with this. If you’re sneaky, you can find out and surprise him.
22. PLAY WITH TIME
If you’ve been with your partner for a while, even if you’re just friends with benefits who have had sex quite a few times, then you’ve probably found yourself in a sexual routine. Maybe that’s why you’re looking for new things to try in bed in the first place!
For many people, this routine is the same: you have sex at night before bed.
If you both thoroughly enjoy this routine, then great!
But for most couples, this gets a bit boring and tedious, pretty quickly.
“Playing with time” is a great way to switch things up.
This could mean having sex at a different time than usual. Why not try morning sex? Or grab some afternoon delight.
Another what to play with time is to slow things down. While I talk more about slow sex here, you can also add more foreplay or pause more often during sex. Like you may already know, longer sex and more activities mean more orgasms!
But if you generally have marathon sex, then squeezing in a quickie might be fun, too. One of the nice things about quickies is that you don’t need a lot of time to do it.
23. GET SENSUAL
From an intimate massage lit by candles (or dim lights if you prefer less of a fire hazard) to a slow dance, you can enjoy sex that’s more lovemaking than “fucking.” In fact, you can even try sensual bondage if you like power exchange.
It helps to have candles (massage candles do double duty), incense, a scarf (for draping over a lamp), and even silky sheets to help set the scene.
By the way, if you don’t think your guy will be into sensual and romantic sex, you’re wrong! One study found that, “Romantic/affectionate behaviors were among those most commonly identified as appealing for both men and women .”
24. BE SELFISH
If you’re like most women, you view sex as something you “give” and your partner “takes.” You might think of it as something for him, perhaps even a chore. Your partner always has an orgasm. But what about you?
It’s time to be selfish. Make sure you get yours! Take control and touch yourself or reach for your favorite toy if you need something more than penetration to get off (after all, less than 19% of women get off from penetration alone ). You might be surprised how turned on your partner is when you take control and get a little selfish in bed. Seeing you enjoying yourself brings immense pleasure to some guys – the good lovers, at least!
And once you feel satisfied, you can take your time worshiping your partner and your body to make sure his every dream comes too. This works especially well if you’re submissive as well.
25. SHARE EACH OTHER
For the most adventurous couple, a new thing to try sexually is swinging. You’ve probably heard of swinging before. It’s when you swap partners, typically with another couple; although, sometimes singles swing . There are swinging clubs, or you might bring up the topic to a couple friend.
Swinging can include just making out with another partner or doing everything until penetration. You might find it hot to know that your partner is with another woman while you have sex with her partner right next to them especially if you have a voyeuristic or exhibitionistic streak. Or you might prefer to do it in different rooms.
There’s no “right’ way to swing, but you should definitely discuss boundaries and safe sex if you decide to do it.
26. MASTURBATE – TOGETHER
In case you haven’t already discovered the benefits of masturbation together, we’re here to tell you about it! Most men (and women!) think it’s super hot to see their partners masturbate in front of them. You can let your man know you want to try this or let him “discover” you masturbating – as long as you think he’d find the idea hot.
When your partner watches you touch yourself, he’ll learn what you like. You can also guide his hand and masturbate with him. He could even tell you what to do and have you follow instructions!
The act of masturbation with your partner is known as mutual masturbation, and you can learn all
Masturbating is a great way to figure out what you like. Knowing your personal preferences can help add spark to your sex life .
27. GET ON TOP
You might be surprised how many women never ride their partners. Or maybe you wouldn’t because you find it intimidating. However, it’s a treat to let your man lie back while you do the work, and he gets a show to boot!
If you’re struggling with the confidence to get on top, check out this post to learn what you can do to feel more confident when riding your man.
Even things like trying new positions can lead to anxiety about sex , so it might be helpful to talk to your man about your worries.
28. LEARN HOW TO SQUIRT
Squirting is a skill that many women try to master, and their partners are often excited by the prospect, too. Many women can squirt – although, not all! You’ll need to get acquainted with your G-spot if you want to learn how to squirt. You might find that sex toys make it easier too.
29. MAKE IT A GAME
Are there multiple things you want to try in bed? Not sure where to start? No problem. Simply write down your ideas on slips of paper and toss them in a fishbowl. Then, on a night when you’re feeling particularly adventurous and want to switch things up, draw out a piece of paper or two from the fishbowl.
If there are activities that require preparation, you might choose on the morning of or even a few days before if you’ll need to buy items or prepare for the new activity.
The fishbowl is good because both you and your partner can toss ideas in, and it helps you try new things fairly because it’s random.
You could also potentially use a tool in place of the fishbowl. Create a numbered list with new things to try and generate a number at Random.org to determine what you’ll do tonight.Trying new things in bed might require a little more forethought than you might currently give to sex, but that’s a good thing! Much of the enjoyment of sex comes from the mental component, and getting you and your lover to think about sex outside the bedroom will surely turn up the heat!