There is nothing wrong with being single. And being single is certainly preferable to being in a relationship you don’t want to be in. You should never feel pressured to be in a relationship or to be in one because you think that being in a relationship is expected of you.
However, if you are trying to get into a relationship and keep asking yourself, “Why am I single?” you should know what the possible reasons are so that you can be in a successful and happy relationship.
Here are six potential reasons that could answer your question, “Why am I single?”
1. GUYS DON’T SEE YOU AS RELATIONSHIP MATERIAL
Do you party a lot? Are you reliable? If you answered, “Yes” to the first question and “No” to the second, guys might not see you as relationship material.
You might attract guys, even going out on a first date with many of them. But if guys don’t see you as relationship material, nothing much ever happens from there; you’re not able to sustain a relationship. And that can be super frustrating if you’re tired of being single. The problem might be with the guy, and you can’t control that. But the problem might be with your behavior, which you can control. Here are some behaviors that can make men run:
- You flirt too much. Guys might like it when you flirt with them. But if you can’t stop flirting with other guys, even when you’re with your man, he might think you’re not serious about him and that you would rather be single. If you give that impression, he might move on.
- You pressure a guy right away. The first date is not a good time to talk about any future plans, especially marriage, with a guy. The first date should be reserved for just getting to know each other. More tips here. Planning a future with a guy you don’t even know yet signals that you’ll do this with anyone and that you may be clingy.
- You party all the time. If you met your guy at a bar or party, he was probably attracted to the party girl in you. But if you can’t turn off your party girl personality, he’ll never see your serious side, which could make it more difficult to become close with you.
- You’re too loud. Watch your tone of voice, especially when indoors. If it’s too loud, he’ll feel uncomfortable. People subconsciously match vocal patterns: loudness and softness and fastness and slowness. If your speaking style matches his, great. If not, try to match his.
2. YOU’RE NOT MAXIMIZING YOUR APPEARANCE
We’re not suggesting that you do anything drastic to change your appearance, but there are things you can do to accentuate your positive attributes and deemphasize any negative ones. Here are some suggestions to try if you are tired of being single:
- Maintain a healthy weight: Eat healthy and exercise. You’ll not only look better and more attractive to guys by getting rid of those extra pounds that hide your natural shape, you’ll feel better too, whether you want to be single or not.
- Wear clean clothes: Clean clothes are a must, and you don’t have to wear expensive clothing. Just take care of what you own. Beyond that, if you want to attract a guy that you would like to be in a relationship with, you should dress the part. Wear clothing that flatters your shape, and choose clothes that represent who you are. If you’re still dressing as you did in high school in your late twenties, for example, it’s time for a change.
- Get a makeover: Think about changing your hairstyle or makeup if it’s been awhile since you visited a salon. Ask for a makeover for a fresh, new look.
- Smell fresh: There are lots of ways to smell good: Spray fragrance on your neck and wrists. Wash your hair when it gets greasy. Use sheet spray for your bed and pillows. Make sure your clothes smell good before wearing them. Use a baby wipe to freshen up your vaginal area. And make sure you brush your teeth, or pop in a stick of sugarless gum if you can’t brush.
3. YOU’RE NOT PUTTING YOURSELF IN THE RIGHT PLACES
Meeting men is often a numbers game. To meet lots of men, you need to be where men are to stop being single. You can’t sit at home waiting for the right man to come to you. The more men you meet, the greater the chances are that you’ll meet your future partner.
You can meet men anywhere, but if you want to meet the right man for you, go places you enjoy. Here are some ideas:
- A bar: This old standby works because people often go there to meet people. But if you don’t like bars, you might want to avoid this place to meet men. Much of the time, guys are not there looking for a relationship anyway; they could be looking for fun for just the night, which isn’t a bad thing.
- A market: If you have a popular market near you, go over there. You might run into someone while browsing, and this is the perfect spot to grab a cup of coffee together.
- Online dating sites: Browse through the many online dating sites to find one that you like. People have successful relationships that started with online dating all the time.
- A friend: Search your friend’s friends on social media. If you see someone who strikes your eye, ask your friend to introduce you.
- Place of worship: If you’re religious, start going to your place of worship. Many have singles groups that you can join.
- Neighborhood events: You can sign up for online neighborhood sites that announce singles get-togethers. Newspapers also advertise special events for singles.
- The gym: Maybe you’re working out next to a cute guy in a class, or maybe you just spot a hot guy at the gym. Either way, strike up a conversation.
- A hobby club: If you enjoy something, like running or bicycling, join a club devoted to the hobby you enjoy. Not everyone in these clubs is single, but some are. And the ones who aren’t might be able to hook you up with a single friend.
Check out this post for more places to meet men.
4. YOU DON’T NOTICE THE SIGNALS THAT A GUY LIKES YOU
Sometimes the perfect guy for you is right before your eyes, but you don’t realize he’s interested in you in that way. Start looking more carefully for the signs a guy likes you if you want to stop being single:
- He frequently likes your social media posts.
- He smiles at you often when you two are talking.
- He’ll lean toward you when you are sitting or standing near each other.
- He brags or shows off to you. He’s trying to impress you by doing that.
- He finds reasons to touch your hand or arm when talking, or he’ll hold your hand while walking.
5. YOUR STANDARDS ARE WAY TOO HIGH
It’s good to know what you want in a guy and to even have a checklist. But you can overdo it. Most people should have deal breakers for matters of importance, such as intelligence, spirituality, and certain personality traits. Compatibility is important. But if your checklist is quite long and if your standards are next to impossible to meet, you’re making it way too difficult for most men. This could be the reason you’re still single.
When you have too-high standards, you’re bound to be disappointed, and this is a major reason of being single. If you’re constantly looking for something that disqualifies him, you’re bound to find it. And if you’re dissatisfied, your date will probably pick up on that, making the date not work out.
Instead of waiting for the perfect guy who meets everything on your checklist, give the guys who meet the important checklist items a chance, even if they don’t meet every item.
6. YOUR STANDARDS ARE WAY TOO LOW
If your standards are too low, you could wind up with a person who isn’t a good match for you. Men who are abusive to you, or men whom you simply don’t like are not men you should be with. Being single is the better option here. If you are with the wrong man, the relationship is bound to end. Then, you would have wasted a lot of time, and your self-esteem could be damaged in the process. It’s better to be single than to be with the wrong man.
There is nothing wrong with being single … if that’s what you truly want. But if you don’t want to be single anymore and you are tired of asking, “Why am I single?” there are many steps you can take.
You shouldn’t feel as if you need to change aspects of yourself that you don’t want to change. But if you’re OK with change and you implement the positive changes discussed in this article, you could see some very positive results. Then, you’ll never have to ask, “Why am I single?” again.