So you want to be spanked. That’s great! But you may be wondering to yourself, “How do I get my boyfriend to spank me?” You can always leave a copy of Fifty Shades of Grey on your nightstand, but there’s no guarantee he’ll read it. No, there are much better methods for getting your boyfriend to accommodate your spanking needs. How to get my boyfriend to spank me is a common question, and we will provide the answers.

If you are tired about just thinking about how to get my boyfriend to spank you, and want him to start doing it, here are some ways:


When you’re not having sex yet, like when you’re out to dinner, bring up the subject. Say to him, “I want you to spank me.” He’ll probably like the idea and might want to get home before the appetizers arrive.

Or you could wait and say, “Spank me,” while you are having sex. Maybe you can bite him or slap him on the butt. Then you can tell him that you deserve a spanking for doing that.


You can write a special message for your boyfriend that he’ll see when you’re wearing only your panties. Using a permanent marker, write the words, “Spank me” on the back end of your underwear.

Or buy underwear that is see-through only at the butt. He’ll get the “spank me” message loud and clear. There are also panties with sayings like “It’s not going to spank itself” on them to send the right message.

You may want to remove your underwear before the spanking begins!


One of the top fantasies women have is that of being forcefully ravished by a man. Many romance novels feature a strong male character who wants sex and who won’t accept a woman’s initial hesitance. So if that sounds like you, tell him that you want to be dominated, and the way you like him to show his control is to give you a good spanking.


When you’re having sex, ask him if you’ve been a bad girl or if you’re a naughty girl. He’ll probably say that yes you are. Then ask him what you’ve done. He’ll probably say something, whether it’s sexually related or not, like you didn’t give him a blow job yet or that you left your clothes on the floor. You then respond that you need to be punished for being so naughty. He might then pick up that you want to be spanked at this point. If not, go ahead and tell him, “Spank me” and that you deserve it for doing whatever it was he said you did.


To get the most pleasure from being spanked, have him bend you over his knee. Then, have him put a pillow under your stomach for maximum comfort and positioning. You can also get down on all fours or lie down on your stomach. He should be spanking the meatier part of your butt cheek where the cheek meets your thigh. After the spank, it feels good for him to lightly caress the area he just spanked. Note that he shouldn’t be wearing any rings on his fingers when he spanks you.


Your boyfriend can use several tools besides his hand to spank you. With all of these, it’s best to start slowly and build up the intensity of the swing used to do the spanking. You might even enjoy a massage or a soft tickle to begin. Then, he can work his way up to letting you feel the sting of the intense slap.

His hand: Start by having him use his hand, of course. He can smack you on your butt open-handed, or he can cup his hand. Both feel different and make different sounds.

A paddle: (available in wood, leather, silicone or metal): Each type of paddle feels differently, and all of them are more forceful than the hand. You might want to have him start with his hand and then switch to the paddle. This tool might be too intense to use right from the beginning.

A whip: You can find whips or even riding crops in all sorts of lengths and styles. Whips usually make a loud, cracking noise.

A flogger: This is like a whip, but it has many tails. Floggers made of soft material, such as suede, might be better when you first start.

A cane: The cane sensation is similar to a whip’s. You’ll feel a sharp, intense pain. A cane will probably leave marks on your skin.

Consider wearing Ben Wa balls in your vagina during your spanking session When he spanks, you’ll feel the balls moving around.


Now that you know how to get the job done, there are some ground rules you should consider. You need a safe word that you can say if the spanking is hurting you more than exciting you.

But don’t say, “stop” or “that hurts.” Those words might put a damper on the experience. A prearranged word that has no meaning associated with sex, like “broccoli,” will let him know that you’ve had enough.

Or if you don’t want him to stop but want him to ease up a bit on the pain part, you can use code words that mimic traffic lights. Red means stop, yellow means ease up, and green means keep doing what you’re doing. 

Spanking is one of those activities that provides pleasure even though some pain is involved. The first time you ask your boyfriend to spank you might feel a bit forced or awkward, but you’ll probably both enjoy yourselves so much that it won’t be difficult to get your boyfriend to spank you again.

Depending on how intense the spanking session is, your butt might be a little red and sore afterward, but that feeling shouldn’t last for long, especially if you apply a balm to help soothe it.

If it felt good and you you enjoy being dominated, what’s a little sensitivity later? Now that you’ve found out the answer to how to get your boyfriend to spank you, you’re all set for some fun.


  • Another thing couples should discuss is the type of spanking .. for discipline and/or pleasure. Some people like pleasure spanking, but not discipline spanking, and vice-versa. Some like light spanking while others don’t feel it unless you’re leaving welts and bruises. Spanking is one of those things you have to keep doing to get good at, because each dynamic can be different. If you try it once and it doesn’t seem to go well, don’t give up. Just discuss it and modify how you’re doing it.

    My wife likes some light spanking for pleasure (basically it’s foreplay to us), and I like giving her hard spanking for discipline. (She doesn’t like hard spanking, which is why it’s discipline spanking, but it turns her on and makes her feel like she’s put in her place and learning a lesson). I almost always use my hand, because that’s more intimate, even when discipline spanking. I’ve only ever used a wooden spoon or such a couple of times, and that was to really send home a message she wasn’t getting and I was getting upset about having to repeat over and over.

    Another part of spanking is definitely the talking part.

    Some people just want you to spank and not say a word. Others want you to talk up a storm, during pleasure of discipline spanking.

    My wife doesn’t really like talking during pleasure spanking. She just wants to focus on the feeling / sensation. But, during discipline spanking, the talking is what really turns it into discipline. I will tell her she’s being punished, have her count the swats, ask her if she likes disappointing me. Letting her know I’m disappointed in her / she’s let me down by breaking a rule or screwing something up is more hurtful to her then the spanking. She can have a full-on hardcore spanking and not shed a tear, but the moment I start talking to her like she’s a little child that’s screwed up and I’m very disappointed in her, especially when I use a very calm voice, she breaks down and cries.

    Another aspect about spanking is that the dominant / spanker may like to spank, but the submissive / spankee is just not giving enough reasons to get spanked. Just like a spankee can get very frustrated by not getting spanked when they want / need it, a spanker can get frustrated by not being able to spank enough.

    My wife is often very good, so I sometimes have no reason to spank her. And I love to do discipline spankings on her more then pleasure spankings. So, I’ll often just give her a discipline spanking just for being so good and not giving me a reason to spank her hard. I love to hard spank, and while it’s not her favorite, she gets very turned on by it and if I’m just doing it to ease my own frustration instead of an actual discipline, it turns into major foreplay that leads to really good sex.

    When I first did this, she kept asking me “what did I do wrong?!” And I told her that she didn’t do anything wrong, and that was the point. She knew I liked to spank, but she wasn’t giving me enough opportunities to spank her. (She would be a brat every now and then, but that was her way of goading me into spanking her. But, she could be very good and never need to be spanked, and that frustrates me.)

    Adult spanking is a two-way street.. it’s not just the spankee wanting it. It’s also the spanker wanting to give it. So, there is that dynamic that has to give-n-take.

    Sometimes as the submissive / spankee you have to take a spanking just because your dominant / spanker is really, REALLY wanting to spank you for no other reason then it releasing all that pent-up frustration to want to spank something.

    And, it’s highly arousing once you get the right spanking dynamic. Some women want to feel “taken”, but are very guarded. The fastest way to make them drop their guard and give in is if they are caught doing something wrong and have to face punishment. That is when women revert back to an instinctual nature to use their body to appease their discipliner. The problem is, it’s also one of the reasons why a lot of women hang around with bad boys that treat them like garbage. The guy treats them like garbage and yells at them or treats them roughly, and instead of leaving the guy their bodies betray them and get turned on by the behaviour and they switch into “please him and give yourself to him to tame the beast” mode.

    This is why it’s very important for women (and even submissive men that like to be spanked) to be wary of who they be with. It’s good to be involved with someone that can maintain discipline and follow rules when engaging in physical discipline / behaviour, otherwise it can just degrade into abuse.


Leave a comment