After a relationship ends, you’ll likely experience a number of emotions, including anger, sadness and confusion. Your life may be in upheaval, and this is especially true if it was a relationship that lasted years. For many women, the last thing they want is to enter a new relationship. However, your friends and family will probably warn you against a rebound relationship if you’re considering dating again.
WHAT IS A REBOUND RELATIONSHIP?
A rebound relationship is any relationship that occurs immediately after a serious relationship. Generally, this means you’re not taking time to re-find yourself and your footing as a single person before jumping into the next relationship. In fact, you may like the person you’re in a relationship with less than you actually like the idea of being in another relationship. This could be for many reasons, including financial stability that you’ve simply grown accustomed to being part of a relationship, fear of being alone and serial monogamy. Some people find themselves in rebound relationships for no other reason than they simply have time on their hands!
It’s more likely to be a rebound relationship within the first few weeks of a break-up. If you start seeing someone a few months down the road, there’s less of a chance it’s a rebound because you’ve had time both to get over your exes and to work on yourself.
ARE REBOUND RELATIONSHIPS BAD?
Although you’re certainly not expected to be as celibate as monk or never enter a relationship again, most people caution against rebound relationships. It is unlikely that a relationship based on things other than actual emotional attachment and stability is more likely to fail than one where you take your time, especially if you’re simply picking the first person who crosses your path to be in a relationship with.
However, you can never be sure when true love will strike, so you shouldn’t necessarily write off a budding romance simply because it’s too soon after a break-up. If the break was a long time coming or you were already emotionally checked out of your relationship with your ex, you might need less time than someone who was taken by surprise by the end of their relationship. So while it might seem like a rebound relationship to people around you, only you know when it feels right to move on and start dating again or be in another relationship.
Some people also point out that a rebound can serve as something of a substitute for your ex by allowing you to maintain an emotional connection, and lessening the pain and heartbreak that often occurs after a relationship comes to an end. However, in order for this to work, both of you must be on the same page. You must acknowledge that this is nothing more than a rebound relationship that has no long-term potential.
The main reason that people view rebound relationships in a negative light is the assumption that the recent break-up is wreaking havoc on your ability to make wise decisions. Feelings certainly can contribute to all sorts of poor decision making. Imagine any time your emotions ran high and you did something wild, crazy or downright dumb. You don’t want a relationship to be the next dumb thing you do. Giving time for your emotions to stabilize can be beneficial when you take this into account.
SIGNS YOU’RE IN A REBOUND RELATIONSHIP
Be on the lookout for signs that a new romance is heading into rebound territory. These signs include:
- The relationship moves terrifyingly fast
- You avoid inviting your guy over because reminders of your ex are everywhere
- You’re still angry about the breakup and talk about it constantly
- You always talk about your ex
- You never talk about your ex
- You take your new beau to places you’d visit with your ex
- You don’t introduce him to your friends or your friends are surprised you’re dating too soon
- You rush into sex too soon.
When your date is looking for a serious relationship, it will be easy for him to tell when you’re dating him just to date someone or to fill in for your ex if you’re still waiting to get back together. Apply all of these rules to a guy if he’s just gotten out of a relationship, too. If you’re looking for something more serious, you definitely don’t want to be his rebound!
HOW TO AVOID REBOUND RELATIONSHIPS
The easiest way to avoid falling into a rebound relationship is to simply take a break from romantic and physical/sexual relationships with men for a while after a break-up. If you know that you can’t separate love from sex, avoiding sex is especially important. Otherwise, you can find yourself sliding into a rebound relationship.
Take time to get back to yourself. Reconnect with friends and interests you may have pushed to the side for your ex. You might hit the gym to improve your health and mood thanks to endorphins. Plus, you’ll look great when you do decide to date again! Many people are surprised at the sense of freedom their feel after breaking up. Perhaps you avoided certain restaurants because your ex didn’t like seafood or he always hogged the TV during your shows. Don’t be afraid to enjoy singledom, especially if you haven’t been single in a long time!
As your anger and hurt fades, you’ll have time to analyze what went wrong in the relationship. Were you incompatible or did you have a diffcult time communicating? Did one of you avoid sensitive issues or were you both at fault when it come to making other people or things a higher priority? You don’t want to just look at your ex’s shortcomings, either. It’s important for you to know what you did so you can avoid doing it in a future relationship.
For some women, a one-night stand or NSA sex can replace a rebound relationship, instead. This time might be perfect for you to get in touch with your sexuality and try things that your ex wasn’t interested in. But remember this should be only about the physical and not just trying to replicate an emotional or romantic connection like the one you had with your ex. You’ll only feel worse if that’s your goal. Make sure that your partner knows when it’s just sex too!
However, you might meet someone soon after your break-up who you want to get to know better. Typically, it’s best to be honest about your recent breakup. You must also be honest with yourself. Do you still have feelings for your ex or secretly hope you’ll get back together? If so, you should give it more time before jumping into a new relationship. The two of you might decide to proceed as friends until such a time that your feelings are in check, or you might take things slowly.
There’s no recipe for getting into a new relationship after a break-up, and every situation is different. But you’ll feel it in you gut if you’re moving too quickly or dating someone for the wrong reasons. In some cases, a rebound can actually be beneficial, but communication is a must in those situations!