Here’s how your body may change.
1. Hormones Are Low
After menopause in women, hormone balances drop. Testosterone, the primary hormone involved in desire in both men and women [1], decreases as you age. So you may find yourself wanting sex less than ever.
Estrogen also depletes after menopause – as well as after procedures such as hysterectomies. Low levels of estrogen can make it difficult for you to become wet even if you are aroused.
2. You Feel More Pain
Perhaps you have arthritis or another condition that’s more common with older bodies. It hurts to get out of bed or walk, and sex adds a new potential source of pain. But sex is supposed to feel good rather than bad (unless you’re into pain, of course). Fortunately, there are things you can do to manage pain during sex as you’ll see in a little bit.
3. You’re Less Flexible
Sure, you might not be able to do every position from the Kama Sutra, but that doesn’t mean your sex life has to take a dive. You don’t need an acrobat to enjoy sex!
We list over 100 sex position in our guide and well as some sex positions for seniors below. Find one that looks fun and works for you, then try it out.
4. You Heal More Slowly
If you do happen to injure yourself, either from sex or something else, your body requires more time to heal [2]. This is why we advise against pushing yourself too hard. After all, you don’t need to prove anything to anyone. You can enjoy senior sex even if it’s not the wildest sex of your life.
5. Orgasms Are Less Intense
Orgasms are toe-curling and earth-shaking, right? Maybe not if you’re older. Your orgasms might become less intense and shorter, which might be cause for worry. But keep in mind that in western cultures, there is a lot of misinformation regarding sexual pleasure. This may be a result of pornography videos that depict people having mind-blowing orgasms. Orgasm isn’t necessarily needed in order to have amazing sex. Many people report that their best sexual encounters did not include orgasm
There’s good news, however. This might be the time to learn how to master the art of multiple orgasms.
Read: How to Experience the Joy of Multiple Orgasms
6. Your Mental Health Changes
Finally, your mental health changes as well as your physical health. This is a serious concern for people. Conditions such as dementia or Alzheimer’s impair cognitive function and navigating consent becomes more difficult.
Dementia, for example, can lead to the following:
- Loss of interest in sex
- Increased sexual interest
- Lowered inhibitions
- Detachment
Someone who suffers from a mental condition may find themselves vulnerable to those who want to take advantage. People who find themselves in the role of caretaker of someone who is dealing with these challenges might be too exhausted to engage in sex, or they may be put off by the tasks they must perform for their partner (bathing, bathroom assistance, etc).
Finally, inappropriate sexual behavior can occur both with dementia and Alzheimer’s [3] [4] [5] and may be common with other mental conditions as well. Inappropriate behavior may mean stripping or masturbating in front of others or aggressive sexual behavior.
Of course, many people experience reasonable sex lives despite these challenges [6]. You’ll need to discuss your options with your partner and doctor.
7. Your Partner Has Erection Difficulties
Although it’s not your body in question, this is an important change that affects senior sex. Older men typically experience more problems getting and staying erect [7] [8], and their erections aren’t as powerful as before. ED can cause shame and embarrassment for men, so it’s important for you to be understanding.
Remember that you might not experience all of these changes, and the way your mind and body react to aging might be different than the next person.
Senior Sex Positions
Although seniors still have plenty of sex, there may be some limitations due to body shape and flexibility. Old injuries and conditions such as arthritis can also flare up during sex. Aside from sticking to the most comfortable positions, you may need to find balance between switching things up often enough to be comfortable but not so often to irritate joints.
Of course, every body is different, so you may not have to adjust much as you age. Or your partner may still be active and athletic while you have to deal with limitations such as weakness on one side from a stroke. But sex is all about cooperation, so it’s always possible to make it work. Start with the sex positions for older couples below.
1. Missionary
This classic sex position works just as well for those who are young as those who are elderly. The bottom partner is fully supported on the bed, while the top partner can distribute their weight on their arms, legs, and core if it’s comfortable for their partner.
Missionary position can easily be adapted by placing a pillow beneath the receiving partner’s hips. The giving partner can vary in depth and pace, too. If you need a break, simply rest in places on your partner’s body before returning to thrusting.
2. Spooning
Spooning might just be the perfect position for seniors. Both partners lie on their sides facing the same direction. The giver will penetrate from the back. We love how gentle Spooning can be, and partners can hold each other close or hold hands while making love.
3. Doggy
Doggy style isn’t just good for hitting your G spot. It’s another good senior sex position because all limbs are planted firmly beneath you. However, Doggy style can be a bit strenuous, so consider having the bottom partner lie on a pillow(s), using a position strap, and thrusting more gently to increase comfort.
4. Sofa Spooning
Who says Netflix and chill is only for those who are young? If you’re young at heart, you can check out Sofa Spooning. The giver lies on his side against the back of the couch while the receiver lies in front. You can easily move to sex from cuddling and enjoy your favorite show or even watch porn together.
5. Cowgirl
For those who can comfortably straddle their partners, Cowgirl can work for sex after 60. Many older women love this position because they can control the depth, speed, and type of motion. This also makes Cowgiwl easy for those who might have physical limitations to work around.
6. Coital Alignment Technique
The Coital Alignment Technique was originally designed to provide more clitoral stimulation than Missionary. The man positions his body over his partner so that his hips are higher and his pubic mound rubs against his partner’s clitoris. Because CAT relies more on grinding, it may be a better senior sex position.
7. Thigh Pillow
If you’re struggling to find comfortable positions for giving a blow job or receiving oral sex, this take on sideways 69 might be the senior sex position you’ve been looking for. Line up head-to-toe with your partner so that you can orally stimulate your partner’s genitals. Because you’re on your sides, your bodies are supported. And your top arm is free in Thigh Pillow for added manual stimulation!
8. Leg Over Leg
Out of all the sex positions for seniors, this one might be the easiest. Both of you lie on your backs. The receiver will drape the leg closest to their partner over their partner’s leg and rest part of her butt on her partner’s hips. This lines up their genitals, allowing penetration.
Bonus-this position leaves the clitoris accessible for manual stimulation or a vibrator.
9. Back Seat Driver
Finally, there’s Back Seat Driver, a position in which your partner sits down and you sit atop his lap and swirl your hips. It’s low impact, and your partner can help steady your body while he’s seated securely on a chair or the sofa. If you prefer, you can lean forward against a table or even place a tall pillow in your lap for support.
Let us know in the comments if you have other ideas for sex positions for seniors!
How to Have the Best Senior Sex – 9 Techniques
We’ve discussed the difficulties of older sex, and now we’re going to tell you how to make it awesome, anyway! Here are the things you need to enjoy senior sex as much as possible.
1. Communication
Knowing how to talk about sex is an essential skill for a great sex life no matter your age. But it perhaps becomes more important for senior sex. Communicating about sex isn’t easy, however. That’s why we wrote the guide to talking about sex.
2. Lube
If you’ve never had to use lube before, you might wonder if needing it makes you less of a woman. The answer? Of course not!
We recommend using lube to all readers of the Bad Girls Bible. It makes sex slicker and smoother. You can go longer without any discomfort, and it’s perfect for quickies when you don’t have as much time to warm up.
Learn more about lube in this post.
3. Foreplay and Slow Sex
Foreplay really should be considered essential and not optional at all stages in life. It helps get you in the mood and wet, and it makes penetration feel that much better. Foreplay can including making out, manual stimulation, sensual massage or even sexting during the day.
Foreplay is certainly a crucial component of slow sex, which might become your preferred type of senior sex. Slow sex means you have plenty of time to enjoy every sensation, communicate with your partner and try everything you’ve ever wanted to do in the bedroom!
It’s also worth paying attention to the fact that as our bodies change, its important to understand that what once felt good, may not anymore. Sex can look and feel very different over time and it is certainly not limited to penetration
You might realize that there’s no rush to sex and finally give yourself the opportunity to bask in it.
Wanna try slow sex? Discover how.
4. Hormone Replacement Therapy
One option to deal with low hormone levels and symptoms caused by low hormones such as vaginal dryness is hormone replacement therapy [9]. Topical applications (patches, gels or creams) or pills can add much-needed estrogen back into your system [10]. Many women take estrogen supplements after menopause, but increasing testosterone might be the best option for you if you want to increase your sex drive [11].
You should talk to your doctor to determine whether hormone replacement therapies might be right for you.
5. Position Aids
Perhaps you’ve used a pillow to lift your hips to get perfect G-spot stimulation. When it comes to senior sex, pillows can relieve stress on joints and pressure points. You can use your regular pillow; although pillows made from memory foam might provide more support and they should help you get into and stay in a sex position such as doggie style for longer and without pain.
6. Medication
Medicine can solve a variety of problems you might run into as part of your healthy senior sex life. The “little blue pill” can help your partner maintain an erection.
7. Sex Toys
A variety of sex toys can help make senior sex better (although, they’re awesome no matter your age!)
- Cock rings prevent blood from leaving the shaft of the penis, and we’re sure you can see why this is beneficial to senior sex. They’re available in a variety of stretchy materials as well as hard wood, glass or metal versions. A penis ring can also benefit you if there’s a vibrating attachment. More here.
- Penis sleeves add girth and length to your partner’s penis, enabling you to feel truly filled even if his erection is softer than it once was.
- Vibrators provide more intense stimulation, leading to stronger orgasms with less effort. They also give your hands a break.
- Dildos of the right size and shape might bring your G-spot to life, and they’re great to use both by yourself and with a partner.
- Kegel toys allow you to exercise your PC muscles. This can lead to increased sensitivity and stronger orgasms, and your partner will likely enjoy it when you can squeeze your muscles around him!
- Penis pumps use suction to draw blood into the penis, aiding his erection and potentially making him larger.
8. Sexual Alternatives
For instances when penetration is impossible or simply not preferred, you can try other options. Everything from sensual massage to mutual masturbation to outercourse offers a way for you to be sexually intimate. Don’t forego your sex life just because penetration is an issue!
9. A New Attitude About Sex
The most important tool in your senior sex arsenal might be your attitude about sex. If you can adjust your view of what sex is and should be, you might find yourself being more satisfied. If you can’t do this, you might feel disappointment or resentment that your body or your partner can’t provide you with the sex you’re used to.
You might have to come to terms with the fact that sex is less rough, not spontaneous, shorter or requires more preparation than it once did. However, acceptance of this fact can go a long way to a satisfying sex life, even in your senior years.
The Good Things About Senior Sex
Sex, when you’re older, might look different from young sex, but not everything is a challenge or a risk. For example, you’re probably not worried about getting pregnant, which means no birth control. Although, you might still want to use protection against STIs.
Secondly, you’ve got a lot of experience, so you know what you want. And you’re more likely to ask for it rather than when you were young and only trying to please your partner. Senior sex can be selfish sex – in a good way!
You can also take this time to focus on romance, which may have been forgotten for a time when your hormones took over. Remember that sex is a way to show your partner how much you love and care about him, to feel safe and to strengthen your relationship.
Peggy Kleinplatz found that the older people get the better sex gets because they stop focusing on being self conscious and instead focus on oneness and vulnerability. Additionally, she actually found that orgasm wasn’t essential to having great sex.