Why do men have affairs? It is an age-old question. Chances are, if you asked one hundred women this question, regardless of age, profession or educational background, you would get one hundred different answers. One thing they would all have in common, though, is advice on how to tell if your man is prone to cheating as well as ways to prevent it.
1. HE WAS BORN A CHEATER
It seems that some men are just born to carouse. They are the girl chasers, the womanizers and believe that every female he sees is nothing but one more challenge for him to conquer.
This cat thinks he is God’s gift to all women and he goes to great lengths to score as many women as he possibly can. Psychologically speaking, this type of behavior usually indicates the presence of a narcissistic personality with deep seated insecurities.
Women should avoid this type at all costs, no matter how flattering he may seem on the surface. You are nothing but a commodity to him and once he uses you up, he’ll just move on to the next victim. If he is just a little too smooth and is pursuing you relentlessly with no friendship or genuine personal attachment at the foundation, run the other way and do not look back.
2. HE ENGAGES IN RISKY BEHAVIORS
Men that engage in situations where affairs could easily happen are another breed you want to avoid.
A man that drinks too much at an office party or at New Year’s functions are some examples of this personality type. In other words, he does nothing to avoid being put in a situation where an affair might easily take place. A faithful man steers clear of these risky situations in an effort to preserve his relationship with you.
A cheater, on the other hand, puts his relationships at great risk without giving it a second thought. This is careless and heartless. But, what if you are in a relationship with this type of man already?
There is little hope that you can change him. He has to change himself. And that means admitting he has a problem and seeking counseling to try and retrain new, healthier relationship habits. This will take an amazing amount of forgiveness and patience on your part, but if you are willing to put the work into it, you might just save your marriage.
As strange as it sounds, many psychologists say that a marriage that survives an affair actually ends up stronger than ever before.
3. HE SUCCUMBS TO PEER PRESSURE…SERIOUSLY
Sometimes a man’s friends are the reason why a man will have an affair.
If having an affair is an acceptable behavior within his peer group, chances are he will feel justified if and when an affair happens. It’s one of the classic reasons why men have affairs…because his friends all do it with no guilt or remorse, which in turn justifies your man’s actions in sleeping with other women.
If your gut tells you that your man’s friends are living this kind of unhealthy lifestyle, you have good reason to suspect your man is at risk of doing the exact same thing to you. Since you can’t exactly pick your man’s friends, you can confront him about it and tell him under no circumstances is it ok for him to cheat on you.
Lay the ground rules firmly and clearly. If you still suspect that he is succumbing to peer pressure, then couples’ counseling might be the answer, if you truly believe that a cheetah can change his spots. He has to be a willing participant, however, and it is not always easy to convince him that he needs it, or that it will do any good.
If you want to salvage the relationship, do your best to convince him to join you for just a handful of sessions. Couple’s counseling can help resolve even the most serious issues in a relationship.
4. HE’S A LADY MAGNET
Some men just possess a certain charm about them that makes women forget everything they know about scoundrels and fall for them hook, line and sinker.
These men are highly attractive to women, either because of their physical appearance, his wealth or success at work, or just plain charisma. Being attractive in any of these ways is certainly not a crime by any means, unless the man uses it to his advantage to initiate and facilitate situations in which he can be unfaithful.
These men are players, pure and simple, and despite how attractive you may find him, beware!
If you have been with this man for some time, consider how he treated you in the beginning, and how that has changed over time. Suddenly he doesn’t call as often, or seems to be distracted when you try to talk to him. These are potential signs that the player is playing and could be having an affair.
Well, some of them do simply because they can. It is up to you whether you continue putting up with it at all, or if you want to make the first move to try and remedy the situation.
5. HE’S GOING THROUGH A MID-LIFE CRISIS
We have all seen this in action.
A man starts getting grey hairs or a receding hairline and suddenly he feels extremely old and tired. Everything around him, including you, feels old and outdated. People going through a mid-life crisis will start exhibiting very grandiose behaviors and completely forgetting how to control themselves. You can usually tell it’s happening when he does something ridiculous like buying an expensive sports car.
Thankfully though, you can spot this behavior a mile away. They change their cologne, dye their grey hairs, and suddenly a man’s age becomes why a man will have an affair. You can bet the other woman is going to be a lot younger than him and dressed like she’s looking for a sugar daddy. Big hair, big purse, big everything and always tanned.
It is so cliché, but this stereotype exists for a reason. Too many men that hit the age of fifty just wig out completely, acting as if someone was threatening to cut off his manhood.
Well, before his manhood shrivels up and falls off, he’ll feel compelled to use it as much as possible, which is why he has an affair and cheats on you. His insecurities about growing old can really cloud his better judgment, and before you can say “bleach blonde” he’s reaching for another woman. If you want to cut this off at the pass, keep your eye on your man when he starts getting close to his late forties or early fifties.
Spice yourself up. Workout. Style your hair a bit younger and add some highlights. Look great in a little red dress and he just might realize he already has all he wants with you. Men are children. Don’t let them be led astray by cheap candy.
6. HE’S SUDDENLY SURROUNDED BY MORE WOMEN THAN USUAL
Sometimes why a man will have an affair is because his circumstances change and he suddenly finds himself surrounded by a lot of women…but wasn’t before.
This may happen at work or just at a new health club, but when a man who is even slightly unhappy at home gets an opportunity to flirt, he’s going to. It feeds his ego something fierce. And we all know what flirting leads to. Learns some great flirting tips here and flirty text messages here.
Being surrounded by women is going to naturally make look around more than usual and he may not even think about what he is doing or what he is risking. There is not much you can do about his circumstances changing at work, but you can do your best to be prepared for something like that to happen and be ready for it.
If he joins a health club, make it a family membership. What is he going to say, “No?” Don’t just go to spy on him or sit in the juice lounge, go knock out some reps on the weight machines or outrun the younger women on the treadmill or stair climbers, so the other women know they better watch out. Chances are the other women will see your strength of character and know right away you’re not a person to mess with, and neither is your man.
7. HE GET’S NO ATTENTION FROM YOU
Another reason why men have affairs is because they feel they don’t get enough attention at home.
This doesn’t make the reasons why a man will have an affair any more acceptable, but it does explain why he does it. If a man feels like he is neglected or underappreciated at home or even at work, he is much more likely to jump on the first woman who shows him any sort of affection at all.
Yes, it’s pathetic, and yes, it’s a chore to have to stroke his ego on a regular basis, but if you have a man that craves attention and you want to keep him around, you have to remind him why you like him. It has been said before, men can be babies, and babies require a lot of attention.
You may be too bored with your man to show him some affection every once in a while. If that is the case, then you really can’t complain if he seeks attention from someone else. What would you do if the situation was reversed? What if it was you who craved attention but felt underappreciated at home or worse, lonely and resentful that he never pays attention to you.
You may want to consider this when he needs some extra attention.
8. FINANCIAL STRESS PUSHES HIM TO THE BRINK
Everyone goes through stressful times when it comes to dealing with finances, bills, debts, loans, kids’ college expenses, mortgages, the list goes on.
Even though you and your spouse may both work and share the financial responsibilities of the household, men oftentimes feel more pressure to be “the primary provider,” and when things aren’t going smoothly they feel responsible, or like a failure.
One way to deal with these feelings of inadequacy is to seek companionship with someone new. What makes this new person so attractive is that she has no ties to bills, shares in no stress related to the couple’s finances, and often has no serious obligations whatsoever. Even if she does, she may not show it when they are together for the sake of the romance.
This is a very cowardly way of dealing with financial pressures at home. As partners, both spouses should be able to work together to find solutions to whatever money issues are at hand. Being married, the two of you should be in this together, but that gets severely compromised when a third party is involved, namely the woman that he is having the affair with.
A marriage can work with two, but not ever with three. Financial pressure can sadly be why a man will have an affair…even if this financial pressure is all his own doing!
9. THE CURSE OF ALCOHOL
Some people, women included, turn to alcohol to try and cope with all kinds of stress including marital issues.
Real problems arise when only one person of the married two has a drinking problem. It can cause anger, lost tempers, defensiveness of the drinking, even violent outbursts. One way the drinker may seek comfort is with other women who share his drinking habits. While in the company of fellow drinkers, he feels less ashamed and far more accepted just as he is than he does at home with his own wife.
Drinking problems can be a reason why a man will have an affair, and it is usually with someone that shares in the same drinking habits. He is looking for someone that won’t judge him for his behavior, as dysfunctional and unhealthy as it may actually be. If you suspect your spouse has a drinking problem, there are Alcoholics Anonymous meetings for families of alcoholics. Your spouse does not need to attend; you can go by yourself.
It is a very helpful group session with other spouses and children of alcoholics, as they’ll share their problems and the solutions they’ve found to deal with their loved one’s drinking.
In conclusion, if you find yourself in a relationship where you suspect your man of having an affair, review this list again and see if any of the signs seem familiar. If they do, you have the choice to confront him about it or hope that it goes away on its own. Chances are if you confront him, he will get defensive and storm out which gets you nowhere.
By the same token, if you simply sweep it under the rug and hope that it blows over, you are in denial and that isn’t healthy either. Consider instead seeing a therapist or counselor, explain what you suspect is happening, and see what they think you should do. Couple’s therapists have heard it all before, so there is nothing you could tell them that they haven’t dealt with previously.
If you go to a few sessions by yourself, you may find some inner strength you didn’t know you had and be able to approach your cheating spouse in a positive and constructive way. Doing so will give your relationship a much better chance of survival, and you will be so glad you did.
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