Sometimes intense sex is just what the doctor ordered. Intense sex might drag you out of your head, so you’re feeling rather than thinking, and it can lead to amazing orgasms. But what makes sex intense, and can it be too intense?
WHAT MAKES SEX INTENSE
The following are some of the reasons why sex feels more intense at sometimes than it does other. A combination of these factors might make for a sexual experience that’s out of this world.
- IT’S ROUGH
Rough sex can certainly feel intense, and some people might say it normally does! Rough sex involves activities such as biting, scratching, hair pulling, and spanking, among others. These actions keep you in the moment, whether you’re doing them or having them done to you.
Increased physical activity can feel more intense, and impact play or other types of roughness during sex can feel physically intense the way that, say, lovemaking might not.
- IT INVOLVES BDSM
BDSM is an acronym that stands for bondage, discipline, dominance and submission, and sadism and masochism. If you like rough sex but want something even more intense, BDSM might be up your alley.
BDSM can involve role-playing. You can be the dominant or the submissive or switch if you prefer. Playing scenes with your partner can make sex feel more intense because you’re not just having the same old sex you always have.
You can just stick to the physical acts of bondage and discipline, which can include spanking, flogging, and other BDSM punishments. Blindfolds are a type of bondage for the eyes. Even if you change nothing else, adding a blindfold to your sexual activities can increase the intensity. Tying someone up during sex can also change how intense it feels.
Sadism and masochism often go hand in hand. A sadist likes causing pain while a masochist likes receiving it, and some people even like both! A dominant is often a sadist and a submissive a masochist, but there’s definitely wiggle room. You don’t have to be a masochist if you’re submissive, for example.
Safety is essential when it comes to BDSM sex (and rough sex in general). Start softer than soft and go slower than slow; you can always increase pace and intensity, but you can’t take it back once you’ve gone too far.
A safe word ensures no one goes too far or experiences something that has negative consequences.
- IT’S KINKY
What makes sex kinky varies from person to person. Both rough sex and BDSM, which we’ve already mentioned, count as kinky for some people. And some people incorporate other kinks into either or both of those concepts,
- YOU’RE EMOTIONALLY CONNECTED
If you ask most people when they have the best or most intense sex, they’ll likely tell you when they’re in a relationship with someone. Being in a relationship means you have more time to become comfortable, to experiment (such as with rough or kinky sex) and to get to know each other’s rhythms. You can also trust your partner with riskier sex activities such as BDSM.
Plus, you have an emotional connection, which means sex isn’t just about pleasure but also expressing your love for one another. So it’s no wonder that sex might feel more intense when it’s with your partner and not just a casual encounter. Of course, there’s nothing wrong with casual or no-strings-attached sex, but it might not provide the opportunity for things to be as intense.
- YOU HAVE GREAT SEXUAL CHEMISTRY
Sometimes you just have great sexual chemistry with someone. It might be a chemical thing, because you’re both super attracted to each other or because you have similar sexual appetites and tastes.
Sexual chemistry doesn’t just exist or not, however. You can give it a little nudge, which can make your sex more intense.
- AND SEXUAL TENSION
Sexual tension occurs when you just can’t wait to get someone’s clothing off. Sexual tension is often caused by having to wait for sex. Perhaps you were studying abroad, your schedules don’t align, or an injury, illness or surgery meant that sex was off the table for a while. When you’re finally able to have sex, it’s like the stars have aligned for you. The sex. is. intense.
One way you can increase sexual tension in the moment is by putting off actual penetration/intercourse. Focus on foreplay and working up to the moment until you absolutely just can’t wait anymore. Tease your man into a frenzy, and the sexual tension will shoot sky high!
Binding your own hands or your partner’s can also lend to sexual tension, just as preventing or prolonging orgasm, which brings us to our next point.
- YOU PLAY ORGASM GAMES
Now, you might think that the point of sex is orgasm (which we’d argue in the first place), so you rush to the end. But making sex more intense might require for you to put off your orgasm or your partner’s.
Orgasm control is a type of game where you specify when and how someone can come. Orgasm denial is a type of orgasm control where you don’t allow your partner or yourself to orgasm. You can prohibit orgasms with devices like chastity belts or even ruin an orgasm. One last type of orgasm game is edging, where you get as close to coming as possible then back off. You repeat this several times before you finally let yourself – or your partner – get off, and it’s sure to be explosive!
Orgasm control works well with teasing. You tell your partner that he can’t come, but you tease him into a frenzy. You’ll feel delirious with power while he’s driven crazy with desire. When he finally comes, it’ll be crazy-intense.
- IT’S IN PUBLIC
For some people, having sex in public is intense because of the risk of getting caught. Of course, there are real consequences if you’re caught, which could include fines or being identified as a sexual predator. So perhaps do some scouting beforehand to make sure you have a location that’s nowhere near kids.
When you find the right location, however, the novelty and risk can create a sexual experience you won’t soon forget. You might struggle not to make any noise (the same reason why it can be so hot to have sex when someone is in the other room). Plus, you might be limited on time.
- YOU’VE ONLY GOT A SHORT TIME
When you’ve got twenty minutes or less for sex, you’ve got to skip foreplay. But what you lose in taking it slow you make up for in excitement and energy because you wanna make it count even if you don’t have all night. Short sex sessions are known as quickies, and they can be quite fun.
Of course, sometimes sex just feels more intense because of your headspace. Sex after an exciting day or after a near-death experience might be particularly intense, for example. Anything that gets your heart racing and adrenaline pumping might lead to more intense sex than usual. And if you’re feeling particularly excited, you might be more randy than usual, too.
THE QUEST FOR INTENSE SEX
While you can recreate some of the factors that make sex intense, aiming for that intensity might be the very reason why you miss the mark. Sometimes these things just need to happen organically and trying to force them only leads to disappointment.
It’s important to note that your definition of intense sex might not be the same as your partner’s. Someone who has more vanilla tastes might not need to try anything kinky (and may specifically not like kinky sex). But to someone who is kinkier, vanilla sex might be the antithesis of intense sex. Talk to your partner to make sure the two of you are on the right page.
But not every time you hop into bed needs to be super intense. For example, you might want to take things slow if you haven’t had sex for a while and want to reconnect. Or an injury or recent surgery might force you to leave the more intense sex for another day. Sometimes you just want sex, and it doesn’t need to be mindblowing or toe-curling. In fact, always having super intense sex might mean that it feels less intense over time.
Some people might think that intense sex makes for an intense orgasm. While you might come hard because you’re having amazing sex, that’s not always the case. You can have good sex and a mediocre orgasm or even not get off at all. There’s nothing wrong with that, however!
The point of sex isn’t necessarily to come. It’s to give and receive pleasure, perhaps with someone with whom you have a strong emotional connection
If you’re looking to increase the intensity of sex because you’re not getting much out of it, consider the following…
Has your sensitivity or ability to orgasm changed? A few things could be at play. Changes in hormones due to pregnancy, menopause or disease are one culprit, and you might also consider how depression or anxiety – and their medications – are affecting your desire and ability to experience pleasure.
One thing that’s important to have more intense sex – and to enjoy sex more in general – is to remain in the moment. You need to focus on how you feel and not what you think. If you have anxiety about sex, this may be hard to do. Fortunately, we’ve written this post about sexual anxiety to help you beat it once and for all.
Some people recommend drugs or alcohol for more intense sex. These solutions may be illegal in some locations, so we cannot advocate for chemical use. However, studies seem to suggest that if intensity is what you want, smoking marijuana is a better solution than drinking before sex.
Having intense sex is a great way to spend a few moments (or hours!) as long as your partner likes it as much as you do. But if you always aim for intense sex, you might find yourself disappointed. Novelty can also wear off after a while, so make sure to keep things spicy with a variety of sex styles.