At the Bad Girls Bible, we recommend that most people try anal sex and playing with anal toys because of how fun and pleasurable it can be. But getting used to it – and learning how to take bigger toys – isn’t always easy or obvious. That’s why we wrote this guide that teaches you how to train for anal sex and play.
Anal Training Two Ways
Two types of anal training that usually come to mind: training for anal sex (for the first time) and anal stretching after you’ve become comfortable with basic anal play, which requires more time and patience to do. We’ll start with preparing for anal sex.
One of the main reasons why people don’t want to try anal – aside from the fact that this is where you poop from – is that it will hurt. Yes, it can hurt, but it shouldn’t. This is especially true if you’re properly prepared.
Here’s a post about what to do if anal sex hurts.
For this reason, the decision to have anal sex should never be one that you make at the spur of the moment, and anal should never be a surprise – for you. It can make a sexy surprise for your man once you’ve prepared, however!
What does preparation entail? First, you need to be mentally ready. If you’re at all unsure about whether you want anal, you’re probably going to tense up. Tense muscles will make penetration more difficult and painful, which leads to the very thing you were worried about to begin with.
So you need to be mentally relaxed, allowing your body to relax physically. For some people, a glass of wine might do the trick. You might receive a sensual massage (more on that here) from your man to melt all your stress away. If you’re already fooled around and perhaps had an orgasm, you’ll likely be feeling pretty sated, and that might be the right time for anal.
You know yourself best, so pay attention to your gut. Speaking of gut, read this post about anal during pregnancy if you’re curious. We’ve also got answers to your questions about getting pregnant from anal sex.
Preparing for Anal Sex
Secondly, we have physical preparation for anal sex. You may not be worried about the pain. Your concern may be about being clean and preventing any issues with fecal matter, which is a concern that many people share.
Fortunately, that sort of training for anal sex is usually less intensive than you’d imagine. For most people, having a bowel movement before cleans everything out. You can Wipe with a wet wipe or shower, and some people like to shave their butt cheeks and around their anus to be smooth and soft. But that’s optional.
If you want to be immaculate to prevent any potential mishaps, one option you can consider is an anal douche. It looks a bit like a dropper. You fill it with room temperate water – never hot or cold – and sit over the toilet while you squeeze the water from the bulb to your anal tract to clean out any fecal matter.
Read More: Preparing for Anal Sex
An enema is typically overkill unless that’s one of your fetishes. But you can buy the device from many sex stores and hook it up to your shower or faucet for the ultimate in clean. It’ll require a lot more time and effort, however, than just douching.
So now you’re prepared for anal sex, clean and calm. What’s next? We advise against simply sticking a penis or toy in your butt without warming up no matter how horny you might be!
Related: Anal Sex Positions
Time for Penetration
It’s smart to start smaller. Maybe a small toy as long as it has a flared base or handle that allows it to be safe for anal play, a finger (find out why anal fingering is the best) or two or even your partner’s tongue (tips for rim jobs). Learn more about anal rimming here. These smaller body parts or toys can pass the tight ring of muscles known as the sphincter that prevents items from passing in or out of your anus .
This is actually why anal sex feels so good for men. Discover other reasons that men like anal.
As your anus becomes used to the sensation, you can add a finger or increase toy size. Soon enough, you’ll be able to comfortably take a penis or penis-sized toy. Of course, you should definitely use lube. We recommend lube for all kinds of sex, but it’s especially important with anal sex because your anus isn’t able to self-lubricate.
You may be on your way to having an orgasm from anal sex or wearing a full-sized butt plug (more on that in this post) during sex. Awesome!
Read: How to Have Anal Orgasms
When You Want to Get Serious About Anal Training
Maybe you’re an anal aficionado, so the previous advice doesn’t really apply to you. Perhaps you want to see how much you can comfortably take or you are in a power exchange relationship with a partner who has instructed you to train yourself to take larger anal toys. Anal penetration can feel especially submissive. Read more about this.
If this sounds like you, read on to learn how to seriously train for anal sex.
Being able to take a larger toy or penis is much like training for anal sex the first time. You start small; although, you may be able to take a medium toy (having a diameter around 1.5″) or your partner’s penis without much warming as you become more experienced.
After you’re comfortably penetrated, you want to increase the size of the toy or move from your partner’s penis to a larger toy. You can buy toys specifically to feel full – and people who enjoy larger toys are often known as size queens. Any reputable retailer should be able to tell you about the circumference of the toy (the measurement around the shaft) or the diameter (the measurement from one side of the shaft to the other. This is the same as the circumference divided by 3.14 (Pi aka π)).
Toys known as dilators exist specifically to help with vaginal penetration , and you’ll find similar anal/rectal dilators that are safe to use in your back door.
Remember to be realistic. What seems like a modest increase in size on paper can feel huge, literally, in your body. Increasing the diameter by 1/4″ (.25″0 inches is a good start; although, you may be able to skip some diameters in between. You may eventually find yourself playing with a toy that you never thought was possible to use anally!
You might not be able to insert a larger toy that you’ve been lusting after, or you may only be able to do it for a little at a time. That’s okay. Anal training requires time and patience, so be easy on yourself.
You can always insert a toy again or go bigger next time. But you can’t undo any damage that you’ve done by going too fast or getting ahead of yourself.
Make sure to remain relaxed and use plenty of lube whenever you insert a new toy.
Psst, men can anal train, too. In fact, anal penetration is great for prostate massage. Learn more about this.
There are a few options to consider. For example, numbing creams designed for anal sex promise to take away any potential pain with the use of lidocaine or similar chemicals. But what the product packaging doesn’t tell you is that pain can be useful. It’s your body’s way of saying “Slow down,” “Relax,” “Use more lube,” or “Try a different angle.” Pain is a message that you should heed.
If you numb pain, you won’t know that anything is wrong. If you ignore it, you can similarly wind up doing damage. For example, anal play that’s too rough could lead to anal prolapse and incontinence. If you use a toy that’s too big, you could cause trauma to your colon. Not only is that pain more long-term, but the visit to the doctor is also going to be uncomfortable.
Find out more dos and don’t for anal play in this guide to anal sex safety.
Communicating With Your Partner
Finally, it’s important to communicate with your partner. During anal masturbation (get more info), you pick the toy and control the pace. You can respond immediately if something feels off. But a partner doesn’t have the same cues, so you need to communicate with them about it.
Because talking about sex can be so difficult, we’ve written a guide to sexual communication. Use it to make it easy to talk to your partner about your needs and improve your experience with all kinds of sex, not just anal.
Do you want to anally penetrate your man? It’s time to consider a strap-on. Get the low-down on using a strap-on here. Then discover everything you need to know about pegging.
Get more tips like these in our post about anal sex.
Hopefully, you’ve learned that you can mitigate pain when it comes to anal sex or anal training just by taking your time and the right precautions. But you’ll inevitably reach a point where you can’t go any larger, and that’s okay. We all have our limits.
You can enjoy finding them, both by yourself or with a partner using these tips for anal training.
Now that you know a bit more about training for anal sex, you can set goals for yourself and try to meet the challenges. Anal training might be necessary to enjoy anal sex, or it can be a fun part of your sex games. Either way, we hope you enjoy!