What’s your favorite flavor of sex? Are you more chocolate or vanilla? If you’re looking for something new to try in the bedroom, might we suggest angry sex? Angry sex, often known as hate fucking, is something that every bad girl should experience at least once in her lifetime.
“But that makes no sense!”, you argue. It’s not something condoned by society.
Not so fast! We all come from nature, and nature loves to be chaotic and wild. For many people, it’s their brain chemistry that makes angry sex so good (and society has never banned anything that was awesome or pleasurable for no good reason!).
According to researchers, hate sex is quite similar to makeup sex in terms of brain chemistry. Both types of sex are fueled by intense emotions such as anger or sadness. When angry sex and makeup sex come together, the physical bond you experience might help to reunite you and your man after an argument, and that’s just one benefit of angry fucking. Because angry sex is often so rough, the passion involved might even help you two reconnect if you’ve been struggling to do so lately.
Why Angry Sex?
For some people, the concept of angry sex doesn’t make sense. For them, the most desirable type of sex – and perhaps even the only type they want – is loving and within the confines of a committed relationship. There’s certainly nothing wrong with love making like this, and it can allow you and your man to connect. But let’s not write off having angry sex just yet.
Few people tend to set out to have angry sex. It’s just something that happens – after a fight, a hard week at work or at another time when stress and emotions are running high. There’s something to be said about the person you get to be when you’re angry. You’re in charge. You’re selfish. It’s incredibly hot. It’s like playing another version of yourself in the bedroom, one that may not see the light of day that often. It’s exhilarating and, perhaps, even necessary.
The way you have sex might change, too. Perhaps you push your partner on the bed, threaten to whip him with his own belt, demand that he get you off with oral sex or use your fingernails and teeth to leave marks. It just makes sense that angry sex would accompany rougher styles of sex – even BDSM. Learn more in our introduction to BDSM.
Angry sex can release adrenaline as you do things that aren’t normally kosher, and the high is one that’s safe for you to explore within the confines of your bedroom and without putting anyone in actual danger.
When you’re hate fucking, you might find yourself becoming more animalistic. You growl with pleasure – or pain, we don’t judge! – and your partner can howl back in return! Afterward, the two of you might be covered with sex and panting as you try to catch your breath. The relaxation and relief that sets in after hate fucking might be exactly what you need. It’s a great workout. Plus, you can save the money you might have spent on a massage.
Perhaps you and your man are in the middle of a fight but you can’t help but still be attracted to each other. Angry sex is all about your pleasure if the two of you can use those angry feelings as motivation to have sex. Not everyone can, of course.
Has your boss been riding you at work all day? There’s no room for you to have an opinion or make a mistake. Maybe you’re just sick of his sexist attitude! Perhaps your kids have just stepped on your last nerve or you’re dealing with stress about hosting family and friends for an upcoming holiday. You could really use a massage, but who has time for that? Angry sex to the rescue.
Hate sex is also a way for some people to get closure. Say your man cheated on you, and you know you’re going to break up. You’ve got the power, but you want to enjoy him in the bedroom just one more time. Why not hate fuck before sending him on his way?
Maybe you’ve run into an old ex who is still looking hot as hell, but you’re got a small fire of anger simmering still. The two of you can’t deny the chemistry is still there, just like you can’t deny you’d rather die before you go back down that emotional warpath again. It’s your turn to get the last word and one last orgasm for old time’s sake!
Try This the Next Time in Bed
So angry sex sounds good to you, but you’re not sure how to go about it? We’ve got some ideas!
- Act feisty so your man will spank you, or turn the situation around and spank him when you’re having angry sex. You might be surprised how much fun this sort of playfulness can be.
- Use dirty talk to your advantage, especially derogatory terms like “slut” or “bitch” if it turns you on. Learn more here. Be careful not to be too mean and avoid saying things you can’t take back.
- Pull his hair, scratch his skin and bite him. Angry sex is the perfect time to leave a love bite!
- Considering adding role play, such as forced sex, into your angry fucking mode. It’s hot if you struggle and he pins you down – or vice versa! Just make sure to use a safe word.
- Encourage your man to tie you up or you can tie him up if you prefer.
- Tear at your partner’s clothes. Perhaps wear clothing that will easily rip – and that you don’t mind ruining – in preparation for hate sex.
- Wear a blindfold or a mask.
- Let your emotions go. Feel free to cry. Crying, like orgasm, is a great way to get release!
Just make sure you’re following the same safety guidelines – perhaps even choose a safe word if one of you becomes too angry.
Checking in with your man to see how he feels about angry sex before you try any of these things is a good idea. If he’s in it for loving tenderness, then trying to hate fuck might be a bad idea. He might not realize you’re looking for passion and release, and he might be hurt. Check out this guide to sexual communication for some tips.
Are There Risks of Angry Sex?
Although angry sex can be quite hot, it’s important that it’s not the only type of sex you have with your man, just like you don’t always want to have makeup sex. If you’re simply having sex as a way to avoid the issue, it’s only going to become compounded. This is especially true if you use hate sex as a form of punishment. Sex should never be used as a bargaining chip or a way to punish anyone in a relationship. You can quickly confuse playful angry sex with actual anger. Furthermore, if you’re always angry, there’s a good chance there are issues in your relationship that you aren’t resolving for whatever reason.
You might find it difficult to make love or have sweeter types of sex if you’re always having angry sex. If you resort to angry sex because you prefer to have kinkier, rough sex, know that you don’t have to. Rough sex, even the kind that involves sadism and erotic degradation, doesn’t need to be fueled by anger. Instead, you and your partner can step into those powerful roles through role play and not need to worry about damage to your relationship due to angry sex.
Of course, there’s no reason to worry about these things when the person you’re hate fucking is someone whom you actually don’t like or want to have a relationship with. Angry sex might be the perfect way to end a terrible relationship on a high note, the right flavor of sex with someone who’s incredibly attractive but otherwise boring or something you consider with someone who is just a FWB.
You also don’t want to internalize the anger. Hate sex is fun sometimes, but it’s unhealthy if that’s the only type of sex you have. You’re worthy of emotionally intimate sex. If your man only ever wants to touch you when he’s angry, then the issue is his. Consider other signs that he might be emotionally abusive.
If you or your man is having trouble becoming aroused without being angry, it might be time to consider seeking professional help. If you’re just finding it a little difficult to get in the mood, check out this post for some ideas.
Hate sex isn’t for everyone. You or your partner might look to having sex as a way to connect, and you may not be able to separate emotions from sex, and that’s okay, too. Every once in a while, angry sex can release tension, which may not even be related to your relationship. It’s great fun and just one of several awesome types of sex!