When done right, anal sex shouldn’t hurt. It may not be pleasurable, which is just fine, but it shouldn’t cause you discomfort or pain. Many people will tell you that pain is your body’s way of sending you a signal, and it’s no different with anal sex. Your technique or the actions of your partner might need to be adapter to allow you to experience pleasure during anal sex.
Below you’ll find many of the most common questions about anal sex, pain, technique and how to get the most out of your experience whether it’s your first or fiftieth time.
1. DOES ANAL HURT?
Generally, no. Not if you’re doing it right (and anal sex is pretty safe). Pain indicates that you’re going too quickly, using too little lube (or none at all) or something else is wrong. Anal sex doesn’t have to hurt the first time if you’re fully prepared!
2. IS ANAL SORE? TRY THIS!
Yes! If you’re experiencing discomfort, there are a number of things you can do to make anal sex more pleasurable so you’ll want to do it again or, at the very least, won’t become traumatized by this act.
- Warm up with vaginal and oral sex. Get an orgasm or two under your belt before you try anal. Analingus can feel great and be relaxing, too.
- Start with a smaller insertable than your partner’s penis. Consider a butt plug – more on those in this post – or a finger or two. Work your way up. This is known as anal training.
- You don’t have to penetrate the first time. Try anal fingering (tips in this post) around the area, instead.
- Use plenty of lube.
- Make sure you’re relaxed. Ask your partner for a sensual massage or try a glass of wine to open up literally and figuratively.
- Take your time. Foreplay can definitely help you out here.
- Don’t try anal sex for the first time on the spur of the moment.
- Don’t participate in anal just because your partner is pressuring you. If you’re just giving in, you won’t be able to fully relax.
- Try pleasuring yourself anally on your own beforehand if it makes you more comfortable. Tips here.
- Switch up your anal sex position.
Often, women find that anal hurts because they’re neither physically nor mentally relaxed. Aside from following the tips above, you can try relaxing your throat, which encourages your anus to relax, too!
3. WHY DOES ANAL HURT EVEN IF I’VE HAD IT BEFORE?
Congrats if you’ve had anal sex before! If you’ve enjoyed it in past, you might not expect it to hurt if you try it again. In fact, anal sex can hurt if you don’t follow all of the rules above. And because your head space is so important, you can have drastically different experiences with different partners and in different situations. Ask your partner to stop or slow down if you’re suddenly experiencing pain during anal sex.
4. WHY IS LUBE SO IMPORTANT WHEN IT COMES TO ANAL?
The vagina and mouth both create their own sorts of lubrication because of the type of soft tissue they are. But the anus doesn’t, which means that anal sex can hurt and you can more easily damage this passageway – which can make transmission of STIs easier – if you don’t use lube. Fortunately for you, we’ve got an entire guide on lube here!
Some people like slick silicone-based, while others prefer a thicker water-based lube such as Maximus. If you want to be efficient, consider a lubricated condom, which will help to prevent the transmission of STIs and add slickness. More on that here.
5. WHY SHOULD I USE CONDOMS DURING ANAL SEX?
While you can’t get pregnant but anal sex, condoms do help prevent STIs, some of which spread more commonly during anal, from spreading. It also makes cleanup easy because you can just remove the condom and not have to deal with any possible fecal matter, which is always a risk when you’re playing in the backdoor. Learn how to use a condom.
You can skip the condom if you’re already pregnant and having anal sex.
We’ve got more tips for having anal sex, too.
6. WHAT PREP SHOULD I DO BEFORE ANAL SEX?
Aside from having plenty of lube and some condoms on hand, you can make anal sex a more positive experience by taking a shower. In most cases, this is all you need to do. You can also find anal douches, which allow you to squirt a small amount of water into your anal tract. You should use lukewarm water so you don’t cause a shock to yourself. This can be done over the toilet. It’s unlikely that you’ll need a full enema to enjoy anal sex that isn’t painful.
7. ANAL IS PAINFUL – IS SOMETHING WRONG?
If you’re relaxed, using lube and have taken your time, and you’re absolutely sure you want anal sex, pain shouldn’t be a factor. However, some medical issues can result in pain. Consult the list below if anal sex hurts.
- You have scar tissue from surgery, child birth or another condition.
- Hemorrhoids, or swollen veins in the anal area, can cause pain during sex, defecating and daily activity.
- Anal fissures are tears in your lining, which could occur from previous anal sex or even a bowel movement. Anal fissures often involve a small amount of blood. Refrain from anal sex until the fissure has healed.
- Colon ruptures can occur after especially vigorous anal sex. Not only does this mean anal sex can hurt when you have a rupture, but any bacteria entering you colon via the rupture can lead to a serious infection. You should see your doctor right away if you suspect your colon has ruptured.
In fact, it’s never a bad idea to talk to your doctor if you’re noticing pain, bleeding or other worrying symptoms after engaging in anal sex. Continuing to have anal despite pain can lead to long-term damage or make it difficult or impossible for you to enjoy anal sex in the future. Your doctor can recommend treatments to help you get back to full health without having to say “Anal is painful!”
8. I LIKE ANAL SEX, BUT IS THERE SOMETHING WRONG WITH THAT?
Nope! Plenty of people, men and women alike, enjoy participating in anal. For some, it’s a regular activity in their sexual routine; some women even have anal orgasms (you may be able to orgasm from anal, too). Others save it for special dates such as their birthdays or anniversaries. But liking anal doesn’t make you “dirty” or a “slut.” It just means you’re sexually open, and there’s nothing wrong with that!
And there’s nothing wrong if you don’t like anal sex or if your man doesn’t like it, either.
9. DO OTHER PEOPLE LIKE TO MASTURBATE ANALLY?
Absolutely! There’s a wide range of human sexual desires and experience. If you’ve ever tried anal masturbation, you’re in good company!
10. MY HUSBAND WANTS ME TO TRY ANAL ON HIM. IS THAT WEIRD?
Imagine the type of response your body gives from G-spot stimulation. Because your man’s G-spot – more on that in this post – is in his anal cavity, he might love being on the receiving end. Consider pegging so you can experience this together. This post his info on choosing and using a strap-on.
11. IS ANAL SEX BAD BECAUSE ____?
There are a ton of rumors about the negative consequences that can happen because of anal sex. Even if you’re not wondering if anal is painful, you might wonder whether your partner will respect you after you let him explore your backdoor or whether he’ll be interested in vaginal sex again. The answer is that you shouldn’t have sex with anyone who doesn’t respect you, no matter the reason, and men can love penetrating you in both places!
Furthermore, there’s no science that shows anal sex has any negative long-term effects on your body and GI system, even if you enjoy it on the regular. Just make sure you’re taking proper precautions – lube and condoms among others – to make your experience smooth sailing! Once you become experienced, you might be the woman friends ask when they want to know does anal hurt.
While anal sex can have hurt or have other negative consequences when done wrong, it can also be quite enjoyable. And you shouldn’t let a prior painful or negative experience color future anal sex endeavors. If you’re worried about your first time, talk about these questions with your partner, perhaps even showing him this article to ensure you’re both on the same page. Have fun!