So you’re thinking about having sex for the first time. Perhaps you’re in love with your boyfriend or a sexy guy has been making advances. It might just be that curiosity has got the best of you, and you want to know what the big deal is about. Whatever the reason, you’ve decided you’re ready.
Your first time can set the tone for your entire sex life, and this can be great and terrible. If you take control of your sex life, you’re more likely to get what you need or want and choose the right partner. But if you’re doing it for someone else or afraid to speak up for yourself, you might not get to experience everything sex can be.
However, we’re here to help. Before you have first-time sex, make sure you check these seven things off your list to make it awesome!
For many people, the first time they have sex is the first time they do any sexual exploration of their bodies. While this is okay, it isn’t the only option. At the Bad Girls Bible, we’re big proponents of masturbation. Not only do you learn how gratifying understanding you own sexuality can be, but you’ll know more about your body, and you can impart that information to your partner to have the best possible experience.
Start with a brush up on female anatomy. Then, read about unlocking the power of clitoral stimulation and G-spot orgasm. Although it might take a few tries to get the hang of it – and there’s nothing wrong with that!
Many people, in their excitement to have sex for the first time, will forget foreplay. But foreplay has lots of advantages the first time you have sex and every time thereafter! For starters, it helps to relax you and can encourage natural lubrication, which happens as a response to arousal. Both of these things ease initial penetration, which can be painful for some women during their first times. The more tense you are, the more likely it is that your first time will be uncomfortable or painful.
Foreplay allows you to get into the moment, feel comfortable with your partner and boost intimacy. It enables your body to produce hormones that make sex feel good. The first time you have sex can be painful or even forgettable, but foreplay adds another element. You might not get off, but you have a chance for your man to focus on you with oral or manual stimulation or even a sensual massage. Read more about this in our Foreplay Guide.
Privacy is always at a premium when you’re having sex, and this is true for your first time. If you’re worried about someone catching you in the act or not having enough time, you’re likely to rush it or be nervous. Again, this can lead to more uncomfortable or unsatisfying sex, which could put you off of the idea completely
If you’re unable to obtain privacy in your own home, there are some options to consider. Many teens have sex for the first time in a car. It can be tricky, but it works. Renting a hotel room might also be an option. And if your budget is small, you might know someone who has a room where you can have sex for the first time without worrying about privacy.
Although you might feel uncomfortable talking about sex, doing so will greatly enhance your sex life whether it’s the first time you’ve having sex or the hundredth. But talking to a new partner, who may also be having sex for his first time, is especially important to increase comfort and ensure you have the same expectations.
Be ready to ask what you need (if you know it) and tell your partner when something doesn’t feel good or right. Our guide to sexual communication is a great place to start to learn how to talk about sex with your partner. If you don’t have a partner who’s willing to listen to you or talk about sex, then keep reading.
5. THE RIGHT PARTNER
We’re not going to tell you to wait for the “perfect” man to have sex for the first time because no one is perfect. Nor will we tell you to wait until marriage or hold out for only one partner because sex is enjoyable and important, and you should be able to enjoy it whenever you want with any partner you choose.
However, choosing the right partner for your first time (and every time after) will make a huge difference to your sex life and how you view sexuality, specifically your own. The right partner should be someone you can trust with your body and your emotions. You shouldn’t say “Yes” to someone who tries to coerce you or ignores your needs and wants.
Plus, you shouldn’t choose someone who will ignore you after if you want any sort of relationship. You need to trust him because sex is such a vulnerable act, and not just because you’re undressing! If you think he will slut-shame you after the fact (more on that here), wait for someone else. Someone who will make fun of you to his friends for having sex with him or spread rumors about you isn’t the ideal candidate for your first time.
On the other hand, if you’re simply ready to lose your virginity and not emotionally invested in your partner, you might loosen your screening process. Just make sure the guy you’re sleeping with knows what it means to you.
6. SAFER SEX
One of the things you absolutely need to discuss with your partner before having sex is safe sex. This includes practices that will prevent getting pregnant, such as birth control. You may already be on birth control for health reasons or because you’ve anticipated you would have sex. Read this post to learn more about how birth control works.
Condoms also prevent pregnancy, especially when used with another form of birth control, and also prevent the spread of sexually transmitted infections such as HPV, which infects up to 75% of sexually active people during their life time. We’ve got the skinny on STI prevention and symptoms here.
Before you have sex, make sure you know what your partner’s STI status is. If he has been sexually active with others before you, then encourage him to get tested for STIs, even if he doesn’t have other symptoms.
7. REALISTIC EXPECTATIONS
Perhaps the best advice we can give to anyone who is considering having sex for the first time is simply to have realistic expectations. Your first time will likely not be a horrific bloodbath full of pain like some people might have warned you about. On the other hand, the skies most likely won’t open up to beam sunlight down on you, and you’re not going to hear a chorus of angels singing in the background.
Chances are it will be nothing like the super-romantic and sexy scenes you see in the movies or on TV. And porn is an ever farther cry from reality. Remember, those are scripted and designed to look just right to the viewer’s eye. Plus, the addition of perfect lighting and music do a lot for the ambiance. Of course, you can dim your lights and pick some sexy songs to play during the first time you have sex. Check out this post for song suggestions.
In reality, many women experience first time sex that is somewhere in the middle. It might be a little disappointing. If your partner is inexperienced, it will probably not be as long as you may need to achieve orgasm. Be prepared to laugh at a little awkwardness. These things happen.
No matter what, you don’t need to build sex up into a huge deal in your head. Nor should you write it off as something inconsequential because having sex for the first time is a major milestone in most people’s lives.
Remember, too, that your partner might be just as nervous as you are if he’s having sex for the first time or if he’s inexperienced. While you might be concerned about your body and perceived flaws, which often leads to sexual anxiety, he has his very own concerns and fears too. This is why choosing the right partner and talking about sex before the first time can relieve pressure both of you might feel.
Want more advice on losing you virginity? Click here!
First time sex can be life-changing in the best way possible. It can be a relief to simply be done with it. It can be something you regret, or it might turn out to be something you don’t have any strong feelings about. It may simply be a fun time, too. None of those perceptions are wrong, but by following our advice, you can certainly improve your chances of having great sex the first time you try it.