There are countless surveys announcing on how many times couples have sex and how often men and women want to have sex. Is it once a day? Once a week? Less? Does it even matter?
A lot of people probably ask “How often should you have sex?” because they’re curious how often other people have sex and want to know if they’re normal. Rest assured that there’s no magic number that answers this question! Even if there were, it would probably change throughout your relationship and life time.
A healthy sex life can lead to a healthy and happy you, so we recommend jumping in the sack every chance you get! However, it’s not a race or a competition. As long as you’re happy with the sex you’re having and how often you have it, don’t worry so much about when to have sex.
If your sex life has slowed or you’re wondering what could be getting in the way, we’ve named some of the top culprits that might be barring you from having awesome sex more often.
MISMATCHED SEX DRIVES
Do you want to have sex more than your partner does? Do you miss when you were both clamoring to rip each other’s clothes off when you first started dating? This is common. After new relationship energy fades, you might find that you actually have mismatched sex drives. Humans experience a vast range in their sex drive, from not wanting it at all to wanting it every day.
There’s nothing necessarily wrong with you and your partner having differing sex drives. It may just be an issue of different physiologies. However, it can become an issue if one of you relies heavily on sex and physical connection to feel loved. Read more about how people experience loving feelings. There are certainly other ways to show your man you care about him, and sex is only one part of a healthy relationship.
Still, it’s important to respect your partner’s sex drive if yours is lower. You might want to think about things you can do to get in the mood. If sex if something that’s important to you or your man, then having good sex can prevent cheating and a lack thereof could lead to feelings of resentment.
Think of everything you have to do. The list probably takes more time than the 24 hours that exists in the day, and many of us feel this way. This leaves little to no room for sex, which obviously is less important than feeding yourself and your children, going to work, completing projects for school so on and so forth.
With work, kids, family, pets, volunteering and every single other obligation, finding time for sex when you do want to have it can be difficult. Rest assured that you’re not alone if you want to have sex more than you do have sex.
However, you should also be aware that sex can quickly become less than a priority when there are other things on your plate. It’s not just pleasure that takes the back burner. If you’re not careful, you might not have enough sex with your partner to bond.
Although it doesn’t sound super romantic, scheduling time for dates and sex can ensure you’re getting that much-needed nookie in with your man. It can also give you something to look forward to after a long, hard week when you’ll want something else long and hard!
Stress about a big project at work or even paying your bills can be a killer on your sex drive. If you’re sharing this stress with your partner, you might notice that the frequency with which you have sex has dropped. Stress and anxiety can make sleep hard to come by, too, which doesn’t help your desire to have sex.
This happens, and it’s nothing to worry about if things resume per usual once the stress abates. However, it can take a little push from one or both of you to get back into those sexy habits!
INJURY OR ILLNESS
A broken leg or cancer diagnosis might sound like a death knell to your sex life, but just because you have some physical limitations doesn’t mean you’re not still a sexual being. Nor does it mean you should ignore your needs if there are ways to still get what you need.
For example, you could look into sex positions that are less likely to cause strain to an existing injury. Consider sex toys to relieve stress on your joints during sex and masturbation if arthritis is a concern.
One thing you absolutely shouldn’t do is be afraid of talking to your doctor about your concerns. She’s heard it all – and more! – and a good doctor will be comfortable listening to your concerns and try to help you come up with ways you can still enjoy your sex life. If sex isn’t currently safe for you, she may be able to recommend alternatives.
Pregnancy makes your hormones go crazy. As a result, your sex drive may be all over the place. Pregnancy may make you want more sex, less sex or no sex at all. All three may happen during different periods in your pregnancy. If you’ve been pregnant multiple times, you may have different experiences. More on that in this post.
Your changing body may make you feel sexual in other ways, and it can be a great time to have sex. Just make sure to talk to your doctor about when to have sex if there are health concerns.
DEPRESSION OR ANXIETY AND THEIR MEDICATIONS
Even if you previously loved sex, a bout with depression or anxiety can kill any desire to have sex and lead to discontent within your relationship. There’s no need to stigmatize mental illness, and we definitely recommend seeking professional help if you’re struggling.
However, you should definitely talk to your doctor about the negative side effects of any medication she might prescribe to deal with these issues. SSRIs, which are often prescribed to treat anxiety or depression, can dampen your sex drive.
These are not the only medications that can suppress your sex drive. Any medicine that depresses the system – that is, slows it down – runs the risk of messing with your sex drive. So make sure to do your research!
OVERINDULGING IN ALCOHOL
This isn’t as much of a problem for our female readers, but you might have felt some frustration as your partner struggled to get it up after a night of heavy drinking. This is often known as “whiskey dick” and is common enough (something similar can happen with men who partake in marijuana). You might want to recommend your man slow down the drinking when you want to have sex.
How often should you have sex? Don’t ask us! Ask yourself and your man, then see if you’re having as much sex as you want to.
You shouldn’t feel bad over how much sex you are having or not, but if this article has encouraged you to think about how often you have sex and you’re not happy with that, you can certainly do something about it!