You see a handsome man at the gym and want to get his attention, but you are not sure how to do it without looking clumsy. It is times like these when you feel as if you are twelve years old and wondering how you can fit in with the “cool kids.” You may feel your heart rate increase, and not because you are on the elliptical trainer. You may sweat, turn red or start to shake at the thought of approaching a cute stranger. But, you are also in control of your destiny and if you take this chance, it may lead to a whirlwind romance – or a second date.

how to approach a guy naturally

Fortunately, you are now a grown woman. A woman who is confident, secure and empowered or at least can fake these feelings for the initial few minutes of approaching a guy. Approaching a guy, in any atmosphere, does not have to be intimidating. You can do a few things before your encounter to boost your confidence and your chances of success. A game plan will help you succeed, so plan a few “lines” before you approach a guy. Consider these topics to talk about. Also, remember to have patience. Do not run across the room at him with a wild look in your eyes. Walk slowly and with purpose toward your goal.


When approaching a guy, approach with confidence. That is key to your success. One way to improve your confidence is to dress for success. Select clothing that accentuates your positive features and camouflages your imperfections. Well-fitting clothing that you do not have to fuss with will also improve your confidence. If you feel good, you’ll look good! More on that here.

Build your self-esteem by using positive self-talk. Remind yourself of your strengths such as your humor, intelligence, kindness or loyalty. Replay in your mind these strengths and push away any negative talk such as “He won’t like me”, “I’m not pretty enough”, etc. He will like you. He will enjoy your attention and he will think you are beautiful.

Remember to make eye contact, keep the light shining in your eyes, smile and stand tall. When you approach a guy with confidence, you get confidence in return, and nothing is sexier than a confident man – or woman!


The social situation you are in may change your approach, but you can still smoothly approach a guy in any situation when you have a variety of tools such as humor, teasing, compliments and asking for opinions. Plus, it is best to tailor your approach to the situation. For instance, if you are in a bar (one of the common places to meet a guy), and he is watching a football game, prepare a game-based comment before you slide up next to him. If he is seated alone at the bar, you can use humor in your approach and say “I bet you’re drinking a Jack and Coke!”

If you are at a party, and you see a group of guys hanging out together, but not blending in with anyone else, you can tease him a little to get him out of his shell. For example, walk over to him, smile big and say “I thought no wallflowers were allowed at this party?” Then, once he takes the bait, encourage him to sit with you or to walk over and meet your friends. Often a group approach is more comfortable. If your group of girls wants to meet his group of guys, it may be up to you to smoothly break the ice.

Other situations call for a different approach. If you are working out at the gym and see a handsome man, you know that he cares about his body. A smooth way to approach him is to prepare a compliment. It does not have to be specific such as “Wow, you have really nice arms”, although he would love to hear that- but it may sound like a pick-up line.

Look for something specific to compliment him on such as his form when he performs squats or the way he motivated his friend during a heavy bench press. That way, he knows you are paying attention and not solely focused on his physical attributes. The conversation should last longer when you, and he, are able to talk about more than his body.

What if you want to know how to approach a guy in a store? In this type of situation, you may never have seen him before and run the risk of never seeing him again unless you act fast. This approach requires a little forethought too. Asking his opinion is the best way to approach a guy in a store. For example, you can ask which brand of cereal makes the best trail mix, or which type of peas are best added to chicken noodle soup. Hopefully, this will spark an interesting conversation and maybe even you inviting him to dinner!


You feel your best when you can be yourself. That is when you are the most genuine and the freest. You do not have to pretend to be anything you are not- most people can see right through that anyway. And chances are, you cannot keep up with the fake you for very long.

If you have a genuine interest in a man, based on the way he looks, the smoothest way to approach him is to be natural and just say hello. Smile, look him in the eyes and approach him with confidence, knowing that social customs will dictate that he responds. Your simple”Hello” may be all he is waiting for to talk to you. We’ve got more advice on talking to guys in this post.

For an added confidence boost, speak to other strangers around the bar, gym or party first. Choose people that do not intimidate you. Approach them, say “Hello” and see what happens. Then, move on to the next group of people. It will appear to everyone at the party that you are social, but you are building your confidence. By the time you reach the handsome stranger, you will be more comfortable saying hello and anticipating a positive response.


One way to reduce your nervousness is to lessen your expectations. Do not anticipate marrying this man or start to envision what your children will look like. That puts way too much pressure on both of you. Yes, you should visualize a positive response such as agreeing to meet for a drink, coffee or a date but try to avoid thinking beyond that.

A nice surprise that may come out of your approach to this handsome stranger is that you gain a friend. Your encounter with a guy may not result in any type of romance, but that is okay. Your confidence improves since you approached him and started a conversation. That will only make it easier the next time you see a cute guy and want to talk to him. If nothing else, your contact becomes a friend or an acquaintance, or maybe you discover he is better suited for your best friend than for you. She will be thrilled that you had the courage to seek him out.


One of the greatest gifts you can give yourself is trust. Trust your ability to communicate and to present yourself in a positive, confident manner. Trust that others will respond to you with respect and kindness. Trust that your approach will be met with an open mind and that handsome guy you have been eyeing at the gym will smile back and encourage you to continue.


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