Your life is filled with doubt and suspicion regarding your boyfriend or husband. You think your partner might be cheating on you, but you aren’t sure. You don’t want to seem like the crazy girlfriend or annoying wife, but you don’t want to be made out to be a fool, either.
Disclaimer: This guide is pretty intense and to be honest we weren’t very keen about writing it. We only wrote it due to all the emails we received. Besides, the Bad Girls Bible isn’t about turning you into a private detective. It’s about improving an already good relationship.
But if you must know the tactics and techniques to catch him, read on…
1. LOOK FOR SIGNS
There are certain signs that signal your man might be cheating:
- Is he spending more time away from home?
- Is he less interested in having sex with you?
- Does he start fights with you more often than before?
- Does he not respond to your phone calls or text messages?
Stop wondering and take some steps to find out. Here’s how to catch a cheater.
But first be sure that your suspicion warrants an investigation. There could be consequences. You might confirm that your fears are true. You would then need to decide whether you want to work on the relationship or call it quits.
Or, you could be dead wrong, and now your partner is disappointed in your lack of trust in the relationship. But if you’re set on learning how to catch a cheater, read on.
2. LOOK THROUGH HIS PHONE
Looking through his cell phone is a classic method for catching a cheater. He’s bound to leave the phone lying around at some point. This is your chance to look through it. You need to do this quickly before he catches you. First check his outgoing and incoming calls. If there’s time, listen to the voice mails, read the texts, and go through the photos.
3. CALL THE OFFICE
If he works at an office with a receptionist, call the main office number and ask to speak with him at a time he said he’d be there. If he’s not there, he could be sneaking around on you. Another office tactic to catch a cheater is to pop in to the office, maybe during lunchtime. You might catch him at lunch with someone.
4. LISTEN TO HIS WORK STORIES
Does he mention a female coworker quite a bit? If so, you should ask him what’s going on with this coworker. Let him know that you find it unacceptable for just the two of them to go on business trips, work late or have a private lunch together. Let him know the rule of thumb is that he shouldn’t be doing anything with his coworker that he wouldn’t do if you were there.
5. CALL HIS FRIEND
If he tells you that he’s going out with friends, call his bluff. This is the perfect time to catch a cheater. Call the phone of one of his friends and ask this friend what he’s doing. You can tell by the reaction whether your guy is really with this friend or not.
6. CHECK OUT HIS FACEBOOK PAGE
Notice the women he interacts with on Facebook. That could give you a clue. It’s even better to log in to his account to read his private messages if your goal is to catch him cheating.
7. DO HIS LAUNDRY
When you do his laundry, you get to look through all his pockets. You might find a receipt for a restaurant or some other place he didn’t tell you he’d be. And after all, the “lipstick on the collar” is the old classic way women have been catching a cheater for decades. It’s still relevant today.
8. LOOK THROUGH HIS CAR
Tell him you left something in his car. Use this chance to look through the car for evidence to catch evidence of cheating. You might find something as obvious as panties or a bra in the glove box. Or you might find an earring or hair accessory that isn’t yours or a receipt to a hotel or restaurant that he didn’t go to with you.
9. INSTALL A TRACKING DEVICE
You might have seen the tracking device ploy on TV to catch a cheater. A tracking device goes under his car. You would then check his whereabouts on your computer. But use extreme caution. This option could be illegal. You shouldn’t use this option at all if you two are not married. If you want to know how to catch a cheating spouse, a spouse’s car registered in both your names is usually fair game though. But the laws do vary by state, so make sure to check them first.
10. FOLLOW HIM
This option for catching a cheater is old-style detective stuff. Grab a friend who has a car he isn’t familiar with and have her wait with you outside his house in a discreet place. When he leaves, follow him. You might follow him right to the other woman.
11. ASK YOUR SINGLE FRIENDS FOR HELP
Once you’re in a relationship, you and your guy need to take down your Tinder profiles, right? So you take down yours, but how do you know whether he took down his? Easy. Enlist the help of your single friends to scope out the situation, by getting them to sign up and hopefully match with him, where they can then see if he’s cheating.
12. CHECK THE CLOUD STORAGE ON HIS COMPUTER
The cloud automatically uploads pictures from his phone and computer if he has it enabled, but it doesn’t automatically delete them. Look to see what pictures he has.
13. ASK HIM
You don’t actually have to learn all these cheater catching techniques in order to catch him cheating. The best way to catch him is simply asking him.
Have an honest, adult conversation. Tell him why you’re worried and why you might be doubting his fidelity. Having this sort of mature conversation might clear things up.
Maybe he was unaware of the boundaries in a committed relationship, and now he knows what they are and can let you know how he intends to stop the questionable behavior.
Or maybe there was no questionable behavior at all, and your fears and insecurities led you to believe there were. If that’s the case, he can reassure you that he hasn’t been cheating.
The bottom line is that if you can’t talk things through with your husband or boyfriend, the relationship isn’t very strong. It might be better to walk away from such a relationship.
DO YOU DUMP HIM?
If you learned well how to catch a cheater and you caught him cheating, or he admitted he’s cheating during your talk, you now have a decision to make.
The one truth you can hold is that it’s never okay to cheat. Don’t let your boyfriend or husband blame problems in the relationship as the reason for the affair. When two people are in a committed relationship, and there is trouble, the right thing to do is to try to solve the problem in your relationship. If the relationship is troubled and cannot be fixed, it’s better to end it and then get involved with another person. Tips for that here.
Once you get that he had an affair out in the open, decide whether you want to stay. If so, he needs to gain your trust again. You and your partner should set up some rules and renegotiate the relationship.
With that said, you can’t hold him to a life sentence for what he did. If you decide you want to work on making the relationship work, you need to let go of what he did to you at some point. If you can’t let go and you just constantly visualize the affair and continue to be angry with him, the relationship is doomed to fail. Go into the relationship with a good spirit if you want it to work.
WHAT IF HE WASN’T CHEATING?
What if he wasn’t cheating at all, but you were just being insecure, anxious or needy? No one likes that! You might have damaged the relationship.
Look inward to yourself. Do you feel as if you’re flawed and not worthy of having a good relationship? If so, you might have difficulty having a healthy, trusting relationship, no matter how your guy behaves.
If you entered the relationship with emotional baggage, your partner likely finds your behavior to be tiring and irritating. He probably feels that you aren’t treating him fairly. He might also wonder whether your accusations are really trying to mask your own cheating behavior.
You can overcome your insecurities and have healthy relationships, but you need to work on your problems. If you can’t do it yourself, you might want to seek professional counseling.
WHY DO MEN CHEAT, ANYWAY?
Not all men cheat because of sexual dissatisfaction, although that is a reason some men cheat. Many men cheat because they aren’t getting their emotional needs met by their wives or girlfriends. That’s one of the reasons so many men meet women at work. Those women tend to look up to them and compliment the job they do. More on complimenting your man in this post.
Men like to know that you appreciate them, and most guys want women to understand how hard they work to please you. But most men don’t like to say those things, so you often don’t even know that emotional needs are important to them. Go ahead and tell your guy how much you appreciate him.
SHE’S USUALLY NOT PRETTIER THAN YOU ARE
Most men say that the person they cheat with is not prettier than their wife or girlfriend. They cheat because they feel an emotional connection with this other person. This goes to show that it’s more important to work on your intimacy than it is your physical appearance.
Statistics show that about 60 percent of men will have an affair at some point during a marriage or relationship. But the excitement of the affair doesn’t usually last. Once people realize this and instead concentrate on the marriage or relationship, they might be surprised at how good the relationship can be.
You can survive an affair, but you need to put in some work to do so. You both need to address the underlying reason the affair took place. Although it’s never okay for someone to cheat, cheating generally doesn’t happen when your spouse or partner feels loved. At the same time, you need time to work through the pain you felt from his betrayal. You need to learn to trust again.
If you can’t seem to work through the problems in your relationship on your own, you might want to consider marriage or relationship counseling to help you.
If you want your relationship to work, make sure you communicate – tips here, keep a strong emotional connection, let your guy know the ways in which you appreciate him, and let him know that you enjoy having sex with him. If your relationship is good, he probably won’t even want to cheat.