Why do so many people stay in bad relationships? Sometimes people stay for money or status, but there has to be a reason that so many couples stay together despite their misery. Could it be that ending a relationship seems more difficult than keeping the status quo?
If you’re confident that your relationship is hurtling toward destruction, keep reading to learn how to end the relationship.
Read: 10 Signs Your Relationship Will Soon Be Over
HOW TO END A RELATIONSHIP THE WRONG WAY
Before we tell you how to end a relationship in a way that reduces pain and drama, we want you to heed this warning. There are a few things you definitely shouldn’t do when it comes to ending your relationship.
- Threatening to end the relationship: You don’t want to be the woman who cried wolf by threatening to leave multiple times. You should only use these words when you actually plan to leave the relationship. Otherwise, your man will know you don’t plan to act on your words, and nothing will change.
- Leaving out of the blue: It might seem easier to leave without talking to your boyfriend or husband, but it’s not necessarily right. Unless you have a reason for keeping it a secret, you should be honest with him.
- Ghosting: Like the above, this mistake stems from doing what’s easy and not what’s right. However, ghosting leaves someone wondering what they did wrong and if they could have changed things. The truth may be that they did nothing wrong or that nothing would have changed your mind, but you need to give them the courtesy of being forthright with them.
Now, you can learn what you should do when ending a relationship.
HOW TO END A RELATIONSHIP
Most people agree that you should tell your soon-to-be-ex in person. It’s more polite and thoughtful than simply sending a text or even ghosting. However, there may be some times when this isn’t possible or advisable, including when:
- You’re in a long-distance relationship
- He may become violent
Some people also agree that you can end a relationship by a phone call when you’ve been seeing each other for less than three weeks, and texting him may be okay if that’s your primary method of communication.
Use your feelings are a barometer. How would you prefer to be broken up with at this point in your relationship? Use our tips for rejecting a guy to make the whole thing go smoothly.
No matter how you decide to end the relationship, you’ll want to talk to your soon-to-be-ex before you tell anyone else. It shouldn’t be common knowledge to everyone else that your relationship will soon be over if your man has no clue. This leads us to our next point.
HAVE YOU DONE EVERYTHING TO FIX YOUR RELATIONSHIP?
Although there are some times when you should absolutely leave your relationship, such as when he’s physically or emotionally abusive, many relationships can be saved. Your man is especially likely to object to the break if it surprises him. If you’ve never voiced your unhappiness or issues with the relationship, then he’s bound to be surprised and hurt.
He may not have picked up on your unhappiness or the unhealthiness of your relationship (Find out the 6 signs of an unhealthy relationship), especially if he’s blissfully unaware or lacks a healthy example of relationships in his life.
We have a number of articles on the Bad Girls Bible that can help fix and even salvage your relationship if it’s currently in trouble. Check them out below.
- Fix Your Relationship: Understanding Intimacy Issues
- 8 Things You Must Do to Save Your Relationship
- How to Save a Relationship in 10 Steps
Aside from this advice, you’ll want to consider other things that may be affecting your relationship, such as stress from work or how often you have sex.
WHAT TO SAY WHEN YOU END A RELATIONSHIP
You might struggle with how to end a relationship, which is why we recommend having a script that you stick to. It should be short and sweet, both so it’s easy to remember, but also so that he can’t argue with it. If he begins to argue or tries to negotiate, you may sway and stick with him, even if it’s not a good idea (Should you break up? Read this post).
The more you talk, the more he’ll find ways to turn it against you. This is why people use the vague line, “It’s not you; it’s me.” It can be frustrating to be on the receiving end, but you don’t really owe him an explanation when you’re positive the relationship is over.
You can tell him it’s over, that your relationship is no longer meeting your needs or that you’ve grown apart. There’s no need to go into sordid details, even if he demands that you do so.
Despite his reaction, it’s important for you to remain calm.
For those who have only been dating a short while, it should be enough to say that he isn’t what you’re looking for.
Discover 10 tips for a drama-free breakup.
ENDING A RELATIONSHIP WHEN YOU LIVE TOGETHER
Considering how to end a relationship when you share a home is a bit tricky because you can’t just delete him from your phone and ask for your key back. Your options vary. For instance, if his name isn’t on the mortgage or lease, you may be able to serve him with a 30-day eviction notice. However, you won’t have that option if your name isn’t listed.
You may want to stay in your home because it’s what you know, but it’s not worth it if he has the potential to become violent – or if he’s already done so. In that case, it might be imperative for your safety (or that of your childrens, pets or belongings) to sneak away when you can. Learn how to leave your husband safely.
In some cases, you may want a friend for protection. Or you may even want to contact local law enforcement if you’re afraid of your soon-to-be-ex.
Either way, you should line up some place to stay once you end your relationship. You may be able to return your home in the future, but you should be secure in the time being. You should start planning to leave as far in advance as possible to save up money, which may be difficult if you’re unemployed.
The aid of a good friend or family member can be invaluable, especially when it comes to packing in a hurry.
DO YOU HAVE KIDS? READ THIS
If you share kids (a home, business or pets, etc), it’s best to break up in the most friendly fashion possible. If you can decide issues of custody between the two of you, you’ll save time and money that you would otherwise dedicate to court and legal fees. Any negative behavior when you’re ending a relationship may be used against either of you in the proceedings, too.
At the very least, have the breakup discussion while your kids are at school or someone else’s house. They don’t need to be part of it.
HOW TO END A RELATIONSHIP AND SAVE YOUR MENTAL HEALTH
Once you’re out of the relationship, you’ll want to do a few things to make sure you don’t go back to him and can move forward in a happy and healthy fashion.
We first suggest the no contact rule. That means no texting or calling, no Facebook stalking and definitely no trying to run into him at work. Learn more about the no contact rule here.
Secondly, you’ll need to take time for yourself. Even if you wanted to end things, it’s normal if you feel sad or unsure. It can be difficult to spend time alone once you’ve ended a relationship, but it’s necessary to be able to slow down, enjoy your own company and get back to yourself.
At times, you may need to remind yourself why you broke up. It’s common for us to become nostalgic and gloss over the negatives, but you don’t want to return to a situation where nothing has changed, do you? Enlist the help of a friend who can remind you of this.
It can be helpful to consider therapy for yourself. You might even go with your ex as a form of separation therapy. And family therapy for any children may also be beneficial.
Trained professionals have helped others in situations like yours, and they can suggest exercises that will help you move forward.
It’s okay to worry how to end a relationship. It’s rarely easy, even when it’s your idea. But should you stay miserable in your relationship just because that’s easier? Sometimes you need to leave a dark place to make room for a brighter future.