There are dozens of advice columnists, hundreds of books and even more websites dedicated to helping you fix your relationship. And there are professional therapists who are educated and experienced in exactly that field! Why do we need so many resources for relationships when those very same relationships are supposed to provide such happiness? Women spend so much time trying to attract men – and vice versa – but are we doomed to be in miserable relationships?
At the Bad Girls Bible, we don’t think that’s the case at all. But issues can arise when you don’t trust or support one another, when you fail to create boundaries and discuss expectations and if you allow yourselves to drift apart.
When you don’t deal with issues inside your relationship, you may find that you fight all the time. Your relationship may look more like a love-hate relationship than one where you both love and support each other. You may find yourself becoming resentful, looking for excuses not to be emotional or physically intimate with your partner, looking at other men or even considering breaking up or divorce.
Fortunately, you can fix your relationship and many common issues, like the one’s we’ve outlined below.
JEALOUSY
Your partner might do some things that make you feel jealous. Perhaps he shields his phone or computer usage, disappears for periods of time without explanation or has especially close and flirtatious relationships with female friends or coworkers. It’s understandable if you’re alarmed. Some of those could be signs of cheating. Or perhaps he’s just a more private person than you are.
And while jealousy might be a natural reaction to certain situations, it’s also possible to feel it for any reason at all. Perhaps an ex cheated on you, your relationship with your parents could be improved or you simply have a jealous personality. Jealousy is a feeling we all experience at one point or another, but if you’re constantly feeling jealous and acting on what could be baseless emotions, it’s going to drive a wedge between you and your man and perhaps drive him away from you completely!
Of course, if your partner is experiencing feelings of jealousy, it can be just as difficult. Either way, you should assess your relationship. If you’re the jealous one because you suspect your man is cheating, you’ve got to find out for sure. If your jealousy is irrational, you’ll have to work on yourself. Consult with a professional if you think therapy could help fix your relationship, even if you’re the only one who goes.
BEING CONTROLLING
If your man has issues with jealousy, it might lead to this next issue that needs to be fixed in a relationship: being controlling. A controlling person may experience jealousy, or they may simply try to control people in their lives because they feel a lack of control in other areas. Control might even arise out of anxiety.
But trying to control our partners isn’t good. We should be able to trust them, and we should remember that we don’t – and can’t – own another human being. When controlling behavior is left unchecked, it can turn into emotional abuse.
BEING SPINELESS
The opposite of being domineering is just as bad. When you’re spineless, you don’t stand up for yourself and potentially your children. While many victims of emotional and physical abuse become quite submissive as a survival tactic, this isn’t productive in a healthy relationship. Your partner wants to know how you feel and what you think, and you’re jeopardizing your relationship, impeding communication and preventing you and your man from sharing intimacy.
Although you might think you’re doing right by your relationship by always doing what your man wants, it’s likely to get boring. You probably won’t be happy, either.
The key to fixing your relationship when you’re overly submissive comes from learning to understand and trust yourself and to speak up when appropriate. If your man is truly supportive, then he’ll be receptive to what you have to say, and this exercise can help to build esteem and confidence over time.
CHILDREN AND FAMILY
Children add stress while decreasing the amount of time you have to spend together. Things only get more complex if you’re dealing with a blended family and are trying to rear children who may be influenced from even more people and families. Even people who aren’t related to you will pipe up with, often unsolicited, advice about parenting.
When you’re in a relationship with children, you have to find a parent together. Otherwise, you’ll feel like you’re not on a team, and your kids might surprise you by how smart they can be by pitting you against one another. Creating a united front helps you feel more connected to your partner while providing a stable environment for your kids.
But you might need to fix your relationship if this problem has been going on for years!
LACK OF SUPPORT
When we get into relationships, we have expectations of what those relationships and our partners will provide for us. In general, we view this as care and support. Our partners become our best friends, and getting married or having kids means you share a life. Support comes in a lot of different ways, from cooking a meal or cleaning, to running errands and doing laundry. Listening to your partner after a long day of work or being a shoulder to cry on when he’s dealing with stress from his family is also a way of showing support.
There’s no use learning how to fix a relationship if you’re not going to be supportive, however. You won’t make progress if you’re putting down your partner, talking badly about him to other people or have no faith in him. In the same vein, you wouldn’t want to be in a relationship with a man who’s unsupportive of your feelings, hopes and aspirations.
MONEY
Money may not buy happiness, but it is necessary to pay for your residence, clothing, utilities, clothing, transportation and entertainment, among other things. Like parenting, financial habits can become quite contentious. In fact, financial issues are one of the main reasons for divorce and breaking up. This is especially true for lower-income couples who might not have as much financial stability. If you’re struggling to make ends meet and you feel like your partner is being irresponsible – or vice versa – then you might experience a lot of friction.
Learning how to fix your relationship when they are money woes might not be easy, but you can start by creating a budget that the two of you stick to.
SEX
While sex should only be a source of positive feelings in a relationship, it can become problematic for a variety of reasons:
- Mismatched sex drives
- Lack of time to have sex
- A partner who wants to be more adventurous and explore things such as BDSMor anal sex
- A partner withholding sex as punishment or using sex as a bribe
There are plenty of other reasons why sex may become an issue, too. Sometimes couples wind up becoming resentful of they don’t talk to each other about their fantasies, needs, and feelings surrounding sex. But no one wants to be part of the stereotypical sexless marriage. You have to talk about your sex life with your partner if you want to fix your relationship!
However, experts suggest that you don’t want to fight about sex inside the bedroom, and you should avoid talking about hot issues right after sex, when your energy may still be high and could turn your discussion into a bigger fight.
CHEATING
Cheating is often a symptom of an otherwise unhappy relationship, so it may result when you or your partner experiences frustration with any of the other aspects in this list. Or your man may cheat for another reason. If you’ve discovered your man has cheated, you’ll likely feel a lot of things – hurt, betrayal, anger and confusion just to name a few! These are all normal things.
But once cheating is out in the open, it’s up to you to decide to fix your relationship or to end it. Sometimes ending a relationship is the best choice. If you want to stay in your relationship, you will have to rebuild trust, which is never easy.
Many of these issues require for you to have honest and open conversations with your partner. It will be difficult for you to do that without taking a hard look in the mirror. It can also be hard to explain your feelings and thoughts. You may fear that your partner will leave you or that he won’t be receptive to your words. However, you should be able to express your feelings to your partner, and you can’t magically fix your relationship by doing nothing.
Speaking up might have a negative result, but saying nothing definitely will! That’s why we recommend honesty in all parts of your relationship, even sexual communication. If you’ve tried to speak to your partner but feel ignored or have even given up trying, a therapist may be able to teach you how to fix your relationship and get things back on track.
Fixing your relationship can take a lot of time and effort, but the result is often a stronger relationship than you had before. If you’re married, consider fixing your relationship before getting a divorce, especially if kids are involved. However, not all relationship issues are fixable, and you may need to leave your relationship for your own happiness and health and that of any children involved.