Don’t you just love oral sex? When your partner’s sole intent is to provide you with pleasure, it can be a mindblowing experience – and it’s one that comes without the risk of pregnancy! However, you may have run into some stumbling blocks when it comes to getting a guy to go down on you and make you orgasm.It may be due to previous negative experiences, a misunderstanding of how the vagina or vulva works or simply personal preferences. In many cases, you can make the experience more pleasant or explain how important it is that he eats you out.
Preparation Before Getting Your Man to Go Down on You
There’s no doubt about it, receiving oral sex isn’t usually a great idea with just a moment’s notice. If you’ve ever tried to give a guy a blow job after a particularly active day or when he hasn’t had a chance to shower, you might have been turned off by the odors and tastes down there. Some men are often particularly sensitive about the smell and taste of their clitoris and vagina, so you’re not alone in this thinking.
However, you can use this knowledge to ensure both you and your partner will be comfortable when it comes time for a good tongue ravishing on your clit.
You’ve probably heard that you should never use soap inside your vagina, which is true because your vagina is self cleaning and cleansing products can actually upset the healthy bacteria and natural pH balance. All you need is a water rinse inside. However, you can use a gentle and non-scented soap.
If you feel like you could freshen up but a shower isn’t in the cards, you have options. Several companies also make cleansing wipes for sex.
However, you don’t need a product specifically for sex. Wet wipes made for the bathroom will do just as well and are more inconspicuous.
Cleanliness isn’t the only factor that contributes to whether your partner will happily go down on you. Presentation can be a big deal.
To Shave or Not?
While we would never recommend that you alter your natural pubic hair – and pubic hair is just that: natural – to please someone else, you might find that you enjoy having a Brazilian wax, being shaved, trimmed or even having pubic hair cropped to create a cute design. Your partner might have no real preference, but ask to be sure if you’d like to learn how to please him.
A little landscaping goes a long way, so you don’t necessarily have to shave it bare or even shave at all because we all know how sensitive skin can become under the constant graze of a razor blade. An even trim makes your clit and vulva more accessible to your partner while reducing the chances of a stray hair getting caught in his throat.
You might even find that you like being able to wear more formfitting underwear or swimwear after trimming.
Consider using flavored lube. This might be one trick you use when giving head to your man to provide a more pleasant experience. If he’s at all worried about it being unpleasant, keep a bottle of his favorite flavored lube within reach. Finally, you can often make the experience more pleasant by holding aside your labia to provide easier access to your clit and more breathing room.
Some men do this automatically, but there’s nothing stopping you from reaching down to give a helping hand. You can even use some masturbation techniques on your clit while he uses his best oral sex techniques on you.
How to Get Him to Go Down on You
Perhaps the first thing you should do it show him this study on how many women like to have their pussy eaten.
Of course, no one wants to actually force their partners to do anything that isn’t kosher outside of a healthy powerplay or femdom relationship (speaking of powerplay, here’s some tips on how to be more dominant). So what can you do if all your preparation and invitation has been shunned?
It might be time for a serious discussion, especially if you’re having difficulty achieving orgasm any other way.
It might be easier getting a guy to go down on you if he realizes that you’re unable to orgasm from penetration alone, which is often the case for women. Stimulation of the clitoris won’t naturally happen with every body. The further your clitoris is from your vaginal opening, the less likely it gets any stimulation during sex unless you or your partner stimulates it either manually or with a sex toy.
Furthermore, that may not be enough to get you off. For some women, oral sex is more effective than any other type of stimulation.
Even if you’re unable to orgasm through oral sex, which is entirely natural and no reason to stress, it can still be incredibly arousing and provide a bonding opportunity for you and your man.
Stress how good a blowjob feels for him even when he doesn’t cum from it (more blow job techniques). If he needs help, remind him by reciprocating. If you’re wondering how to get him to go down on you, suggest the 69 position or a similar position where you’re pleasing one another simultaneously.
Finally, you can emphasize that you want to feel closer to your partner through oral sex. There are few things so intimate as when your man’s face is between your legs and his tongue is working at your clit to make you cum. It can feel pleasurable and powerful in a way that women don’t often get to experience.
If you’re partner understands the significance of oral sex to you, it can make his decision to lavish you with his tongue much easier. He may also be interested in trying out some of these excellent clitoral stimulation techniques when he does go down on you and starts eating you out.
What Not to Do When Getting Your Man to Go Down On You
Nagging – If you’ve ever been in a position where someone wanted something from you that you didn’t want to give, you know how ineffective nagging can be. Even worse, it often leads to fights. It can also be a huge turn off for him…here are 9 other turn offs for men that you’ll want to avoid.
Avoid criticism, especially after sex – You might want to bring up suggestions outside of the bedroom – and certainly not as a criticism directly after sex – to get your partner in the mood. Honey catches more flies than vinegar, and you certainly want your partner buzzing around your honey pot.
You also want to stay away from passive-aggressive territory, where you refuse any type of sex because your partner doesn’t want to go down on you. This is unhealthy for any relationship, and if yours is simply a sexbased exchange, you may want to consider finding another partner, instead.
Guilt or fighting with your partner can associate negative thoughts and feelings with going down on you, which is often counterproductive when you’re trying to encourage that behavior. Keep communication calm and civil otherwise you risk creating a toxic relationship situation.
Final Thoughts On Getting a Guy to Go Down On You
Many women have a difficult time allowing their partners to go down on them, so it’s not so much a question of getting your man to go down on you as it is being comfortable enough to allow him – especially if it’s your first time.
If you’re in a healthy and trusting relationship, you might ease the tension with a glass or two of wine. We recommend mixing alcohol and sex only when you have an established relationship with a sexual partner and not drinking to excess, which can introduces a whole slew of problems to the bedroom besides drunk sex. A glass of wine before bed can be good for your heart and your sex life.
If you’re tried everything listed, your partner may simply be one that doesn’t – and won’t ever – like to perform oral on you. It’s up to you to choose whether you’re sexually compatible, but you can also consider a few sex toys that mimic oral sex. Although it’s not exactly like the real thing, it provides another option if you’re committed to making your relationship work sans oral love.
Your partner might simply need time and reassurance, however. Gentle encouragement and positive reinforcement are often all that you need to do if you want your partner to come around about making you cum through oral.
Allow your partner to work up to longer and more intense cunnilingus sessions and don’t emotionally or physically force him to do anything he doesn’t want to do. Although you might be eager, this could be damaging to both your sexual and emotional relationship.
However, the effort and patience will be well worth it once you can reap the benefits of oral sex and your partner can see how how much it pleases to you to be on the receiving end. Try these tips for yourself to see how your sex life can be improved with amazing oral sex!