Remember when Edward left Bella in New Moon? And she spent, like, a whole night curled up in the woods trying not to die? And then spent four months staring at a wall, still trying not to die? And then eventually Jacob and motorcycles sort of started to bring her out of it, but not really, because secretly she was still looking for ways to die?
Yeah, we remember too. Object lesson, people: Don’t be Bella. (Also don’t live in Forks, where the list of eligible bachelors seems limited to good vampires, werewolves, bad vampires and Nice Guys Only Secondary Characters Want to Date.)
Where are we going with this, you’re wondering? Good question. See, part of the problem with Bella’s approach is that she never up and did anything about her wounded soul. Instead, she nursed that crush for all she was worth. If you’re actually interested in getting over your crush, you’ve got to work a little harder to make it happen. Below you’ll find a list of helpful, actionable ways for how to get over your crush. They might not all be easy, but if you take them seriously, they will help you leave disappointment and heartbreak behind for good.
DECIDE YOU WANT TO GET OVER YOUR CRUSH
This might seem like silly advice at first. After all, the heart wants what it wants, right? How are you supposed to tell it otherwise? Well, you can actually have a great deal of impact on your own feelings simply by deciding you want to move on. That doesn’t mean you’re automatically healed; it just means that every day you get up with the firm determination to let this crush go, to make your life more meaningful and less miserable. If you need to, repeat affirmations while looking in the mirror: “I want to move on. I want to get over this. I deserve happiness.”
ADMIT THE UGLY TRUTH
Sometimes getting over a crush requires acknowledging facts you’d rather not have to face. Exhibit A: Your crush never returned your affection. Exhibit B: You guys never had a real relationship, no matter how fancifully detailed it was in your head. Exhibit C: Sticking around pathetically is not going to make him change his mind. Admitting these facts to yourself won’t be fun, but it is truly necessary; if you don’t, you may wait around in La La Land for a loooooong time hoping things will improve.
STOP TALKING ABOUT HIM
Sure, at first you’ve got to let out the feelings if you’re going to move on in a healthy way. Journal, cry, scream into your pillow, tell all your friends, pour out your heart to your therapist … do whatever it takes to work through those feelings, girl! Then stop. Really. Although at first expressing your feelings can be very cathartic, and therefore a helpful means of processing what has happened to you, eventually you’ll get to a point where all you are doing is dragging yourself through the mud. Getting over your crush requires, at some point, refusing to dwell on the past and looking toward the future.
MINIMIZE CONTACT WITH YOUR CRUSH
One of the best methods for getting over your crush is to quit spending time with/around/near him. You may tell yourself you need to “wean,” or that he’s in your social group so you can’t escape him, or that you don’t want things to be “weird,” but really all you’re doing is finding excuses to stay near him. But like a drug, one more hit isn’t going to make it better. It’s just going to make you want more. So limit the time you spend interacting, getting as close to zero as possible.
If you truly have to see him (if he is a coworker, for instance), shoot for polite but distant. Talking will only make you want more of him, so don’t do it unless absolutely necessary. It’s the same with a crush as it is with first love.
PURSUE HEALTHY ACTIVITIES
Nothing clears your head and makes you want to stay sane like lacing up your running shoes, taking your vitamins, blending a smoothie, catching a chick flick with a girlfriend, or reading a book in the bath. Healthy activities remind you who you are, give you genuine enjoyment and happiness, boost your self-esteem and add to your skillset. They help you remember why life is good even without this person in it, so even when you don’t feel like doing something, go ahead and do it anyway. Stretch, reach, branch out, grow. It will help.
DATE SOMEONE ELSE
Often dating someone else can reduce the sting of a recent crush not working out. However, be careful that your dating experiments don’t turn into rebounds.
When you exit your old relationship (however unreciprocated it may have been) and immediately attach all those feelings to a new one, you risk ruining it before it even has a chance. Not only might you alienate the new guy with a level of emotion that seems misplaced (because it is), but you never let go of the old flame.
If you want dating someone else to help you move on, you’ve got to do it with an open heart, and be sure you’re ready to let the last guy go.
MEET NEW PEOPLE
One of the worst things you can do to yourself when you’re suffering over a crush is to limit your world so that it seems like that person totally fills it. If you can’t escape him, you’re going to have a hard time escaping the crush because he’s just always right there. Always. Right. There.
Avoid this fate by actively seeking out others to spend time with. If your crush is in a class, move seats and strike up a conversation with new people or old friends. In a work environment, find someone to get coffee with on your breaks, and go out to lunch at new places and with new people. Carry a book if you must, but avoid falling into the same routines that bring you into contact with your crush.
GET RID OF THINGS THAT REMIND YOU OF HIM
One of the best suggestions for how to get over your crush is to remove reminders of him from your life, especially your home, your purse, your wallet, your car, and other personal places/belongings that you come into contact with regularly. We can’t say this enough: Reminding yourself of his existence can only hurt, not help, at least in the short term. Long-term, perhaps you may be able to move on to a peaceful place of acceptance and even friendship, but now is not that time.
BLOCK HIM FROM SOCIAL MEDIA, IF NECESSARY
Scrolling through his latest party photos and trying to detect whether he’s dating any of the girls in the photos he posts might feel rewarding in the moment, but it’s an ultimately self-destructive act. The momentary reward is not worth the long-term consequences, so stay away. If you really feel the need, unfriend or unfollow your crush so that you don’t have to see his exploits in your feed.
Plus, that will mean you have to send another request or re-follow him in order to pick up where you left off, and hopefully the embarrassment will deter you. If for some reason he’s unwilling to let your non-relationship go (like guys who prefer to maintain a “friendship” even when it’s painful for you), go ahead and block him.
GIVE IT TIME
So time doesn’t heal all wounds, but it almost always erases the pain and heartbreak that can surround a crush. While those feelings are very real and visceral in this moment, they will pass. Trust us when we say that if you’re wondering how to get over a crush and you’ve tried everything, then perhaps the magical remaining ingredient is time. Don’t despair if your feelings linger, and don’t beat yourself up about it. Just take a deep breath and realize: This is just right now. This is not forever.
Whether you guys dated for a bit or your feelings went unrequited from the beginning, getting over a guy you like is always tough. It takes work, willpower and a willingness to do things that may at first feel strange, uncomfortable or counterintuitive. Try the suggestions here, however, and you may just find yourself feeling free and clear sooner than you ever thought possible.