When you break up with your man, it can be very stressful. It’s often one of life’s most painful experiences, and not easy to get through. Whether you were together for a long time or you were only getting started on what you hope would be a great relationship, it’s still difficult, and can get you down and lonely.
You can move on, though, and in time you’ll get over your ex, if that’s really what you want. It’s something that happens to a lot of people, and breakups are a part of life. Sometimes, though, you meet that one person that you just can’t handle letting get away. In those kinds of cases, you’ll want to get your ex back…and this article will show you how.
You are much more likely to have success using these tips, but you definitely won’t have any if you don’t put in any effort. If you’re really focused on getting your ex back, there are some things you can do to increase your chances of success and you’ll be on the road to bringing your ex back into your life. The key is to make sure you’re handling the issue the right way.
That way, whether it works out or not, you’ll know you’ve done all you can, and that you gave it your best shot. Just be sure you really want your ex back in your life, and you’re not just trying to get him back because you’re lonely or you’re mad that you two broke up.
1. DROP ALL CONTACT FOR A WHILE
You need to avoid talking to your ex until you are not so emotional (so you don’t say something silly or cruel). This is often called the ‘no contact rule,’ and it’s there for a reason.
If you’re sitting around thinking about how to get your ex back, keep it to yourself, and don’t go chasing after him like a puppy dog. No texts, no calls, no Facebook or any kind of social media. Leave him completely alone. Sure, it’s hard to do. No, it’s not fun. But it’s very important. It gives you both a little bit of time to heal from whatever caused you to split up, and that time can be very valuable.
It’s understandable that you want to get your ex back as soon as possible, because you don’t like the time apart. You may also worry that he will fall for someone else if you don’t get him back quickly.
While that could be true, that won’t happen if he really cares for you. Take a deep breath and remember that you both need time away from one another so you can process the issues that led to your breakup. Unless you both figure out what went wrong, without input from the other person, it’s very difficult to reconcile and move forward. Not having contact can help both of you sort out your true feelings before giving it another shot. More on the no contact rule here.
2. MAKE SURE YOU DON’T DO ANYTHING THAT MAKES HIM FEEL GUILTY
And make sure you’re not being passive aggressive.
It’s so easy to place blame, but it’s not productive and won’t help you get your ex back. Whether you’re commenting about him on social media or your blog, talking to friends, or re-establishing contact with him after you haven’t talked for a while, you don’t want to make the problem worse. Watch what you say, and don’t place the blame on him or find ways to cut him down while pretending you don’t mean it that way.
None of those things will be helpful, and they show that you’re not over your anger at him which may lead to you developing one of those pesky love-hate relationships with him.
Many people are very passive aggressive, and it becomes a way of life for them. Fortunately, you can avoid it if you pay attention to the kinds of things you’re thinking and saying about and to your ex. If you’re sarcastic, or you find ways to put him down or make fun of the things he’s doing under the guise of joking, you’re probably being passive aggressive with him.
When you catch yourself doing that, or when you realize that you’re trying to make him feel guilty about something that may not have been entirely his fault, it’s time to stop. Change the way you phrase things, or talk about something else, so you can have a good conversation without the need to make yourself feel like you are ‘winning’ or are points scoring.
3. DON’T SHOWER HIM WITH UNDESERVED ATTENTION
When you start talking again, do it in a calm, rational way. You don’t want to treat him like royalty, no matter what caused the breakup in the first place. Be fair and reasonable with how you treat him, just like he should be with you. If you want to get your ex back and you start giving him too much undeserved attention, he may take advantage of that.
This is especially true for break up sex. It can be sensational, but it can often sabotage your chances of rekindling the relationship in the long run. You’ll find more advice on break up sex here.
You could end up back in a relationship, but it may be one that’s very unfair because your boyfriend will have come to expect far different treatment than you would normally be giving him.
While you want to treat him well – especially if you didn’t make much effort to treat him well in the past – you want to be reasonable about what you’re doing.d
Instead of focusing too much on making him feel like a king, just treat him fairly and kindly in everything you do. That will generally go much further than the over-the-top treatment you may be considering giving him. He will get used to that, and once you get tired of it, he may think you stopped treating him well.
If you set normal expectations for proper treatment right from the beginning, you’ll be much more likely to have success in trying to get your ex back, and in keeping him in your life in the future.
4. UNDERSTAND THAT IT’S TOTALLY NORMAL TO BE HURTING AND ANNOYED
When you’re sitting around wondering how to get your ex back, you may be very angry at him. You may also be angry at yourself for your part in the breakup, and you could be very hurt that things turned out the way they did.
While you can’t go back and change the past, it’s important that you focus on the present and the future. Being hurt and annoyed while you’re wondering how to get your ex back is very understandable. These break up quotes will explain some of your hurt feelings.
It’s a normal reaction to something like a breakup, which can be a really upsetting event in your life. Don’t let it consume you, though. There’s more to life than your ex, so it’s important to find ways to stay busy. Letting yourself wallow in self-pity because you’re hurt and upset won’t bring your ex back to you, and it certainly won’t help you feel any better.
Accept and acknowledge your feelings, but don’t take them to heart and hang onto them for too long. Learn to let go. Doing that is incredibly attractive and will prevent you from seeming desperate in the eyes of your man. (more tips on attracting a guy here)
5. WORK ON YOU
Don’t sit around all day and think ‘how to get my ex back.’ Instead, head to the gym, spend time socializing with friends and family, do some shopping, start that diet you were considering, or even take a vacation. It’s important that you get over the break up asap and these techniques will help.
The more time you devote to you, the less time you’ll have to worry about what your ex is doing. You need to take some time apart, and working on you can make you more confident when you focus on how to get your ex back later.
You also want to prepare for the possibility that you might not be able to get your ex back. To do that, you’ll want to work on you and all you have to offer in life. You may get your ex back with your new confidence levels, but if you don’t, you’ll be ready to take on the world without him.
Note: Meeting a new guy and forgetting about your ex is not the same as having rebound sex. Although if you want that, you probably should read the rebound sex guide here.
6. DON’T BE OVERLY EMOTIONAL WHEN RE-ESTABLISHING CONTACT
Reaching out to your ex after a period of time is the first step in getting him back. However, it’s very important that you do it the right way. If you’re angry, or you call him up crying and being too overly emotional, things generally won’t go well. It’s hard to get your ex back that way. That doesn’t mean you should be cold and completely unemotional, but it’s very important to discuss things like rational human beings.
That’s hard to do if you let your emotions get the better of you, and none of that will help you get your ex back.
Take plenty of time, to make sure you’ve cooled down and reflected on everything that happened in your relationship that led up to the breakup. That way, you can focus on how to get your ex back the right way. You’ll have a lot higher chance of success when you’re thoughtful and you show you want to talk about things like adults.
No matter what age you are, it’s very important to be mature about the situation, no matter what the outcome. There isn’t any place for anger or over-the-top emotions, so leave them completely out of the equation and focus only on the facts and the issues that are the most important to you.
It can be very tough to lose a boyfriend. Getting your ex back is a real possibility for a lot of people, and you might be one of them. Just remember though that it’s not always meant to be. If you’ve done everything you can, but you still can’t get your ex back, you’ll have to accept that fact and move on. While that will take some time, the pain of it will eventually fade.
It’s completely understandable to want your ex back, or to wish that things were different, of course, as long as you know when to let it go. Don’t give up without trying, and you’ll have fewer regrets even if it doesn’t work out.
By following some of the tips presented here, though, you’ll have a good chance of getting your ex back into your life, and rebuilding something you might have thought you lost. While you don’t want to drag things out too long or act desperate, you can be honest about the value your ex had to you, and why you want him back in your life.
If he doesn’t respond to that, you’ll know you’ve done everything that you can realistically do, and that will give you peace of mind so you can move on with your life. If he misses you, too, you’ll be glad you didn’t give up on him.