How to Help Your Man with Porn Addiction

You might know how fun watching porn can be, whether you watch it with your man or by yourself to get in the mood. More on that here. It can inspire new positions and dirty talk, which many people have trouble with. But while porn can solve some problems or complement your sex life, it can also cause problems in the bedroom as well as within your relationship with your man. Specifically, we’re talking about porn addiction, when your man is sacrificing time and effort that he should be spending with you, going to work or otherwise living his life.. to porn.

porn addiction

Porn addiction is tricky, but it can be overcome. First, let’s get to know a little more about the phenomenon that’s known as porn addiction.

Does Porn Addiction Really Exist?

We reached out to Dr. Jason Greenberg, Ph.D. and asked him to fill us in. According to Dr. Greenberg, “most sex therapists these days don’t refer to sexual addictions as an “addiction,” as the label can evoke a lot of shame in the individual and exacerbate the emotional issues an individual is dealing with. Instead, therapists refer to someone as having out of control sexual behavior. And certainly, an individual can exhibit out of control pornography use.”

What Are the Signs That He’s Addicted to Porn?

“There are many warning signs of pornography addiction but they may not always be obvious to the partner.” according to Dr. Tammy Hunter CSC, CHT. She elaborated that, “as a mate, you may notice lapses of time lost within your everyday relationship. Addicts can also become isolated and detached, often neglecting friends, family, and even responsibility.

Warning signs of pornography addiction may include:

  • Unable to resist the urge to view pornography.
  • Obsessively thinking, viewing and engaging in pornographic activities for extended periods of time.
  • Unsuccessful attempts to stop.
  • Continued use of pornography despite negative consequences.
  • Erectile dysfunction when engaging in sexual activity.

Dr. Greenberg also notes that he “may become less interested in sex or less responsive during sex”

How to Help with Porn Addiction

But what can you do if you suspect your man is addicted to porn or if he’s confessed to you that he feels compelled to watch porn? According to Dr. Hunter, in order to help, you need to realize that “the first step in recovery is admission of the addiction by the addict himself.”

Suggest that he cut down on his usage of porn or stop entirely. Reward him if he’s successfully able to do so. But remember that it’s not about forcing him to stop. In fact, approaching it in that manner might make it even harder for him to quit porn.

12-step programs such as Sexaholics Anonymous or Sex Addicts Anonymous can also be helpful to the man who is struggling with his addiction to porn, and they can connect him to a support network of other people who have or are dealing with the same compulsive behavior. 12-step programs aren’t for everyone, however.

Encourage him to seek professional help. He might look for a therapist who focuses on sexual addictions and problems. There are several organizations that can help you find the right help for your man

Because of the nature of sexual compulsions, a therapist might help your man uncover some underlying issues that are leading him to check out of life and spend so much time masturbating to porn. Perhaps he is dealing with anxiety or depression due to a chemical imbalance in his brain. Stress at work may be interfering. He may have other stressors in his life. Or he may be seeking out porn because of issues within your relationship that you can hopefully fix.

If your man is immature or not ready to deal with these issues, you may blame the problem on you. A man who constantly blames his partner for problems may be emotionally abusive. Or he may pinpoint an issue such as you not making enough time for your relationship due to work or children. He may even point out one of your own flaws, such as gaining weight as the reason for his disinterest. Although putting effort into your appearance can help to attract a man and keep your relationship thriving, he should love you for who you are.

It’s easy to accept blame because you love you man or want to help, but it won’ t address underlying problems if your man isn’t ready to take responsibility for his part in his perceived addiction. If your man refuses to see how his behavior is hurting him, your relationship or his job, even when it’s obvious to anyone else, it might be time to consider ending the relationship.

However, you might find some simple solutions that break your man’s attention away from sex if it’s not that serious of a problem. For example, he might resort to porn because the two of you haven’t had time for sex recently. It’s okay if the frequency of sex waxes or wanes throughout the course of your relationship, but don’t forget that having sex keeps the two of you connected. Read more in this post. You should make plenty of time for date nights, or if it’s sex specifically that’s lacking, you should head directly to the bedroom.

We’ve got a ton of advice for keeping your sex life fun in these posts. But here are just a few things you can try in the bedroom to redirect your lover’s attention to something more appropriate than his addiction to porn.

  • Dress up and role play
  • Try your hand at dominance and submission to see which role suits you best
  • Add sex toys like dildos or vibrators, which can provide you both with more intense orgasms
  • Tie each other up – bondage can be fun!
  • Have phone sex or send sexy messages during your work day

Find even more ideas here.

Recognize that your man can develop compulsions for sexual activities other than just watching porn, however. If the sex you two have becomes a replacement addiction or if you can’t keep up with his sex drive, then consulting a therapist is the right step. Remember that differing sex drives is completely normal, and you don’t have to have sex every time your man is in the mood. Still, this doesn’t excuse his porn addiction.

Whether or not a porn addiction is a real thing, it can wreak havoc on your life if it gets out of control. This is especially true when your man prefers porn to sex, loses his job or stops interacting with his family, which shouldn’t happen with typical, healthy porn use. Nevertheless, a porn addiction is something that can be overcome. It doesn’t have to end or permanently damage your relationship!


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