Having an orgasm is all about being comfortable with yourself and letting go. Doing this alone first is going to be much easier than doing it with your man. So I suggest that you forget about him until you can reliably masturbate to orgasm by yourself. Once you can orgasm easily by yourself, then get your man involved.

Slow Build Up – You can’t rush orgasms. One thing I strongly recommend when learning how to orgasm is that you slowly (very slowly) build up to it. Think of it as foreplay. Start by having a long shower or bubble bath. Make sure to wash everywhere so that you feel fresh and clean. Dry yourself off and then when you are ready, slip into bed and then turn off the light.

The key, before you get started is to make sure that you feel hot, sexy & comfortable. So if you would feel sexier wearing lingerie, then wear it. If baggy pajamas are your thing, then put them on. But if you feel much sexier and free when you are completely naked then don’t wear anything at all. Remember having an orgasm is all about you, so do what makes you feel best.

The Actual Orgasm – First spend some time caressing your body with your hands. Try to concentrate on the areas that feel best to have stimulated. Then when you are ready to bring your pleasure to the next level, lower your hand(s) towards your vagina. Just above your vagina, is the clitoris, which is the most sensitive spot on the outside of your vagina, is closely linked to arousal [2] and is a pivotal part of your pleasure [3]. This feels like a little, sensitive ‘nub’ of skin and is easier to find when you are aroused.

Sex doesn’t always stimulate the clitoris, especially if your clitoris is smaller or further from your vagina [4], so you may think that you’ve been unable to orgasm. But at least one study suggests that learning more about the clitoris can help a woman orgasm for the more easily during masturbation [5] and once you know how to easily orgasm during masturbation, we believe it can become easier during sex.

I advise most women to concentrate on this area when they first start figuring out how to orgasm, while also paying some attention to the labia, which are the folds of skin on either side of your vagina on the outside. When you are stimulating your clit, you’ll find that you can get most pleasure by rubbing it from the ‘1 o’clock position’ if you imagined it to be a clock. The ‘one o’clock’ position is the upper left area of your clitoris, so it’s easiest to stimulate with your left hand. Experiment with applying different amounts of pressure to it to see what you enjoy the most.

Then it’s just a case of continuously stimulating your clit while focusing solely on the types of rubbing, pressing and caressing that are most enjoyable. As you do, the pressure and intensity will build and build to a peak until you orgasm.

If you have never made yourself orgasm before, then you’ll need to do a lot of experimentation to see what feels best for you, which is always fun. Thankfully, you’ll find an encyclopedia of techniques you can use throughout the different chapters of the Orgasm Guide.

I made having an orgasm seem very simple in the paragraphs above. But, for some women, climaxing and reaching orgasm isn’t so easy. You see, there’s a significant mental component to making yourself orgasm.

For many women, there can be mental obstacles or blocks that can prevent you from fully relaxing and letting go, which makes climaxing and having an orgasm tough, and sometimes impossible. Overcoming these problems will make reaching orgasm much, much easier. These are the mental obstacles I’m talking about:

Stress – Stress is an obvious one. Of course, it’s going to be difficult to get aroused and feel sexual when feeling stressed about work, your kids or any other major problem [6]. But a lack of physical and emotional intimacy can lead you to feel stressed the next day.

Solution – Stress is a natural part of life, which we often can’t avoid. However, if every day of your life is incredibly stressful, then perhaps you need to take a step back, reassess and find some time to meditate or exercise or to simply have some “me time” so you can destress.

Also, studies have shown that having sex lowers stress the following day…and if you’re less stressed the following day you’re more likely to have sex [7]…it’s a virtuous cycle! So, sex can actually act as a de-stressing exercise for you and your man, in turn making it easier to orgasm.

Stressing About The Outcome – A funny thing happens when you stress out about trying to have an orgasm…studies have shown that getting stressed out about reaching orgasm correlates with difficulty achieving orgasm and makes it take longer too [8]. In other words, you can end up becoming so anxious and worried about whether you are using the right technique to orgasm that you stop focusing on what feels pleasurable and enjoyable.

Solution – Although this sounds counter-intuitive, you need to stop focusing on having an orgasm every time you masturbate or have sex. Instead, you need to focus on what feels most pleasurable. So experiment with different techniques and positions to see what you enjoy the most. As you do, you’ll notice that you naturally get closer and closer to orgasming.

Feeling pressure to perform – Feeling that you have to “perform” for your man or that he is watching you and judging you during sex, can make you clam up. This ultimately makes it much harder to let go and orgasm.

Solution – Talk to your man, let him know what you need to feel comfortable and relaxed during sex. Once you talk to him, you may even find that he feels the same amount of pressure to perform for you.

It’s funny, guys often feel as much, if not more pressure to perform during sex. They worry about the size of their penis, maintaining their erection, preventing premature ejaculation, making sure you have a good time, whether or not you like their body and more.

Often, you’ll find that your guy is so worried about himself, that he isn’t even that focused on how you’re “performing”.

Body Confidence – If you don’t feel comfortable with your body, then you may feel self-conscious and out of the moment, which is obviously going to make it hard to feel sexy.

Solution – Giving you advice on how to become more comfortable with your body is difficult, but I can say that once you begin to accept yourself for who are, you will find yourself becoming less self-conscious and notice that it becomes easier to reach orgasm.

Sexual Shame – If you’ve had a negative sexual experience in the past or were raised to believe that having sexual feelings and desires was wrong, then you may be dealing with some sexual shame. This sexual shame can act like a weight on your mind preventing you from fully letting go and orgasming [9].

Solution – Dealing with sexual shame can be as easy as noticing it when it arises and then consciously telling yourself that the feeling you are having (the sexual shame) is something that should be ignored. However, sometimes sexual shame runs a lot deeper, and you’ll need to talk to a licensed counselor or therapist to help you get rid of it.

Not Knowing Your Body – Knowing your body, what it responds to and what feels good is vital to learning how to make yourself orgasm. Once you know the right buttons to press to get yourself aroused and turned on, you’ll find that having an orgasm is super easy.

Solution – Experiment. To learn what your body likes best, you need to experiment and try out new things to see what your body responds to. You may find that nipple stimulationanal masturbationbeing submissive or softly brushing your clit in a certain way quickly brings you to the edge.

If you can overcome the above mental blocks, you will find reaching orgasm to be far, far easier. For more information about our products and services, click here,

1 comment

  • ‘To the point where I could do it now, if I wanted to. Occasionally, I think about my partner making love to me, but I don’t need to actually create a sexual fantasy in my mind — I just focus on wanting an orgasm, and my body responds.

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