You’re bound to feel frustration if your relationship is falling apart. Perhaps there have seen red flags, and you’ve been unhappy for some time. But if you still love your partner, share a life and think there’s a chance to save your relationship, then you’ve got to get to work fast! Whether you’re blindsided by the imminent end of a relationship or not, you’ll need to act fast to learn how to save a relationship. But there’s hope, especially if your man wants to save your relationship as much as you do!
Follow this advice to save a relationship that might still be salvageable.
1. TAKE SOME TIME APART
This piece of advice offers several benefits. If you’ve been stuck in a cycle of fighting or arguing, you get to break out of it. Time apart helps you determine whether you want to save your relationship or not. If you find yourself missing your man, you can go back to him with a renewed sense of commitment rather than doubt. However, you might also find that you can live without him just fine and decide not to save your relationship, after all.
Read about more ways taking a break is good for your relationship.
2. IMPROVE YOUR SEX SKILLS
If your relationship is lacking a basic foundation, including commitment, trust and emotional connection (basically everything listed in this post), then brushing up on your sex skills probably won’t save it. But if you’re sure you’ve got everything you need for relationship compatibility, and you just want to break out of your sexual routine, you’ve come to the right place! Check out some of the following posts to help.
- Guide to sexual communication helps you talk about sex
- Our ultimate guide to giving a great blowjob teaches you how to blow his… mind
- Seven tips to spice up your sex life
- Another 14 tips to spice up your love life if that wasn’t enough for you
- Finally, a comprehensive list of over 20 sex toys that will change your sex life forever
Improving your sex life has many benefits, from discouraging both of you from straying to teaching you more about yourself to helping you function better as a unit. But you don’t need to take our word for it. Try something new tonight.
3. RECLAIM YOUR YOUTH
By this, we mean the youth of your relationship. Remember how it was in the beginning? You couldn’t wait to spend time together, and your hands couldn’t stay off one another’s bodies. You overlooked his quirks and thought he could fly over the moon. There were butterflies in your stomach when you thought about him or talked to one another. The beginning stage of a relationship is sweet and exhilarating, and getting back to it might help save your relationship now.
Encourage those feelings of giddiness. Flirt with your man. Remind him that he’s wanted. Go easy on your partner’s faults. Make time for a date night once a month at the very least. Dress up for your man and listen to what he’s saying. You might not have had a chance to do so lately, and it’ll only help your relationship.
4. SEEK THERAPY
Sometimes you can feel as though you’re doing everything in your power to work on your relationship. You might be exerting all your energy, but that’s not how to save a relationship if you’re not doing it right. A professional therapist can help you and your man better communicate and work as a team. If you get hung up on issues, he or she can help you move past them. Plus, a therapist provides an unbiased opinion that you might need.
Whether you seek help or not, you absolutely must talk to your partner if you’re going to save your relationship. Tell him how you feel and what you need. Don’t hide your feelings because of fear of conflict. They’ll only come out in a hurtful way later. Similarly, you’ll have to make space for your man to talk to you. Actually listen, even if it’s difficult. The speaker-listener technique is a good way to communicate. Learn more here.
6. FOCUS ON POSITIVE
Rebuilding your relationship takes time, and it can be easy to get caught up on how much progress you’re not making. But it’s important to celebrate those little successes, both yours and your partner’s. Look for something to enjoy in every day, be optimistic about your partner making changes and let him know when you do see those changes. Speak well of your relationship, and it’ll encourage you to continue working toward saving it.
7. BE FORGIVING
Everyone makes mistakes. No one’s perfect. But it’s easy to hold those mistakes against people, even if those people are the ones we love most. Instead of holding that grudge, learn to forgive your man. He may be forgetful. He may not have tried to understand where you were coming from or communicated effectively in the past. He may even have cheated. But if you’re committed to moving forward, you’ll have to forgive him. And if he makes mistakes as you’re trying to save your relationship, forgive those, too.
Don’t forgive him just because he’ll feel better (he will) or because it’s good for your relationship (it is). Forgive him because it makes you feel better to not hold those grudges. While you’re at it, forgive yourself, too. We’re all imperfect humans who often contribute to the downfall of our relationships, but you can do better. Forgive yourself for stumbling along the way.
8. BLOCK OUTSIDE INTERFERENCE
Many people only talk to others about their partners when they’re unhappy. It stands to reason that your mom, best friend or brother might only know the negatives about your relationship. They might push you to leave it, even if that’s not what you want. They probably have your best interests in mind, but unless your relationship is an abusive one, you can still save it.
You just need to tell everyone else to “Back off.” You’re with your man, and you intend to stay that way. Don’t let well-meaning friends and family, snoopy business colleagues, bitter exes or people who would like to break the two of you up get in between you. Nix the drama!
9. SET BOUNDARIES
This goes hand-in-hand with the previous thought. Set boundaries – with others, with your man and with yourself! Boundaries are based on your feelings. When someone has crossed a line, you’ll know it. You might not think you have a right to say “No” to that sort of behavior, but this couldn’t be further from the truth! Setting boundaries gets you respect, encourages your mental health and prevents your relationship from entering into that downward spiral from which you cannot recover.
Boundaries vary, but here are a few ideas of boundaries that are healthy to set.
- Specify when you can and should talk to your partner every day.
- Don’t allow yourself to say hurtful things to him and vice versa.
- Prevent yourself from venting to everyone when you’re upset with your man.
- Don’t allow yourself, or your man, to become too close to friends of the opposite gender.
- Determine if you’ll share passwords. When is it okay to have access to the other’s account. Will you tag one another on social media?
Only you know what’s acceptable and what’s not, and it’s up to you to voice those boundaries to your partner. Remember that setting boundaries can come with backlash from the other party and feelings of guilt, even if you realize that boundaries are healthy for you. This is normal, but you shouldn’t back down. Assure your man that you love him. Avoid ultimatums. Instead, point out how boundaries will make you feel secure and improve your relationship.
10. MAKE YOUR PARTNER HAPPY
All too often, people misunderstand how to save a relationship. Yes, you need to be respected and feel loved, but demanding that from your boyfriend or husband often doesn’t work out. Instead, focus on making him happy. Kiss him goodbye when you part in the morning, pack him a lunch, text him while you’re at work and do other things – no matter how small – to make him smile and remind him of your love and appreciation. When he recognizes those positive feelings, he’ll be more likely to do what you ask and to work to save your relationship. If he’s on the fence, encouraging his happiness might also show him that your relationship is worth it!
HOW TO SAVE A RELATIONSHIP: DON’T DO THIS!
There are a few things you should avoid if your goal is a happy, healthy relationship, such as:
- Making boundaries that are impossible to keep (“always” or “never” boundaries).
- Manipulating your man to get what you want.
- Threatening to harm/kill yourself, him or your kids if he leaves.
- Trying to get pregnant so he’ll stay.
- Lying about pregnancy.
- Guilting him into staying because of everything you’ve done to him.
These methods aren’t how to save a relationship! In fact, they’ll do more harm than good, and some of them are downright emotional abuse!
There’s no shortcut when it comes to saving your relationship. It takes a lot of work, and you should see progress if you’re doing that work right. There’s no guarantee that your relationship can be saved, especially if only one of you wants to save it, but you should try rather than just walk away at the first sign of relationship distress.