For starters, you may have never talked to this guy at all before if you’ve been admiring him from afar, which means you’ll need an ice breaker. This can make a lot of people feel anxious – and we’re not talking about the kind of anxiety that you’ll feel in the bedroom by the way – more on that kind of anxiety here.
Aside from figuring out how to introduce yourself, you might still feel quite nervous. You may wonder what to talk about, especially if you don’t know the guy that well, or you may wonder if he can tell that you like him. When you start having those thoughts, anxiety really sets in. It’s no wonder so many people take so long to tell their crushes how they feel, and some of us never get around to doing it!
However, we’ve got plenty of tips and tricks to help you learn how to talk to your crush without embarrassing yourself or letting nerves get the best of you!
1. KEEPING CALM WHEN TALKING TO YOUR CRUSH
For example, you might not be calm if you’re in a crowded bar, visiting a place you’ve never been to before or have just finished exercising. But a walk in the park or a visit to a museum are much calmer places. Plus, the quiet allows you to talk to your crush. Both of you will be able to hear one another, and it will be quiet enough to “hear” your own thoughts and form replies!
It also won’t help you to calm those nerves if you’re speaking in front of an audience. Your friends might mean well if they’ve eavesdropping, but you’ll feel more self conscious. If you can pull your crush to the side of a group event to talk while everyone else goes on about their business, you might feel more at ease.
Keeping calm isn’t just about your mental state, either. You might want to avoid caffeine, energy drinks and other stimulants. If you’ve had a big day at work or school or you’re working on a project that keeps you in a state of alert, wait until a period when you’re calm enough to talk to your crush. While you being a little hyper may not be a deal-breaker, it most certainly can exacerbate nervous ticks such as playing with your hair, tapping your fingers or toes or having difficulty paying attention. Check out this post for help with body language.
Pay attention to your mind and body. If your heart’s beating quickly, take a few deep breaths to slow it down. Ground yourself by noticing the colors, smells, sounds and even feel of your surroundings. Consider getting a massage, participating in a yoga class or at least taking a relaxing shower or soaking in a bubble bath to help ease those nerves before talking to your crush.
2. HAVE SOME TOPICS READY TO TALK ABOUT
You don’t want to look like a deer frozen in headlights when your crush does start talking to you, so you should have a few ideas in your head that you might like to talk about. There are a few categories of topics that can serve you well:
- Talk about him: If he’s wearing a hat or t-shirt about something he loves, ask him about it. Perhaps you’ve heard something through the grapevine about him that’s appropriate to bring up. Is he into sports? Does he work someplace you’ve visited? Perhaps get a little info from mutual friends. Just make sure you don’t come off like a stalker who knows too much for a stranger!
- Talk about your mutual interests: Perhaps you work at the same place, have some mutual friends or are participating in the same school project. If you happen to know he has a huge family as well, it can be a topic to bring up when he’s around. Showing that you like the same things makes you look better as dating potential, and if you happen upon a topic that you both really like, you’ll have no problem talking to your crush. It’s sexy to be enthusiastic!
- Talk about what’s happening: Whether it’s local news or international current events, bring it up. “News” can be pretty broad, too. Perhaps there’s a political rally coming up on your campus, or maybe a local band has just made it big. And while you don’t want to start out with controversy, guys don’t always mind when a girl has an opinion, even if it differs from theirs!
- Talk about what you’re doing: You don’t need to stress over how to talk to your crush when you’re in an interesting setting. Concerts, shows and sports events all give you something to discuss – and make fun date ideas to boot! If there’s no particular event, you can make a polite comment about other people who might be interesting. In a bar, inquire what his drink of choice is. You can always default to asking whether he typically frequents these venues, and it can even be endearing if you admit you don’t typically do these types of things! Stay away from simply commenting on what either of you are doing, however. “I see you’re carrying that heavy box,” isn’t really conducive to conversation.
This doesn’t mean that you should simply run down topics from a mental list and force the conversation through them. Let the conversation flow naturally, and if you deviate from your original topic but you’re having fun, take that as a positive! Having some conversation subjects in mind simply helps to fill any uncomfortably silences that pop up when you talk to your crush.
3. HOW TO TALK TO YOUR CRUSH? BE YOURSELF
While you might not normally plan conversations, we’re not suggesting that you learn how to talk to your crush by staging conversations or pretending to be someone you’re not. Show actual interest in the conversation and his interests, if it’s there. Don’t try to force the conversation, and don’t pretend to be something you’re not. If a relationship does develop, it will have started on lies or, at the very least, acting. That’s always more hassle than it’s worth.
You want to come across as confident and pleasant, but it’s okay if you’re a little dorky or nervous, and it may even give you something to talk about. Being shy isn’t a bad thing, either. Don’t be afraid to laugh at yourself.
4. END THE CONVERSATION RIGHT
When you do get a conversation going, you’ll also need to know how to end it. You want to leave him wanting more so he’s likely to call or message you. This can also give you a place to pick up from the next time you speak. You don’t want to leave abruptly, but you don’t want to get into awkward silences, either. Enlist a friend who can join the conversation or politely pull you away from it if they see this is happening.
Ending your conversation at a comfortable lull can be a smart move. Simply tell him it was good speaking to him or getting to know him. Extend your hand for a friendly handshake. Make sure you’re smiling – it’s crucial to flirting – as you let him know you’d like to do it again. This is a great opportunity for you to exchange contact information.
Of course, this assumes the conversation went well. This might not always be the case. For example, you might talk to your crush and realize the two of you have nothing in common, or you may simply falter when so close to perceived perfection. That’s okay! Consider letting him know you’re not good with new people but you’d love to try again later.
Even if the conversation doesn’t go swimmingly, you should congratulate yourself for being brave enough to talk to your crush. Guys are often expected to make the first move, so he might be impressed by this – and even relieved not to have to start the conversation himself! Even if you weren’t on his radar before, you will be now.