Tired of seeing your girlfriends get married left and right? Tired of seeing your Facebook feed filled with happy couples and wedding albums, kids, and other examples of marital bliss and healthy long term relationships? Next time there’s a wedding announcement, you want it to be yours. But the questions is…How do you know if he is the one?
This guide will show you exactly how to tell if he is the one.
1. IS HE THERE IN YOUR TIMES OF NEED?
You want a dependable man who doesn’t skip out on the difficult things in life. Even if you have the most perfect life, you are going to run into set backs and stress. How does he handle these situations when they occur? Does he help out however he can without adding to your stress level? It’s easy to find someone who sticks around when everything is great.
It’s much more difficult to find someone who sticks around when everything is going wrong and you need them most.
2. DO YOU HAVE SIMILAR FINANCIAL OUTLOOKS?
Money is an issue many couples argue about, especially when there’s not enough of it to go around. Does he save up when he can or is he an impulsive spender?
Do you want to get into investments and he would rather crowdfund the latest trendy toy on Kickstarter? Understanding whether you have similar financial viewpoints, and how to compromise if you aren’t on the same page, is an essential part of making a long term relationship work and knowing if he is the one. It’s easy to run into issues where money breeds resentment, which results in arguing or even break ups.
3. DO YOU AGREE ON WHETHER OR NOT TO HAVE CHILDREN?
If you want to know if he is the one, then you must answer this question.
Deciding whether or not you want to be parents is something to decide before the ring comes out, since a childfree partner staying with someone who wants a large family ends up with someone being resentful in the long run. If he does agree with your views of children, and you want to have them, it’s also important to share similar viewpoints on parenting styles. Having an inconsistent parenting style can lead to behavior issues in the kids.
4. DO YOU SHARE HOBBIES?
An important sign he is the one is having shared hobbies with him? Shared interests help you stay involved in each other’s lives and provide conversation points. It’s easy to fall into a trap where you don’t connect with each other because of work and life stress. If you don’t already share hobbies, see if you can develop a shared interest in something together.
5. IS HE IN UNCONDITIONAL LOVE WITH YOU?
You don’t want to be in a long term relationship with lots of terms and conditions on when he loves you when figuring out if he is the one. You want an emotionally available partner who loves you as close to unconditionally as possible.
If he makes you jump through hoops simply to get attention, it’s not a healthy relationship or connection. Over the long run, you’ll get frustrated or tired from having to work so hard to get something that should be a part of the relationship normally.
6. CAN YOU HOLD A VARIETY OF CONVERSATIONS WITH HIM?
Variety is the spice of life, and it’s especially important to be able to hold deep and meaningful conversations with him on many subjects. If you can only ever connect on one subject (or no subjects), then there is a possibility that he may not be the man for you.
7. DO YOU HAVE A SIMILAR LIBIDO?
Sexual incompatibility can lead to frustration in and out of the bedroom, so it’s important to have similar drives and interests in that area when figuring out if he is the one. If there is a massive mismatch, but the rest of the relationship is okay, you may not have a problem with it in the short run.
When you’re looking at the rest of your life, however, mismatches have major problems that spill over into other aspects of your relationship. It can lead to cheating or a breakup.
8. DOES HE SHOW YOU RESPECT?
If you don’t feel respected by your man, you may suffer blows to your self esteem, self confidence, and your overall attitude. He needs to be respectful to your face and when you’re not in the room. Look at whether his friends have a good impression of you, or if they don’t know anything about you at all. He should be respectful even if he disagrees with you on some matters.
9. DO YOU SHARE THE SAME VALUES?
Do you share religious, political, and lifestyle views? Differing in these areas doesn’t necessarily mean a death knell for the relationship, but it does mean he needs to see and accept differing points of view from his own beliefs.
If your relationship has similar leanings, it’s easy to get along on these matters without much in the way of dissension. If you clash too much about the big things that matter, it’s likely you are going to face long term issues stemming from these differences. So if he is really into threesomes and kinky sex but you’re not, then there may be a problem.
Healthy communication helps with finding out whether you’re on the same page with key values, since you don’t want to find out you have major philosophical differences in the middle of a shouting match.
10. DOES HE TRY TO CHANGE YOU?
You’re the only one who can make the decision to change, so if he entered into the relationship hoping to change some major part of you then resentment, anger, and frustration are likely to stem from his efforts. He needs to accept you as you are, and if you happen to make changes in a direction he’d like, that’s a happy coincidence, not a necessity.
11. CAN HE COMPROMISE ON IMPORTANT MATTERS?
Even if he’s your perfect soulmate, you aren’t going to agree on every single thing.
But you’ll know if he is the one if he can accept compromise when the situation warrants it, especially on big matters such as choosing a place to settle down and raise a family and major vacation venues. If there’s fighting instead of compromise, or everything has to go his way, the relationship isn’t healthy. It’s something that leads to a situation where you end up hating your husband.
Work on providing clear communication on why you want to compromise on a specific matter, the logic behind it, and the areas you can meet him in the middle at. If he gets upset or only wants to have it his way, it may not be a sign that he is not the one and you are in an unworkable relationship in the long term.
12. IS HE RESPECTFUL TO PEOPLE AROUND YOU?
The way he treats other people is a big indicator whether he is the one or not. If he’s respectful to you, but he treats people such as waiters poorly, he is putting on a mask for you.
Pay attention to the way he acts towards people who don’t further his goals or are involved in his life. If he’s good to them, he’s likely good to everyone in his life. If he’s bad to them, in the long run it’s likely the mask is going to slip and he’ll be disrespectful towards you.
13. DOES HE SUPPORT YOU IN YOUR LIFE GOALS?
Do you want to start a business, go to grad school, or have another significant life goal? You’ll know if he is the one by the way he supports you in your goals. If he’s dismissive of your dreams and doesn’t provide you with emotional support in achieving them, he’s probably not the one you want to wake up next to for the rest of your life. This is particularly true if he wants you to support all his goals, but doesn’t reciprocate.
14. DOES HE FOLLOW THROUGH ON WHAT HE SAYS?
Words are easy to say, but following through on those words is the part that builds trust. Pay attention to whether he keeps his promises, if he is dependable in his actions, or if there is a disparity between the things he says and the things he does. You want someone who you know is always going to be there for you and is trustworthy.
Don’t ignore small issues, as these are red flags that can quickly blossom to complete let downs and can lead to a love-hate relationship.
15. CAN YOU SEE YOURSELF SPENDING THE REST OF YOUR LIFE WITH HIM?
This is one of the biggest questions you need to ask yourself when figuring out if he is the one. Do you see yourself growing old with your current partner, going through all of life’s trials and tribulations, and still enjoying his company throughout the years? Sometimes your man is good for the present time, but it’s hard to imagine yourself in a long term relationship with marriage, kids, a house, and other goals.
When asking yourself, “is he the one?” it’s often clearer after looking through these questions and addressing them objectively. Many of these questions look at the long term potential of a relationship, which is necessary for having a happily ever after story for your wedding. Sometimes it’s not always obvious to figure out if that is a sign he is the one, so take your time when evaluating potential long term partners.
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