Learn How To Be Submissive & Have Kinkier Sex

submission sexWhen you learn how to be submissive during sex, you will experience a whole new world of kinky, incredible sex. First, keep in mind that being submissive and power exchange is a two-way street, which means…

You’ll have to talk to your man about it if you’re interested. It’s best to talk to him about it well before the fact and not during the heat of the moment. Switching from regular sex to that which includes BDSM can be tricky or awkward in the moment. Discussing it beforehand also helps you to determine what you’re both comfortable doing and not doing.

If you’re unsure how your partner will react, approach the subject by explaining exactly what it is you wish to do – being tied up, spanking, flogging, blindfolds, orgasm control, service or some other form of BDSM.

Many of these activities also show up when you have rough sex.

You might simply want to be taken over his lap, but saying you want to try “BDSM” might bring to mind more extreme forms of bondage and discipline or even ideas of abuse that aren’t actually safe, sane and consensual.

Unless he might be receptive during the moment, it’s better to have this discussion in a neutral time and place. This also gives you time to research BDSM activities that could be risky.

What If He’s Not Dominant?

Hopefully, you’ll be matched with a partner who is interested in playing the counterpart role to yours, but this isn’t always the case. While you can’t force the desire to dominate in another person, you can highlight how powerful he will feel by taking on that mantle so that he can make demands of and perform erotic activities with you.

You may also find that your partner is interested in trying on the dominant role but is worried about hurting you. This is a major stumbling block for some couples.

Having a safe word, which you’ll read about later, can help put you both at ease. If you know that pain or submission turns you on, you can also explain how that feels for you. For example, you can tell him that although something might hurt, you don’t experience it in a negative way. It’s something that makes you more aroused.

Either way, your boyfriend or husband might need encouraging if you’re really interested in submitting. In fact, if he does have interest in dominating you, he might not understand what you see in playing the counterpart. If this is the case, then you simply need to explain it to him.

If service is a large component, you can discuss how pleasing him ultimately pleases you as well.

How to Be A Good Submissive

submissive sex

Before you get to the specific activities that submission involves, you need to understand what it takes to be a good submissive. This foundation will guide your words, behaviors, and even thoughts as a submissive. And these guidelines don’t just help you serve your partner; they help you determine whether a partner is a good match for you, grow as a person, and get the most out of your relationship.

The basis of submission includes only entering into play or relationship to which you fully consent, being honest with yourself and your partner, having an open mind, and caring for your mental and physical health.

Being a good submissive requires an immense amount of trust. Otherwise, how or why would you hand over control to your partner? During play, it’s your responsibility not just to listen to commands given to you but also to utilize your safe word (more on that in a bit) if play approaches your limits. You should also provide feedback about scenes. 

Submissives may have specific expectations in scenes and their relationships, and these things, including punishments, are agreed upon by both dominant and submissive. Because each relationship or interaction can look so different, there is no one-size-fits-all description of what makes a good submissive. This is also why you might make a great submissive for one partner but a poor one for another. Rather, you must determine what kind of submissive you are/want to be and how you will interact with your partner and rely on this foundation to guide your good submissive behavior. 

Discover your sexual personality with our Sexual Blueprint and BDSM Test.

Finally, remember that there is no such thing as a perfect submissive. Your submission, like everything else in your life, is imperfect, and striving to be the best version of yourself is a lifelong project. You can only work toward being a better submissive tomorrow than you are today, and frustrations in your life or relationship can make it hard for you to be a good sub from time to time. It’s also important to keep in mind that what it means to be a good submissive can change over time as your relationship changes. For some people, their submission only grows, but this isn’t the case for everyone.

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