Cheating is generally considered the ultimate betrayal and the most difficult issue to bounce back from in a relationship. This is because trust is so critical … it’s the foundation a relationship is built on. If you can’t trust a man to be honest with you, then everything else you try to build together will just fall apart.
It’s natural not to want to admit it could be happening to you, so you may ignore the signs. Or maybe the signs are there and you’re willing to see them, but you don’t even know what to look for.
On the other hand, if you’ve been cheated on before and this is a major issue for you, you may know the signs all too well. This can be a good thing because you’ll be able to recognize what’s going on quickly and get out, or it can be a bad thing because you’re hypersensitive and zeroing in on non-issues because of the trauma in your past, so insecurity and paranoia take over.
Sometimes it helps to set aside your emotions as much as possible. Maybe that means temporarily letting go of your fear that you could lose everything you have with him if you’re right, or your anxiety that it could be happening to you all over again. Set aside those feelings for just a minute and look logically at his behavior, and you can get to the answer you need.
One or two of these signs might not mean anything, but if they start piling up, you need to take the possibility that he might be cheating on you very seriously.
Here Are 7 Signs Your Man Might Be Cheating On You:
1. He’s on his phone or online more than usual
If he’s suddenly glued to his phone, watch out. This is a major concern, especially if he’s sneaky about it. If he doesn’t tell you who he’s talking to or what he’s doing and gets mad if you ask him or happen to glance at his phone, this is a red flag.
A man who’s 100% into the relationship and doesn’t have another woman in the mix will have nothing to hide. He won’t be constantly texting someone else and acting funny about it.
If you feel like his attention is always elsewhere, either directed at his phone or the computer, then he could be connecting with someone else online. If he acts defensive about it, won’t tell you more, and tries to hide it from you, this is a sign he’s cheating or about to cheat.
2. Cares about his appearance much more than usual
If he suddenly takes a renewed interest in his appearance when you’re in an established relationship, he’s probably not trying to impress you.
Has he joined a gym out of the blue? Is he trying to lose weight? If he never had an interest in working out before, he could be preening to try to attract someone new.
Is he trying out a more updated hairstyle? Shopping for new clothes and dressing differently? Maybe wearing a different cologne, one you didn’t choose for him?
These are all common behaviors of men when they’re trying to attract women (you may remember some of them from when you first started dating him!) and don’t really mesh with how a guy acts when he’s already in an established relationship.
Is it possible he just wants to feel good about himself and maybe impress you? Yes, of course. You can’t take any of these signs in a vacuum. You need to take the whole picture into account.
3. He’s suddenly very busy with work
If he suddenly has to travel out of town more frequently, or he’s having a lot more late nights at the office, it could be cause for concern.
If he’s recently been promoted or his job has changed somehow, this might not be something to worry about. But if you know that’s not the case and he’s exhibiting some of the other signs here as well, it’s a definite cause for concern.
Is he going out after work more frequently for happy hours with people from the office? If there’s a new woman at work this could be a way for him to spend time with her off the clock and away from the office, to get to know her on a more personal level. If he never went to work happy hours before and suddenly starts going regularly, it could be a sign he’s testing the waters to cheat.
It’s also possible he’s using “work” as a cover for whatever he’s out there doing. Saying you have to work is a tough excuse to argue with.
4. He avoids intimacy with you
This is not the same as avoiding sex, this is about demonstrating affectionate and loving behavior.
If a man is cheating because he’s in love with someone new, it could make him feel like he’s cheating on his new love with you if he’s affectionate and loving with both of you, especially if he’s a loyal guy by nature and cheating is something new for him.
Even if he’s not in love with the person he’s cheating with, someone engaging in infidelity can feel uncomfortable behaving intimately with a girlfriend because it runs counter to their cheating behavior.
Unless he’s a total sociopath, he probably still has feelings for you, and that will make him feel guilty. Showing loving behavior toward you when he’s cheating on you would make him feel even worse.
5. Avoids having sex with you … or wants it all the time
Sex is a form of intimacy, so if he’s avoiding sex with you it could tie into the previous point.
However, he could also be avoiding sex with you because he’s already having enough of it with someone else. Conversely, his sexual appetite may increase because the affair is leading to a surge in testosterone. Or maybe it’s a way for him to cope with his guilt.
The key is, his sexual appetite and behavior have changed. Maybe he now has zero interest in having sex, or maybe he now has a voracious appetite for sex. Watch out for changes in his normal patterns.
6. He hasn’t taken his online dating profile down
While you closed your account the second you became official … you notice he never did. Or maybe he did, but you noticed it recently became reactivated. Or maybe someone you know stumbled upon him on a dating app …
A man who isn’t looking to cheat will not leave his profile up once you’re official, and if he takes it down when you do, he definitely won’t reactivate it later. This is a clear sign he’s already cheating, or at the very least wants to.
Does he have a dating app on his phone that wasn’t there before, or when you ask him to delete it you notice it’s still there weeks later? These are not the signs of a man who wants to be faithful.
7. He suddenly needs a lot of privacy
Everybody needs a certain amount of privacy, and people can be different about how much of it they need. Some people are fine with sharing their email passwords or leaving their Facebook pages open, others are not. The point is, he won’t be one way and then suddenly change without good reason.
If he used to keep his phone unlocked all the time and leave it on the table when he left the room, and now it’s always locked and he takes it with him, or he used to leave his accounts open when he walked away from the computer and now he’s signing out first, there’s a reason.
Privacy about his personal space is important too. If he used to want to have you around right when he got off from work, and now he wants to go right to the bedroom for “me” time or a shower first, this could be a sign he’s cheating.
In the end, relationships are about openness and sharing. You are working toward sharing a life together. If it felt like he was open and sharing before but now he’s suddenly shutting you out, it’s a huge red flag.