If you read any website that preaches abstinence (which we definitely don’t at the Bad Girls Bible!), you’ll come across outercourse. But what is this sexual activity and how can it make your sex life better, even if you already enjoy intercourse? Read on to learn more!
Just What Is Outercourse?
Outercourse is non-penetrative stimulation, usually with clothes on. It stands in contrast to intercourse or vaginal sex. Examples include making out while grinding or dry humping (an activity sometimes known as frottage or tribbing) against your partner, but some people include any vaginal or anal stimulation, so fingering or using toys could even be counted as outercourse! Since some people have a broad definition of outercourse, it could technically include a variety of things from mutual masturbation to phone or cyber sex.
Outercourse Is Just For Kids, Isn’t It?
There’s a prevailing idea that outercourse is for horny teenagers who don’t want to have sex yet, and there’s some truth that this might be the main demographic engaging in outercourse. But outercourse can also be beneficial in other situations:
- When you have your period and don’t want to have sex. Period sex can still be pleasurable, however. Click here if you want to make the most of it.
- If someone is recuperating from an injury or infection. Penetration can prolong a bacterial infection, for example. Learn more.
- For people whose preferred style of clitoral stimulation is grinding/pressure (which is a lot of women as it turns out!).
- For transgender individuals who prefer not to have genital contact.
- While waiting for marriage.
- To avoid pregnancy.
- To prevent tearing of stitches after birth or other surgery. Most doctors recommend waiting approximately six weeks before having sex again, but you might need something before then.
- As a way to enjoy sex with a partner if you have vaginismus, a condition in which your vaginal muscles don’t respond normally. Vaginismus can be painful, but it doesn’t need to come between you and your man.
Does it sound like outercourse might be the solution to sexual frustration? Find out more on how to deal with sexual frustration.
And many people just find that outercourse is fun and switches things up in the bedroom!
A Word on Virginity
Some people who engage in outercourse do it as an alternative to penetrative sex because they’re waiting for marriage or some other event to happen. However, some people still consider outercourse to be on par with sex. It is a sexual activity that can lead to orgasm, after all.
As it turns out, defining virginity is a personal decision, and few people wait for marriage. Of course, it’s absolutely okay if you want to, and if you want to try outercourse in place of intercourse.
On the Subject of STIs
Outercourse is a fantastic way to promote healthy sexuality, but it’s not foolproof. STIs such as HPV can be spread simply from skin-to-skin contact, and other STIs can be spread through oral sex.
Clothes On Or Off?
It’s totally up to you. You won’t get as much direct contact with clothing on, and your clothing my restrict your movement. However, fabric may also provide friction that feels enjoyable, and those layers between the two of you help to protect against STI transmission.
Many people enjoy outercourse in their undies. Getting down to your skivvies allows for closer contact. You can feel your partner’s body heat and his erection, which is just as hot!
But it may be tempting to do even more, so perhaps clothing should stay on if you think you won’t be able to say “No” to sex in the moment.
Positions for the Grind
If dry humping (find out why dry humping is so awesome) is your main focus when it comes to outercourse, then some positions offer the best leverage.
- Missionary position can work well, especially if you spread your legs or entangle yours with his. He can also kneel between your legs with at least one knee bent for you to grind on.
- Thigh Tide (more on that here) is a variation of Cowgirl style where your man bends his knee so you can rub against it. You can mimic it in clothing or underwear.
- Coital Alignment Technique was specifically developed for clitoral stimulation. Learn more about Coital Alignment Technique.
- Some women even like grinding against their partner’s tail bones, so have him lie down, and you assume the position on top of him.
- Any position where you’re straddling your man could potentially work for this activity. Mastery position and Sofa Surprise position are just two that we recommend.
Of course, you might discover your own favorite positions, and grinding against your man might not even be your favorite part of outercourse. The next suggestion includes even more outercourse ideas.
Outercourse As Foreplay
There’s nothing stopping you from simply using outercourse as part of foreplay. As you’re making out, it’s natural to grind your hips against your partner, and you might find yourself doing it involuntarily either way. Discover tips to make out like a pro. You can progress to sex by removing clothing.
All the while, you can enjoy some dirty talk. Not sure what to say? Why not try one of these 64 dirty talk phrases that will get him addicted to you?!
Whether it’s outercourse or not, foreplay is often crucial for a woman to enjoy herself during sex, especially if the goal is your orgasm. Foreplay helps to relax you and get you in the right mindset. A sensual massage is great for that, and it pairs well with grinding.
Read: Erotic Massage 101
Foreplay can also help increase sexual tension by not giving you what you want right away. By the time you get to the main course, you’ll be insatiable and practically (maybe literally!) begging for penetration. Discover 22 foreplay tips that lead to wild sex!
Outercourse can help you break up your sexual routine by forcing you to slow down, to focus on parts of your man’s body (or your own) that aren’t his genitals, become in sync with your partner and be present in the moment.
Related: The Ultimate Guide to Slow Sex
Make It Into a Game
If you’re not sure whether outercourse is for you or if your man doesn’t seem to be down with the idea, why not try making it into a game? We’ve got a few ideas to help you.
- Find all the hot spots: Find all your partner’s non-genital erogenous zones. You can certainly use that knowledge to drive him wild.
- Orgasm competition: Which one of you can make the other cum the most or get the closest to orgasm before your clothes even come off?
- Time it: If you usually hurry through kissing and foreplay, it can be a nice break to require that you spend a certain amount of time on specific activities. Five minutes of making out? Yes, please!
- As still as possible: Can you get intense clitoral stimulation from the smallest movements possible? It can be intense to gaze into your lover’s eyes in this way.
We bet you can think of even more outercourse games that are sexy as hell!
While outercourse is often written off as something that’s less than “real” sex or only for minors or those people who aren’t ready to have sex, it can be a wonderful alternative to penetration when life makes it impossible. You might also find outercourse is a great way to reconnect, slow things down and break out of your routine.