Virginity is a heated topic, and everyone seems to have an opinion on it. Movies like 40 Year-Old Virgin teach you that it’s wrong to still be a virgin when you’re an adult. Perhaps your culture or religion shuns losing your virginity before marriage. Maybe virginity doesn’t mean much to you at all, but a large portion of the world doesn’t accept that.
You may have heard horror stories from other women about how painful, awkward and unsatisfying losing their virginity was. You may be feeling pressure from your boyfriend or society to have sex. You may be one of many women who wonders “Does losing your virginity” hurt? Especially if you lack good sex education because of conservative parents and education.
Even if you’re interested in losing your virginity, you might be apprehensive or may not be sure how to do it if you’re not in a relationship. Fortunately, we’ve got advice for all of that.
A FEW FACTS ABOUT VIRGINITY
Before we talk about virginity and you, let’s just consider what we know about virginity and its history in the bigger context. Losing your virginity has frequently been seen as a bigger deal for women, just like society often accepts a man having multiple partners as a good thing while simultaneously shunning a woman for doing the very same!
A virgin woman was one who was chaste (just like a unicorn!) and more valuable when he father traded her to a prospective husband. Virginity has ties to times when women were seen as nothing more than property. That same holdback is why brides often wear white, representing their virginity! This is why many modern women – and men – shirk the idea of virginity entirely!
It might not be surprising, then, to learn that 55% of Americans see nothing wrong with having sex before marriage – and we believe having sex before marriage can help you ensure you have the right partner. Millennials are the most likely to have no qualm with hopping the sack before marrying, if they even get hitched at all, and casual sex is more common than ever. But even older generations are now more accepting of losing your virginity.
The average age of losing your virginity for a female is 17.4, according to the Kinsey Institute. Males tend to lose their virginity a bit younger, but there’s absolutely nothing wrong with you if you’re older than that and still a virgin! There’s also nothing wrong with not wanting to be a virgin anymore.
DON’T REGRET LOSING YOUR VIRGINITY!
Want to know how to lose your virginity without any regrets, fears or even pain.
1. DO IT BECAUSE YOU WANT TO.
Don’t have sex because your boyfriend is pressuring you, because everyone else is doing it, because you think it will make you feel cool, because you’ve reached a certain age, because people make fun of you for being a virgin, because you’re bored, because you’re drunk or because you think it will get you attention or even love.
There are a million reasons not to have sex. But there’s only one reason to lose your virginity.
Do it because you want to.
Have sex for the first time because you want to express love physically or because you want to experience the pleasure that comes from sex – or both. But make sure it’s something you really want to do; otherwise, you’ll just regret it in the long run.
You can’t please everyone, and while some people might tell you just to “get it over with,” others – and sometimes the same people – will shame you once you do have sex. Who cares what they think? Only you know what you want and need!
2. CHOOSE THE RIGHT PERSON.
If this means someone whom you love and you’re in a committed relationship with, more power to you. If you’re looking for someone who will be a hot hookup and nothing more. A friends with benefits might be a good option if you’re focusing on the physical alone.
Part of your choice might be whether to tell this person that he will be your first. Of course, talking to your man might help him do things that help put you at ease and reduce sexual anxiety.
But a guy might treat you differently in a way that you don’t like if you tell him. For example, he might fetishize you because you’re a virgin or he may not like the “responsibility” that he may believe he has when it comes to being the one you lose your virginity to, even if you try to assure him that’s not the case. To tell him or not is completely up to you.
3. PICK THE RIGHT TIME.
If you’re rushing through sex the first time you have it, then there’s a lot more room for something to go wrong. Set aside a block of time when you won’t be interrupted and during which you have plenty of time to explore your lover’s body and your own needs. Make sure kids, roommates and phone calls won’t take you out of the mood or that you won’t be rushing to the end of sex.
It’ll be better in the comfort of a bedroom or perhaps a hotel, but that’s not an option, you might find yourself sticking to car sex as a last resort.
Although you might find yourself spontaneously having sex for the first time, and it may just be awesome, planning it out can make you feel better when you have some control of the situation. It also gives you the opportunity to prepare for losing your virginity.
4. PREPARE YOURSELF FOR SEX.
Does losing your virginity hurt? Yes, it can. This is because the hymen, the thin membrane that surrounds the opening of the vagina, tears in some women during their first time having sex. There may be blood because of this. Inexperienced partners can also lead to pain and bleeding.
No, it doesn’t have to be traumatizing. If you’re concerned about having sex for the first time, you don’t need to do it while unprepared. This is a basic checklist to make it go as smoothly as possible.
- Take your time. Don’t rush. A sensual massageis a great place to start.
- Make plenty of time for foreplay, which helps to relax your body and prepares you for the pain that can come with losing your virginity. Plus a few “pre-game” orgasms never hurt anyone!
- Consider adding ambiance with a few candles, a scarf over the lamp and some sexy music. Reading some erotica or watching porn can also help you get in the mood.
- Make yourself feel sexy by doing your hair and makeup or wearing lingerie.
- Have condoms on hand if you need to use them to protect against pregnancy and STIs.
- Purchase some body-friendly lube to ease insertion and penetration.
- Breathe deeply and try not to tense up your body to reduce pain.
Of course, it can be difficult to remember these things in the moment, and you can’t predict everything that will happen when you lose your virginity.
5. KNOW THE REALITY.
If you build sex up in your head to be something awesome or awful, you’ll likely be surprised or disappointed with the actual outcome. Although it’s impossible for us to tell you what can happen, you should know that what is “normal” for your first time can be quite varied. It may hurt and you may bleed. Or it may not, especially if you have a smaller hymen or have torn it already through activities such masturbation. This is why it’s almost virtually impossible to tell if a woman is a virgin by examination alone.
Sex may be over quite quickly if your partner is also a virgin or rather inexperienced. He may not know what you need to feel good, and you may not either if you haven’t experimented with masturbation. It may simply feel awkward, or the clitoal and G-spot stimulation might be awesome! You may orgasm, but don’t be surprised if you don’t. It’s unlikely that you’ll hear angels singing like in the Hollywood movies!
There will probably be some awkwardness. You may not know where to put your hands. You could queef. He might slip out. It’s okay to laugh at these moments – together! Both of you may feel awkwardness at different times, and finding the right position can be trickier than you think. You may feel “gross.” After all, bodily fluids can be a bit disgusting.
When it’s all said and done, you might not feel different. Or you could feel more womanly. You may feel shame, disappointment or relief. There’s no reason to feel shame about having sex, however. Your relationship may become stronger after having sex, but this isn’t always the case. Remember, sex shouldn’t be used to fix issues in a troubled relationship, and it can certainly add more problems!
You may experience none, some or all of these feelings, and perhaps even more we’ve forgotten to list! Losing your virginity is such a personal experience, which is exactly why we recommend doing it only because you want to. Doing so can help you to make it a memorable experience, whether that’s as a bond between you and your man or simply a milestone in your life is up to you!