What does domination mean to you? If you’re like many people, you might have some pretty extreme ideas. But domination doesn’t need to be extreme at all. In fact, sensual domination can be enjoyed without pain at all, and it’s practiced by all sorts of people.
Although you might think of everything whips and chains and punishment when it comes to domination, that’s not the only flavor of domination. Indeed, it’s a complete turnoff for some people, but power exchange doesn’t need to be hardcore or seemingly cruel. Enter sensual domination.
WHAT IS SENSUAL DOMINATION?
Sensual domination It’s a type of domination that either focuses on sensation and pleasure/reward over pain and punishment, or it involves no pain/punishment at all. It might seem like an oxymoron, but it’s not. Plenty of people enjoy sensual domination either as their preferred type of BDSM, as an introduction to the lifestyle or simply to break up more extreme sessions.
It’s unlikely that you’ll be able to hurt your partner or become hurt through sensual domination, so it’s perfect for dipping your toe in the water to see whether you like power exchange at all or whether you’d like to get more serious about BDSM in the future.
Wanna know more about BDSM? Check out our article for beginners.
Sensual domination might be a good option for anyone who has struggled with sexual assault (discover how to move on after sexual assault) or abusive relationships. You might like the idea of BDSM but need something that you can ease into without trepidation.
SENSUAL = SENSATION
Sensual domination focuses on sensation. So you might drag a piece of fur or fur flogger over your partner’s skin. You caress them with silk or satin. In fact, there are many implements you can bring into the bedroom to create the sensual domination scene that you desire.
- Blindfolds — You can use a rolled up rag/t-shirt or a tie as a makeshift blindfold.
- Light bondage gear — Cuffs and under-the-bed restraint systems work well for sensual domination. You can get out of them easily, but they still create your perfect scene.
- Ice cubes — Tease your partner with an ice cube on his skin. Nipples and genitals are especially receptive. Or you can put it in your mouth while going down on him.
- Feathers and fur — These create a soft sensation that’s as light as air.
- Massage candles — Candles made from coconut oil and similar ingredients melt at a low temperature, so even body temperature causes some melting. Drip it onto your partner’s body and rub it into his skin for a relaxing massage.
- Lingerie and costumes — Dress up to stimulate your man visually or to get into your role. Learn how to pick the perfect lingerie here.
Of course, there are plenty of other objects you can use for sensual domination. How can you involve all the senses, including hearing, smell, and taste?
Plan your scene and have the items you need at your ready. If you plan to incorporate bondage, you should have an extra set of keys or a blade at the ready to get out of it in case of an emergency.
Many sensual dominants focus on bringing pleasure to their submissives. So figure out what your partner wants or needs and provide that. You’ll learn how powerful it is to hold someone’s pleasure in your hands without any selfish thought. Although, sensual domination can be pretty arousing!
Dominants often point out that sensual domination isn’t just about the corporeal. Instead, you’re trying to captivate someone’s mind and soul. To some, sensual domination is more romantic and emotional than other types of BDSM play, which may simply be for the session alone or between partners who aren’t romantically involved. Sensual domination is often practiced between married couples who obviously share a strong bond.
You might even find that sensual domination and light bondage strengthens your relationship because you need to be honest about your desires, focus on your partner’s needs and communicate your wants more clearly than ever before.
Need some help communicating about sex? Click here.
In this way, sensual domination may be less kinky than other types of BDSM, and it may be too mild for some people. We’ve got some other suggestions, however, if you want something more intense.
REWARD, NOT PUNISHMENT
If you’re into the idea of sensual domination, you might especially shrink at the idea of pain and punishment. Fortunately, sensual domination is the perfect setting for reward. When your submissive is obedient, he gets rewarded. When you’re on the submissive end, your man can provide you with pleasure via manual or oral stimulation, toys or even sex.
For people who don’t enjoy humiliation and “cruelty” during their BDSM scenes, sensual domination offers another option: praise. You tell your man what a good boy he’s being and caress him sweetly. He’s earned your love and devotion, and you’re happy to provide it.
Sensual domination pairs well with certain roleplaying roles (more on that here). Imagine any role where the dominant is benevolent and loving, and the submissive is devoted. This could be Mommy/son or Daddy/daughter (learn more in this post).
You’re not looking for a way to respond to disappointment. Instead, you want to help him succeed so you can show him how good he’s been. On the other hand, it feels amazing to submit to someone and to please them in such a way that they reward you.
PAIRING PLEASURE AND PAIN
Many people who enjoy sensual domination point out that pleasure and pain are on opposing sides of the same coin, the stimulation coin. The more pleasure you provide, the more pain your partner will be able to take. You can use this to your advantage to increase your partner’s (or your own) tolerance to pain and even to condition yourself to enjoy it.
One method is to provide stimulation that will bring your partner close to orgasm. Perhaps a hand job or blowjob gets the job done. As he’s approaching orgasm, you can add stimulation such as scratching or pinching.
At the time of orgasm, your partner will have a much larger tolerance, so you might spank, pinch a nipple or bite. When he’s already past the point of orgasmic no return, this will up the ante. If you do it right, you might be able to get him to orgasm from that stimulation alone!
Related: Sexual Desire and Conditioning
You can still can add spanking, flogging or any of your other favorite BDSM activities to this mix. Just choose lighter tools and avoid long sessions that really test your partner’s limits. So a small flogger or a fur-lined paddle are better options than a cane.
You don’t need to mix pleasure and pain when it comes to sensual domination, but that is just one option.
DON’T FORGET AFTERCARE
Just because sensual domination is less intense than other types of domination doesn’t mean that it doesn’t take a toll on you. Make sure to check in with your partner after a scene to remain grounded. You might not be physically or emotionally exhausted, but some cuddling and a glass of water never do anyone wrong!
Speaking of safety, it’s always wise to set up a safe word, even if you don’t think you’ll need it. A safe word allows you to check in with your submissive and enables him to stop or slow play if it’s becoming too intense.
One popular method is the red/yellow/green system. Just like traffic lights, these colors enable you to proceed freely, with caution or to stop altogether if you need to. If your submissive is gagged, consider an alternative method for him to inform you to slow down or stop. Dropping a ball or tapping the bed frame are just two options.
You might never need to use your safe word, but it’s always better to have one and not need it than to not have one when you do need it.
Of course, you can check in with your partner more directly by asking him how he’s doing and if he likes what’s happening.
SWITCH IT UP
In this post, we’ve discussed both ways to sensually dominate your man and the perks of being on the other end of the situation. You might naturally gravitate to either of these roles, but some people can play both. They’re known as switches, and you and your man can take turns being the one who sensually dominates the other. It can be fun to see what your partner will dream up when he’s in control and to surprise him with a scene you’ve planned.
Whether you’re just getting into dominance and submission or desire something a little less intense, sensual domination enables you to experiment with power exchange without the more hardcore elements of BDSM which can be intimidating and even scary.