Sex Tips for Dating a man with a Small Penis

This is something to remember any time you have sex with someone new: Nerves, anxiety, and pressure can all do a number on a guy's erection, which might mean he's not getting as hard as he could be, says Herbenick. This is actually totally normal — even for young men — especially if there's not enough foreplay.

It's possible that as you become more comfortable with each other and have sex a few more times, you'll find that his erections are actually stronger or longer. "Our research shows that men tend to have stronger and easier erections when they're in relationships," says Herbenick. And anecdotally, this is something she's actually heard from a lot of women. The explanation is just that there are so many factors that can influence a man's ability to achieve a full erection, and those factors can change over time. "Adult men's penises aren't changing in size. But there's a chance you'll see some change if you continue to have sex with him."

If you're really wet, you might not feel as much sensation with a smaller-than-average penis, says Herbenick. So maybe skip the lube with this partner. If you're getting really wet on your own, Herbenick suggests quickly wiping your genitals with a towel/sheet/hand before penetration so that you feel more sensation.

These are the muscles that can stop your pee midstream, and they can also make sex feel better, says Berman. By squeezing them during penetration (not the whole time, but whenever you can — typically in sync with your partner's thrusts), it can make everything feel more ~snug~ and enhance the sensations for both of you.

With a smaller penis, you might be limited in terms of which positions work and actually feel good to both of you. It's hard to give specific suggestions without knowing you and your partner's anatomy and preferences, but just explore and see what works. Generally speaking, you-on-top might allow for a little more friction and clitoral contact, says Berman, while positions like spooning or rear entry might be trickier to pull off.

You may also decide that oral and manual stimulation are the way to go, and that penis-in-vagina sex just isn't what you're into. Incorporating more foreplay and more sexual acts can be a good way to explore what works while you're still getting to know each other and each other's bodies.

If you want to have better sex with this guy (and really any partner), you need to be open and honest about what feels good. That means no more fake orgasms and a lot more talking about what you want from sex.

Just... don't say the problem is his penis size. Instead, be honest if you'd like certain positions, more oral or manual stimulation, sex toys, whatever, says Berman. Even if it ends up being an issue of sexual incompatibility, don't blame it on his size. This is already a really sensitive issue for most men thanks to cultural standards and unrealistic body expectations — something pretty much everyone can relate to in some way or another. But as we mentioned, penis size doesn't matter to everyone, so even if he doesn't measure up for you, that doesn't mean he wouldn't be someone else's perfect fit. There's no reason to give this guy an unnecessary complex.

"If this is someone [you] really see potential in and really like, then I would encourage [you] to invest in it," says Herbenick. "And really understand that the first dozen times might just be OK as [you] work to understand each other and become more intimate."