Make up sex can be so exciting and good that many couples say it’s the best sex they ever have. They say the fights they have are worth it if they can have make up sex after.
To have make up sex, you need to first have a fight. And fights between a couple in a relationship are usually filled with intense emotions. You’re both in a state of arousal when you’re fighting. And you know the other time arousal plays a big role: sex. When you and your honey have make up sex, you take the intensity and the arousal of the fight and transfer it to the sex. The results are typically explosive.
REBOUND SEX VS. MAKE UP SEX
Rebound sex is another emotionally charged event. You have so many emotions going on at the same time after you and your guy have broken up that you long to have sex with someone so you can feel good again.
The same concept exists with make up sex: you want to feel good again. The difference is that rebound sex happens with someone new, and make up sex happens with your partner. You don’t typically experience the same relief after rebound sex as you do with make up sex. In fact, you might feel bad after rebound sex.
Rebound sex is unlikely to lead to a new relationship. It’s a distraction. Many people feel sad when they realize the rebound sex relationship is only temporary.
You typically always feel good after make up sex. You realized that despite the bad fight, you still love each other and want to be with each other.
IF YOU LOVE AGGRESSIVE SEX
Make up sex is perfect for you if you love aggressive sex. Maybe he’ll grab your hair while kissing you, or maybe you’ll push him on the bed to be on top. You both have built-up anger and frustration that you’re letting out through sex. The sex might become so wild that you’re both trying new positions or BDSM.
However, rough sex is healthy and sexy and doesn’t have to follow a fight.
SEX COULD BE CARING AND EMOTIONAL
If the fight was bad enough that one of you almost walked out the door, make up sex in this instance might be super romantic and caring. You both realize that you don’t want to be apart and are eager to express your love for one another. You’ll both tend to take your time to ensure this will be the best sex ever. And afterward, you can have the cuddle session you’ve been craving to increase intimacy.
When you are having make up sex, not only are you in a state of arousal from the fight, you feel so good to have finally reconciled and made up. The fight might have been so bad as to threaten the standing of the relationship, making you both think you might even break up. The make up sex is reassurance that you both want to stay together, which is another reason couples love having make up sex.
HEIGHTENED EMOTIONS EQUAL INTENSE SEX
Sex can be better when it’s emotionally charged from the friction you have during an argument. Having an argument can be an intimate act. It shows that you care and that you’re willing to put yourself out there emotionally in front of your partner. Couples who never fight and have become best friends might have morphed into having friendly sex as well as opposed to passion-fueled sex that comes during make up sex.
A BIOLOGICAL REASON
There’s also a chemical, scientific reason for craving make up sex after a fight: When you’re stressed, like when you’re having an argument with your sweetie, your body produces cortisol, getting you ready for a “fight or flight” response. Your body naturally wants to counter the effects of cortisol, so it searches for a way to produce oxytocin, the body’s feel-good hormone, which counters cortisol’s effects. Oxytocin is produced during orgasm. So, you see, fighting naturally leads to make up sex.
THE DARK SIDE: ADDICTION
Some people like make up sex so much, they become addicted to having a dramatic, fight-infused relationship. They fight constantly and then have make up sex. This pattern is negative and is the sign that major problems exist in the relationship. The make up sex in this case is not treating the relationship problems seriously, which is the reason the fights keep happening. Fighting nicely is important to ensure your man feels positively about you.
Some couples say they sometimes start a fight just so they can have make up sex, which is understandable. If you know the outcome will be good, you tend to repeat the scenario, in this case, a fight. The downside is that you are creating a life filled with drama, which makes real intimacy and a balanced emotional state difficult to achieve. You may also resort to toxic passive aggressive behavior.
When make up sex is part of an overall positive union that includes a few minor fights here and there, it can be a wonderful part of the relationship. But when an overall negative relationship exists, characterized by constant fighting and drama, make up sex is usually not enough to save such as relationship. Learning boundaries can keep your relationship healthy.
THE DARK SIDE: BATTERED WOMEN
After a domestic violence situation, some men force their partner into having make up sex. The battered woman usually does not like it in this case. However, if some time has passed after the violent episode, the batterer will often be apologetic, and make up sex happens.
This makes the battered woman more likely to stay in this dysfunctional and dangerous relationship, according to Dr. Aaron Ben-Zeév, writing in Psychology Today. In this case, make up sex is unacceptable.
PROS AND CONS OF MAKE UP SEX
Make up sex can be a healthy — and hot — part of your relationship. It usually involves passionate sex, and you are usually aroused from the fight and are ready to have sex, even without foreplay.
But if you need to fight before you have sex, you might be experiencing relationship problems. You might want to consider couple’s counseling if all you do is fight and fuck (no matter how intense it is).
Remember that although make up sex might feel incredible, it’s not something that should be happening too often — all that fighting could be putting a strain on your relationship.