Are you stuck in a sexual rut? Perhaps you squeeze it in and it feels more like a chore, or you rarely have it at all. Have you forgotten how amazing sex can be? Do you need to be reminded of your sexual side?
Sex can easily be put on the back burner when you’re busy or too used to doing the same thing. How can you fix this? Try slow sex! It can be intimate and invigorating. Other benefits include the ability to try more new things, easing up on your joints and muscles (great if you have arthritis), a better chance at having an orgasm if this is something that you struggle with and a chance at trying to have multiple orgasms.
DON’T FORGET FOREPLAY
Before you even get down to the nitty-gritty of slow sex, you’re going to want to have plenty of foreplay. Setting the pace before you and your man take off one another’s clothes is a great way to connect more fully, and it ensures you’re not rushing straight to the finish line!
If you don’t normally go for foreplay, you might wonder whether it has any benefit. After all, getting right to the getting off is good, too. But foreplay has some great benefits. It helps get you into the right headspace, can push you from “sort of in the mood to have sex” to “ready to go,” helps you get more lubricated and loosens up muscles. This makes things like anal sex easier. Foreplay toes the line between relaxation and sexual frenzy, and we think that’s just great.
You can check out all our advice about foreplay here, but in the meantime here are a few tips to make sure it blows your mind!
- Start beforehand. Like way beforehand. Tell your man that you wanna rip his clothes after work when the two of you part in the morning. Send a sexy text, perhaps with a picture, during your break. Plan what you’re going to do. Tell him if you think he’d like that. Pick out lingerie and toys, and lay them out when he gets home.
- Keep your clothes on. At least, at first. Blow his mind with your kissing ability. Explore his body over his clothing. Remain clothed during an intense grinding session, which might get one of both of you off. Remember what it was like when you were a teenager. Isn’t that awesome? You can even make it into a game to see who can keep their clothes on the longest.
- Get handsy. Tonight’s not the night to skip the hand jobs and fingering. Remember how good those things can feel! Fisting is something you definitely need to slow down to enjoy. Read more about it in this post.
- Give and receive oral. It’s pretty standard for a woman to go down on her man during sex, and we’ve even written the guide to that. But it’s not always a fair return for women. So make sure your man pays plenty of attention to your clit. Encourage him to go down on you, and let him know what a good job he’s doing.
You can continue with sex toys, a sensual full-body massage and any other activity that makes you burn with lust. For instance, slowly securing your partner in cuffs and a blindfold will tease and tantalize.
SET THE PACE
Slowing things down means literally slowing down the pace at which you have sex. The following pointers can help with that.
- Set the pace to your favorite slow and sensual songs. Save the hard-hitting rock for your quickies and choose something that’s perfect for slower sex.
- Practice mindful breathing to slow things down.
- Whoever is in charge can count thrusts. How long can you wait between them?
- You can get on top to control the pace — and angle!
- Try moving your hips in circles instead of just back and forth. This can offer some grinding stimulation for your clit. The coital alignment technique is another way to line up your bodies and break up traditional thrusting.
Remember to use plenty of lube when you’re having slower sex, too. This ensures you don’t get sore and that everything remains slick.
TAKE A BREAK
Even if you slow things down, taking little breaks can be a fun way to catch your breath and prolong the end of your session in the sack. What’s that, sex doesn’t have to be a continuous but short burst? Of course not!
If his arms are feeling tired, he feels too close to orgasm (more on that below) or you’re feeling just a little bit sore, take a break. Return to making out, grinding or simply running your hands along one another’s bodies.
During your break, your man might get a little soft, but that’s just fine! You can use your hand or mouth to bring him to attention again. You can also experiment with taking a break right after you orgasm. Many women become too sensitive to continue then, anyway.
A MAN’S ORGASM AND SLOW SEX
Once you get down to it, however, you’ll need to know a few ways to make slow sex work. Not only is it easy to fall back into old habits and speed things along, but for most couples, sex ends when the man cums. Now, having slower sex might be a little harder if your man is the type to cum early. Check out our tips on making sex last longer, many of which will be helpful in this situation. But to slow things down, most men will need to learn how to prolong orgasm.
Products do exist to slow him down. Lubes, creams and even condoms containing nonoxynol-9, the most common chemical used to delay a man’s orgasm, are readily available. There are some potential consequences to using these products, however.
- He may find it difficult to cum at all.
- Sex may last too long because of the product.
- One or both of you may feel too numb down there, which actually decreases the pleasure from sex.
- You could have a potential reaction. Do a spot test on a safe patch of skin, such as the inside of your wrist.
Try these products as a last resort.
As a whole, switching things up will be good to prolong his orgasm. So don’t just let him thrust. Switching directions and positions. Move from oral to vaginal sex and back to manual stimulation. Experiment with pitter-patter thrusts. Wrap your legs around him and hold him inside, or use your thighs to hold him just outside you.
You can try edging for either of you. Edging is the practice is getting near to orgasm but not allowing it to happen. Back off, then work yourself back toward orgasm. Repeat this process as long as you can stand it. The resulting orgasm is usually ah-may-zing!
For men, the art of orgasm without ejaculating is one that can be mastered to prolong sex, too. This is possible through two methods, generally. The first is prostate stimulation, and the easiest way to do this while he’s inside you is with your finger. Read more about this. The second method requires one of you to wrap your fingers around the base of his scrotum and firmly pull down when he’s orgasming. Both of these methods take practice to perfect them, so don’t fret if you don’t get them right the first time! It might be a good idea to let your man know what you are planning to do beforehand too so you don’t give him a shock.
Another thing to consider is not stopping sex just because he’s done. You can continue to masturbate, he can go back down on you or finger you, or you could reach for your favorite toy for him to use on you. Feel free to redefine what sex is and when it ends during any session, not just slow sex!
MAKE SURE YOU HAVE TIME
Finally, you can’t have slow sex if you don’t set aside time for it! So make sure you have time for it. Turn off your phones, lock the door and close the shades. Send the kids away to your mother’s house. Allow yourself the privacy to take your time and be as loud as you need to be.
If you find that real life frequently intrudes on your sex life, why not try renting a hotel room for the night — or even just the day? Plus, having sex in a new environment can be quite the thrill!
SLOW SEX, STEP BY STEP
So what will sex look like once you put all this advice together?
One or both of you decides you want to have sex later in the day. You sneak off to the bathroom at work to snap a photo of your panties and send it to your man as you return to your desk. He’s incredibly turned on by the photo and lets you know that he can’t wait for later tonight.
You get home a little earlier than he does and freshen up. You pick out some of your favorite lingerie and slip into some sky-high heels. You know how to dress sexy! You greet him at the door like this, and his jaw practically hits the floor. He wants to get you naked right away, but you don’t let him.
Instead, you lead him to the bedroom, sensually kissing and running your hands over his body. Perhaps you perform a little lap dance to some sensual music you’ve spent all day picking out in the back of your head! You can already feel him getting hard, and you’re happy to go down on him. Your man is harder than he’s ever been and eager to return the favor. He removes your panties and sensuously licks your clitoris while fingering you.
He decides to have a little fun and shackles you to the bed with your favorite cuffs. This enables him to run his hands over you and grope, pinch and massage as he pleases. You’re ready for penetration, and he removes the rest of his clothing. But he pauses just between your legs until you’re practically begging. He slowly enters you and continues at a pace that drives you mad. If your hands were free, you’d claw at him, but you can’t.
He’ll artfully swivel his hips in a circular motion, hitting your G-spot, and rub your clit. When he needs a break, he unties you, and you straddle him. Now, you get to control the pace. But you want this to last a while, so you combine the pleasure with a bit of pain — a pinch here and a scratch there.
When he lets you know he’s too close to orgasm, you take a break from penetration, and he fingers you until you cum. You slip into doggy style, and he carefully measures his thrusts. You find yourself breathing in tandem until you’re both near orgasm. You cum (again) first, but you’re not ready for it to be done. Instead, you take him in your mouth and reach around to firmly press against his prostate. He orgasms but doesn’t ejaculate, and you can continue your sexual romp.
We’re sure you can take it from there!
Of course, sometimes you don’t have the time or energy for slow sex. That’s okay, too. Check out our guide to quickies to help you get the most out of the minimum time! But when you have the time, slow sex can be just what the doctor ordered.