So many sexy blogs and magazines are talking about edging these days! But what is edging exactly? Edging is getting close to…
Orgasm but NOT letting yourself cum yet. Repeat that process as many times as you can stand before you finally let yourself have an orgasm. It will make your resulting orgasm feel a lot more powerful and intense.
Edging is sometimes known as orgasm control when it’s done by your partner with the intent to control when you cum.
The bottom line…
You can edge solo when masturbating alone or…
You can can edge your partner. Equally, your partner can edge you.
Let’s jump into the details…
Why would you want to learn how to edge yourself?
As I mentioned previously
Edging can produce more powerful orgasms, even those that you might call “explosive.”
Orgasm control at your partner’s hands allows him to better understand your body. Plus, you never know when you’ll be able to cum if your man takes the reigns which is a lot of fun!
Some People Don’t Like Edging
Edging isn’t for everyone. Some people find it frustrating. If backing off from orgasm causes you to miss that window of opportunity to climax, and to lose your orgasm during the session completely, then you will naturally not like edging.
You may also have to start over, without any of the residual buildup. Every body is different, which is why it’s so important to pay attention to yours. You know best!
Edging might be easier at some times rather than others, which is perfectly okay. Although you might want to encourage it, some sessions won’t be conducive to edging and a prolonged build up. It’s okay to let that goal go for another time. After all, what is edging helping if it’s only causing disappointment?
Techniques for Edging During Sex, Foreplay or Masturbation
Edging is all about getting right to that edge.. without going over. How exactly do you do that? These three techniques are commonly used by fans of edging.
The first technique might be the easiest. Once you feel your orgasm approaching, just stop. Stop touching yourself or doing anything else that is stimulating. Pause until the feelings recede. Then, you or your partner can start stimulating your body
You feel another orgasm approaching,
Repeat this process one, two, three or more times until you’re ready to finally climax.
Important: Edging only works if you/your partner know how to pleasurably touch you. So, if you don’t yet know what you like, check out this post with masturbation techniques for women.
2. Switch It Up
Another way to switch things up when edging is simply to use a different technique than what you need to orgasm. This means you can still touch your clitoris or G-spot, but you’re not actively doing whatever it is that normally gets you off.
Perhaps you simply tap, pinch or press your clitoris instead of rubbing it in the way that normally brings you to orgasm.
Or you may momentarily perform oral on your partner who is edging you before he returns to stimulating you. That way, you’re still being sexual, but you’re not careening toward an orgasm too fast.
You can redirect your focus away from sexual stimulation entirely to prevent yourself from cumming. One method you might find useful is to focus on your breathing. As you get closer to the point of no return, your breathing is probably quicker and more shallow, so taking the time to focus on each breath and inhale and exhale more slowly is one of the best unexpected edging techniques.
Look for a distraction
You may want your mind and body focused on something other than how good it feels if you have trouble with stopping yourself from climaxing.
This is a great time to try out a “painful” distraction if you’re into rough sex or S&M.
A strategic bite or spanking can interrupt your orgasm, allowing you to start back up later. Of course, if you’re the type who would cum from (sudden) pain, then you might want to opt for a different technique.
Get more ideas for adding pain to pleasure in our beginner’s guide to BDSM.
3. Continuous Build
Instead of simply stopping all stimulation when you feel your orgasm is near, you can switch it up.
Switch from clitoral stimulation – Perhaps you move from clitoral to vaginal stimulation if you usually need clit stim to orgasm (and many women require clitoral stimulation or prefer it to orgasm ). Try sensually rubbing your body (or your partner’s) or caressing your breasts. Stroking of your labia or even anal play might feel nice enough to keep you close to the edge but not quite intense enough to make you orgasm.
Keep it sensual – If you focus on sensual touches that still feel good, you’re not completely leaving the moment or letting your body go back to zero as in the first edging technique discussed.
Slow it down – One way to keep yourself aroused but not quite orgasmic is simply to keep things slow and steady rather than focusing on that buildup. If you typically aim to get off as quickly as possible, this method might be a good method to your utilitarian approach or masturbation.
Continuous edging might feel a bit more fluid and less jarring than the other techniques mentioned.
Edging for Guys
You don’t have to reinvent the wheel when you’re learning how to edge a man. Instead, you can adopt the above techniques for him. Edging a guy can be difficult, however, because you’re not in their body and you don’t feel what they feel. You’ll need to pay close attention to his body signs that indicate an orgasm is on its way.
The two of you might also work out a system of words or other signals that he’s going to cum soon if you don’t stop whatever it is that you’re doing that feels so good.
Then you can pause or switch things up so he doesn’t cum immediately.
You’ll notice as you’re edging your man – or as he edges himself – that he might partially or fully lose his erection. That’s completely normal as long as he still feels a little aroused. You can increase stimulation if he’s softer so that he becomes erect or semi-erect.
Because a man can orgasm separately from ejaculating, there are a couple more edging techniques to try on your lover in your quest to edge him:
Scrotum Action – When he’s about to cum, one of you can reach between his legs and firmly wrap your thumb and forefinger around his scrotum in a loop. Tug down gently but firmly to prevent ejaculation.
Control Sex – Take control of his edging experience with a position such as Cowgirl, where you control the pace and depth of sex.
The Scale – Introduce your partner to the edging scale of 1 to 10 and check with him periodically to ensure he’s not going to orgasm. 1 means that he’s NOT likely to cum. 9 or 10 means he’s about to orgasm. If you can’t tell from his body and reactions how close he is to climaxing, then just ask him where he is on the scale.
If you’re controlling his orgasms, he might beg or plead to cum or for a certain type of sensation, but you don’t have to give it to him! This might be a great way to introduce domination to the bedroom.
Some people argue that edging can help to make a man’s penis bigger, reduce erectile dysfunction or even add years to his life because ejaculation saps a man’s body of his “life force.” This might not be scientific, but edging can definitely help him last longer in bed if premature ejaculation is an issue. He can learn more tips to last longer in bed in this guide.
When to Let Yourself Orgasm
Once you master the art of edging, you might wonder when the right time to let yourself cum is.
The truth is…
There’s no right time.
It all depends.
You might edge two or three times and let yourself cum. Or you may want to see how long you can go and how impressive an orgasm you can have is! Perhaps you try to see how many times you can edge in a given period.
Of course, if building up to orgasm becomes much harder by edging or you have a time limit, you might not be able to have a marathon edging session, and that’s okay!
Orgasm Control – When you’re edging a partner, you might torture them a bit by not letting them cum (this is known as orgasm denial). Edging and other orgasm play works great as a type of orgasm control for precisely this reason. You could even not let him cum until he’s achieved some goal (ie getting you off first or doing something super unsexy such as filing away paperwork!).
And if edging becomes boring or is no longer fun, feel free to end things and get on with your day.
For fans of edging and marathon sex sessions, the guide to slow sex can be helpful.
Tips to Make Edging Even Better
Although we at the absolutely recommend learning what edging is and how your body reacts to it on your own, especially at first, it’s wonderful to add your partner to the mix. One of the great aspects of edging with your lover is the ability to tell him to tease you or not to let you orgasm!
Hopefully, your man will find this power over your body super sexy! More on why power play is so hot.
This will definitely be the case if your partner is the dominant one, and you may even be reading this article because your partner introduced you to prolonged orgasms, and you didn’t know what they were called!
Secondly, we cannot emphasize how important it is to use enough lube, especially if edging involves prolonged anal or vaginal penetration. Even your clitoris and vulva might want a little of the slick stuff to keep
Common Issues with Edging for Girls
If you’re having trouble edging yourself, don’t worry. It’s a process, and practice makes perfect. Below, you’ll find solutions to some common problems with edging.
You Cum When You Don’t Want to
This is a result of simply stimulating yourself – or your partner – for too long. Once you pass the point of no return, there’s nothing you can do. To avoid this, you need to pay close attention to your body and the signs that orgasm is impending. You need to stop before whatever sign that an orgasm will happen.
Learn Body Cues – To figure this out, you may need to slow things down and eliminate distractions. Pay attention to exactly how your body feels before you orgasm.
What does it do during the lead up?
Stop before that.
If you can’t stop in time, you might never learn how to edge.
Use a 1-10 Scale – Imagine your arousal and proximity to orgasm on a scale of 1 to 10, where 1 is not aroused or close to cumming at all and 10 is right on the verge. Try to categorize where you are on the scale at any given time. Whenever you’re higher than an 8 (7 if your point of no return is more fleeting!), back off, slow down or stop what you’re doing entirely!
Time It – Alternatively, you can simply time when you stop stimulating or switch the method of stimulation.
This is trickier because sometimes it will take you longer to cum than others. But the basic idea is you should start with a time frame that you know you won’t cum in, say, five minutes.
Increase that time in 30 to 60-second increments. Eventually, you’ll approach the limit of masturbation-without-orgasm.
Use Signals – If you’re with a partner, you might need to work out a sign so whoever is stimulating the other can stop or switch things up. If you’re solo and using the technique where you simply switch things up but find yourself still having an orgasm too soon, you might want to opt to simply stop stimulating, instead.
You Can’t Cum
Another issue you might run into is not being able to cum. If you find it especially hard to orgasm or easy to “lose” your orgasm, edging may simply not be for you. Edging works better if your orgasms are more dependable.
If yours are difficult or inconsistent, edging may simply result in lost orgasms and plenty of disappointment and frustration.
Check out this post to help you orgasm every time.
Don’t be afraid to use tools such as a vibrator if it helps you cum more consistently. That can help you unlock your ability to have an edging orgasm. You can also learn how to remove roadblocks so you can cum more often.
In that case of losing your orgasm, you might wonder, “Is edging bad?” The truth is, edging during sex or masturbation just isn’t for everyone. You know your orgasms better than anyone else, so you’re the only one who can make that judgment.
Edging can be a way to spend more time having sex or masturbating. It might mean you experiment with new techniques or have a more powerful orgasm when you finally let yourself cum. There’s just one issue: it can get boring.
No matter how good it feels to touch yourself or to be touched by your partner, doing the same thing over and over might simply become bland.
If you can’t keep the balance between sexual tension and longer time, you might feel bored. This is especially true if your partner is trying to edge you and you’re not in control.
You can ramp up sexual tension with:
- Dirty talk – tips here
- Bondage and/or blindfolds
- Using sex toys
Your partner could also assign you a sexy task such as watching porn, reading erotica, or talking about your fantasies that will make it easier to stay in the moment.
Some of our advice for tease and denial games make for wonderful edging tips!
However, you should definitely talk to your partner if you simply find it too boring, especially if you’re bored because he’s the one who is edging so he can last longer (tips here)… but you just wind up staring at the ceiling rather than enjoying yourself.
Keeping it short? – He can edge you fewer times or shorten the time of each “edge” or even stick to more intense stimulation. Remember that edging could simply take place over ten minutes with a couple of buildups rather than needing half an hour, an hour or longer!
Sometimes, not every time – And you don’t need to do sexual edging every time you’re between the sheets. After all, a quickie can be fun. And if you frequently have longer sex, it can really shake things up.
Read More: All About Quickies
Remember, however, that learning to edge can take a little practice. But if you keep at it, you can reap the benefits of edging.
Experiment – When you first experiment with edging, you may lack the control it takes to get it right, but don’t be hard on yourself. Keep practicing either by yourself or with your partner, and you might soon be an edging expert. However, if you’re already having trouble reaching orgasm or edging just leaves you frustrated, there’s no rule that says you have to do it.
After all, different folks require different strokes – especially when it comes to sex!
What the Science Says
No studies have been done on edging… yet. But you can understand edging a bit more if you understand the sexual arousal cycle, also known as the sexual response cycle. And knowing how it differs for men and women can also be quite enlightening.
The traditional arousal cycle starts with arousal (physical), moves to a plateau, reaches a high or orgasm, and then resolves . The typical graphic goes up, perhaps with a few bumps, and then falls steadily back down.
When you edge, you’re switching up the cycle. The graph would climb toward a plateau but move back down to arousal without hitting orgasm or resolution. This continues every time you avoid an orgasm, so your ultimate graph might have several humps.
Other types of arousal cycles have been suggested, especially for women who may not identify with the linear model . One such model is non-linear, where arousal, desire, sexual stimuli, satisfaction, and intimacy all feed into one another. An increase in one can lead to an increase in another. Or a lack of one can lead to a lack of another.
This nonlinear model, which was suggested by Rosemary Basson , can start at any location, too. This makes more sense for many women than the original 4-phase sexual response cycle because women don’t always feel aroused first. They often need something to motivate desire; although, some women find themselves feeling desire after arousal and stimulation has occurred.
Nonlinear response models may better represent edging because there’s room for arousal to rise and fall several times before orgasm. The standard model piques with orgasm, followed by resolution, which requires a refractory period before the cycle can start again . It also better represents multiple orgasms.