It’s only natural to wonder what sex after pregnancy will be like. The good news is that sex after childbirth may be awesome. But it may feel different in a way that’s not entirely positive, but not necessarily negative either. For some new moms, sex after childbirth can be painful, and for others, there is no pain at all, and the sex feels great.
YOU NEED TO WAIT
After you give birth, your doctor will recommend that you wait a certain amount of time, usually at least six weeks, before having sex after childbirth, particularly penetrative sex, or intercourse (most couples start having sex by eight weeks ). You need to make sure that you don’t injure any lacerations that have not yet healed.
Although your partner is probably counting the days, you might not be ready in exactly six weeks. You might still be sore. And even if you’re not sore anymore, you have a lot going on. You’re probably sleep deprived and overwhelmed, and you may not feel especially sexy. Give it some time, and you’ll be ready for sex again soon.
If you have scar tissue, sex after childbirth may hurt. You might also find it painful to insert a tampon. Scar tissue can develop after any sort of vaginal surgery. So if you’ve experienced a tear of your vagina during delivery, you might develop a scar, either if it heals on its own or after the doctor repairs it.
Scar tissue can cause pain when it’s irritated. See your doctor if you experience pain with intercourse after childbirth. There are methods to relieve the pain, usually by removing the scar tissue or by having a steroid injection.
YOU MAY HAVE BETTER SEX
After childbirth, you may actually have better sex than you did before. Some women report finding their G-spot after pregnancy (still looking for yours? read this). They attribute this to being more creative in trying new positions as they get more comfortable during postpartum sex. Or they might now find it easier to find the G-spot since the vagina can change after childbirth.
Other women reportedly reach orgasm sooner. They really don’t know why, and they don’t care! If you want to increase the chances of having good sex after pregnancy, remember to do your Kegel exercises, which is contracting the muscles that control urination. Do them three times daily, five minutes per session.
YOU MAY FEEL DIFFERENT
Your man might notice a difference in how your vagina feels when having sex after pregnancy. The truth is that your vagina has changed, but it may have changed only slightly. It obviously got bigger (if you delivered vaginally) to accommodate your baby. But the vagina will also shrink back, and you can help it along the way. Learn how.
You might experience some swelling during this time, which may or not may change how things feel. Learn more about vulva swelling.
You and your man might notice a difference or you might not. For example, you might be able to finally try fisting. Tips in this post. You can increase the chances of your vagina returning as close to the way it was before by doing those Kegel exercises and by just giving it some time.
There might be other changes too. For example, the position of your cervix and uterus could be lower now. Check out the diagrams in this post to brush up on anatomy. So you might need to experiment with different sex positions to see which ones feel best. For example, deep penetration might not feel good anymore.
HORMONES MAY AFFECT SEX
Hormones could have a positive or negative effect on you. If you’re breastfeeding, you might not be in the mood for sex since breastfeeding releases hormones that tend to lower sex drive. Also, your hormone levels drop drastically right after birth. Whether your mood is affected depends on how your body copes with the hormonal changes.
Many women become depressed, and there’s even a name for this: baby blues. You feel this way because of the hormonal drop you just experienced. The condition of baby blues usually goes away soon. But if you are still depressed and are on the verge of crying for a few months after childbirth or experience symptoms such as difficulty bonding or frightening thoughts about your baby, you might have a more serious reaction, called postnatal or postpartum depression, which affects more than 10% of new mothers .
Both depression and its treatments can lower your sex drive , but depression of any sort is serious, and you should treat it if you can. Talk to your doctor who can rule out PPD or another post-pregnancy change in mental health, including anxiety or even psychosis .
You might just be tired from lack of sleep, or you might truly be experiencing depression. Talk with your doctor who can help determine what’s going on. When you feel this way, you typically don’t want to have sex.
YOU MAY NEED TO USE LUBE
Even if you didn’t have to use lube before, you might need it now to have sex after pregnancy. You might be drier than usual due to hormones after childbirth. And if you’re breastfeeding, the hormonal changes your body is experiencing also reduce your natural lubrication.
Learn all about lube by reading this guide.
Besides over-the-counter lube, you might wish to get estrogen cream from your doctor that you can apply to the area for added lubrication. Pregnancy is among several bodily changes including menopause  that can make it hard to become wet, while undergoing a hysterectomy can improve your ability to get wet . Estrogen supplements may also be helpful if your sex drive is slacking after you’ve had a baby.
Related: Help I Have No Sex Drive
YOUR BREASTS MAY BE TENDER AND LEAKY
If you’re breastfeeding, the last thing you probably want is to have your partner stimulate your breasts even more during lovemaking. It helps to have sex right after you breastfeed, so your breasts won’t feel so full and uncomfortable, or so you won’t leak during lovemaking. You also might wish to keep your nursing bra on during sex. Once you’ve been breastfeeding for a while, everything will go back to normal.
YOU MAY BE MORE AROUSED
Some women want sex after pregnancy and can’t stop thinking about it. The hormones work differently with these women, but the same thing can happen when you’re pregnant (more here). They might not have wanted to have sex much while they were pregnant, or they might not have been able to because of complications. But now that they delivered, they can’t wait to resume their sex lives and think of little else.
Everyone is different, and it may be possible for you to have sex in as little as two or three weeks after giving birth. It depends on how sore you are and if you had tearing or an episiotomy, which usually causes a delay in intercourse .
YOU MAY WANT SEX LESS
It’s common to have a lower sex drive after pregnancy. You’ve got a lot going on in your life, and you’re probably tired (one study found that new mothers who suddenly had less free time wanted to sleep or have time for themselves and that led to a changed sex pattern ). Not to mention that you don’t exactly feel sexy since you probably still have some baby weight, you’re nursing all the time, you haven’t slept through the night since you don’t remember when, and you barely have time for a shower. Top all that off with changing hormones and vaginal dryness, and the sex gods are just not visiting your home right now.
You may have loved sex before pregnancy, and you’ll probably love to have sex after pregnancy again. But it takes some women up to a year to get their old sex drive back again, and it may take longer for most couples to have sex as often as they did before pregnancy . Your husband might not be as interested in sex right after you give birth, either. He may worry that he’ll hurt you, he may also be tired, and he may feel funny about having sex with the baby nearby.
YOU MAY HAVE CONFIDENCE ISSUES
Your body has changed. It can take up to a year for your body to recover from childbirth. In the meantime, your belly will probably be bigger and may even feel saggy, and you might have stretch marks. Remember, you’re powerful and loved. It’s important to communicate with your partner during this time. Let him know how all the changes in your body are affecting you. Talk about any issues you’re having concerning having sex with him. It helps to talk about these issues, and your partner needs to understand what’s going on. After all, he can never experience what you’re going through.
It’s important to communicate with your partner during this time. Let him know how all the changes in your body are affecting you. Talk about any issues you’re having concerning having sex with him. It helps to talk about these issues, and your partner needs to understand what’s going on. After all, he can never experience what you’re going through. He will likely reassure you!
It might help to read this post on beating sexual anxiety.
YOU MAY HAVE TROUBLE BECOMING SEXUAL AGAIN
After becoming a mom, you may have trouble becoming sexual again. Recognize that this is a thing, but don’t let that feeling take over. You can have a fun sex life again. It’s important, however, that you don’t feel pressured. If one (or both) of you doesn’t feel like having sex right away, fine. Eventually, you’ll both probably want to again. It helps to just be close and intimate with each other. You can still cuddle and kiss.
Also remember not to neglect your husband. Of course, your baby needs you, and you have to attend to your baby. But you should also carve out a little time for your husband. Have someone come over and watch the baby, even for just an hour or two, so you and your husband can have some alone time.
SOME PEOPLE HAVE MILF FANTASIES
Sex might be hotter after you’ve had a baby. If you had any inhibitions before, you probably don’t anymore after you had your doctor, nurses, husband, and whoever else in the delivery room with you. MILF fantasies men have are derived because they like being with a woman who’s had life experience and who knows what she wants. Now that you’ve had a baby, you are no longer a young, innocent anymore. You’re a mother now and can fulfill your husband’s MILF fantasies.
Sex after pregnancy can be interesting and pleasurable because of the changes in your body. But you shouldn’t rush into having sex after childbirth right away. Let it come naturally in its own time. If you rush into it, the sex could be uncomfortable and painful. And remember, you’re susceptible to becoming pregnant again, even if you are breastfeeding. So, unless you want to get pregnant again right away, use protection. Give it some time, and you’ll be back to having incredible sex again, just like you used to.