But there’s more to the decision than just if you want to or don’t want to. There’s also the question of what your date will think of you if you do or don’t and many other pros and cons of having sex on the first date to consider.
If you’re sick of having a mental sparring match with yourself every time you go on a first date, consider all the reasons for and against first date sex by looking at some pros and cons.
WHAT MEN THINK
First, let’s get into what your date might think of you if you do or don’t. Unfortunately, there is no one answer to this question because all guys have a different opinion on the matter.
Con: Some guys lose interest if first date sex happens. Here’s some of the reasons why, according to Steve Friedman, author of seven books, including “Lost on Treasure Island: A Memoir of Longing, Love, and Lousy Choices in New York City,” who interviewed several men. Here’s what some of the men had to say:
- If she slept with me that fast, I’d wonder whether she’d easily sleep with other men.
- I wouldn’t want her to think that just because we slept together, the rest of the relationship would also advance that quickly.
- I wouldn’t want to be with someone willing to share herself sexually without first having intimacy.
Pro: Here were the reasons men told Friedman they liked first date sex:
- The timing of when we have sex is never an indicator of anything.
- If we have great sex together, we want to be with you more. If we hit it off after first date sex, it’s a win.
- A woman who makes you wait is treating sex as a commodity. If she thinks of sex as “giving it up,” she needs to get in a time machine and go to the 1950s where she’d fit in better.
OK, enough of what guys think, there’s plenty of reasons for you to make this decision based on what you think.
PRO: SEXUAL CHEMISTRY
If sexual chemistry is No. 1 on your dating list, having sex on the first date is a great way to determine whether you should continue the relationship. Here’s some ways to know:
- First date sex is not so much about the technique as it is about feeling a sense of connection, which is why these date ideas are the best. You want an experience where you are swept away with each other, not detached
- See how much of a shared experience you are having and if you both pay attention to each other’s needs.
- You’re supposed to be having a good time, so the sex should show that enjoyment.
PRO: NOW YOU CAN REALLY GET TO KNOW EACH OTHER
Dating can be awkward with all the sexual tension that stems from not having sex because you think you need to wait some random predetermined amount of time. The dating in this case is really just biding time for the real finale: sex.
If you have sex on the first date, the two of you can really be yourselves while dating. You can both lounge on the couch with your take-out Chinese food and eat it wearing sweat pants and T-shirts if you like. Why not? You’ve already seen each other naked.
PRO: A GOOD FUCK BUDDY
If the conversation at dinner was less than scintillating, you probably know that this guy’s not the one, but you still might want to jump his bones. If you found you were right, and the sex is everything you thought it would be and more, congratulations. You might have just found yourself the perfect fuck buddy.
It’s not always easy to find a guy you can have fantastic sex with. A friends-with-benefits situation lets you live out your sexual fantasies without worrying about romantic attachments. Many women feel freer in the bedroom when they know the relationship is about sex only.
CON: YOU DON’T LIKE THE IDEA
If you don’t believe in having sex on the first date, you should not feel pressured to do so. Any guy who tries to talk you into doing something you’re obviously uncomfortable with or who puts out that unmistakable vibe of disappointment is not a guy you’d want to get involved with anyway.
You know yourself better than anyone does. If you know that you become emotionally involved after having sex with someone, it’s better to wait. You typically don’t know whether you want to become involved with this person after one date, and even if you do, there’s no guarantee that he will want to become involved with you.
CON: IT’S AGAINST YOUR FAITH
About 3 percent of the U.S. population waits until marriage to have sex, which is about 10 million people. And of highly religious people, about 20 percent wait until marriage. The breakdown between men and women is that about 60 percent of people who wait until marriage to have sex are women and 40 percent are men.
Although some people report disastrous results from waiting until marriage, plenty of people are happy with the choice, especially if it’s a faith-based one. They feel as if the relationship works on all levels and that there was no compromising of religious beliefs to make the relationship work.
CON: YOU ARE WAITING TO MEET ‘THE ONE’
Dr. Wendy Walsh, a human behavior expert, says in Marie Claire that first date sex reduces the chances that real love will happen. One study cited found that people who had first date sex had the worst relationship outcomes. If your goal is to have this date lead to a long-term relationship, it’s putting a lot on your plate to try to combine emotional and physical intimacy all in one night.
CON: IT’S NOT SAFE
You probably screen the guy who’s going to house sit for you better than you’ve screened the guy you’re about to have first date sex with. Talk of STDs is usually not first date conversation. Unless you or he were planning to have sex before the date, you might not have condoms, and even if you do have them, you can still get other nasty stuff, like herpes and even HPV.
PRO: YOU WANT A ONE-NIGHT STAND
Sometimes you’re just feeling funky, and nothing will get you out of it except for a night of no-strings-attached sex. If your intention is to have a one-night stand, you’ll be as prepared as possible for sex on the first date. A one-night-stand might be just what you need if you want sex but don’t want to worry about becoming emotionally involved.
PRO: YOU LOVE SEX
And you know that the more sex you have the better you get at it. Besides, if you love sex and it’s one of your top priorities in a relationship, you want to establish that on the first date. And what better way than by having first date sex?
If the moment and chemistry feel right, go for it. This first date, like all first dates, might lead to something more, and it might not. If it doesn’t, having first date sex might not be the reason, anyway. After a while, you both might just realize that it’s time to move on, whether you had sex or not. And if you love sex, it was better to have had it.
Whatever you choose to do regarding first date sex, make sure it’s a decision that comes from you. There’s lots of pros and cons to this very personal subject, and the great news is that plenty of people have sex on the first date. Sex is part of a successful relationship — whenever you decide to have it.